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Close Encounters Of The Rudest Kind

I’ve had one of those weeks. You know the kind; where you just as soon run someone over as look at them. It seems at every turn I have encountered the foul mouthed, holier than thou, the rules don’t apply to me, individual. If there were pills for patience I would have overdosed. Let me […]

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Carole - I know what you are describing, I have had plenty of encounters with discourteous folk. All I can do is ignore them when possible, or speak up when warranted.
I also apologize for my errors. A couple of days ago I was pulling into a parking spot. As I was making the turn, I realized the driver parked next to the empty spot I wanted was attempting to back up and it looked like he was cussing when I blocked him. After I parked I tapped on his window. I could tell he was wary, but he rolled his window down slightly. I told him that I didn’t see his backup lights because of the low angle of the sun, and apologized for cutting him off. The look on his face was priceless. He thanked me, said it was no problem, and went on his way with a smile.
It was great to see him go from being irritated to being calm and relaxed. I hope he paid the courtesy forward.

Tammy - Love your sharing, Carole. Kindness and courtesy goes a long way, no lie. I make it a habit of complimenting women when I’m out and about. “You look lovely today”, or “what a pretty top” brings smiles you wouldn’t believe. Rudeness happens. I get it. But it seems to have become blatant and almost intentional these days. People seem to pride themselves on not having a filter. I don’t get it. We are not the better for it!

Lucyanne - You sound angry and a little tightly wound. Sometimes it’s ok to not sweat the small stuff. You’ll end up happier. Try yoga.

Scott Morgan - I have this kind of conversation with my best friend all the time. She goes ANYwhere and I get a story about rude jerks and lewd comments. This is why she likes having me around, people don’t give her attitude when I’m there.

But the Irish have a great saying — Don’t let the bastards get you down. Combine that with Kurt Vonnegut’s “Stay soft, don’t let the world make you hard,” and there’s some good advice in there.

If only it were as easy to do as to say.

Tammy - Hi Lucyanne, angry, yes. Tightly wound, some days, but not generally. I enjoy Pilates, thank you. I agree with you…don’t sweat the small stuff. But when the small stuff becomes every day stuff and all the time stuff, it becomes bigger stuff. Lots of stuff here…you know what I mean. Thanks for the read and the comment!

Tammy - Thanks, Scott. Loved the “stay soft, don’t let the world make you hard” quote. Brilliant. Some days are easier than others. But I have learned that it’s damn hard to deal with stupid. Likely impossible. Wonderful seeing you here. Thanks for that!

Doreen McGettigan - The rudeness is definitely becoming an epidemic. I am appalled at the rudeness of young cashiers and store clerks. After a nasty parking lot altercation I decided to always pick the furthest parking spot. Nobody else wants it and I need the exercise. I reward myself with extra cookies:)

Tammy - Love it, Doreen. Method to your madness. An extra cookies helps loads! I too park further away to avoid the maddening crowd. From now on I will be looking for my cookie reward!

Lisa at Grandma's Briefs - We are such a mess. This, yes: “I’m not sure where all the nice, polite, law abiding people went, but I miss them terribly. So does the world.” Yes, yes, yes!!

It sickens me that one of the most rude and obnoxious individuals EVER has made such a splash on the political scene—and an unbelievable number of folks think he’d be a good representative of our once-great country. Crazy. And disheartening. (Yes, you know who I mean, that man with the name I refuse to utter as too many others are.)

m - Dear Tammy,
Cannot argue over this one. In this hurry-up world, we have lost civility and grace. Many people are unhappy and they take out their poor lives on others. This is a cross-generational thing.
Do we bring back charm school, have cotillions? Afraid nothing will help here because
there is no punishment for egregious behavior.
Keep fighting the good fight.

Tammy - Lisa, you made me giggle. What a great comparison. Yup, Frump (ahem) is hugely rude and discourteous and people love it about him. One moment he states how he supports women, the next he is bashing women who disagree with him with horrible name calling etc. Maybe he is the poster child for my post….and I didn’t even know it.

Tammy - Mel, I think you hit the nail on the head…there is NO punishment for egregious behavior! I didn’t think we needed more “laws” but maybe just one more would serve society nicely.

Everyone Needs A Sugar Daddy

Finding love should be easy. But it’s not. It’s crazy hard. So hard, in fact, that a great many people are flocking to Sugar Daddy dating sites for companionship. And business is booming. Dating sites such as,, and dozens just like them are taking advantage of the newest trend in dating: money […]

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Carol Cassara - That “seeking arrangements” and “sugar daddy” owner is an entrepreneur who has several of those sleazy sites doing booming business. The popularity of tinder and grindr are also telling us how much the scene has changed.Glad I am our age.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
You are indeed a romantic, speaking as someone who is IN a loving relationship, but in this case, I feel you’re being a bit harsh. I am not condoning these arrangements, but am aware of the fact that most people are lonely, and if two people mutually agree to a romantic cruise with “no strings attached,” what is the harm? Would you also be against older women advertising for younger men?
Prostitution is so cold and loveless; at least these sites offer the possibility for better, and since when is age a factor?
Please feel free to disagree.

Tam Warner Minton - I find the thought of it gross. When I was young I had a man old enough to be my grandfather offer to be my “sugar daddy”. I wasn’t sure what it entailed, exactly, but I knew I didn’t want anything to do with it. Yuck.

Jeffrey Davidson - Definitely “not the last one standing.” Business is business, contracts are just that, but love, preceeded by dating, is something special and yes, you only pay for it with your heart.

Tammy - Carol, I so agree. The business model has been amazingly successful. As sleazy as it feels, it is obviously filling a need. It’s that need that is puzzling. It seems so many are no longer in the market for real relationships. And, yes, Tinder and Grindr have changed the landscape of dating forever. And we thought was innovative. Little did we know.

Tammy - Good morning, Mel. I guess I am a romantic. I agree with you that it’s all okay if that is what people want and it is consenting. I just seriously question where we going as a society that so many have given up on finding a real relationship and have opted to buy one. You and I know that despite the website verbiage there are always “strings” attached. And, yes, I disfavor older men AND women (by the way, there are plenty of them) who date and bed young people who are their kids age and often younger. The idea is just gross and feels dirty to me. Age is a factor NOT in love, but in the buying of it. Please feel free to disagree….you know I love a good banter!

Tammy - I’m with you, Tam. I have a lovely little antique piece that I have been offered a good deal of money for. I value it a lot and have never consider selling it to the highest bidder. I value myself even more. I can only speak for myself, but for me, my love is not for sale. Especially to someone who would remind me of my father/grandfather.

Ellen Dolgen - Oh my……..I can’t imagine paying for love……….:<(

Laura Lee Carter - For me, now at age 60, LOVE is what it’s all about. And if you don’t know what that is, I’m sorry. That and a fantastic view of course….

Laura Lee Carter - For me, now at age 60, LOVE is what it’s all about. And if you don’t know what that is, I’m sorry. That and a fantastic view of course….

Tammy - Well said, Laura Lee. Well said!

Melanie Kissell - You’re not the only one left standing, Tammy — not by a long shot! If adults want to prostitute themselves, fine with me. It’s just not my cup of tea. My apologies for sounding crass but … you can always turn a buck if you know how to f*ck. Oldest profession on the books. However, I cans quickly see the dangers and safety issues in this type of behavior. Frankly, I’ve never been a risk taker, especially when it comes to things of a sexual nature. I value myself and my life too much and I have certain standards I live by.

Lois Alter Mark - I guess if this makes people happy, it’s fine but I just can’t imagine the whole sugar daddy thing. It makes me sad for the future.

Doreen McGettigan - No matter what you call it is prostitution. Like you, I agree it should be legalized. Maybe if it was legal it would take some power away from traffickers because from what I have read they ‘own’ some of the young women who are used for these sites. That just makes me cringe.
I found real love on a dating site. It wasn’t easy and took awhile but it can happen.

Brandon Wade - Why should a woman who wants to date up, who wants to meet someone successful and willing and able to spoil them be told they have no self worth? We live in a double standard society where men who sleep around are called studs, whereas women who sleep around are called sluts. It is time for women to stop being subjected to the rules of a male dominated society. As a female, the author should rejoice that increasing numbers of women are now confident and comfortable enough to own their sexuality and use their assets (beauty, smarts, etc.) to date the best they can find. Instead of celebrating this type of self empowered dating the author chose to call this money for service… which it clearly is not. There is obviously nothing wrong with expecting more out of your romantic relationships, just as we expect more out of our careers and our lives.

Tammy - Love that you shared that story, Doreen. Dating sites CAN produce awesome things. So happy to hear from you and happier still for the comment!

Tammy - Hi Brandon, I like your point of view. So what if it differs from my own, I appreciate that you are holding the banner for women’s rights. I appreciate the dialogue. I would never accuse a woman of having no self worth just because she allows someone to spend and pamper her. But I would certainly question that self worth if she is sleeping with him for the swag. As a woman, our bodies and worth much more in spirit, content and value than an expensive vacation or a Louis Vuitton purse. I do absolutely agree with you about the double standards. Men who sleep around are not studs and women who do are not sluts. Do I rejoice when women find their confidence. You bet I do. I don’t rejoice, however, when they sell themselves short and use the allure of money to find “love”. But that’s just me. By the way, that’s as tidy little business you’ve got going. Congrats on your entrepreneurial spirit! THANK YOU for being here and sharing your view. It was awesome.

MSG - Brandon, I have been in your sites… and while I applaud their existance, and your straightforwardness, most of the men there are NOT looking for sugar arrangements.

1. The precious few are real sugar daddies and sugar mommas, whether or not they are in my desired bracket, area (or looking for a travel SB), and regardless of whether we would be compatible. These few gentlemen know what it means to be an SD, and came to your sites seeking an SB or SBs.

2. Most are wankers. They want sexy pictures, lewd talk, or to flash their dicks on Skype, and they call women fakes or whores when they do not comply. Some are simply lonely old men who find membership benefits provide more real attention than paid phone sex lines.

3. I can’t tell you how many “sugar daddies” I have been out on dates with, who suddenly pull some bullshit about how they need a “test drive” in bed, and I am a bitch, golddigger or whore for being unwilling to do so. Some say they will, “pay what I’m worth, after,” if I do well.

I may be much younger than these men, but I wasn’t born yesterday.

4. The men who act bewildered by the concept of sugar dating; claiming allowance is rare, and gifts will only be given at their whim. Again, I get called a whore and a golddigger for NOT having sex with men making (presumably) empty promises to spoil me over time… but do nothing but dinner in the meantime. And they want their schedules and needs catered to, while giving less than a handsome and broke young man would.

Brandon, this isn’t even counting the many, many men who claim to not know what the allowance tiers mean, and say, “Well, I selected substantial, because I think $600/month is pretty darn substantial.”

You have some great features on these sites, but I do wish you would better refine your sites to discourage fake sugar daddies and confused newbies. Perhaps you could make it harder to select a range on SA without stating that it’s clearly understood what each term means. Perhaps you could add a Sugar Daddy/Momma Guide, so that people would know the etiquette in approaching Sugar babies.

On Miss Travel, some people think that Sugar Daddy simply means they get the plane ticket. You could make some notes, to prevent this misunderstanding.

More real sugar babies would join, which would in turn attract more wealthy people to join and pay your fees.


Tammy - Good morning MSG, THANK YOU for your comment and wildly helpful observations. I so respect your candor and willingness to share your experiences. If Brandon is the business man we all think he is, he will listen to what you have contributed here. Your sharing has confirmed what others have also voiced and what has been suspected. I wish you much luck in your pursuits. Be careful out there…the waters are infiltrated with wankers.

Cathy Sikorski - Adults surely have the right to do what they want to do. But, I too am a romantic. If these were sites where it was for dating, that ‘s one thing, but if they’re for sex or money and nice things, that’s a horse of a different color. I just want women to love and respect themselves, make their own money (even though we are STILL fighting that battle for equal pay), and find a good partner. Is that so much to ask?

Tammy - Not too much to ask, Cathy! It IS a horse of a different color when a $$ value has been placed on your putting out um, uh, well, just putting out. I mean, if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship…it is unlikely this will find that for you. But if you’re looking for a Louis Vuitton bag or a Hawaiian excursion, I’m thinking you’re in the right place.

Marilyn Tichauer - What about just enjoying your own life and let nature take its course!! Find your interests and passions and the rest will come naturally!! Does any woman really want a forced relationship based on $$??? I just don’t believe it!!

Tammy - So happy to see your here, Marilyn! You would be astonished at the number of young women who sign up on these websites to cash in on the swag, trips and perks. I don’t know the answer to your question… as far as I’m concerned, letting nature take it’s course and following ones interests makes complete sense to me! Clearly its a demographic thing….I think. All I know is that kind of showcasing is pay for play, plain and simple. They get away with it by calling it a dating site. Bull! Thanks for sharing your input. Awesome!

What Do Cecil The Lion and Delta Airlines Have In Common? You Will Want To Know!

You’d have to be living under a rock to not have heard about the brutal and illegal killing of Cecil the Lion outside of Zimbabwe’s Hwange National Park. I’d like to be able to say that I am not one of those animal loving emotional messes that gets all riled up at stuff like this. […]

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mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
Though saddened by Cecil’s, I have visited his brothers in Hwange Preserve just recently. Of course, what Dr. Palmer did was a moral outrage, but it is nothing new. Big game hunting (and poaching) has gone on for years and the world now is just becoming aware of it? Seriously? It will still go on as long as there is big money involved.Unfortunately, Zimbabwe is so poor – generally no electricity, no running water, dirt roads in rural areas,that the proper protection of wildlife is almost, sadly, an afterthought. People are more interested in extracting minerals from the country than they are in doing the right thing for its national symbols.

Cathy Chester - This story has haunted me. Someone posted the last photo of Cecil kissing his two cubs. TWO CUBS! OMG. How heartbreaking is that? What kind of (less than) human being needs to kill an animal, hunting it for hours?

I am a non-violent person, but where animals are concerned all bets are off. This guy, and others like him – like the woman bragging on FB and Trump’s two moronic kids – should face serious consequences. I guess I’m living in la-la land but G-d did not put these beautiful creatures on earth for this purpose.

Thanks for writing this, Tammy. My blood is boiling again…

Sherry Macdonald - This is the sadest thing ever! It made me cry. Thanks for getting the work out.

Tam Warner Minton - It is amazing to see the the shift in public opinion! Airlines have come out against carrying any trophies, and also against carrying shark fins and manta gill rakers. Hotels in Asia have followed suit in not serving endangered species. It is wonderful to see people getting it…we have to make sure they continue to do so!

Tammy - You are so right, Mel, on all levels. The world is a big place. If there are places on our planet that cannot protect their own, help should be forthcoming. What we do to the animal kingdom will be done to us… one day. An inevitable slant on the circle of life. It’s all so very sad, isn’t it?

Tammy - Cathy, we can boil together. Read a post made by my cyber friend Mel (below yours). It says a lot about the state of the country. The problem is bigger than it seems, but it always comes down to greed, ego and money. I’m with you … all bets are off!

Lois Alter Mark - I signed so many of those petitions to get the airlines to stop, and I’m glad to see they’re finally working. I can’t even talk about my feelings for hunters – their disregard for life is astonishing.

Ruth Curran - No hate mail coming at you from my part of the world! I think awareness is good and necessary — ignorance is just as bad and horrible behavior. I would love to see shifts however, to positive — focus on the good and the kind acts and let that go viral. Yep, it is nice but very quiet in my little world right now.

Doreen Mcgettigan - I cried for that poor lion and am so sad that it happens every day in Africa and in South America. It also happens here. These crazy hunting trips are pretty common. Hopefully the spotlight is brighter now and these so called hunters (murderers) will see how the dentist is being treated and think twice about spending there money on something so disgusting.
It always feels good when so many people can agree something is inhumane and come together to effect change.

Carol Cassara - It’s amazing to see how many organizations are hopping on this bandwagon. Maybe one day we’ll see this in, dare I say it… gun control. Blessings to Cecil and damn that idiotic hunter.

Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - My heart hurts for all the beautiful animals that have died so sencelessly. I am so happy that the airlines are taking a stance.

Nancy Hill (@nerthus) - This whole thing is so sad. I understand hunting for food. I do not understand hunting for sport. Thank you for letting us know that there are airlines we can support that are refusing to support such barbaric actions.

Toni McCloe - I love what you said – that animals were not placed on this earth to satisfy man’s ego – Mr Palmer has killed so many animals, I dare say nothing would satisfy his ego.

Tammy - Nancy, I think it’s epic that so many manor airlines are supporting the ban on this kind of killing. Epic. Baby steps. Let us hope that it’s not too late.

Tammy - Hi Toni, I think you are right on. People who’s ego is that big and unbalanced have an insatiable need to constantly satisfy their wants. It’s all a bit scary to know that there are so many people out there who are arrogant enough to believe it is their right to kill endangered species. The world has gone mad….and is finding it’s sensibility again. One can hope.

Carolann Iadarola - This whole situation upset me to my core. It got to the point where I couldn’t even read about it anymore. My heart is still broken over that poor lion. I hope he suffers a thousands deaths for what he did!

Estelle Sobel Erasmus - This is a disgusting excuse for a human being.

Michele Linse Jeffers - This makes me sick to my stomach and feel that there is no hope for the human race. Sometimes I think God just watches us in wonder as we destroy ourselves and our beautiful world. Simply barbarric. There are no other words.

I Don’t Usually Let Negative Comments Get To Me. Until Now.

A post of mine was featured on Huffington Post this past Friday. The hate speak it garnered was pretty impressive. It received over 5,000 Likes, hundreds of Shares and nearly 200 comments. Most of them not so friendly. What was it about? It was about starting over, fear and courage. A shadow post of one […]

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Shirlene Marquis Vitale - I agree Tammy!!! Right now I have 3 cars in my driveway….. A Jeep Cherokee Laredo, a Suzuki Sidekick and a Lexus. Does that Make me priviledged? Don’t judge too quickly people!
I just had my job eliminated due to a downsizing. I am recently and currently unemployed and am over qualified for most of the16 jobs that I have interviewed for in the last 3 weeks.

As far as my 3 cars…..My husband’s Suzuki is a 1994 and only 2 of the 5 doors open and one window has plexiglass and gorilla tape holding it on and it is missing one of the side mirrors. My Jeep is a 1999 and is having all kinds of issues. As far as the Lexus it is a 1991 and my father gave it to me because it just sits in his driveway in California and he is really sick now and wanted someone to be able to drive it until it dies(which may be soon……… My husband is a chef who is currently working at a hospital as a cook. Only makes $15 per hour right now. I now make zero!

I guess that makes me priviledged as well….LOL

Love you friend…Ignore the ignorant haters and enjoyed your life anyways! :)

Laura Lee Carter - Dear Tammy:
I am sorry you were slammed by assholes. I have been having my share of this type of negativity from MY OWN FAMILY lately… ugh! Perhaps my new favorite quote will help you feel better. It works for me!
If someone does not appreciate your efforts, STOP TRYING TO PLEASE THEM.
If they don’t appreciate you, THEY DON’T DESERVE YOU!

Rael Hall - Abundance is not what you have, where you live, or how much you make. It is a state of being you can cultivate continually as a fundamental of life, this State of Being can continually be expanding and attracting new things, people, situations to bring you your next great learning experiences, we call life. Join me in continual expansion of good

Jeffrey Davidson - So, what’s the problem with the post? It is a great story of one’s journey through change, failure, accomplishments and success.

What difference does it make that you gave up a 13 year old car or a diamond worth a million dollars? The point is that you were able to turn things around a make a success with your choices. The same holds true for someone who sold their 5 year old Ford for a clunker for the cash and then succeeded back to the level of success or beyond what they had before.

We can all disagree about many things but vitriolic comments, jealous remarks and name calling do little to help one another get along, solve problems and achieve success. These type of remarks indicate to me that these individuals were unable to make things work out successfully for themselves. So, if you succeeded, it was because you were privileged and did not have the same obstacles that they had or you would still be in a similar situation.

Those who disagree have a right to their opinion, however, I know that saying I don’t agree with you because… goes a lot farther than spewing hateful and rude remarks. I have experienced many situations that were either solved, worked out amicably or perhaps not at all because we approached the disagreement with “honey, not vineager,” but we all walked away without any animosity.

Keep writing the way you do whether or not I agree with you. Can we agree on that?

Rael Hall - Abundance is not what you have, where you live, or how much you make. It is a state of being at your deepest levels, and you can cultivate continually as a fundamental of life, this State of Being can continually be expanding and attracting new things, people, situations to bring you your next great learning experiences, we call life. Join me in continual joy and expansion of good. Those too naive at this point of their personal evolution to create their positive states of being only hurt themselves as they attract more negativity and limitation to their own lives. So thank those haters for showing you your greatness and willingness to be more.

Melanie Kissell - I can only feel sorry for the asshats who don’t know their rear ends from a hole in the ground. I’ve said this way too many times as of late, Tammy, but the term “social media” should read “spew media”. It never ceases to astound me how loose peoples’ lips are online. Seems only a few practice reserve and the measuring of words. I’m pretty damn sure some of these cowards wouldn’t have the nerve to make their unkind remarks to your face.

Melanie Kissell - Has human kindness taken a permanent leave of absence?! :(

Cathy Chester - I was very proud of you, and your story, and we all take a risk of getting those ridiculous trolls on HP who spout hateful comments. You found your happiness, Tammy, through hard work and being yourself. Your true audience recognized that, and we continue to love you!

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - If I could be you, if you could be me for just one hour
If we could find a way to get inside each other’s mind, mmmm
If you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego
I believe you’d be surprised to see that you’ve been blind, mmmm

Now your whole world you see around you is just a reflection
And the law of Karma says you’re gonna reap just what you sow
So unless you’ve lived a life of total perfection
You’d better be careful of every stone that you should throw – yeh-heh

And yet we spend the day throwin’ stones at one another
‘Cause I don’t think or wear my hair the same way you do, mmmm
Well, I may be common people but I’m your brother
And when you strike out you’re tryin’ to hurt me it’s hurtin’ you
Lord, have mercy

And there are people on reservations and out in the ghettos
And brother, there, but for the grace of God, go you and I, yeh-heh
And if I only had wings of a little angel, well
Don’t you know, I’d fly to the top of a mountain and then I’d cry

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Oh, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes…

– Joe South, 1970

Tammy - Hi Shirlene, such a good sharing, thank you. It really brings the point home … you can’t judge a book by it’s cover or a person by what they own. To do so is just ignorant folly. I hope you find something soon by way of employment. While it’s frustrating, being over qualified is better than being under qualified. Thinking good thoughts for you!

Tammy - Hi Laura Lee, slammed would be the appropriate word. The world has plenty of negativity. To have it come at you from your family is confusing and unacceptable. If you can’t stand by me then get way behind me. I have little need for you. Love your mantra…will adopt it in my head! Thanks for that.

Tammy - Rael, love your comment. Love it. And you are SO right. Abundance can not owned. Abundance is gifted to us by way of relationships, love and sharing. I happily join you in the continual expansion of good. Thank YOU for being here.

Tammy - Jeffrey, we are on the same here. I enjoy disagreement. It gets the mind working and the juices flowing. But jealous hate speak is NOT something I will ever subscribe to. As you say…it serves absolutely no purpose. The real scary part thing here is the ultimate judgment levied by people based completely on my possessions. That is scary stuff. We are in agreement…I will keep writing and you can keep agreeing and disagreeing with me. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Melanie, funny you should say that, I’ve been thinking lately that social media serves so many ills in our society. I question it’s value as a contributor to the general good of mankind. So many have become slaves to their phones, sheep following a pack, hate mongers behind anonymity, and bullies that can intimidate from the comfort of their laptop. Don’t even get me started on the large social media efforts used by anti American governments. It wasn’t the insults that bothered me (crazy enough), it was the fact that I was being judged by my possession (which weren’t what they appeared to be). Once people do that, we are lost.

Tammy - Hi Cathy, thank you, thank you, thank you. I think as I’ve analyzed this to death. And the outcome is scary. Once people judge and condemn someone by the car they drive the house they live in, we are doomed. All of us. It’s crazy speak, really. And oh so dangerous, especially when mob mentality comes into play. When, exactly, did this happen?

Tammy - Maureen, WOW. Just, wow. THANK YOU. This was awesome. And so are you.

Kellie Ann Kennedy - Because Tammy is called bulling over courage social media . People grow a pair over social media and in reality would never have the balls to say anything to your face. Cowards use social media to blast or humiliate others…idiots out there. With regard to people hating those who have more. We can thank the political climate out there for pushing all things need to be “fair” really?? No life’s not fair people grow up and work hard don’t expect handouts.

Raven West - Tammy –

Unfortunately, that’s the cyber world we now live in. And it doesn’t stop with on-line commentary. I’ve been “hit” by spammers on Amazon who wrote scathing “reviews” of my books that never even read any of them. They just posted the same slam on each of the book review pages.

The saying goes there is no such thing as bad ink… true and the other one about sticks and stones and words… well, words can hurt. I once posted a negative commentary on Michael Jackson and nearly feared for my life by all the attacks that one received. I didn’t post anything for months after that!

It’s a very strange world out there, but we, as writers, can NEVER allow these jerks who don’t have anything better to do, to keep us silent. We cannot allow them to EVER win.

Keep writing, keep posting, let your voice be heard and try to ignore the loonies out there who will never know of have 1/10th of the success and support you do after all the hard work you’ve done to achieve it!

Pamela Wight - We writers/bloggers can’t let the negativity degrade, humiliate, or stop us. We writers need to — WRITE about our pains and our joys, our fears and our loves and hope for compassionate caring readers. Ignore the negativity, and just reach for the light.

Cheryl Nicholl - The kind of comments you received are partially the result of a PC society, where, unfortunately, only the bottom of the barrel feel the ‘right’ to espouse their hatred. The rest of us- we just have to take it. Or do we? You did good Girl. You just keep on being you.

Tammy - Super interesting take on things, Kellie. I wouldn’t doubt that the political climate has added to the mindset of entitlement. Having that lead to the bully atmosphere isn’t a stretch. Scary stuff going on out there in the real world. If I can be so hated because of a car I drive, good luck to any of us! It’s not pretty.

Tammy - Raven (love that name!), the cyber world is getting increasingly hostile. It’s a bit of the wild west without the guns. Yet. I’m seeing a lot of anger, envy and venom in many peoples comments. Scary stuff. You have to wonder what is the incentive of a person to leave scathing reviews on people’s work. What is it they gain? Power? A better question would be: why is it tolerated by the websites that allow it to stand? This is not okay. Thanks for your supportive words. They mean a lot!

Tammy - Cheryl, I will keep on truckin’ but with an eye behind my back. Envy has a way of emerging in the nastiest of ways. Bought myself a mace bracelet. Dear God Almighty … don’t ask.

Doreen McGettigan - Politics and class distinction really is dividing women and the saddest part of that is when we are divided we cannot win.
We seriously need to concentrate on what we have in common and use that as a starting point.
I don’t know what is worse assumption or envy. Both are dangerous.
I am proud of you!

Carol Cassara - I have so many thoughts about this, way too many to share here. Maybe a cocktail. Love you.

Terri - You shared a great story about starting over, fear, and courage. Actually, it read to me as a story about optimism and hope, and not about those things mentioned in the comments. And the Huffington Post clearly saw the value in your story or they would not have published it. Besides, I recall you telling us in one of your seminars that controversy when you post is a good thing. So keep up your great writing and don’t let the few who didn’t like it outweigh the value you brought to everyone else! If they’re missing the point of your story, it’s their loss…

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
To quote the philosopher Taylor Swift, “Haters are going to hate, hate, hate.” You have worked hard for everything you’ve gotten and a divorce is rough.
(I just returned from a trip to Zimbabwe where we taught. They
have nothing, nada, no electricity, no supplies, no toilets.)
People will always be jealous in this have and have-not world.

Lee Lefton - Dear one, don’t get me started. You are light and love. Sounds woo-woo, but it’s anything but. My mother used to have a great line she’d say to me and my brother when we said something against the other. “You take care of you. That’s a big enough job.” Maybe there’s a post in there somewhere? Love you.

Carolann - That’s the net for ya – the wild west where folks can say whatever they like and hide behind a name. I wouldn’t let me bother me. It’s just words from stranges that don’t mean diddly to you.

Janie Emaus - Don’t even read those comments! Nobody walks in your shoes, but you.

Jenn - Let me just leave this right here. I read your article. It only took me reading it once to know that it was none of what some angry, misguided people said it was. Perhaps that is because I had the pleasure of working with you, and continue to have the pleasure of calling you friend. It has become very easy, to sit behind a computer screen, or cell phone and judge others. To say hurtful things that were dreamt up by a head full of assumptions. They don’t know you for who you are. They don’t know that you worked your tail off your entire life to be where you are. They don’t know the struggles you faced, the heartaches you endured. They haven’t seen those beautiful eyes sparkle for someone else’s happiness. They’ve never seen them fill with tears for someone else’s sadness. They have never had you by their side when a friend was needed. Those unhappy folks have decided who you are and what you’re about based on a few snippets of your life. Should you have to explain all of that to them? Nope. Would it change their view if you did? Probably not. But guess what? That doesn’t matter…not to anyone who knows YOU for YOU. I love you my sweet Tammy <3

Tammy - Boy, Doreen, THAT is the question: what is worse, assumption or envy? I would say that they often go hand in hand. Dangerous and scary. When women put other women down it makes my heart sink. Yes, we should be lifting up and supporting. And if we disagree, we should do so with intellect, respect and honesty. Good grief…it’s a slippery slope!

Tammy - A cocktail it is! One day. Your city or mine, Carol. We will hash it out and solve the worlds problems. Love you too.

Tammy - Terri, great to see you here! Yes, I have often said that controversy breeds readership and notoriety. And it does. The utter unfairness of the judgment here slapped me in the face. And, frankly, frightened me a bit. If we have become a people who judge, hate and love others based on what they own, drive or where they live, we’re all in trouble! But, you’re right…if they missed the point, it’s not my problem. By the way, I LOVE it when students remember what I said. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Mel, did you really just quote Taylor Swift?? I kind of love you more for that! Thanks for the encouragement. Appreciate it tons. I wondered why I haven’t seen you around the block lately. What a wonderful trip you’ve been on. And what a wonderful service you gave. I’m sure it was very emotional. Kudos to you, my friend. As always, thank you for being here!

Sandra Rea - You know… I wrote an article on Linked In about this very Blog Bullying thing. Makes me mad for you actually. I’ve been reading your blog for many moons. I’d never have a bad thought about you. Seriously. People need to be mindful of their words, but in social media they can hide, they can say incredibly hurtful things, and they think no one can find them or respond. That’s not true. It’s pretty easy actually. And sometimes it’s even a little fun. ; )

Tammy - Oh, Lee, you warm my heart. Thank you for your sweet words. Truly. While I’ve never met her, I’ve got to tell ya…I love your mother! I’m using that quote for the rest of my life. It’s that awesome! Love you too. Lots.

Sandra Rea - BTW, there ain’t nothin’ easy about divorce… even if you get a decent car out of the deal. My divorce wasn’t one of those fairy tale adventures either. I lost everything and I’m still rebuilding. I have a pretty cool Jeep. That I bought. At a terribly high interest rate. Anyone jealous? I also had to go to the food bank and declare BK. Jealous now? We do what we must to get by, and we live by love and light. I don’t know you, Tammy, but I am proud of what you are accomplishing. Don’t let those bullies get to you.

Tammy - Thanks, Carolann. I like that “they don’t mean diddly”. Yeah, that’s in my vocabulary now. I will share that the internet has been looking far less attractive in the past year. The words “we’ve created a monster” comes to mind. Thanks so much for popping in!

Tammy - Thanks, Janie. No they don’t. Damn it! Thanks for reminding me of that!

Carole Schultz - I cannot understand those people who denigrate others for overcoming heartache and finding happiness again. So sad.
I’m so pleased you have, Tammy, and wish you and Steven every happiness.

Ande Lyons - Wow Tammy… those comments need a full blown burning ceremony complete with shots of tequila and loud singing!

I feel your pain and sorrow… and I’m holding you in my arms with a big ol’ Andelicious Hug.

My thoughts? It’s time for us all to re-read/read Don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

That’s where I’m rollin’ … with deep appreciation and love for your journey and to all who have the courage to use their voices in a public format… MUAH!

<3 Ande <3

Autumn Danielle Mowatt - I’m so happy I was able to get to know you Tammy and I miss spending time with you. You are one of the most amazing women I have ever known. I agree with you completely. It’s so sad to watch how people treat one another.

Tammy - Thanks, Carole! So wonderful to hear from you. Really. Appreciate the good wishes and the support!

Tammy - Ande, what a fire storm! Geesh! Love it … “a full blown burning ceremony complete with tequila shots and loud singing”! Perfection! I do love The Four Agreements. If only we could all live by them. What a world it would be. Thank you for being here, Ande. Love you for that!

Tammy - hi Autumn, so happy to see you here! I adored getting to know you too. I think you’re pretty awesome yourself. I hope life is treating you kindly and happiness has settled in your home and heart!

Melissa Westervelt - If they only really knew! I have heard you speak a number of times now and just from the stories you tell, they are so incredibly wrong and are being just plain hateful. It’s so easy to be what I call a “keyboard hercules”, one who is big and bad behind the cover of a computer screen saying things to others that they would not typically say to their face. Good news is, whether it be good or bad, at least it got people talking!! :) Best wishes

Melissa Westervelt - I feel that I also should add that the article for me was well written, relatable, and empowering. I read your previous version and enjoyed it then as well. Those who were able to find fault in what you said must be going through something that has left them looking for the bitter and wanting to share the negative that surrounds them.

Lisa Luckenbach - Touche, Tammy! ..Sharing similar experiences in terms of others perceptions of priviledge and success one wonders why the fruits of years of work require justification, guilt, shame? I understand. I am very happy for your successes and the kind of life and love your deserve!

If Hell Has Palm Trees And Beautiful People …

Then we live there. A lot has happened during my month long (it was really 5 weeks but who’s counting?) hiatus, and we have some catching up to do. So let’s get to it. Jon Stewart is leaving The Daily Show (he never consulted me) and he and his wife, Tracey, are purchasing a large […]

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Rael Hall - Embrace your yoga pants and watch them simplify your life!

Kim Tackett - Thanks for the catch up. I read the opening Trump sentence as “he threw his HAIR into the ring”. HA! Stay cool.

Kathleen O'Donnell - I said the exact same thing about elastic pants and their relevance in my will to live. But, bought them I did. Bah, menopause!

Trump. P.T. Barnum running for President. Not much different than any other politician. I’m a cynic. He says he will change his hairdo if he wins. So even he must know he isn’t going to win!

Anne Louise Bannon - Welcome back! Yep, there’s lots going on. Thanks for helping us to laugh about it.

Judith Cooper Eton - My husband and I moved to palm Desert in May of 2013 and back to LA in June of 2014. I know exactly how you feel, give the place a chance. Lots of grist for your blog, I did not want to ruffle any feathers, so I was afraid my neighbors would read my blog, and be hurt. You should “just go for it”, chronically everything you see. Good Luck!

Haralee Weintraub - Weather in triple digits dismisses any questionable actions or wardrobe choices! Glad you are back!

Tammy - Thanks, Anne Louise. If we don’t laugh, we’ll die crying!

Tammy - I didn’t know Trump said that, Kathleen. Pretty funny stuff. Losing my will to live has been my catch phrase for the last couple of years. Seems to say what my moment feels. Ugh. Am also feeling a ridiculous kindred to Aunt Bee these days. God help me. By the way…loving the pants!

Tammy - I’ve heard this kind of story before. Summers here can be killer. Hoping I survive my first one without too much whining. I sure do love the rest of the year here. The people here are awesome. Yup, lots of grist for my blog. Fortunately for me, I don’t give a damn who I might offend. Love it or leave it … a motto I live by. So happy for the read and the comment Judith. Thanks!

Tammy - I like YOUR version better, Kim!

Tammy - I SO agree, Haralee! Thanks for the validation. Happy to be back!

Shirlene Marquis Vitale - Hey Tammy, My friends moved from Parker to Joshua tree? about 8 years ago and they loved it. Why? I just don’t think I would love it so much. Different kind of beautiful there for sure. Wear your sunscreen and hats, clothing may be optional or minimal in that heat… Love ya sis. Mike and I may have to come and visit on our next trip to California…..

Laura Lee Carter - Ah yes, isn’t moving glorious in our 50s and 60s? We finally move into our foothills home the end of this month, and that will be the last move for us ever! Hurray!
LOL about the elastic waistband pants! I’ve been wearing them for a while now…yes my waistline changes that often and that fast lately. I’m hoping settling down in our new home will help me with my new and improved diet! Yeah right!

Natine - Totally enjoyed reading your re-entry! National news not so uplifting, but your take on personal issues entertained me, and entertaining me is one of my top priorities. Don’t feel bad about the elastic-waisted pants; yoga pants are just old lady pants passing themselves off as trendy athletic-wear. 😉

Cheryl Nicholl - You’re the only thing I wanted to hear about! Now for the Mathematics of Hell 1) Heat & Humidity = bad hair (though your new cut is adorbs 2) teeth grinding + night guard = Life 3) Elastic waistband + comfort = yoga pants 4) floral mumu’s + pearls= good look! 5) seeing you naked = the neighbors LOVE you! Loved this post!

Barbara Hammond - Glad you are settled and back to blogging. I know I couldn’t take that heat, but if you can I’m happy for you. I think Trump will provide more people with more laughs than any *ahem* politician in history!

Carol Cassara - The great thing is that it doesn’t matter how long we are off the grid, shit happens and we have even more when we get back. Congrats on settling in!

Sheryl - Hot in the desert without shutters, giving your neighbors a thrill? Surely better than all the depressing news these days.

Lisa at GrandmasBriefs - Blech on the desert. Too hot! Colorado beckons!

Trumpster… chumpster! Another BLECH!

I have no doubt you’re rocking the mouthpiece. Good luck with the grinding!

Glad to have you back in the blogging world.

Joan Cooper - Two things……

1. I would like to hear if the Hispanic community has an organization that helps its’ own illegals ? Why hang all that on the American people who can hardly hold their own in this ever more expensive world.

2. I have one objection to ‘same sex’ people. They like to MOCK. The idea to take an ancient word like ‘marriage’ which means man and woman for better or worse, instead of calling their lifestyle something else. That’s all… one cares what they do, but we do care what pot all are lumped in. Also it is really not a matter for courts. It is a social issue. Too bad they had to rub everyones’ nose in their ideas. How tolerant.


Doreen McGettigan - Welcome Home! I am so happy to hear you are settling in but yikes those temps. My husband lived in Arizona and said don’t believe what you hear about the dry heat. triple digit temperatures are hot.
I hope your blinds get there sooner than later.

Tammy - Hi Shirlene, sunscreen and hats are a big part of my everyday now. Good tips! Moving sucks no matter where you go or how far. All I can say is that the next time I move I won’t be lifting a finger. Not. A. Finger! Done with that! Be sure to let me know when you are in SoCal!

Lois Alter Mark - Glad to hear you’re settling in, and hope the temperature goes down soon! So much going on, my head is spinning!

Tammy - Hi Laura Lee, if there is a new and improved diet, you be sure to share it with me. I feel like if I ever moved again (this one made my 13th) it would be a decade too soon. Beyond exhausted. About my new elastic waistband pants …. I secretly love them! Good luck in your move. So excited for you!

Tammy - Hi Natine, so happy I was able to entertain you. My daughter would always tell me that I’m a party all by myself. I always thought it was a compliment (probably not so much). Haa! I’m loving my old lady pants but still can’t get over the stigma of it all. Meanwhile I’m thinking about going back and buying another pair. Good God!

Tammy - Hi Cheryl, I’ve missed you. One day we really MUST meet IRL. Thanks for the validation, I needed that! I’m still not sure any amount of jewelry (am I really saying this out loud?) could enhance a floral mumu. As for the pants … I’m secretly loving them.

Tammy - Hi Barbara, happy birthday! I’m not sure yet if I can take it either, but I’m giving it all I’ve got. I love this place to pieces 8-9 months out of the year. Summers are rough, and I’m a pansy. A wilting pansy. As for Trump, I foresee good blog fodder. Silver linings!

Tammy - Hi Carol, boy, does it ever! Happy to be back and happier still to be unpacked!

Tammy - That’s one way to look at it, Sheryl. I’m still laughing! I guess it’s all pretty funny … in a pathetic kind of way. so happy to have you here!

Tammy - Lisa, happy to be back! I miss Lone Tree every single day. Except maybe those days I’m watching the news and it’s having the blizzard from hell. Because I’m now a SoCal pansy. Trump is a sideshow. The real problem is, he doesn’t even know it. It’s always something!

Tammy - I tend to agree with your husband, Doreen. Until lasts week when the temps were high but the humidity higher. Thought. I. Was. Going. To. Die! It truly makes a difference. But he is right…heat is heat! I’m hoping our shutters get here fast. I’m sure my neighbors hope so too. *embarrassed*

Tammy - Hi Joan, I’m sure there are many Hispanic organizations that offer legal aid. I think we have to agree to disagree on the same sex issue. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it should be illegal. Equal rights run across the board. We cannot be a country that withholds rights against someone because of their skin color or sexual preferences. In my humble opinion it is absolutely a court matter. If we left it to society, we’d still have lynching’s. Fairness is a train we all need to ride. Happy to hear from you. Hope all is well in your world.

Joan Cooper - We disagree. Same sex whatever has never been a legal matter – it has always been a social matter. Their desire to join the word marriage to their world is to mock – nothing less.

They could have come up with another term and obtained legal rights such as inheritance etc, just as well and no fuss. Instead they overstepped and the liberal majority of the court upheld them. So sad.

I am too revolutionary for your polite blog.

I would love to hear what the Latino community is doing for its’ own.

We need to forget “politically correct” and see behind the motives. We are experiencing these days, the effect of the Civil War which was NOT to free slaves. The government left them to starve. If the government caught them walking over the Mason/Dixon line in Kentucky, the government took them back to slavery ??? The Civil War was a giant step by politicians to break down States’ rights and nationalize a rich nation.

Joan C

Joan Cooper - And why legalize someones’ sexual preferences ??? What does that have to do with governing?

Who cares what they prefer. They just love to “mock”, Tammy.

Haven’t you ever seen their parades ?

I really do not want to know anyones’ sexual preferences….anyones – that is their business. Who cares ?

Joan C

Carolann - Yep! You’ve highlighted all the high points of the news with one or two exceptions. It’s overall pretty depressing, but the news generally is. As for elastic waisted pants…well…I gave into those a while ago and I must say I’m pleasantly surprised at how much I love them! Not my jeans though…I won’t dare go there! Not yet anyway lol

Yvonne Jasinski - I hate watching news mostly because of how it is delivered. Too much show not enough substance. I prefer your style!

Rosalind Warren - What a fabulous read. From now on, I’m getting all my news on your blog. I somehow missed the fact that Jon Stewart was starting an animal sanctuary. WHAT A GUY!

Carmen - Hi Tammy,

Missed you!

Extremely proud and happy that my MEXICAN GRANDMOTHERS, both paternal and maternal had the courage to travel from Mexico to the United States of America during the Pancho Villa times.

Thru their courage, my family and I would not have such a wonderful life.

And furthermore, Mexicans are not the only IMMIGRANTS! And neither are they all criminals, etc. etc.

If this is the way Mr. Trump feels re: Mexicans, obviously he is a discriminating individual. And the rest of the immigrants (from all over the world) take note…this man would like to be the next President of this marvelous, wonderful country of ours.

Thank you Tammy.

Shelley Zurek - Nice recap, sometimes I forget all that goes on (or maybe I am just ignoring it all). I truly DREAD the election period, I feel like it’s “57 Channels and nothing on”…like Bruce says.

Tammy - So well said, Carmen. Immigrants helped to make this country great. There is no one who can deny that. Trump showed his bigotry, but worse than that…he showed tremendous ignorance. No worries, the American people are too smart to vote him in. The more he talks the better it is for the country. How else would the people know what he stands for? Papa would always tell me that if I wanted a job well done, hire a Mexican laborer. Their work ethic is amazing, they show up rain or shine and they get the job done without complaint. So far….he was right on the money. The funny thing is, if we take the time to look back into our history, most of us would find that we too came from an immigrant family. I too and proud and happy that your grandmother ventured into the unknown. My life has been richer for it.

Tammy - Thanks, Rosalind. I think I love you!

Tammy - Haaa, I think I prefer yours as well, Yvonne. Stop by any time and we can dish to the dirt together.

Tammy - I’m SO happy to know that so many of my peers have purchased elastic waistband pants! THRILLED. I thought I was the only one. It felt so much like a “sell out” but I do love wearing them. I fell like I’m walking around in my jammies. So I’m now wondering…do they come in any other color. Funny how quickly comfort takes precedence. for the record … if I found elastic waistband jeans, I’d be all over that like white on rice!

Tammy - Joan, I don’t believe for a moment that gays wish to mock us. It’s NOT about legalizing sexual preferences. It’s about equal rights. It’s not up to states, businesses or individuals to determine what rights they will lend to someone who is different from them. That is called BIGOTRY. An ugly, ugly word. It’s clear that you feel very strongly in your beliefs. I leave that to you. But know this, America was built on the idea that all men are created equal and should be given equal rights when it comes to all legal aspects. Period. No where does it say “unless you happen to love the same sex”. I know many wonderful gay people who contribute a great deal to our society and our world. I wish for them to share in the equal rights that marriage offers. I stand with them in celebrating this landmark decision. This country is stronger for it. My opinion, and I’m entitled to it.

Carolann - I had to pop back in and reply to your reply about the jeans with elastic waistband…if you ever find a great sure to let me know too! LOL

Tammy - That’s a deal, Carolann!

Jeffrey Davidson - Welcome back!

Yes a lot has happened during the last 5 weeks. Hopefully you will adjust to your new residence and get past the worst weather portion in style.

As always, you have a fun and interesting manner in the way you approach various topics.

Don’t look forward to the florals and pearls. It doesn’t have to happen.

Don’t worry about the shutters. If your neighbors can’t enjoy the view then let them look the other way.

Trump, another story. He looks intelligent, but then the speed of light is faster than the speed of sound. Once he opens his mouth you hear why he is not as intelligent as he looks.

Your feelings of tolerance are to be applauded. Even though I agree with you, equal rights is equal rights. What is to say that if your religious beliefs are different then you shouldn’t be allowed to express them? My minor disagreement is that it should not have to be “gay rights,” but just equal rights for everyone. The word “marriage” may have been a traditional one but traditions and times change and evolve.

I try, and hopefully succeed, to judge people as individuals based on their character, honesty, trustworthiness, etc. If you are the same, color, religion etc. as I am but are dishonest, insensitive, etc. then I choose not to associate with you.

I don’t like or dislikes groups of people based on race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. but rather, I like you because of your character and what you as an individual represent.

As always, keep writing the way you do and don’t change it, unless your are evolving!

Tammy - You are SO right, Jeff! It shouldn’t have to be considered “gay” rights. It should just be “rights” equal for all. In a perfect world. We can only hope and strive for it. I’ve come across my share of homophobes (hate that word) who justify their beliefs on the “traditional” phrasing. Bunk. It’s not the phrasing that offends them. It’s the same sex orientation. Not everyone has an open mind or an open heart. Acceptance of that fact is necessary in order to deal with it. I agree, traditions evolve. Thank God for small favors! I’m with you…I judge people based on their character and how they treat me and others. Life becomes pretty simply that way. And pretty honest too. Laughing at your take at my neighbors. Thanks for that!

Joan Cooper - Good point, Jeff. I don’t entirely agree that they only care about equal, but let it go. WWW does not like dispute so I bow out.

Tammy – take me off the mailing list. Being barred from answering on WWW about a topic is censorship. I don’t want to be a part of that.

Joan C

Tammy - Hi Joan, dispute is always welcome. It livens things up around here. I have NEVER barred anyone from saying anything and I resent the implication. It is simply untrue. All comments are uncensored and live. I will happily honor your request and remove you from our mailing list. Have a good week ahead.

Karen D. Austin - Well, I am glad to see that you didn’t forget to pack your sense of humor in the move and glad to see your wit wasn’t damaged at all in the process. All my best to you as you get to know the neighbors without or with blinds.

Ruth Curran - I don’t think you will ever turn into Aunt Bea!!!! My favorite new saying (thanks to you and this piece)? Uber ironic! Just love it!!! Looking forward to next week’s installment!

Cynthia Greene Jordan - YAY! You’re back! I’ve missed reading your blogs….and as usual, you are right on target. I’m very happy that our country is acknowledging and respecting equal rights for all. I have a wonderful sister in law that has just given us another sister in law to love!

Tammy - Hi Cynthia, SOOOO happy to see you here. It’s been ages. Congratulations on the new family addition. It takes on a whole new meaning now. Nice to know that our country is moving forward despite ancient prejudices. Miss you!

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