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It Seemed Like A Good Idea At The Time ….

Change might be good for the soul but it’s a bitch on the body and the mind. New beginnings are awesome. Painful … but awesome. I’m still waiting for the awesome part to kick in. Three weeks of being submerged in bubble wrap, 19 rolls of packing tape, 84 boxes and at least a ton […]

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Kaye Curren - Dear Tammy,
We don’t really start a new life because we always take ourselves with us to the new place – and it appears you have. (Just Kidding – I would too.) I’ve been trying to move to Myrtle Beach home of surf, great writer college, watercolor week twice a year, and wonderful retiree hideaway for several years. The thought of doing what you are doing is the reason I haven’t.

Although I live on the east side of town in the lower rent district, I panic if someone suggests I move. Everything has its perfect place and it took a long time to get them there.

Good luck with your move and hurry up because I am planning to find the bucks to have you critique my writer’s presence online.
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T.O. Weller - Tammy, our planets must be in alignment! It’ll be my turn next week! Only, we’re moving to a forested acre of land on a lake rather than the desert.
We’re currently in packing mode, dividing items into “storage”, “sell” and “keep by my side” piles. When we leave our home next Thursday, we too will be homeless, after which we will be “camping” on our new land, in a new town, while the house gets finished before our eyes.
While I pack, I have also donned a “project manager” hat, scheduling and budgeting for the various trades, making design decisions and all the while hoping no one lets us down (haven’t we all heard the renovation nightmare stories?).
I’ve already learned that we will be Internet-challenged, so I’ve mapped my route to the local library until I can sort that one out. I also find myself stocking up on everything, like I’m moving to a disaster zone (I’m not sure why, but maybe it’s a survival instinct?).
I am sending you a big, long hug … and raising a glass to new beginnings. :)
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Evelyn Marshall - There’s always a squelcher to top a story. Our home was flooded because I left the faucet running upstairs for an hour. We spent 77 nights at the Best Western.

Kathy @ SMART Living - Yay! Congratulations Tammy! I know that you are in the midst of the move and that can seem daunting to anyone–but you will survive! And you’ve picked an AWESOME place to live so the outcome will definitely be worth it all. And one thing I know for sure is that you will so-o-o appreciate your new home once you get moved in and settled. Sometimes it takes a big shakeup like you’re going through to really, really appreciate the outcome. I’m looking forward to meeting you in person here in the desert…and if you need some advice about happy hour I’ll be happy to share what I know! ~Kathy
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Risa - Oh, Tammy–I hope the time will pass quickly so you can move on and begin the next chapter. I also hope you won’t look back (except to write about it!) and will just embrace the new home with a giant sigh of relief. Beep, beep!

Carol Cassara - It’ll all be worth it in the end and this pain will be only a memory!

Adela - Yee-Gads! The things we take for granted. I want a TiVo for my radio. How do you do it?! Soon it will just be a memory.
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Tammy - Hi Kaye, I feel your concern… big time! I know this story will have a happy ending. Looking forward to it … any day now! Myrtle Beach is a beautiful local. You must muster up the nerve and DO IT! Would love to work with you on your writer’s presence! It’s my thing!! Keep your fingers crossed for me that the time will just fly by! So happy to hear from you!

Tammy - Oh, T.O., hand on to your hat. It all sounds like such a worthy adventure! And a forested acre near a lake, well, it doesn’t get better than that! Go to Verizon and buy a “hot spot” for your internet. We would be dead in the water without it. I’m clinking glasses with you, my friend … to new beginnings! Hugs!

Tammy - Hi Kathy, I didn’t know you lived in the desert. What town? We will be settling in LQ but presently reside in PD. It’s a small place, I don’t think it takes more that 25 minutes to get front one end of town to the other. A BIG adjustment (thankfully) from Thousand Oaks and L.A.! YES, we must absolutely meet up when I get my head out of the hole in the ground. I’m looking forward to it. Happy Hour … here we come!

Tammy - Rosa, no looking back for this gal! Not my style. I spent a few years looking in the rear view mirror… done with that nonsense. I’m so looking forward to getting settled. It just seems so far away. One day at a time! Thanks for chiming in…. love hearing from you!

Tammy - You are so right, Adela. I never thought I’d miss my TIVO. I mean talk about spoiled! I don’t watch much TV but I do have my program addictions which I TIVO. Not any more. Think I’ve missed all the season finales. Damn! I wish that was my only gripe. This too shall pass. Can’t wait for that! Thanks for popping in and sharing!

Anita Dzirne-Irlen - Having moved 30+ times in my life, I feel your pain. The only thing that moving has taught me is downsizing. Because I live in New York City and rent, I’ll probably be moving again soon. If I downsize anymore, I’ll have nothing. If you think I was “one-upping” you, I was. :) It will soon be over.

Anita Dzirne-Irlen

Tam Warner Minton - okay, Tammy. Put the cats in a cat hotel, grab your dog and go on a road trip!

Malissa Kendall Myers - Your timing is great, were thinking of moving and looks like this summer sometime. I was just laying here crying thinking I don’t want to leave this house or get rid of things. But it means being closer to friends and my brother. I’m in a small town and moving to a bigger one with traffic, fast pace, and more crime does not thrill me. I just don’t know if this is a good idea. Emotionally I’m a mess from double knee surgery and the drugs maybe the reason for the tears today.
I hope you will be happy where you are moving , the sun shine sounds good. Take care!


Nancy Fletcher - You’re moving to New York??? Does that mean no more LA lectures, seminar chats?

Joan Cooper - NEVER NEVER DOWNSIZE. You did not ask me.

Downsizing was my own worst disaster. In a life full of mistakes that was the biggest one. If I had not done that, I would be a millionaire living in a one story large house instead of a 2 story with my crippled legs. What was originally bought for $185,000 is now worth a million. How I remember those sunsets over the Santa Monica mountains.

Lotsa luck and byeeeeeeewe


Laura Lee Carter - I hear you Tammy!
But try sitting in that same holding pattern for a YEAR while all the “builders” in dumb-fuckville try to find their asses with both hands!
Now you see what we’ve been facing in southern Colorado for almost a year! Excuse my French, but I have really had it!
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Ruth Curran - It does get easier and actually the not knowing where you will land, once you embrace it, is a bit freeing — or so I told myself for a very long time :)! Breathe, be kind to yourself, and keep your animals close and all will be well!
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Tammy - Hi Joan, no, did not ask you. But we had our hearts set on it. We are moving to a lovely one story home in a gated community with all the amenities. Very excited! Except, of course, for the heat. Not a fan of the extreme heat. UGH. Steven has told me how lovely your home was and how he wishes you had stayed there. So, you are both on the same page. You are not alone in making mistakes throughout your life…. we are all there with you. I’m hoping our move does NOT fall into that category for us!

Tammy - Oh, dear, Laura Lee! A year?! I’d be out of my mind. I understand French and speak it fluently (giggling) How close are you to completion at this point? My heart goes out to you big time. I’m so looking forward to 2 weeks from today!

Tammy - Hi Ruth, it’s all one big adventure – ready or not. Being kind to myself is awesome advice. Amazing how hard we are on ourselves. Bah! We will all stick together, furry and otherwise. One big happy family!!

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
Having NOT moved in 37 years, I forgot what a hassle it is. Your displacement,while annoying,is only temporary, and I admire your courage in moving in the first place.
And why are you making this move?

Sharon Greenthal - I am surrounded by boxes and bubble wrap as I write this! We are moving into a construction zone – we won’t have a kitchen for quite a while – but we are very excited. Good luck with everything!
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Doreen Mcgettigan - I moved 8-years ago when I married my husband and it was SO hard. I missed my home, my family, my stuff and my friends. Fast forward and I have never been happier in my life. This will all pass and you will be home in no time at all. Try to rest up for the unpacking.

Carolann - It’s such a chore to move. Me and the hubby said we both gonna die here lol it’s that exhausting. It’s fun too as you said new adventures and that part is exciting. I also love the idea of redecorating a new home too but for now…I’m good lol. Good luck and rememnber..this too shall pass :)
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Meryl Schwartz Baer - When the unpacking is done and the exhaustion past, you will love your new home. Moving is always stressful, but the end result will be so worthwhile…

Tammy - Mel, we are making a new and fresh start for OURSELVES. We love the desert (not so much in the summer) and thought to ourselves “why wait until we want to retire, let’s live for the moment and make it work”. And so… we will. Moving to a one story home (HOORAY!), beautiful open floor plan, guarded gate and lots of amenities. Let us hope and pray that we have many years of happily ever after. By the way, Steven had lived in that home for 22 years. NO picnic sorting and moving!

Tammy - Sharon, here’s to new beginnings (holding up a glass of champagne)! It is beyond exhausting and is quite tedious but truly our future prospects are exciting. Good luck with all that lies ahead. I know it will be wonderful!

Tammy - Doreen, such sage words, thank you! YES, I will rest up for the boat load of unpacking that awaits me. Getting excited!

Tammy - Thanks, Carol Ann (my computer wouldn’t acknowledge your name as one – grrrr). You are right, of course, this will pass. It just seems like it’s been such a LONG haul. Excited for the future AND the decorating fun to come! Woohoo!

Sheryl - I know just how you feel – we did it two years ago and at the time, yes, it’s upsetting in many ways and tough, too. But you will be so, so happy once it’s all settled…I promise.

Tammy - Sheryl, moving is the pits. So is sitting in a hotel room with your pets and just waiting, waiting, waiting. BUT, you are right … it will all be worth it once we are settled in our new home and new life. Pretty excited about that!

Haralee Weintraub - I hope time goes quickly and it will all be worth it once you are all settled in!

Cheryl Nicholl - I feel your pain. Yes- it’s all good- it will work itself out, but GETTING there can be challenging. The few times we’ve moved- we’ve moved BIG- new states, knowing very few. These were the hardest things I’ve ever done but also, ultimately the most rewarding. And I know you know that, but I’m still going to give you a [[hug]]. XXXOOO

Barbara Hammond - You’re living our 2014! This time last year our city house was sold and all that ‘stuff’ put in storage. We moved into our beach house while it was being sold and when that happened we still hadn’t found our ‘forever’ home in Cape May, so that stuff went into storage and we moved to a rental short term. With 2 crazy dogs, I might add.
When the final move finally arrived it was head down into renovation and plaster dust for about 2 months. ALL of that was worth it!
You will be so happy when it’s all settled and done. I know the stress, but it’s worth it! Hang in there. I’m toasting you now!
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Lisa at GrandmasBriefs - Oh, yeah. This would make ME crazy, too. I got all tight in the chest and feel a little bitchiness coming on just by reading this. HUGE hugs to you and best wishes for permanency to come your way soon!
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Toni McCloe - I had to stay in a hotel room once for more than two weeks and it was just as awful as you described it. There was nothing homey about it. Good luck Tammy. The best is yet to come.

Tammy - Oh, THANK YOU, Barbara. I love being toasted to! Your move sounds uber complicated. My hats off to you! Happy to hear that it was all worth the anxiety. Thanks for sharing it with me!

Tammy - Haas! Thanks, Lisa. I battle the “bitchies” and the tight chest thing daily. This has been the longest move in my history and I’ve had a dozen to call my own. I’m so over this waiting business I could scream…. or…. grab a cocktail and chocolate brownie bites.

Tammy - Thanks, Toni. I love the reassurance and hope that you are right on. I brought with me our 5 live plants and have strewn then around the hotel room to help make it homey. No such luck (I couldn’t pack them in the storage or they would die). No matter what I do, it’s a hotel room. If I didn’t have the animals I’d be out (in this heat) running around checking places out. But noooooooo! Argh! Better days ahead! Thanks for sharing!

Nancy Hill (@Nerthus) - I’ve lived in the same place for 25 years. I can’t imagine moving, or living in a hotel with my husband, dog and two cats… for any length of time. You are a STRONG woman, Tammy!
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Tammy - Thanks, Nancy. Becoming less strong by the minute! We celebrated our one week anniversary here last night doing laundry with two paper cups and a bottle of wine. Good times!

Estelle Sobel Erasmus - I know it’s rough now, but soon these bleak days will just be an old memory.

Lois Alter Mark - Moving, like all change, is hard. We moved across the country 16 years ago and, although we never would have imagined living on the West Coast, it was one of the best things we ever did. Wishing you lots of love and strength and patience!
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Sue - I always think about how much I want to move and looking forward to a new area, but as I get older I know I will miss my home ground when we move. Thanks for sharing your experience and wisdom along the way to a new life.
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Mary - Moving is never easy! But, I’m sure not far in the future this will be but a distant memory.
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Tammy - Thanks, Estelle. Counting the days… hours…. minutes! Someday we will look back at laugh at all this. Just not today. Haaaaa!

Tammy - Sue, I miss a lot already BUT am looking forward to forging new memories and new haunting grounds. Mostly… just looking forward to getting out of this hotel! Pretty sure the pets are too! So happy to have you pop in! Thanks for that.

Tammy - From your mouth to Gods ears, Mary. Appreciate the read!

Kimba - “I’ve come to the conclusion that leaving a life behind is never easy, no matter how anxious you are to start a new one.” Agree, it can be difficult. First things first: Happy Hours in the Palm Desert area: Wish I was there to buy the first round.
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Cynthia Greene Jordan - Oh I feel your pain. We are remodeling our kitchen and master bath and being without a kitchen for the past month is grueling to say the least. I learned quickly to eat on paper plates after washing dishes in the bathtub! We’re trying to adapt and not eat out every day as that can be pricey…but having only a grill and a microwave isn’t my idea of being a creative cook…trying to sell our old appliances to no avail…keeping our frig in the dining room for convenience. It’ll all be over in a few more weeks for me and for you…and it can’t be too soon.

Tammy - Hi Kimba, you are a wonder! THANK YOU! These recommendation are awesome. I knew about a couple of them but happy to have the list. Woohoo!

Harriet - This is really exciting! It is great when you move forward to a new place, a new life! Moving process is always pretty stressful but as long that it’s over you will forget the stressful moments and you will remember just the excitement! :)I wish you all the best! Greetings, London Removals Ltd.

Dear Daughter, there is something I want you to know …

 I’d give anything if you could remember how we have grown together through the years. The 3 a.m. feedings, the changing of thousands of poopy diapers, cleaning vomit stained clothes, and not going out to a restaurant for over 2 years. I call them the days of learning that happiness came in very small and […]

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T.O. Weller - Tammy, how do I tell you how touching this is without sounding absolutely sappy?
Reading this triggered my memories of motherhood and raising my son, with many of the same questions, challenges, and triumphs. But mostly, the love.
It’s a bittersweet feeling; I miss those times and yet I’m also thankful for where we are today … and looking forward to all that is to come.
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Marilyn tichauer - It’s hard to see with big tears in my eyes………..Just Beautiful!!!

Kim Liebman - That was beautiful Tammy, I hope you have the Mothers Day that you deserve!


Barbara Hammond - What a sweet and loving tribute to your beautiful daughter.

K. Lee Banks - Thanks for sharing this very touching post and tribute to your daughter! I have four adult “kids” – including three daughters – and one of those daughters is now a mother herself of my two beautiful granddaughters.

I would love to borrow this quote, and attribute it to you:
“When I celebrate Mother’s day, I celebrate you. Without having been your mother, I would have missed out on some of life’s happiest moments.”

Have a wonderful Mother’s Day!
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penpen - you’ve captured exactly how i feel on mother’s day–that it’s a day to be thankful I have the children I have and, whatever the challenges of time and distance, the loving relationships we have. The feelings of appreciation go from me to them.
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Tana Bevan - *sniff* *sniff*
*sniffle* sniffle*
Congrats! (Sounds like you will soon acquire the “Grandma/Nana/Grammy” moniker?!?)
*hugs* *lots & lots of hugs!!!!*
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Joan Cooper - A truly beautiful Mothers’ Day memorial.

No one has your way with words. Not even me with my horse.


mel glenn - What a lovely, lovely love letter to your daughter. She SHOULD know, or at least be aware of, all the work you did. Children leave, that’s the way of things. I am sure she loves you, but not as much as you love her. She should take this post and have it framed.

Tammy - T.O., sappy is highly under rated. As moms, our memories get triggered all the time. To miss those days with our children isn’t to say we don’t love the lives we live now. Days of long ago hold whispers still….and I am always listening. So happy you are here. Truly.

Tammy - Sweet Marilyn, so glad you are on the other end. Thank you for your words. They mean a lot. Not the first time we have cried together. Probably not the last. Love you. xo

Tammy - Hi Kim, thank you. I hope the same for you, my darling friend. May we ALL have the Mother’s Day we deserve. For each of us it’s different, but it will always involve love, acceptance and gratitude. We stand together, you and I.

Tammy - Hi K. Lee, of course, use the quote in good health! It’s clear that you have many blessings. Have a wonderful celebration of you and your children. As my daughter would say: every day is Mother’s Day.” Yes it is.

Tammy - Penpen, you are so right….whatever the challenges of time and distance, loving relationships endure forever. I am so glad you dropped in. Appreciate the read and the caring comment!

Tammy - Hi Tana, not acquiring any such moniker for the time being. Didn’t mean to imply it. Simply that one day … whenever that day is … she will understand everything that is as yet unexplainable. I’m sniffling along with you and sending lots of hugs right back at ya!

Tammy - Hi Joan, my dad would call me a wordsmith. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much. So happy you enjoyed the read. I happened to know your heart felt words are beautiful … especially when it comes to your beloved horses. xo

Tammy - Hi Mel, you are SO right, children leaving IS the way of things. Of course she loves me, but I sincerely doubt that any child could love their parent more than their parent loves them. That is the way of things too. Missing what we had is a blessing and a curse. But it doesn’t mean for one moment that I don’t love and cherish my life right now. Color me VERY blessed indeed. Thanks for being here. I love hearing from you. Hope all is well with you, my cyber friend.

Doreen Mcgettigan - She is so beautiful and what a beautiful letter. I just wrote a letter for my daughters 40th birthday (OMG) coming up in June telling her how much I miss her, our conversations and her needing me. It is so hard to get used to and lonely.

Carol Cassara - How sweet is that? Lovely, my dear. Lovely.

Carolyn Durandette - Big tears in my eyes as I try to type this. I admire you for all you’ve done! I think you are both beautiful!

Gina Kane - Beautiful post, and had tears streaming down my face to!!

Cynthia Greene Jordan - You’ve done it again Tammy (sniff sniff)..such a beautiful tribute to motherhood…never having had a daughter, I can honestly say that my feelings towards being my sons’ mother is quite the same!

Cathy Chester - Sniff, sniff. Oh, you’re there. After reading that I had a nice little cry. Okay, this is a beautiful post and so true. I miss the days of little ones around, but am proud of the person my son has become. Your daughter is blessed to have such a mom as you. Enjoy and embrace Mom’s Day, Tammy. With so much love surrounding you! xoxo

Cheryl Nicholl - My God I’m tearing-up. Just beautifully ‘put’ my friend. I also have seen my children grow and leave the nest, only to land a thousand miles away. I often times wonder what it must have been like for all the mothers that watched their children get on a boat and cross great oceans without any communication and never to return. Mothers are amazing.
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Rosalind Warren - “Separate lives have never meant separate hearts.” Well said! Going forward, I know I’m going to quote this line.

Lisa at Grandma's Briefs - So beautiful, Tammy. The post AND your lovely daughter. So exactly how I feel about each of my daughters. It’s hard to put into words how very happy moms are for kids who have grown and gone, how very proud… but how very much our hearts long to connect more often, hug more often. Sweet, sweet post.
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Tammy - Hi Cheryl, mothers ARE amazing! I’ve often wondered the same about those mothers who willingly gave their children to strangers so they might survive. I can’t even think about it … my heart starts to palpitate. A mothers love knows NO bounds. Always happy to have you in my neck of the woods. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Lisa, I think it’s in our nature as moms to always want more time and sharing with our kids. God certainly has a sense of humor to ask us to give everything we have, everything we are for 18 years, then BAM!, let it all go. Let’s just say that when I pass a mother bird in her nest feeding her new brood I try to warn her about the pain of having to teach them to fly and fell the nest. They never listen. It’s probably better that way.

Helene Cohen Bludman - So lovely, Tammy — your words and the photos made my eyes fill. Happy Mother’s Day to you!

Janie Emaus - That was so beautiful. I hope you’re a grandmother one day and can experience even more love and joy.

Mary - So beautiful, thank you for sharing! You have inspired me to write a letter to my first born. Happy Mother’s Day, Tammy!
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Cheryl Shaw - Happy Mothers Day! We are lucky to be mothers and have great kids. We want the best for them and will always love them and worry about them, no matter what.

Tammy - Thanks, Helene, hoping it was a most wonderful Mother’s Day for you.

Tammy - Hi Mary, so happy to have been a bit of an inspiration. Writing to our kids is a keepsake of love. I adore the idea. Hope it was a wonderful day for you. So appreciate you stopping by ad sharing with me. Truly.

Tammy - Hi Cheryl, you said a mouthful. Yes, yes, and yes. Hope you had a great Mom’s Day. I know you deserve it!

A Very Personal Post – The Other Side of Fear

Ten years ago I was broken. I had just ended a 29 year marriage, sent my only kid off to college, and was left broke and unemployed with the cats and the dog to feed. Not exactly my life plan. I was alone for the first time in my life and filled with fear. I […]

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Judith Eton - So glad I read this, I am about to be alone for the first time ever in my life, as my husband wants to move to South America and I can not face another move. I will have to start over and I am scared. It is nice to read about a happy ending even if it is a long time in my future.

Tammy - Hi Judith, happy endings do happen. Especially for people who least expect them. South America is a BIG move. I hope you both can work it out. I’m pulling for you!

Lisa Diegel - So happy for you! Have thought about you many times since a saw your S.C.O.R.E. Presentation a while back. Hope to see you soon!

Evette Goldstein - I am so happy for both of you! I miss seeing you, Tammy, but am delighted to keep up with you via your blog.

Lynn Tarson - I have always had a special place in my heart for Steve and am so happy he has finally found THE ONE! I wish you both health, happiness, and long lives together.

Marilyn Tichauer - Even though I know the “Story”, along with my morning coffee your story brought me morning tears

Suzanne Gray - I love this story sooo much! It’s raw, honest and romantic. Thanks for sharing it. Reading it made me happy.
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Melanie Kissell - Your love story and mine are parallels, Tammy. Goosebumps!! I smiled all the way down the page. :)

Donna Ainsworth - Thank you for sharing this wonderful story! You give hope to all the single (past 50) women who sometimes want to give up on the dream of finding love again. Bless you! And Congratulations! you deserve it!

Kim Curtis - Loved this! Your story was filled with risk, resilience and love! Tribute to the “next” in everyone’s life who is open.

Laura Lee Carter - Yes Tammy Bleck, your story is the perfect example of do-overs before it’s all over, and sounds so much like my awakening to love ten years! Isn’t life grand?

Joel Goldberg - Tammy you write so personally and honestly. You are an exceptionally gifted and wonderful person. So glad our paths have crossed.

Tammy - Thanks, Lisa. It’s so nice to be thought of. I hope you make it to SCORE’S Expo in June. Love to see you there. Hope all is well on your side of the fence. So great to hear from you!

Anne Aria Tichauer - Tammy, this blog really touched my heart! I know you and I talked about this but to read this, is precious. You bring encouragement with a twist of humor! You are a great writer!

Tammy - Hi Evette, thanks for that. We still look at the picture you so gracefully monogrammed for us. Beautiful! I’m SO happy to know you are on the other side of my little blog. *smiling*

Tammy - Hi Lynn, I kinda have a special place in my heart for him too. From your mouth…to Gods ears! Hope to see you sooner than later!

Tammy - Oh, sweet Marilyn, we are sisters from another mother you and I. Some stories warrant tears. We share that in common. I love you, and am happy we spent some time together this morning via my little blog. xo

Tammy - Thanks Suzanne. I kinda like it too. It wasn’t easy getting here but the journey was well worth the reward. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. It means a lot. YOU made me happy today!

Tammy - Melanie, are you sure we’re not related?!? Goosebumps are awesome. And so are you! So happy to know you through the pages of life’s walk! Hugs!

Linda D'Ae-Smith - Love this! Very inspirational.
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Tammy - Hi Donna, it felt good to share my story. All of us single women past 50 should hold on to the hope that life will treat us right and we will find our happiness. Finding love again wasn’t on my radar. In fact, at the time, it felt like an enormous inconvenience. That was my fear stopping me from opening up. If we face the fear, happiness can’t help but be headed our way. So happy to hear from you. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Thanks, Kim, so happy you enjoyed my story. Yup…there was a boatload of risk and many people advising me against the move. Resilience and love go hand in hand in our quest to find the things that matter to us. It takes courage and vulnerability, to be sure. But once fear is pushed aside, ALL things are possible. Thanks so much for being here and for sharing your comment. Truly!

Tammy - Laura Lee, life IS grand! But it must be said that my path here was paved with a river of tears and bucket full of fears. Life calls upon us to grow up and face our demons. When we do, we are rewarded with goodness for the taking. So happy for us both!

Tammy - Hi Joel, so wonderful to see you here on the other side of my little blog! Thank you for the kind words. The feeling, my friend, is quite mutual. You are a delight and a pleasure to know, and I am grateful for the opportunity! Awesome having you here!

Tammy - Thanks, Linda. I was shooting for gut honest … but inspirational is pretty awesome too! So happy you enjoyed the read.

Tam Warner Minton - Love it. And I love the truth you put so well:The truth is, life offers no guarantees. Risk is part of the bargain. Knowing when to jump in or run from, is a crucial life skill. If there is anything I know for certain, it’s that nothing is for certain.
That is one lesson I have learned along the way.
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Kathy Gottberg - What a great story Tammy Bleck! Thanks for sharing it and I look forward to meeting you and your LOVE here in La Quinta….it is a GREAT place to be together with someone you love. And as you say, happiness is less about the destination than it is the pursuit!

Billie Jo Baptiste - I was blessed to be a part of your life during the “broken and rebuilding” phase! I am so happy that you found the love you so deserve! He is a lucky man to have you:)

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
What a super romantic story, how lovely!
Who says one can’t have a crush for 40 years? Have you read, “Love in the Time of Cholera”? The main character, Florentino, carried a touch for his love for over 50 years As a romantic,
you should read this South American classic.
A very sweet column

Barbara Hammond - What a heartwarming story, Tammy! So happy for you both. We never know what the master plan truly is, so we have to be open to fate. After 38 years of marriage I was one day away from leaving when he was diagnosed with lymphoma. Trauma, coma, you name it happened and when we came out on the other side we discovered we still loved each other. Never looked back!
Enjoy the next adventure!
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Tammy - Thanks, Mel. I never quite thought of it as romantic, but I can see that now. Nope, never read that story but you can be sure I will be picking it up. As always…thanks for being here!

Tammy - Oh my gosh, Barbara, that is quite the story. Blessings to you, my friend. You are right … NEVER look back!

Tammy - Thanks, Tam. Just a little wisdom I picked up along my travels on loser lane. I live by it still. Appreciate the read and the comment!

Pamela O'Mack - What a lovely story, Tammy, which I’ve heard you tell, but it’s something about expressing it in written words that makes it so very special. I love you both and wish you both a wonderful happy and healthy future together as man and wife! Love, Pamela

Carol Cassara - I so get what you are talking about. Your story is wonderful testimony for women of any age.

Lisa at Grandma's Briefs - Love, love, LOVE this! Such a fabulous testament to listening to one’s gut, taking the leap, risking it all and coming out on top. And happy. And in love. You’re an inspiration. Cheers to the rest of forever together!
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Cheryl Nicholl - I so love that you said he’s everything you deserve. I wish more women (people) had the courage and wisdom to navigate their lives the way you have done. God Bless you both. I adore you for writing this. XXOOO

Cathy Chester - OMG, I just read a love story. The ending? Happily ever after! I am so happy for you. Your poured your heart out for us, and trusted us to know that you are a smart and sweet woman. You are truly blessed. Thanks for sharing your life with us, Tammy.

Sue Cove - Love this…I keep thinking my knight is still out there….when I meet up with him…I hope he is like your Stephen. You so deserve happiness and love!

Tammy - Thanks, Pamela, the day is coming. My story was so sad and broken. I took the time and energy to fix my life again and no sooner had I done that, that Steven walked into it. My blessing to be sure. We are lucky to have each other …. and a friend like you. xo

Tammy - Thanks, Linda. SO glad you enjoyed my story. If it inspired … even better! Appreciate the read and the sharing!

Tammy - Hi sweet Sue! We ALL deserve happiness. I found that when I stepped aside and let life happy with me instead of at me, it all kind of worked out. I’m pulling for you and hope that until you find your knight, your happiness is your company. xo

Nancy Hill (@Nerthus) - What a wonderful story. I think of the “usua”l story of women divorcing and falling into poverty. Nice to know that doesn’t have to happen.
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T.O. Weller - Thank you for sharing your story Tammy. “Happiness can always be found on the other side of fear.” I LOVE that … and needed to hear it.
Our house will have a SOLD sign on the front lawn any day now and we’re leaving everything we know for a beautiful piece of lakeside property and a house to be finished before the snow flies (in Ontario cottage country).
Just when I didn’t think anything could scare me anymore, something does. But, it’s our dream, so it’s time to face the fear and find our happiness. :)
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Sue - caught my attention on FB and I am so glad it did. Loved reading your happily ever after – take a chance- story.
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Carmen - Hi Tammy,

Great share, just great!

Life is special as you show us …. it is!

Keep up the great reads.

Linda Lichtman - For Our Tammy…
Your dreams are our dreams…to keep moving forward until there’s an arm around a shoulder – to hold it – to love it – to know the DREAM is real – that’s what we get from you – daring, loving friend…xoxoxox

Tammy - Hi Nancy, it was certainly a fear of mine. A big one. That … and how was I going to go through life alone. Daunting, scary and sad. But, when you give yourself time to cry it out then move forward with positive intent…good things will come your way. Happy you enjoyed the read!

Tammy - Hi T.O., dreams are always scary! What would be the point of them if they didn’t scare us? It’s because we are moving out of our box, going where we dare to dream is a better place. I’m SO happy for you! I’m betting it will be wonderful and you will never look back. Such are dreams come true! Appreciate the read!

Tammy - Hi Sue, I’m glad it did too! I was a take a chance story, thought I never really thought of it that way. Calculated risks are still risks! Gambling only counts when you have something to lose, and I had plenty. Luckily, it all worked out beautifully. Thanks so much for popping in from FB. So glad you did. So loved the Home tour.! It was awesome!

Tammy - Hi Carmen, good to know you are still out there reading! Comforting! Love knowing you are there. xo

Tammy - Hi Linda, thank you so much for your kind words. Means a lot. You are right, of course, we keep moving forward hoping that good things will find us. It’s hard to remember that dreams can come true when you are so broken in heart, mind and spirit. Suffice it to say it took some doing and daring to keep myself above water. I know I’m not alone. That’s why I wanted to share my story. Against all odds love has found me again. And I will be forever grateful. xoxo

Shirlene Vitale - I love your story! I am so glad that I was involved in unfolding of it with you. I remember the nervousness you had when you flew out to see Steven the first time. You came back very hopeful of a great friendship again and possibly more.

When he came here to see you it was another time of butterflies and nervous excitement. Fun to see you find him again. When you left Colorado I knew I would miss you. But I also knew that the future with Steven would hold many adventures and wonderful experiences for you both!!

Glad to hear that things are great between you and that God must of have a plan for you both. Blessings and much happiness my friend!!! And yes… I still miss your face. I may have to make a trip out to see you both soon… Enjoy Life dear friend!!

Bernice McDonald - Thank you, Tammy, for sharing your wonderful story with us! What an inspiration. I have been 3 years into my own amazing story similar to yours after a 24 year marriage break-up so I know what you are talking about. My heart is to see hundreds of stories like this and my passion is to do what I can to move women from the place of fear and hopelessness into the arms of a wonderful relationship. Let’s keep letting others know out there that it IS possible!

Cheryl Shaw - Hi Miss Tammy———loved your blog AND the pictures!!!!!!! You and Steve are an adorable couple who look so happy——–how exciting to be moving to a new house. WHEN IS THE WEDDING??????? I do sooooooooo miss you but am also so glad to know you are happy with your forever guy

Tammy - Hi Shirleen, SO WONDERFUL to hear from you! Yes, you had a front seat to all that was unfolding. And, yes, I was a bit nervous before flying out to see Steven after 40 years. Who gets on a plane to see an old friend after 40 years?? I guess I do. I feel so blessed and so loved every day. Color me grateful. Miss your face too….and you perky little smile of yours. Happy to know you are still on the other side of my blog. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Hi Cheryl, I do so miss you too but am ever so happy here with my forever guy. So much going on … am a packing fiend these days. Not sure when the wedding is … but it’s coming! Miss and love you …. lots. xo

Bryce Warden - What a great story….happy for your happiness. Lot of wisdom in this piece.
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Tammy - Thanks, Bryce. So happy to have shared it with you! Appreciate the read and the comment!

Does Your Primal Fear Stack Up?

Global warming scares the hibbie-jeebies out of me. I picture polar bears drowning, the air unbreathable (thank you China), the oceans polluted beyond repair, nukes being tossed over by Russia, and Kim Kardashian as first lady. Dear God Almighty…just kill us all now.

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Carol Cassara - I have to tell ya, I saved this to re-read because I get it. I do!

T.O. Weller - Right now, there’s a spider parked in one of the top corners of my office. That’s where they like to go in this house, because they know I can’t reach them without getting a climbing device.

My back is out right now so I can’t even do that and I have to wait for my husband to get home. But I’m watching it. If it moves, I’m bolting as fast as my back will allow.

Don’t even get me started on clowns and politicians! (Putting them together in one sentence is no accident.)
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Ellen Dolgen - I am right there with you on most of these, sister! Clowns – They don’t upset me, but omg they scared my daughter half to death.

Scott Morgan - I fear stupid people with power too. Oddly, almost everything you fear here is a fear of stupid people with power — politicians, parents, pitbull owners, Kim Kardashian… what a world!

Barbara Hammond - I’ve never been afraid of anything I could squish easily, like a spider. But rodentia is a whole other thing! And, I believe we should all fear politicians!
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Tammy - T.O., you made me laugh. No….putting politicians and clowns together is NO accident! Hahahahahaha. Yeah, I learned a while back that spiders have nine lives. And you don’t want to be the one trying to kill them…they remember. Eeeeeeek!

Tammy - I never thought of it that way, Scott, but by George, you might be right. I feel a wee bit badly about the pit bulls, because I know so many great owners that love and adore their pits. I’m told that there are amazing pets to have. But then you have the off the wall crazy dog owners that go the other way. Yup….duly scared! If there was someone I could pay to get insure that we would never have to suffer a Kardashian again, I think the money collected would be HUGE. What a world indeed, my friend!

Tammy - I’m right there with you, Barbara. If only we had a spray that could rid us of deceitful, self serving, bullshit artists called politicians. Wouldn’t that make the world a better place?! Why don’t I tell you how I really feel, right? *giggling*

Tammy - It’s so weird, Ellen, fear of clowns defies logic. Yet….it’s pretty terrifying! Always happy to be on the same page as you! Thanks for popping by!

Joan Cooper - “Never Say Die” – that was a James Bond movie wasn’t it.

I don’t think we were made or conditioned to handle so much information as is thrown to us nowadays. From Spring Break to ISIS, it is too too much. I want to live in my little working on perfection world, but it seems the world is determined to intervene.

There are solutions but no one is talking about the main one – make the banks accountable. ISIS is a bunch of murdering criminals – who handles their money ? Who handled Hitler’s money ? we know – Switzerland. Criminals should be in jail or an island somewhere – not working with bankers.

Oh I could go on and on, but not as entertainingly as you do it.


Joan Cooper

Shirlene Marquis Vitale - Hi friend!! I agree with most of what you said. Spiders don’t bother me. I am the spider eliminator in every office I work at! Not liking the mice that run under my feet and if i find a hair in my food… eeewww.

Howard Roper - Tammy after reading this I have rediscovered my own fears. Many of which you wrote here. However, I will replace some with others and add to what you’ve already explained. Please forgive the lengthy comments:

Evil: On the planet, such as ISIS, scares the hell out of me. Anyone that can kill women and innocent children for ignorant reasons, well that is just plain and simple PURE EVIL. It will grow like a cancer until it is wiped out, period. It is my number one fear, but I stand ready to fight if it should come to that. The Patriot in me.

Global warming: Not afraid as Mother nature will take care of the planet and is always changing as she has done for eons. It is a liberal deflection of the real problems facing us today and the real need to solve them.

Stupid people: They are everywhere. They seem grow like a plague each day. They believe whatever they are promised, told, or hear. Many work for fast food chains or Wal-Mart and are young adults. Which leads me to believe the future of our great country is DOOMED.

Bigots: People of this country who want to kill cops, riot, burn the American flag, promote racism, push their religion, undermine the Republic, make promises they never intend to keep, believe only their lives matter, liberals, gun control idiots that want us to believe guns kill people, illegal aliens, just to name a few. I absolutely detest. So if that makes me a bigot, then so be it, I’m a proud bigot.

Spiders: I hate them, stomp them, and attack with a vengeance of complete destruction of the species. They creep me out with there eight eyes, eight legs, and especially those with their ability to jump. No mercy, just whack them, like we should do to ISIS.

Pit Bulls: Don’t own one and never would. Been bitten, and attacked by supposedly sweet adorable Pit Bulls whose owners made assurances to me and lied. The thing is I love dogs, but this breed needs rethinking. Don’t like them and won’t hesitate to show them no mercy (no explanation needed).

Politicians: Like Pit Bulls I have no use for them and they really scare me.
They can either lead this Republic to greatness or destroy it. Present administration as an example. They will break the law as lawmakers, with very few that see criminal charges, and make millions of $$$ off us the tax-payer. They seem proud of their ability to pull the wool over our eyes, make laws unknown to us, give themselves raises, have eternal 100% retirement pay, don’t pay into Social Security or have to follow the laws we have too. They strut around like they are most important people on the planet. They don’t care that they were elected by the people for the people. They still (steal), line their pockets with lobbying monies, lie, cheat, point fingers, and spend billions of $$$ on stupid stuff instead of using it for needed stuff. The amount of money they spend on election campaigns is amazing, which are basically nothing more than negative attacks on their competitors. They make campaign promises they have no intention of keeping, but rather pushing there own personal agenda on the poor citizen who voted them into office. They are nothing more than self-serving, self-righteous, money mongering, tax-payer gargoyles. Who needs them?

Clowns: No problem. Just punch them in their red ball nose and show them you mean business. Never hire one for your child’s birthday! They are obnoxious, uninhibited, men who like to play with children in makeup to hide their faces. Why? I think there’s a problem here.

I will add two more:

Elevators: Especially cram-packed elevators. I literally have panic attacks and will get off one if it becomes to full. I seem to always get pushed to the back as if they know I’m terrified and wanting to see me become frozen and blue from holding my breath. I need room and my private space is MINE. Don’t invade it! I’ve been known to yell out “Let me off I can’t breath or there will be some serial killing taking place very soon” which seems to do the trick as a large path is created (I think I could hear bones being crushed) to let me off at next floor. If there are than 2 people, I will not get on and will wait for the next one “Going Up or Going Down.” And God forbid one gets stuck for some unknown reason. I cannot even imagine what I would do and I pity those around me. I will even take the stairs if there is too much elevator traffic. I might huff and puff “Going Up”, and sing “Going Down” but at least I have my space. And the voice that announces everything along with the music reminds me of a funeral. I prefer the dong sound for the floors and as the door opens but not closed. Music, come on let’s ply something that is uplifting like rock and roll to take my mind of the elevator ride…

Iran with Nukes: Goodbye to Israel and Us. Nothing more needs to be said or explained. Just bend over and kiss your a** goodbye!

Thanks Tammy, my dearest friend for letting me share my views. Hope all is well, God Bless you and your family as well as our Republic… Love ya!

Tammy - We definitely DO get way too much information thrown at us, Joan. Which is why I systematically chime out from time to time. Money makes the world go ’round, and it funds the most unscrupulous beliefs known to mankind. Now there is an oxy moron for you … man kind. I wish!

Tammy - Oh, my, Howard, that is a mouthful! I just LOVE it when blogs spur such wonderful emotion and thought. Next time I write about this subject, I think I will consult you first. Can’t tell you how happy it makes me to know that you read my blog. Yaaaa me!! Adored your contribution, thank you for that!

Billie Jo - Thank you Tammy! I feel better about my self now:). I fear ignorance in people, so stupidity and bigots should fall under that category. I wish ignorance would be a painful affliction, then we could recognize them more easily because they would walk around writhing in pain. And flying, I also fear flying.

Tammy - Billie Jo! So good to see you here. Wouldn’t it be fabulous if ignorance was accompanied by pain or nose growth, like Pinocchio?! I never had a problem with flying but these days I absolutely abhor it. It’s like we gamble every time we board a plane. You never know if the next wanna be shoe bomber is sitting next to you. I won’t rest easy until they find or explain Malaysia flight 370. Beyond worrisome and creepy. By the way … I love you more!

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
My turn? Insects of any kind. Global warming is too far away and politicians are too near. Evil actions whether personal, political or religious frightens me because there are no answers.
Yours is a good column because you follow the
writing dictum: “Write that which makes you the most vulnerable.”
You are both strong, honest, and vulnerable.

Tam Warner Minton - Clowns. I’ve always been afraid of clowns. I’m afraid someone will shoot me in the back, or through an open window at night. I’m afraid of death because I don’t know what happens. and remember Cloris Leachman on Mary Tyler Moore? She said, “Lars has a neurotic fear of swallowing hair”. Why do I remember that?

Janie Emaus - I’m always afraid of something coming up the toilet and wiggling into my butt! Irrational? Yes. But most fears are! Oh, and the hair in food, too. Unless it’s my own.

Sheryl - So funny! You’re not alone in some of these fears. I totally get the clown, the hair and the pit bull. What about parking garages? That’s a biggie for me.I feel like once I go in, I’ll never find my way out.

Doreen Mcgettigan - I am scared silly of all of those things too, especially stupid people. The one thing I am not afraid of is global warming. I’m just not. I love funny people and you are so funny!

Helene Cohen Bludman - LOL, I share most of your fears. Clowns definitely creep me out, and spiders? Ewwww!!!

Susan - Can’t say I agree w/all your fears but the politician view is definitely mine as well. I fear what kind of a world my grandchildren will grow up in! All our politicians care about is lining their own pockets & passing laws the rest of have to follow but they are exempt! Wish we could get a ground swell movement to let them know their exalted status is unwarranted & put fear into them if they don’t change.

Ruth Curran - Stupid people and bigots (and sometimes both of those classes come dressed as politicians) top my list as well — especially when others follow them! I am also afraid of fear mongers… more about politicians??

Tammy - Hi Mel, you’d be surprised how many men are afraid of insects too. Warms my heart. I remember screeching at the site of a spider the size of a Buick and asking Steven to kill it. His response “you kill it!”. Haaaa! I think Evil should have been on my list. Clearly my list is growing! Thanks for the read and the comment, my friend.

Tammy - Tam, you totally crack me up. I have no idea why you remember that (a secret phobia perhaps?). I loved that show! And if I swallowed hair I’d probably have to be hospitalized. Just saying. Thanks for being here and making me laugh!

Tammy - Oh, my gosh, Janie, my list just grew by one. I saw a video of a spider in Australia (as big as a Volkswagon) who hid under the lip of the toilet. They are accustomed to flushing before they sit down. The spider fought like hell but finally went down with the flush. Only to emerge seconds later back into the bowl. Oh HELL NO!

Tammy - I’ve never had a problem with parking garages, Sheryl, but something tells me I might after today. Especially the huge ones in downtown LA. If you don’t take a picture of your parking spot, you may never see it again!

Tammy - It’s CRAZY how many people are afraid of clowns, Helene. Makes me feel almost normal. Fabulous seeing you here!

Tammy - I so agree with you, Susan. SO agree. If there is a ground swell movement…I’ll be there. It’s disgusting what these politicians have done to our system and to the very people who voted them in. Something has got to change! So fun to have you here…what a pleasure!

Lois Alter Mark - Stupid people and bigots are terrifying — and there are so many of them!

Ande Lyons - External Fears… they’re easy breezy to handle. I see a spider, I get Darling Husband to kill it. Scary people I keep away with my special ninja aura shield. Flying… thank goodness for deep breathing and beta blockers.

Internal Fears… now those are very tricky and need special handling and attention. Running for the hills or using energetic ninja warfare only makes them louder and stronger. I’ve learned it’s best if I give them a voice… allow them to share why they’re scared… and then I give them a hug and thank them for teaching me more about myself and life.

LOVE YOU Goddess Tammy Bleck – MUAH!!
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Carolann - Oh my I would have to agree with you on a few of these fears too. Spiders, I hate them all. And hair in my food yikes! Yep, you are very normal when it comes to the fears department for sure. I’m not a fan of clowns either! Funny post. Thank you!
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Cindy Falteich - Fear is a completely understandable reaction to the above mentioned items, however, my husband would add that nothing is more frightening than me turning on the stove.

Cheryl Shaw - Amen to every word expressed by Howard Roper——–I did get stuck in a crowded elevator for about 2 hours in Mill Valley CA—–loved those firemen who set us free!!!!!!!!!!

Shelley Zurek - Fears of yours. Spiders do not lick themselves so sprays DO NOT work. You must spray the house to get to the bugs they are there to eat. Then they die.

Fears of mine: yep..hairy spiders
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Cheryl Nicholl - You sound very red-blooded to me! I also don’t like pitt bulls or stupid people in influential positions, which brings me to an idea: maybe we could send a bunch of clowns with spiders into Washington? Oh wait- they’re already there…. idiots.

carmenkane - Love your posts!!!

Fear persons in power such as:

Government auditors. Most of them have worked for years and years; are not certified accountants; nor CPA’s and know more than all the accountants and CPA’s in the world. Above all have the power to make decisions on matters they may not understand or be knowledgeable on. Therefore, you are WRONG!!!!, unless you have the resources to hire TOP GUNS and take them on. Most likely if these auditors know this…you are right!!!!!
Money talks and ………..

Keep your posts coming, amazing what it triggers in us!

Lisa at Grandma's Briefs - I have a pit bull. Sweetest thing ever. THIS is so true: “The truth is, it’s not the Pit Bull I should fear; it’s their human parents that can be off the wall nuts.”

What I’m scared of: Dying in a car accident (or just being banged up… which might be even worse) and falling down stairs. Any stairs. Anywhere. It’s a phobia, not just a fear. Really. More so that those I love will fall down the stairs.
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Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - it’s like you are in my head! We have so many of the same Primal fears! Yikes.

Carol Cassara - My primal fear is now mentally ill copilots alone in the cockpit.
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Estelle Sobel Erasmus, Author - I can relate to so many of these fears. Clowns are definitely creepy.

Tammy - I so agree, Lois. And some we may even be related to! OY!

Angela Weight - Love this. It was really funny. And I could very much relate, especially to hair in food and politicians. Love how you tied it all back to being normal in the last paragraph.
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Tammy - I REALLY need to get ahold of one of those ninja aura shields, Ande! That would make life so much easier! Interesting point you’ve made (genius), internal and external. Hmmmm, do I feel another blog coming on? Love you right back, Goddess Ande. I am your truest fan! MUAH!

Tammy - So happy you stopped by for the read, Carolann! I’m beginning to think that clowns must lead a very lonely life. No one else seems to care for their either. Perhaps…maybe….you never know….I could be more normal than I thought?

Tammy - HAAAAA, too funny, Cindy! I love that….and I think I love your husband too. You’re a hoot! Glad you enjoyed the read and REALLY glad you stopped by to comment. Thanks for that.

Tammy - Hi Shelley, I was told by our monthly service exterminator guy (Jim) that the spray gets on their feet and that they will die from it. Is he telling me a load of hooey? Geesh, you can’t trust anyone these days! The spider that jumped up in my face had “fur” on his legs. I swear, I thought my heart was in my throat. Aaaaaah!

Tammy - OMG, Carmen, this is an EXCELLENT fear and something tells me you have had first hand experience in this arena. You have my sympathies and invitation for a martini hour with me. LOVE hearing from you. LOVE it! xo

Tammy - Lisa, I SO agree about the Pit Bulls. You just never know who is on the other side of that leash (am I not talking about the furry one). Humans exploit the fact that Pits are uber strong and excellent fight dogs. But I’ve NEVER met a dog that would rather fight than get a belly rub. If only we could eliminate the crazy humans and propagate the awesome canines! What a perfect world it would be.

Tammy - OMG, Carol, can you believe it? I’m beyond stunned and mortified. Grief stricken for people I will never meet. As if we freaking needed another reason to be afraid to fly. God Almighty…the train is sounded better every day.

Tammy - Hi Angela, tying it all together is what I do best. Not saying that it makes much sense, but, hey, a girl can try. I LOVE that I’m not the only one who goes nuts about hair in my food. So glad you popped by for the read and happy that you shared your comment. Thanks for that.

Dana - Ok- You nailed me! I am so your soul sister and can relate to this all, although Kim as first lady is way less scary than some of the other scary things…just saying
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Tammy - Thanks, Dana. Since I’ve written that piece I’ve thought of half a dozen more things that are terrifying. Can we say “sequel”? I don’t know, Kanye West as first man sounds pretty damn scary to me!

Cynthia Greene Jordan - You always make me laugh Tammy. I am right with you on the Pit Bulls. They scare the living hell out of me and I too avoid them at all costs if we are about to share a sidewalk. XO

When Good Friends Turn Out To Be Bad People. Get Ready, It’s About To Get Ugly.

I’ve had my belly full of unsolicited advice, ill spirited innuendo and “friendly” recommendations. I am not amused. I very recently had an in depth conversation with a newly made friend who wanted to level with me. Allow me to level it right back. Let’s do this. I am well aware that if I used […]

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Lisa Luckenbach - Amen!

Laura Lee Carter - AMEN! I just cut my sister free for EXACTLY those reasons!
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Sharon Hodor Greenthal - Those are NOT friends.

Susan - I agree 100%. With a major birthday next week, I feel I have deserved to be the gal who now chooses where and with whom to spend my time. Age can bring
Powerful knowledge with experience behind those many every day decisions.
Peace reigns !!

Laura Lee Carter - AMEN! Life is far too short to maintain relationships with nasty people!

T.O. Weller - Amen!!
I’ve been much less tolerant of such things in the last year or so, like menopause lifted the veil and I suddenly saw the light.

Rather than wasting my time with people that show no desire to support, accept, understand or protect my feelings (while feeling quite happy to get it from me), I simply walk away.

At first, I wondered if it was my problem. That maybe I’d become too intolerant. But, after a great deal of self-reflection, I’ve come to see that I was too tolerant before, and I’m finally acting from a place of self-worth and self-respect.

Again … Amen!!

Thank you Tammy.
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Michele Linse Jeffers - Preach it, sista! I didn’t like high school much when I was a teenager and I sure don’t like it any better now! Away with the haters!

Frankie Foster - AMEN Sista Tammy!!! I think as we get older we get more greys for a reason, gaining more faith in our instincts.

Anne Aria Tichauer - AMEN! Loved your article, Tammy!

Melanie Kissell - With friends like this, who needs enemies?

Melanie Kissell - Yeah, Tammy, I just love it when a ‘friend’ tells me there’s a current special on Botox or she can take me (drag me) to a free day at the local gym as her guest. Those kinds of hints are not appreciated and they don’t resemble friendship in any way. A person who points out your flaws and/or shortcomings is someone you should show the exit.

Sherry Macdonald - You go Girl! I agree be yourself, love yourself. Sometimes we just have to let them go. I love you image! Thank you!
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Carmen - Amen, Amen, Amen,

Who needs “so called good friends”!

I refer to these people as non-entities!

Barbara Hammond - I couldn’t agree more! I used to tolerate toxic people, but no more. It helps knowing and believing it is all THEIR problem, never yours. Good job calling them out!
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Tammy - Susan, age DOES bring power. Or maybe we are just wising up and the power was there all along. Personally I am super aware that more than half my life has already been lived. So, I have no patience spending whatever time I have left with people who are downright mean. Hell no! You are so right….peace does reign! xo

Tammy - Thanks, Carmen! Non entities is a GREAT title for these horrible human beings. So happy you enjoyed the read!

Tana Bevan - Amen, Tammy. Amen.
For the record, the above applies to family members as well. Toxic is toxic. All organisms want to live and be as healthy as possible. Better to trim the toxicity than allow it to consume you. I’m all for clutter clearing the negative people out of your life, leaves room for those who love you … particularly those who do so unconditionally. *hugs*
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Doreen Mcgettigan - AMEN! These are definitely not friends and I hate to admit I spent more then half of my life trying to please them. Moving on…

Cheryl Nicholl - Yes you do —- AMEN. Now, what to do with a sister that’s the same toxin? Ya know what? Let ‘er go, that’s what. AMEN.
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Cheryl Nicholl - I have no time for this BULLSHIT either. No time. You’re either with me or you can go. I’m feeling you sista!

Joan Cooper - You said wiser things, but …comfort food …. yum yum !

I too am going through a most difficult time and have been doing comfort food. Glad to know I am not alone with this.

Joan Cooper

Carol Cassara - Amen from here, too. I am so glad I don’t have anyone like that in my world and like you? I wouldn’t tolerate that kind of behavior. UGH.

Tammy - This was a no brainer for me, Barbara. Call her out I did! Toxic is the BEST word (where were you when I was writing this piece). So glad you enjoyed the read and gladder still to have you here!

Tammy - Thanks, Lisa! No surprise to me that we are on the same page! Love knowing you are on the other side of my blog. Love it!

Tammy - No kidding, Sharon! Didn’t take long to figure that out. Can you imagine….someone saying all that to you to “help” you. Oh, hell no! Bye-Bye, don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!

Tammy - Isn’t it funny, Laura Lee (not in a ha-ha way) that family thinks they are immune from kindness and manners? Yeah, no! Toxic is toxic. Period. So happy for you that you were able to cut the negative string!

Tammy - I’m thinking, T.O., that age factors in to our decision making process regarding “friends”. We know better, we have less time and we are less willing to suffer idiots and mean people! Coming from a place of self-worth and self-respect takes work…don’t we know it!! Thank you for being here. Really!

Tammy - Ugh, high school was the WORST, Michele! Some people never grow out of it, I guess. Too bad. It must be so awful to walk this earth thinking you know everything and wondering why no one likes you. You’re right …. no time for haters!! Appreciate the read and the comment!

Tammy - Hi Frankie, I’ve heard it said many times over “I’ve earned these gray hairs!”. Our instincts rarely fail us. But isn’t it funny how much louder they speak to us as we get older? Thrilled to have you here. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Hi Anne, thanks so much for the support! Love you for that…and so much more! So happy to know you are on the other side of my blog!

Tammy - Precisely, Melanie! There was time I would try to understand and tolerate comments like that. Not any more. Get a clue or hit the road. We are here on this earth to support one another the best we can, and offer the kindness of our heart. If you can’t do that, what is the point of anything?

Tammy - EEEEYIKES, Melanie, you have those friends too?! Not okay. I did show her the door. And I’m hoping you did too! We are FABULOUS just the way we are. And if we want to improve ourselves (and I do), we will then be even more fabulous! So wonderful having you in my camp. So wonderful!!!!

Tammy - Thanks, Sherry, for the support. You’re awesome! Letting go gets easier as you get older. Sometimes you just don’t have the time or the heart to wait to tolerate such negative people. I haven’t mentioned here before but the person who levied all this stuff on me is faaaar from perfect herself. I did not point out her many shortcomings. In the end, I was a better friend to her than she was to me. Thank you for being here…so appreciate your comment!

Tammy - I so agree with you, Tana. I find it ever so puzzling that family members often think they are immune to kindness or caring. Perhaps they think that because they are related that you have to accept and love them. No. No we don’t. You are SO right, toxic IS toxic. Cut it off and move on. Sad that it becomes necessary but we are not the instigators. There is pity little we can control in this life. Who we share it with is one of things that we can. Best we do!!!

Tammy - No, Dorren, they are NOT friends. You are not alone. Many of us tolerated this bull for years. We wanted to be nice about it. Nice has nothing to do with it. We get to choose who we share our life with. Something I learned after years of anguishing over it. Move on it right, girl! Thank you!

Tammy - I hear about toxic sisters more than anything else, Cheryl. I often wonder why. But you are right, of course. Let it go and move on. Living a life without negative toxic people makes for a much nicer canvas.

Tammy - Comfort foods are a blessing and a curse, Joan. It’s not the best way to deal with problems. I’m working on it. I’m hoping your difficult times get better….fast. Always great to hear from you!

Rosalind Warren - Amen, sister. I love a good rant. And this is a damn good rant. :)

Elaine Plummer - Who wants to hear that – I guess I do, but only if I ask and only if for sure you are a trusted friend. Don’t want a new “friend” evaluating my being – harsh!

Ande Lyons - AMEN Sister Goddess Friend Tammy!

When someone shows you who they really are… believe them… and run for the hills!

Bullying comes in many forms… as the daughter of a woman who thrived on diminishing and reducing someone all in the name of “I know best” and “you’re too sensitive” … I am well aware of friends who do not have your best interests at heart.

My favorite quote:

“If you don’t feel it, free from it. Go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated.” ~ Paul Davis

Thank you for always sharing the Ugly Truths … the deserve a voice, too.

With deep appreciation and love for YOU,

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Kathleen O'Donnell - I guess that’s why the saying “with friends like that who needs enemies” exists! Dump ’em, I say. We are all already plagued with insecurities. Yes, I know I’ve gained 17 lbs in the past year. I’m not blind. My friends tell me I’m beautiful and perfect. Must be why they’re my friends! Loved this post.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
Here’s your AMEN!
With friends like that you don’t need enemies.
Constructive criticism may be helpful, but who needs it swimming in malice? You know who you are and you don’t need people suggesting a wholesale rearrangement of body parts. Yes, we could all stand some improvement, but as Popeye says, “I yam what I yam.”

Cathy Chester - Get rid of toxic energy – I started doing that at 50. Your true friends are the ones who love you unconditionally. We only live once, so we may as well surround us with people who we trust and are honest with us (my two requirements for TRUE friends.) Great post, Tammy

Tammy - I had never heard that quote before, Ande. I just love it. “Go where you are celebrated, not merely tolerated”. Brilliant! I look back on this new friendship and know that not one word out of her mouth was meant to help me. It was to make me aware that she was better in every way. Which, by the way, is far from the truth. It’s sad, really, that people feel the need to be that cruel and destructive. I’m sure she has said the same to many who may have actually believed her. What a shame. I will not partake in such blatant disrespect for my person. Not for one single minute. Having cyber friends like you, Ande, always cheer me on, up and forward. Thank you for that, my friend.

Tammy - Hi Kathleen, you are SO right. No enemies needed if she is my friend. Which she is not. Insecurities are part of the world … at least mine. I’m often told how confident I am. Perhaps so, but it’s confidence tempered with insecurity. I think I love your friends and congratulate you for choosing wisely. So very happy you liked the post and happier still to read your comment! Thanks for that.

Tammy - I love it, thank you, Mel! I do not believe that kindness and caring was the motive for those kinds of comments. You are correct, they were filled with malice. Who the hell needs that?! Life is tough enough. We should take care to eliminate those factors which make it harder still. What a pleasure you are. Truly. Thanks for popping by. Always enjoy our exchange.

Susan Smart - There is enough meanness in the world….we don’t need it
in our own lives. I am sorry that you were “attacked”…she must be a very unhappy person…you deserve so much more. I value and trust our friendship….love you x

Tammy - You said it, Susan, there is plenty of meanness and stupid stuff swirling around us as it is. This person was a friend of a friend who wanted to “reach out” and help me after only knowing me for a month. I accepted her because of our mutual friend but quickly discovered that she needed everyone around her to know that SHE was the best there is. Completely delusional and rather sad. I know you won’t be surprised to learn that all that I wrote I told her in person. It hurt my feelings for about one hot minute. Then it just pissed me off. And you know what happens when that happens. I deserve friends that are true blue and forever. Like you. Love you right back. And Cassie too! xo

Estelle Sobel Erasmus - Amen to that. I don’t waste time with people who are envious and try to bring you down.

Sue - Awesomely written… Talked to me for sure… Damn you are good…and I miss and love you. Thanks for sharing with us friend.

Eli@coachdaddy - The older we get, the less tolerant we seem to be about soul-sucking influences in our lives. Can you imagine if we learned the lessons earlier?
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Tammy - Thanks, Sue. Great minds think alike. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. Miss and love you too! xo

Tammy - I can only imagine, Eli. But I do LOVE your reference to the “soul-sucking influences”! Hahahahahahaa. You are so right on! Thanks for the read and the awesome comment!

Myrna Alpern - TAMMY my friend,
That kind of “advice” from your ” friend” happens only when a person looks at the outside and never looks inside to see the real you. Your inner beauty, that shines through when you smile or laugh. Your humor, that makes us look at life and see the nonsense that people think of as important. Your love and loyalty, to your wonderful husband for all to see and especially, your empathy and sensitivy for others. Tammy, this is what I and others see when we are in your presence or read your writings, so to you I say Amen

Sandra Rea - I haven’t been here in a while, but I chose the right day. I just recently ended a very toxic friendship… if you could call it a friendship. I don’t think a “friend” should always have her hand out for me to fill it because she can’t pay her bills, she’s going to lose her office, she needs to pay “our” (I truly laugh at that one) programmer so she can get me what I supposedly paid her to do in the first place. I don’t think a friend should preach at me about HER beliefs and how anyone else’s are wrong. I don’t believe a friend should always expect me to pay for lunches. I don’t believe friends are supposed to lie and cause drama. But, hey, maybe that’s just me…

Chellie Campbell - Great article! Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes: “Honest criticism is hard to take, especially from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance or a stranger.”—Franklin P. Jones. I’m with you about scaling your work so you can have a rich and wonderful life outside of the office. I had a business with 13 employees and worked 80 hour weeks. Now it’s just me in my home office and I can take off whenever I want! Yeah, I could go for the Tony Robbins model of seminar leader, but I just never thought that looked good to me. Who wants to stand on your feet for 12 hours for 4 days? Yuck. I deliver extraordinary results for my clients in 2 hours a week for 8 weeks on the phone, and I’ve made a six-figure income since 1995. That’s plenty, thanks, and I love my life!!

Tammy - Hi Sandra, so glad you decided to pop in when you did. NO! The person you described is definitely NOT a friend. I’m thinking you chose VERY wisely in cutting the strings that bound you this kind of “friendship”. HUGE kudos to you, Sandra! So happy to have you back!

Carol Cassara - I swear I commented on this before, but I’m here to tell you that you should never tolerate this kind of behavior. Good for you for ending things!
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cheryl Shaw - AMEN!!!!!!!!!!Oh Thank you!!!!!!! I love you——and you are sooooooooo right!!I have been wrestling with an issue about my sister (twin) and you have helped me sooooooooooo much. Are you going to be in this area soon—-this blog makes me think of our
“special” friend linda who lives in this area although no one speaks to her anymore——–her loss.

Helene Cohen Bludman - I am shouting AMEN. Do you hear it clear across the country?

Haralee - AMEN!!! I think this also applies to family members and in laws too!
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Tammy - Hi Cheryl, SO HAPPY this spoke to you! And even happier to know you are still on the other side! Hope to visit Colorado sooner rather than later, but time will tell. You bet I won’t visit without stopping in to see my two besties at Bluffmont! Good luck with the sister thing. It absolutely includes family! They can often be the worst offenders. Shame on them but shame on us if we allow it. Talk soon! xo

Tammy - Thanks, Haralee, you are SO RIGHT! It absolutely applies to family members as well! Actually, they are often the worst offenders. Probably because they believe that there is nothing you can do about it since they are family. They would be wrong! Appreciate the read and the comment. Thanks for that!

Ines Roe - Absolutely – we don’t have time in life to deal with negativity. We need to focus on the positive influences in our life that empower us and support us. We need to decline the offer of negativity!!!

Lois Alter Mark - YES! I have removed all the negative, competitive, mean-spirited people from my life. They were never real friends if they could act that way. By the time we reach this age, we should know that!
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Andi - AMEN! Times two! I am all about no-drama and will cut out anybody who doesn’t approach life with a glass half-full mentality – life is too short to be surrounded by negative people!
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Ruth Curran - I want to live like this: “Friendship is about loving and supporting each other. It’s about protecting the other’s feelings, being there no matter what, crying with them and plotting vengeance when it’s called for. A good friend is tolerant, understanding, patient, uncritical and forever respectful.” Every. Single. Day. I love that you get it!
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Elin Stebbins Waldal - my dad used to say, “With friends like that, who needs enemies!” When I would describe some version of friendship drama as a teen. If someone can’t love you as you are then it says a whole lot more about them than it does about you. Enjoy the liberation from what sounded like a destructive relationship.
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Tammy - Thank you, Ruth. I love that I get it too! Don’t we wish that everyone did?! Thank you for the read and the awesome comment!

Tammy - Thanks, Elin, this “relationship” didn’t make it past the one month mark. I’ve gotten smarter as I’ve gotten older! I tolerated it that long because we were introduced by a mutual friend whom I love and adore. I had to advise her that as sorry as I was, I was unable to share her enthusiasm for her dear friend. She understood and just yesterday asked me how she can go about doing the same thing. Go figure! Happy to popped by. Loved hearing form you.

J.L. Cheatham II - awesome! We said!

Tammy - Thanks, J.L., happy to have you here!

Anita Moran Johnson - Amen! Bullying comes at all ages and with all kinds of sugary coatings but it is still bullying. You handled that “lady” graciously, honestly and with real zing. Great job!

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