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If I Lost My Breast, I Would Count Myself Lucky

Three weeks ago, when the threat of breast cancer entered my life, I decided to hang up my blogging hat for a breather. Frankly, I felt everything but witty. The words, large mass on left breast, left me paralyzed with fear. Me, the woman who shrinks from nothing. I panicked. Years ago when this happened, […]

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Nanette ~ AMomBlog - I’ve had that scare myself and so has my sister most recently. It’s frightening to say the least.

I’m glad all turned out well for you.

Teresa Kindred - Great article! I’m sharing this and hope to speak with you about something. Teresa from NanaHood.com

Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - Glad everything is good with you.

Scott Morgan - Sorry about the scare, love, but at least as far as I’m concerned, the number and size of breasts doesn’t make or diminish anyone. Stay healthy.

Tammy - Thanks, Nanette. The odds say that we will all be faced with this scare at one point or another. Some will be luckier than others. Breath holding moments are the best and the worst.

Cheryl Nicholl - Holy SHit. Let me process this……. ………… Oh my dear dear friend. My heart breaks that you had to go through this. I’m so glad you had your man there with you, but I’m reeling. The thought of you….. I just can’t say it. I’m SO HAPPY you’re OKAY. Dear God take care of Tammy. *head in hands*

Jennifer Wagner - While I am petrified of getting breast or any kind of cancer, I’d give up my breast in a heartbeat. If it gave me even a 1% better chance of living I would give it up. If it meant forgoing chemo, I’d give it up. I definitely don’t have any attachment to them that would affect my decision.

In fact, I would want a double mastectomy so that I wouldn’t be able to get it later in the other breast. And wouldn’t it be nice, after wearing underwire bras my entire life, to go braless. It would be the most freeing feeling in the world.

Everyone has their own reasons for their decisions, but for me, a life is so much more important than a body part that I never cared about nearly as much as men do.
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Rosemary Lynn Hoffman - I too had a recent scare. However, I decided that if the biopsy proved to be positive, I would have both breasts removed. Too many female relatives have succumbed to the disease, including my mother when she was only 49. Fortunately, my biopsy was benign, but I will never quit doing my monthly self-checks ( which is how I found this one) and hope to get my insurance to pay for my BRACA test. We all must be diligent. That includes men!

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - I’m so sorry you had such a scare!! And very grateful that you are okay!! HUGS!

Anne Aria Tichauer - Excellent article!

Stacey JoyEleven Johnson - Ohhhhh what a beautiful story and such a wonderful happy ending to a fresh new beginning! My closest cousin lost both breasts almost a year ago and has not cared one bit because her life was spared. I will send you her short link about her journey. Love you and so thankful you’re well!
Stacey Joy

Lisha Fink - I had the same perspective with my skin cancer diagnosis. May we all grow cranky old.
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Kathleen O'Donnell - What a beautiful post. Many good vibes to you and your long life, still to be led. Hugs.

Tammy - Thanks so much, Kathleen. From your mouth …. to God’s ears!

Tammy - Cranky old would be a VERY good thing, Lisha. Let us all get there together! Appreciate the read and the comment.

Tammy - I couldn’t have said it better myself, Jennifer. Life is worth everything. I was far less concerned about the breast as I was about the pain and the dying. Only natural I suppose. Mostly, I simply couldn’t find one single piece of me that was willing die sooner that I should. So happy to have you here!

Tammy - Thanks, Scott. How lovely to hear such a great perspective. Thanks for that! So happy to know you are still lingering out there on the other side of my blog. Oh, happy day! Very few things take me away from my posts. This was clearly one of them. Fear does quite a number on you. NOT awesome. Let’s connect via email. Would love to hear how you are doing, my friend.

Vicki - Dearest Tammy,
First and foremost so happy the results came back benign. Can’t imagine life without you!
I was diagnosed 23 years ago with breast cancer and although I was a “breasty kind of gal” I too would prefer living over keeping my breasts. It was really an easy choice and I thank G-d every day for giving me a “wink” and telling me everything would turn out fine. I also did the genetic testing (mainly for my daughter) and that was negative.
The best is yet to come!

Laura Lee Carter - WOW! So glad you are still kicking Tammy! My Mom had a radical mastectomy at age 37 and she’s still kicking butt at 81!

Such a lot to think about… we seem to lose track of the fact that anything could happen at any time to any one of us.
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Carol Cassara - Girlfriend, I am mighty relieved at your outcome. Iknow all too well that fear, having gone through it more than 20 years ago. But I was young and stupid and I would be way more terrified now. Blessings to you, your perspective and a toast to your continuing good health. oxxo
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Anne Aria Tichauer - You are a person who is full of positive vibes. You bring fun and joy to all, especially me. I can understand your feelings. God bless you.

Kim Tackett - Tammy, this is my favorite piece you’ve written. In fact, it’s my favorite piece that I have read in ages. So happy for your outcome, and so grateful for your perspective. You’re right, of course. And life is good (so are breasts, but life is better).
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Tana Bevan - Dear, Sweet, Wise, Witty, Tammy, soooooooooooo glad you and your special someone will be able to grow old and cranky together! Clapping & cheering the Universe was kind to you. You are a wonderful woman!
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Tammy - Thanks, sweet Vicki. There is no greater fear than that of the possibility of losing your life. Compared to that, breasts are a big yawn. Who knew?! I’m so very grateful for you. What a bright light you are to all who know you!

Tammy - Laura Lee, I’m happy to be still kicking! We always think things like this happen to other people. It only stands to reason that we are bound to be “the other people” at some point in time. Something to ponder. So appreciate the read and the comment!

Tammy - Carol, so wonderful hearing from you and reading all about your travels to your home land of Sicily. Awesome read! The Big C gets many people. The word alone stopped me in my tracks for at least 3 days. Fear is a liar. I have to remember….to remember THAT!

Tammy - Oh, Anne, I’m THRILLED to see you comment here. Thank you for that! And for the very lovely and loving words you shared. I feel the very same about you, my friend. xoxo

Tammy - Kim, you made me smile. Big. Thanks for that lovely compliment. Let us hope we have many years to come to share all of our happiness, angst and general bitching! I adore reading your blog, especially today’s love of orange!

Tammy - Thanks, sweet Tana, for your kindness. Good to “be back”, so to speak. Fear is a cliff waiting to be jumped from. Not the best place for any heart to be. Fortunately, in real life, with real people and real love, fear is just vapor. So happy to have you here, my friend. Thanks for that.

Ruth Curran - Oh Tammy so I get this. My mom had her first encounter with breast cancer when I was 11 and just starting to develop.No exaggeration, I have, since then, been waiting for the other shoe (or breast… I guess) to drop. Slightly different angle and issues. I love this piece, your perspective, and your willingness to speak frankly! Thank you!

Laurie Braddy - Hi Tammy, I’m so sorry to read that you have been dealing with all that. I know that even waiting for results of cancer screening can be excruciating. I’m relieved for you that the results were negative. I am confident that you will have every opportunity to live that full and happy life that you deserve. My love to you both.

Tammy - Thanks, Laurie. I no longer have the confidence that vast years ahead are a sure thing. Maybe that’s a good thing. I take nothing for granted anymore. I will live with the biggest of gusto, all that is mine to live. And that is a good feeling. Love you both right back!

Tammy - Ruth, I totally get it. Heredity has a lot to do with things. Cancer use to be a death sentence. I know that it isn’t anymore. But no matter how you look at it, cancer is life threat and a surety of physical misery beyond words. My breath gets stuck in my throat just thinking about it. As my 84 year old aunt always tells me: we are just visitors here. Thank you truly for the read and the comment. I appreciate them both very much.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
What a beautifully brave column. The fear must have been something you could breathe.I, too, had a cancer scare, but like you, I “escaped” and feel very grateful. I have to remember how grateful I feel.
Cancer scares have also struck my family, so I appreciate
your honest rendering of your feelings. We can always count on you to “tell it like it is.” A serious, worthwhile piece.

Tammy - Hi Mel, it doesn’t surprise me that you’ve been hit by the dreaded possibility. It seems if you live long enough, your reward is to be poked in the ribs by cancer or it’s possible visitation. Part of my fear is the memory of watching my father struggle to beat a non beatable foe. It was a brutal end for a man that deserved much more. There by the grace of God go I. Thank you, friend, for the read and the comment. Happy are here with me on this.

Joan Cooper - Your way with words never ceases to amaze me. As to ..’why are breasts so important to women’… well – because they represent the giving of life – nursing the baby – and the power that goes along with this. That sense of power with beautiful breasts never ceases to be with us – I believe.

Men never cease to admire beautiful breasts and without that (in general I mean) we feel we lose some of our femininity and womanhood.

I am taking and have taken hormones for so long I cannot remember. I think the results outdo the risk. But the balance of what you take is important.

I don’t want to lose you ever, Tammy. You are a fresh flower in the universe.

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Awwww, Joan, I think that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. Truly. I love being called a fresh flower in the universe. Love it! Thank you. You are right, men never cease to be enamored of breasts. And, yes, they are a big part of our femininity. Strangely, they have become quite insignificant in importance to me. I do love them, and I don’t want to lose them, but if doing so saved me, I couldn’t book the hospital room fast enough. Here’s to power beyond the breast! Thanks again, Joan, for just being you.

Sharon Greenthal - Thank goodness you’re all clear. I agree with you completely, I would give up my breasts in an instant if it meant saving my life. We are so much more than our bodies, aren’t we???
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Tammy - I do SO agree, Sharon. Our bodies are only our outside skin. I value it … a LOT. But giving up a piece of it so that I could live? Yeah, no contest. I’m pretty sure I didn’t come out from under my rock for a good 3 weeks. I was boosting myself up for a stronger me that I was fairly sure I would need. I’m happy to report, I don’t.

Christina Embry - Tammy, it’s been awhile since we’ve connected but I think about you all the time because you have made such a huge impact on my life and inspired me! Thank you for sharing something so personal! Once again your an inspiration to us women no matter the age. I hope to speak to you again very soon! Stay healthy.

Tammy - Hi Christina! Ever so lovely to hear from you! Thank you for the kind words, appreciate that very much. Blogging is sharing. I waited long enough to figure out how much I wanted to share. Then I thought “what the hell, just tell it like it is”. And so I did. Appreciate the read AND the comment. And I sincerely look forward to working with you again. You know where I am!

If My Dog Could Talk …

I’d be mortified. Or in jail. She would gladly share my dress size, the fact that I have chin hairs, that I’m an easy drunk (one glass of wine and I’m ready for a nap), how I talk (yell) at the television when watching the nightly news, that I eat in bed, my opinion on […]

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Carolyn Durandette - I love this…I only wish that I could understand my little guy as well. I think he is much more interested in other dogs, squirrels, treats and getting petted.

Jacqueline Wolven - Have you read Sam Harris’s book Lying? I’m reading it right now and I think you would REALLY like it! I love this: how I talk (yell) at the television when watching the nightly news… me too!

Joan Cooper - Interesting word – “If”

I think, with your gift for words you should do a whole blog on the word – “If”

Joan

Carol Cassara - If Riley could talk? I shudder to think.
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Tammy - Cool idea, Joan. So many of us have lived our lives based on the word “if”. I’ll give it some thought! Thanks for being here!

Its All About The Yummy - I can only imagine what my Biscotti might have to say. How fun would that be?

Tammy - My point exactly, Carol! Talk about not being able to show your face in public! Haaa! Appreciate the read and the comment!

Ruth Curran - I love to believe the world could use this brand of honesty, sanity, and calm (not so sure about the Milk Bones). The things we confide and the unconditional affection that makes us vulnerable…. Spooky! Wonderful post!

Marilyn Rich Tichauer - I enjoy your humor and honesty so much!!! Keep it up, we love you!!

Cheryl Nicholl - I LOVE this!!! It’s so true that the way an animal experiences life is wonderful and peaceful and simple. And I agree that there are two sides to everyone- the public and the private, the commendable and the regrettable, but I think there’s a reason we’re not like our pets, or we might all still be living in caves. Actually- that might not be so bad.
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Tammy - Cheryl, love the “the commendable and the regrettable” comment! SO true. There are days when cave dwelling sounds pretty awesome to me. Just saying. Lately I’m finding a serenity in the going back to basics logic. Of course, I take my dog with me!

Jeffrey Davidson - We all know that dogs are loving. Lock you dog and significant other/spouse/etc. in the trunk for a few hours. When you open the trunk, which one is happy to see you?

Cheryl Nicholl - Is it the Seasonal change that makes us all want to nestle and get back to simple pleasures? I know as soon as I feel the ‘shift’ I change gears. Maybe it’s our age and the wisdom that that imparts? Either way- I hear you and I’m riding in the seat next to you. Beautiful post. Wonderful writing…. of course. Thanks my dear friend for giving me something to think about.
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Kim Dalferes, Author - This post makes me miss my dog Taz, who left us this past May after over 13 years of wonderful companionship. He taught us many lessons. I try to love as unconditionally as he did.

mel - Dear Tammy,
If only our dogs could talk. Maybe they do – to other dogs. What secrets about us they would share. What a delightful funny column. You must read Billy Collins’ poem on the subject, called “The Revenant”. – Google it. It’s a dog talking back to its master. Oh, to be as good as dog, but maybe they can be better than usbecause they have less to worry about?

Kim Tackett - I’ve always thought that my dog’s unconditional love and adoration was worth every sock he chewed and every poop I scooped. And you’re right, we need to love ourselves as our dogs love us!
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Tana Bevan - Tammy~In answer to your question why we’re not as honest in public as in private (and even in private not as honest as we might be) is most of us … okay I can’t speak for others so I’ll admit that my experience has been when I’ve shared something personal, the truth, been extremely honest, and it’s been thrown back in my face and/or bitten me in the butt. That gets old. Would love to say I’ve only done this once or twice. No so. There was always something in me that hoped, “This time will be different.” Not sure when I decided that wasn’t to be and/or I just wasn’t in the mood to take that chance any more. That’s my tale.

As always, you have a lovely way of putting your words together. It is a talent I admire my friend. Still, you don’t mention how you evolved to the public/private persona. Would love to hear about its evolution if you care to share. Am respectful if you don’t. *smiles warmly*
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Lois Alter Mark - There’s a reason dog is God spelled backwards. I am totally missing our beloved dogs now, and am thinking it’s going to be time to get another one soon. It’s hard to live without that unconditional love and unbridled enthusiasm. I do get those from my husband but he’s not quite as tolerant of my singing as my Chow Chow and Newfy used to be :)

Doreen McGettigan - You really have me wondering what my dogs would say. They would probably say how much fun they have running from me after taking my underwear out their doggie door and burying it in the garden along with my keys and shoes. (the vet says they don’t want me to leave, awww)
I get so mad but they are so cute I have to laugh.
I would like to think I am the same person in public that I am in private but will have to think about that one.
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Sheryl Kraft - Dogs are THE best and THE most honest and loving. I miss my dogs beyond reason!

Tammy - Thanks, Mel, so happy you enjoyed the read. It was great fun to write. I do love my pooch of 13 years. We are old souls together, now. Understanding each others needs without a spoken word or command. A grace and dance of love and appreciation. Something I will gravely miss when she is no longer. Until then, I openly talk with her, all the while teasing her how she better not repeat what she just heard or saw. If a dog could giggle, I imagine she would.

Tammy - I do SO agree with you, Kim. They are worth every single pee spot, aggravation, pet sitting fees, etc. There is no true measure of a dogs worth, because it is so great and so profound in its purity that it’s only when we are with them we consider ourselves for what we are …. mere mortals. I have been graced by many a dog and a cat in my lifetime. Tender mercies…all of them!

Tammy - Interesting thought, isn’t it, Doreen? I think we’ve all met those women who are completely different with men than they are with other women. Sad, really. How many faces can one have without feeling confused or overwhelmed? A dogs perspective puts it all into balance. They give us a daily dose of those things that matter: love, harmony, food, water, a warm bed, and a loving lap to lean in to. A dog that has those things considers themselves to be rich. I’m thinking we should too!

Tammy - So happy you enjoyed the read, Tana. I completely understand your tale. It is the same for many, myself as well. Still, I forged ahead and found that when my attitude changed, so did the outcome. I no longer give a rats ass what people think of me. No lie. I am quite happy to be who I am, and proud that I’ve made it this far. For only I know the real distance, pain, and turmoil it took to get here. And only I can celebrate myself in proper fashion. And so I do. One day, over a cup of java, we will share. Thank you for being here. I do so appreciate you!

Nancy Hill - my dogs and cats have seen me through thick and thin, but my pups love me more, my turtle is plotting to get out of his tank and eat me

Carol - Tammy,
So much truth in this!!
You hit the nail on head once again.

Tammy - THANKS, Carol. So happy to see you here! Yup, it is all true. God love those fuzz buckets that complete our home life with such grace and devotion. Can’t imagine what it would be like without them. Thanks for popping by…..it was awesome!

Lily Lau - If your doggie could talk, you’d start taking the 5 o’clock tea and talk for long hours!
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Tammy - Lily, if my dog could talk I’d probably leave the house a lot less often. I’m quite sure that the conversation would be amazingly stimulating! YES, high tea would be a daily event!

Mary - I could not agree more. I have often thought the world would be a better place if my dogs did more of the running of things and I could sit around and scratch. I’m not telling what!

Can a sassy woman blogger shame the NFL even if she doesn’t know a thing about football?

Just watch me. Hey NFL, if I were your mother, I would take you out of the game. No time outs, no suspensions. I would throw your disrespectful ass out on the dirty street where it belongs. Your behavior is reprehensible, disgusting, and shows absolutely no regard for your players or their families. It is […]

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Joan Cooper - Well said, Tammy.

It is puzzling to me why the NFL does not have counseling available to its’ players who have problems, and keep a file on that. Yes, this is an investment for them, so why do they not protect that investment and also help their men who so much need help.

You know me Tammy – I put Vick at the top of the list for hanging in public. This is the ultimate violation – to hurt a flesh and blood creature who has no chance to fight back. Rice’ lady married him fully knowing his violence. That is a little different. Not approving – but she did have a fighting chancre – no pun intended.

Joan

Linda Lichtman - I’m cancelling my season’s NFL tickets and donating the $$$ to a battered women’s shelter.
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Tana Bevan - What is an appropriate punishment? Well, seems to me castration along with a frontal lobotomy. Then place him in a room/stadium of women while showing the video. Let justice be done. (Wouldn’t be surprised to learn vigilante justice is on the rise.)
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Tammy - Joan, I AGREE with you on ALL counts. That is rare for us. I welcome the company. It’s all so disgusting to know that it’s part of our “Americana”. God help us.

Tammy - OMG, Linda, that is FREAKING BRILLIANT! So LOVE the idea. Man, would that many will follow in your footsteps! Thank you for being here, my friend.

Tammy - Tana, this is all so crazy and out of whack. I’m learning that the NFL will allow him to play sooner than later. What the hell?! Women need to take over this shit. Men are clearly incapable of looking past their wallets. UGH! Do like the stadium suggestion!

Carol Cassara - I am with you 300 percent.

Helene Cohen Bludman - I am so disgusted with this Ray Rice incident and the sloppy way the NFL has dealt with it. And I hate that his wife is defending him.

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - You tell ‘em!! The whole sport – owners, players & advertisers – need fixing! Not to mention counseling for the wives…….

Barbara Torris - You are saying what we have ALL known for longer than we care to admit. However, until the football fans of America let their voice be heard, nothing (nothing) will change. I believe that football players are allowed to do things on the field that they would be arrested for on the street or in their homes. The game is simply barbaric!

Cathy Chester - This whole incident is another shameful event in the world of sports.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
As with politics and business, the bottom line is the bottom line. Now sports. The NFL is a cash cow and nobody wants to see that the milk is sour.Shepard Smith interviewed an ex-wife of an ex NFLers today who admitted she was the victim of domestic abuse, and the coach of her husband’s team told her NOT to report the incident.
I am sure ping pong has its dirty elements, but not on such a large scale. Sportsmanship? integrity? fair play? Those concepts, my dear, are gone with the wind. And we will always have football playing Mondays, Sundays, now Thursdays just outside of Tara.

Kim Tackett - I’m not a football fan, so no love lost. But it seems that the game
itself is an exercise in violence (like I said, not a fan, so the strategy part is invisible to me), so why are we surprised when the athletes, or stars, behave in this way? I do hope this opens up a conversation and real changes are made. Thanks for this piece!
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Lisa @ Grandma's Briefs - There are so many ways in which the NFL needs to shape up, do the right thing. Will it ever happen? Doubtful. It’s an endless exercise in frustration.
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Lois Alter Mark - Great post. The NFL is a disgrace, putting money before basic human rights. They could set a great example for generations of boys by kicking out abusers. Instead, they protect and defend them. If Ray Rice had knocked out anyone other than his girlfriend/fiance/wife like that, he’d be in jail. Where he should be.

Tammy - *Big Sigh* No doubt you are right, Mel. 60 Minutes did an expose last year on the NFL on how they drugged up wounded players to play. One would think that was illegal. They didn’t flinch. Like the NRA, they don’t have to. What a crazy world we live in.

Tammy - Hi Kim, happy to have you here. Yup, it opened up conversation alright. Let’s see if anything comes of it. Fingers crossed!

Tammy - It IS an endless exercise in frustration! As long as those tickets get sold, this will continue. Only when they are hit where it hurts, in the wallet, will it matter. How sad is that?!

Tammy - I’m with you Helene. His wife’s actions are even more bizarre. It seems clear that priorities are completely upside down. Can you imagine this kind of incident happening in baseball 40 years ago? Of course not. Baseball prided itself on integrity and the honesty and purity of the game. Too bad we’ve lost touch with that sentiment.

Doreen Mcgettigan - AMEN!! The NFL needs to stop signing thugs to multi-million dollar contracts, especially thugs with poor educations.

Toni McCloe - The NFL said today that they did not see the video of Rice hitting his fiancee. They saw only a video of him dragging his fiancee out of the elevator. Duhhh??? “dragging!!!”

Tammy - You made me laugh, Toni. Duhhhh! Yup, I would think that if you see a guy dropping and dragging his fiancée out of an elevator and not even bending over to see how she is, that something not so awesome went down. This post was picked up by HUFFPOST today, and as it turns out, they DID see the entire video in April. Shocker. Not. These guys are cover up artist, crooks of the worst kind. Send them all to jail! Bah!!

Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - I totally agree!

Rosalind Warren - LOVE it! (Especially that Michael Vick aside.)

Ruth Curran - Oh you are preaching to the choir on this one. I get it that holding professional athletes up as role models is not always a good idea but criminal behavior is a different story. Great post

lizzy - Pro teams have always been about the revenue. What is, sad is hearing the Commish saying he hoped the couple would work things out. Huh??? Would he hope his daughter stay with a guy who beats the shit out of her? This is all so classic victim that it’s shocking and heartbreaking. A great lesson for the public on domestic abuse, victims, and why they stay.

Tammy - Ruth, we are on the same page. If only everyone else was too. Thanks ever so for the read and the comment!

Tammy - Lizzy, holy cow, I didn’t hear that from the commish. That is insane! I’m sure the tables would be turned if it were his daughter. At least, we hope so. The poor money hungry lying scum. Wait … was that my outside voice? You’re right…it is a great lesson for the public and hopefully some good dialogue will come of it.

Jeanne Moattari - Sports figures have stopped being American idols. They are businesses. No person should have to be beaten or brow beaten by anyone else. Mental abuse occurs every day in every job. Why doesn’t anyone blog about the woman who is let go for being overweight? Or school principals who make racist statements to young student teachers? These are power plays. Everyone wants to see the guy who makes an insane amount of money, go down. His wife and he need therapy and other relationship help. But calling them out, taking away the job of the breadwinner, is not addressing the issue..wasn’t there a famous athlete charged with rape– which is violence, physical and psychological..he was fined and back at work. Definitely the ATHLETIC professions need to hire psycholigists. These athletes live abnormal lives. Bigger than reality. But they deserve to be judged like everyone else, not in the media or on blogs. Michael Vick was guilty of animal abuse and more. Why is he still playing?

WendysHat - This is a whole other world from the one I live in. Sad state of affairs I’m afraid.
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Jeffrey Davidson - Great post! It’s amazing how these “role models” just like the Senators and Representatives in Washington get away with all kinds of illegal and immoral things. The NFL at the very least should ban him from all future games, nullify his contract and never allow him to play in the league again. That goes for all of the felons, drug users, spousal, child and animal abusers etc. That being said, the salaries that any professional athlete commands, just like many CEO’s, etc. is what the market will bare. It is truly sad that our teachers, law enforcement officials, fire fighters, etc. command such low pay. However, that is a societal problem when the athletes are paid so much more. You commented that: “Speaking of bucks, don’t even get me started on the ridiculous million dollar salaries these guys get to catch, throw and kick a pig skin. All while our teachers, firemen, social workers, etc. go horribly underpaid and remain far too undervalued.” Athletes get paid because they bring in the money that society pays to see them perform. The others get paid from tax revenue. One is voluntary and the other is required. I don’t blame the “good” athletes, but like you, I think the sports management should have much higher standards as well as requiring a minimum, legitimate education.

Janice Wald - I agree with your thoughts. However, do you feel all NFL members should be shamed for the behavior of a group within their professional? Should all take the fall for the behavior of some?

Tammy - Hi Janice, absolutely NOT. But I do believe that the institution which has harbored, hidden and controlled matters unbecoming a civilized company need to be called out for what they are-greedy bastards. Shame on the NFL for not caring if their players are injured, abusers or uneducated. In America we are more than about the money. We are about the game, the players, the families and the fairness of it all. Not lately!

I Want To Be A Gross, Stereotypical Objectification. Don’t You?

It’s not often I profess to know more than Newsweek or the Chicago Tribune. But I sure as hell do today. A lot is being said about Sofia Vergara’s rotating pedestal act at the Emmys. Most of it bad. Very bad. Newsweek and the Chicago Tribune are just a small slice of the pie. Social […]

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Carol Cassara - I missed it, but definitely agree with your take. Oh, we take ourselves sooo seriously these days, it’s nauseating.
Carol
http://www.carolcassara,com

Carol Cassara - I missed it, but definitely agree with your take. Oh, we take ourselves sooo seriously these days, it’s nauseating.
Carol
http://www.carolcassara,com

Lorraine C. Ladish - As a Latina, I´ve been reading all the insults to Vergara and thinking about it. Yours is the first I read that gave the opposite point of view. Thank you for the perspective!

Lorraine C. Ladish - As a Latina, I´ve been reading all the insults to Vergara and thinking about it. Yours is the first I read that gave the opposite point of view. Thank you for the perspective!

Laura Lee Carter - Best summary: “If you or your children’s idea of self-worth hinges on the actions of someone you don’t even know, then you have bigger problems,,,” I find our fascination with celebrity unhealthy at best!

Laura Lee Carter - Best summary: “If you or your children’s idea of self-worth hinges on the actions of someone you don’t even know, then you have bigger problems,,,” I find our fascination with celebrity unhealthy at best!

Betty Landau - Brava! Thank God for people like you with common sense.

Betty Landau - Brava! Thank God for people like you with common sense.

Jeffrey Davidson - Right on! It was a clever way to spice up what was otherwise an uninspiring portion of the Emmy’s. As you stated, she is a successful model, spokesperson, business woman, actress, entertainer, etc. And, she is probably crying all the way to the bank with her estimated $20,000,000 annual.

She is not an athlete that kids look up to that do drugs and commit other crimes. She is not a Rap star that kids look up to that do drugs and commit other crimes.

Make her success your role model.

Joan Cooper - WOW oh WOW. You really have a way with words. I cannot believe the Latina Community doesn’t like her. I am an avid fan of Telemundo – I admire the Novellas for their superb acting and story line which, is unlike anything in the U.S. as you cannot guess the next step in the story.

However, while there is a very strong line of family and all, there is also a strong line of violence. Guns and more creative acts of violence are continual. Why doesn’t the Latina Community do something about that and leave pretty women alone.

Latinos are male dominated. Interesting that they have to pick on a lovely and successful woman. What are they afraid of ???

Joan Cooper

Kim Tackett - Ok, so now I am totally bummed they didn’t have dueling spinning platforms, with Hugh Jackman on the other one!
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Carole Milligan - I’m a stagehand brat and stagehand wife-my father worked in the Los Angeles TV and stage industry, and my husband works in the same industry. Hubby works most of the award shows, and he worked on the Emmys.

I usually don’t watch award shows, as I am jaded from a lifetime of exposure to the industry. I did not watch the Emmys. I have been reading all the negative comments about Sofia’s performance on the turntable, and thought wow, she must have practically been doing a striptease to garner all the negative responses.

And then, thanks to your post, I watched the video of what happened. I found it cute and laughable, and thought she did a great job looking surprised at being asked to step up on the turntable, and found nothing offensive about the slight posturing she did.

As an FYI to all, shows are scripted. The performers practice; they follow direction from the producers. Sofia was not ad-libbing up there, she agreed to follow direction. There was a stagehand under the stage, slowly moving the turntable by hand.

As a proud Latina hybrid myself, I thank you for your perspective, and bringing a voice of reason to the debate.

Lisa Carpenter - Hear, hear! And cheer, cheer for this post. You have hit it absolutely on the head. I saw the bit and didn’t even consider the crazy lengths to which folks would go with this. Absolutely: Get over yourselves and get a sense of humor!

Lisa Carpenter - Hear, hear! And cheer, cheer for this post. You have hit it absolutely on the head. I saw the bit and didn’t even consider the crazy lengths to which folks would go with this. Absolutely: Get over yourselves and get a sense of humor!

Doreen Mcgettigan - I totally thought she was being a good sport, and your are right she is beautiful. I was not at all offended.
I was offended several times watching the VMA’s and had to turn the channel.

Doreen Mcgettigan - I totally thought she was being a good sport, and your are right she is beautiful. I was not at all offended.
I was offended several times watching the VMA’s and had to turn the channel.

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey! Happy to see you here, it’s been a while. Glad that you enjoyed the read. We are on the same page (no surprise there). I, too, thought is was a clever way to add spark to an “uninspiring” portion of the show. People are way too sensitive these days, pushing their angst and anger onto other people. To them, I say, get over it. To you, I say, thank you!

Tammy - Joan, you’ve made such good points and offered a different perspective. Awesome! Latino television IS filled with violence, sex and immorality. Yes, we don’t hear any complaints about that, do we? You are right …. they should leave the lovely, successful woman alone. People are so obsessed with pointing the finger and placing the blame. All nonsense. Thanks, Joan, for your offering here.

Tammy - Hey, Kim, how much you want to bet that we will see something like that next year?! But I think your idea would have alleviated the hate spewing we have witnessed. I, for one, would have truly appreciated it! *giggling*

Tammy - Hi Carole, what a refreshing point of view, thank you. Rarely do we get an “insiders” look at things like this. I, too, thought she was pretty awesome as she feigned surprise and went along for the ride. As you duly noted, the woman didn’t strip, she playfully postured throughout the speech. I am so appreciative of your input and sharing here. Thanks for that!

Donna Highfill - I was grateful that I didn’t have to just listen to that guy drone on and on. I thought her body language was hilarious. Comedy is tough these days, because people are all crouched in an attack position waiting to jump on satire. Lighten up, people. Everything is NOT a political statement. We’re giving too much power to the sour people. Go join Oscar the Grouch in the trashcan and let us have a little fun.

Terri - She is absolutely adorable with an awesome sense of humor! You are so right!!! Thank you for your comments!

Lois Alter Mark - It’s obvious that she’s smart, talented and has a better sense of humor than anyone trying to put her down for her comic actions. And she was much more interesting than the guy who was actually speaking!
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Tammy - Hi Donna, you said a mouthful … “everything is NOT a political statement”. Geesh, you are a genius, Donna Highfill. It’s always the negative peeps that garner the media attention. Oscar the Grouch, eh? I’m thinking you and I should be sitting down and watching some serious Sesame Street with a bucket of hot fudge sundae’s. Are you in? Love having you here!

Tammy - Terri, I do so agree with you …. agreeing with me. Haaa! You are too sweet. Happy t have you here, thanks for that!

Tammy - Lois, she WAS so much more interesting that the guy talking. That was the whole point. And the conclusion of his speech was perfection the way it tied into her giving the audience something good to look at. Appreciate the read AND the comment, Lois, thank you.

Suzanne Stavert - People can be so dense! If they were offended or felt sorry for Sofia they totally missed the point. There was a great deal of intelligent writing on the Emmys. I am certain that it went over some people’s heads. Thanks for pointing this out.

Tammy - Suzanne, I’d like to think there were more of us that “got it” than those who didn’t. But the way social media lit up and crucified her, blaming her for the downing of Latinas everywhere and exploiting her sexuality thereby taking women down to a sex pot level in everyone’s eyes. As Charlie Brown would say … Good Grief! Thanks for the read and the comment!

Anne Louise Bannon - I get that it’s a joke and rather satirical. I guess the part that bothers me about it is that, alas, that’s the only way we see women on TV: as objects to drool over. (Although I am drooling over Vergara’s dress – that was gorgeous.) It’s getting better, but it’s still worrisome. And we don’t get to see guys this way. I would seriously have loved to see Hugh Jackman on that rotating pedestal. I also thought it was a little insulting to the Academy that people thought their mission was so boring they had to put Vergara up there.
Nonetheless, Vergara can do what she wants. If I don’t like what she did, I sure as heck won’t give her more attention by tweeting, Facebooking, etc.
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WendysHat - Obviously they all have too much time on their hands. Didn’t see it. Don’t care to. I’m sure she wouldn’t be doing anything she didn’t want to do. Why does everyone now days get so worked up over EVERYTHING?

Chloe Jeffreys - I haven’t even seen it and I already know I agree with you. Sheesh. People really don’t have anything to do with their time, do they?

George J Molnar - Where do I sign up for that level of objectification? It could be fun, and profitable. I’m sure I do “gross” better than she does!

George J Molnar - Where do I sign up for that level of objectification? It could be fun, and profitable. I’m sure I do “gross” better than she does!

Cathy Chester - I thought it was very funny because she made it so. Her expressions were hysterical.

Tammy - Anne, I totally respect and understand your point of view. Her dress WAS gorgeous. I can guarantee you it would not have looked that good if I had worn it. Sigh. There are a LOT of strong women in the media, television, movies and a LOT of some pretty stupid men in all those venues as well. I take them all with the grain of salt that they are simply entertainment. None of them depict real people as they are or should be. That’s why they call it acting. I wouldn’t mind a gig that pays that well! Thank you, Anne, for sharing your point of view. Grateful for that!

Tammy - Wendy, no kidding! It seems people are just sitting around waiting to point the finger. Geesh!

Tammy - Hi Chloe, you should take a peek at it, there is a link at the end of the post. Harmless stuff. So agree with you….people really don’t have anything better to do with their time. Sad, really.

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - The critics should all wish they looked so good! Great piece, thanks for always telling it like it is!

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - The critics should all wish they looked so good! Great piece, thanks for always telling it like it is!

Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - I watched it last night and thought Sofia was adorable. She knows how to use what she was given. She is after all in the entrainment industry. Thank you for writing what so many of us are thinking!

Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - I watched it last night and thought Sofia was adorable. She knows how to use what she was given. She is after all in the entrainment industry. Thank you for writing what so many of us are thinking!

Sharon Hodor Greenthal - I think she’s gorgeous and funny and smart as can be – she’s making more money than nearly any other woman in Hollywood and she’s striking while the iron is hot. People need to lighten up.

Sharon Hodor Greenthal - I think she’s gorgeous and funny and smart as can be – she’s making more money than nearly any other woman in Hollywood and she’s striking while the iron is hot. People need to lighten up.

Becky Blades - Love how you shake things up, Tammy. Things that SHOULD be shaken. Or stirred. It’s one of the few times I wished I had watched the VMA awards. You had me at “rotating pedestal.”

My two teen daughters say “people who make the world annoying fall into two categories: “Haters gonna hate.” or “Bitches need a sense of humor.”

Tammy - Thanks, Becky! Shaking things up is a habit I can’t seem to break. Tell your two beautiful daughters that are pretty smart and most likely super correct in their assumption. Haters and no humor makes for a tough world. So happy to have you here, Becky. Thanks for that!

Ande Lyons - “It is better to be looked over than overlooked.” ~Mae West

I LOVE your view of the world Tammy Bleck. I thought Sofia was funny, delicious and ooooh la la at the Emmys. It was a clever way to get through the Academy’s boring speech… and I especially loved when she spanked her derriere… so sassy and brilliant. But then, I’m a huge fan of Mae West… so yes, if you’ve got… flaunt it… with humor and a twinkle in your eye!

MUAHs of LOVE!

@AndeLyons

Tammy - THANKS, Ande, I do so agree with the unflappable Mae! Sometimes we should judge less and enjoy more. Life is generally better that way. So appreciate the read and the support….as always. You, my darling, are beyond awesome!

Sharon - Thank you, thank you thank you, for your comments!
I never reply to anything but I just had to on this!!
I totallly enjoyed and loved what Sofia Vergara did.
I thought it was very funny and not at all wrong.
It is amazing to me that when a woman has talent and
works so hard to have people enjoy it, is then successful
she at a moments notice can be trashed by the media.
Thank you Sofia for the laughs you give and please don’t stop.
Thank you Tammy for for sticking up for her!!!!!

Tammy - Thank YOU, Sharon! It seems that these days it’s easier to follow the pack and criticize. Sad really. Your comments ring true for so many people who think along the same lines. So happy, Sharon, that you found your way here, and happy that I found you. Thanks for that.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
I think America has lost its sense of humor. Nobody forced her on the pedestal. (Shouldn’t all women be placed on a pedestal, or am I objectifying?)We live in serious times, ISIS and such, and we need humor, anything to offset the constant drum of bad news and the boring voting speech that the suit had to make. I agree with you 100% and will continue top look at pretty women, as long as they smile at me.

Tammy - Mel, I’ll ALWAYS smile at you, but not sure that counts. I agree!! We have lost our sense of humor. Then there are the well adjusted people like you and me (laughing convincingly). Life will always be a bit rosier for those of us who find humor from women on pedestals! I’m betting that pretty women still smile at you. Every day! Appreciate the read, Mel. Thanks for being here!

Michele Jeffers - Yes! That was so much fun to read! I just love a good “give ‘em what for” now and again. And, as usual, you were spot on!

Tammy - Thanks, Michele! You are awesome to say so. So nice to know there are at least two of us who think alike. Thanks EVER SO MUCH for being here!

maureen - Hi Tammy,

I loved your perspective on this. People cannot or should not be expected to represent and entire community. As an entertainer, she did just that. She was fun, silly, and as you said whimsical. Something most of us could do with a little more of!

Tammy - Thanks, Maureen! So appreciate your comment and happen to agree with it whole heartedly! No surprise there. Thanks ever so much for being here.

Heaven Didn’t Wait

I don’t know if there is a gate in heaven. Truth be told, I’m not all that sold on heaven itself. I hope that if there is a heaven to look forward to, that it’s not the one I learned about in my Catholic catechism or my Baptist teachings. Because if that were true, then […]

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mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
A most compassionate column with a beautiful last last line, “….don’t press to find it.” Even Shepard Smith on FOX called RW a “coward,” but I agree, nobody can judge what drives a man or woman to the edge and over it. It’s a desire for the release of pain. (Today’s news story was that he felt crushed by money concerns – alimony payments)Would there be an accepting heaven, not sure there is one at all.) I feel for his children; they will be scarred. Suicide has consequences for the living. See scene in “Good Will Hunting” to understand the inability of one man to understand another’s pain.

Joan Cooper - Dear Tammy – you have such a way with words. No one could pay a more wonderful tribute to Robin Williams. He was lucky to have you in his audience.

Life is hard. Was this really what God or the gods wanted ? I see them sitting around watching our planet like a TV novella. Human’s are an amazing creation. So is nature. When I get too far from nature I feel myself start to lose touch. Mother Teresa questioned it all at the end. She asked how a good god could allow the cruelty all around us (?). Oh yes – we are endowed with ‘free will’. We really have to work hard to understand that when we face the mean nasty things life can hand out.

Thank you for that lovely piece for Robin Williams. Makes us all think.

Joan

Jenn - a thoughtful reflection on this sad event and some of the sadder public response.
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Carolyn Durandette - Really lovely, gentle thoughts. All I can say, is that his death leaves me feeling at a loss for his family first and for the the rest of us. How will his children understand why he did this? Will they be able to grasp that this act didn’t happen because of anything that one of them said or did or did not do. I’m praying that his soul is now at peace and that his family will come to understand, too.

Tammy - Mel, I wish I knew the answer to “would there be an accepting heaven”. All we are taught about God is forgiveness and love. If that is true, then the wondering can stop. I guess we won’t know until we get there. I also heard many cruel comments. Awful. What makes a person believe they can judge another? One must wonder. Of course, it is always those who are left behind that must deal with the pain. It is all so very, very sad. Thank you, Mel, for you sharing and insight.

Tammy - Joan, we DO have to work hard to understand all that life brings our way. So much of it is tragic. I share Mother Theresa’s point of view. However, this earth is run by mankind. And we both know there is no more destructive species that lives. Continue to look on the bright side of the heart. There is much there to hold on to! Thank you for the read and the comment, Joan!

Tammy - Thanks for that, Jenn. So appreciate the read and the sharing. Life can be cruel. People crueler.

Linda Lichtman - Thank you for this brilliant post – I feel a little healing has taken place inside of me – so much more to go. Sending you a Robin-sized hug and kiss…xox

Wendy Walker Cushing - I feel for his family because mine has gone through this. I also know that most times it’s not anything that the person really wanted to do, even with all the best help in the world. One moment in time that can’t be given back. He was a light like so many others are too. My heart goes out to all of them.

Carol Cassara - So much insight here. Thank you.
C
http://www.carolcassara.com

Tana Bevan - “That is what suicide is, I think. Ridding yourself of a horror you can no longer bear the weight of. I can’t imagine it, and my eyes tear up and my heart breaks at the thought of it.”

You have an amazing way with words my friend. Thank you.
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Tammy - As do you, my friend. As do you! It is a subject that I am personally unfamiliar with. Thank God. But that touches me grievously non the less. Appreciate the read, and of course, the kind comment!

Ruth Curran - Thank you for your heart felt assessment and perspective. It is and should be, as you said, about his family but we all need to take away a bit of compassion for those who do fight demons. Thank you again for sharing your thoughts.

Mary Lanzavecchia - Having lost my brother 4 years ago to suicide, I heard many comments that were unbelievable to me. Comments that he had committed a sin and was selfish. I couldn’t believe my ears; the insensitivity that cut into my broken heart. I ached for my brother the man who felt so lost and whose pain ran so deep and I ached more for the children he left behind.

Lovely post, Tammy. You’re right; we are all privileged to have witnessed his light shine while it did and owe nothing but respect to his family as they move through the days, months, and years ahead toward a “new normal.”
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Tammy - Mary, so very, very sorry about the loss of your brother. It’s beyond horrible what people believe they have a right to say. They have NO right to pitch in their opinions. Not then or now. Let us consider ourselves lucky to have had these wonderful people in our lives and to bear witness to their contributions of family, love and giving. Hugs to you, my new friend, and warm thanks for your sharing.

Lois Alter Mark - Such a great post. It’s not up to any of us to judge Robin Williams or anyone who commits suicide. I can’t imagine the pain someone must feel to reach that point. It’s up to us to be compassionate to the family they leave behind and to try to help people never get to that point in the first place. Robin Williams will be greatly missed.
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Cathy Chester - Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. Heaven just got richer with the angel we had for only a short time. Depression and suicide – what horrible subjects. But we MUST have a dialogue in order to help others traveling the same path as Robin Williams. Good for you to write about this and in such a way as to show the beauty of his soul. He will be forever missed. I can’t say that line enough…

Tammy - What a wonderful world it would be if we could prevent this disease from taking any one from us again. If only. And yet, if we can send men to the moon, this should be attainable. From your mouth to Gods ears, Lois. Thank you for being here!

Kitt Crescendo - Tammy, I have found myself both frustrated and ashamed of the way our media/press handles celebrity death…or celebrities in general. We don’t allow families their space to grieve. We get so nosy about the gory details. I truly feel for the loved ones left behind in these situations.

Like you, I adored Robin Williams. Always have. Was I devastated to learn of his passing? Of course. Yet my sense of loss is minute compared to what his family must be experiencing…and they’re under microscopes. Me? I’ll pray for them and hope they find some measure of peace. I won’t be judging Robin. It’s not my job. My job is to love and give and try to make my world a better place how and where I can.
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Donna Beckman Tagliaferri - I love the idea of heaven….luckily I believe in a God that brings everyone to heaven…everyone. Doesn’t that sound lovely? But I am not going to weigh in on Robin Williams. I feel terrible for his family and then the whole world….I will miss him a lot

Susan Smart - Dearest Tammy ……Perfect.

Janie Emaus - This was a beautiful tribute. So well written and well, I just had to comment even though I’m leaving at 4:30am and should be packing!

Tammy - I too am ashamed of our media system of coverage for things like this. It’s embarrassing and humiliating. It’s also depicts us as a nation in such a sad despicable way. *sigh* We are better than that as a whole. People generally reach out as you have with prayers and genuine tears of grief for those left behind. I’m right there with you. So glad to see you here. I’ve missed you!

Tammy - Susan, that is the nicest thing anyone could say. Thank you, my friend. I miss you.

Tammy - Oh, Janie, I’m so happy you made time for me. Thank you for the kindest of reviews! Appreciate the read! Safe travels to you….uh, leaving at 4:30? What journey would be worth that wake up? You must keep me posted on that. Wonderful to hear from you. Truly.

Doreen McGettigan - Some of those comments were horrific. My family was very rattled by the comments and by the sheriff’s press conference. My stepson died the same way. The sheriffs graphic detail left us praying Robin’s family was not watching.
Our priest told us if you are mentally ill and die of suicide you do go to heaven. I find it all very confusing but cannot imagine Robin Williams anywhere right now but in Heaven making all of the angels and the stars laugh.
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Tammy - Neither can I, Doreen. Neither can I. Religion is confusing. The rules seems to change and flux and sins have degrees. I have to think that there are no such idiocies in Gods place. Loving hearts are accepted. It can’t be any other way. I’m so very sorry to hear of your stepson. It’s brutal. I can’t imagine. I too prayed that Robins family was not watching the news as the sheriff spoke of the details. I, myself, turned off the television. Some things I don’t need to know. Thank you for the read, Dorren, and the comment. Wonderful to hear your sharing.

Ellen Dolgen - Beautiful perspective….thank you!

Noel Hodnett - Tammy, thank you for the wonderful post, you expressed so well what I have not been able to put in words. In particular, your question, “Is it just me, or does the world seem a little more broken because it lost such a giving light?” That said it all right there, you so movingly furnished the perfect words for the shock and loss so many of us feel.
It is so sad now looking at the various video clips of Robin and his machine gun delivery of hilarity to think that he is actually gone, out like the flame of a candle extinguished by his own hand. Yes, indeed the world is a little more broken.

Maliss - Your spot on! Hugs Tammy

Tammy - Happy to hear it, Maliss. Happy you enjoyed the read, and do so appreciate the comment!

Jean-Pierre Smith - Tammy, Thank you so much for those word. You are spot on.

Tammy - Thank YOU for the read, Jean-Pierre. I do so appreciate your kindness.

Myrna Alpern - Hi Tammy,

I just signed up for your seminar, and I’m looking forward to it. I had hoped that you were going to do it. The person you recommended to me in fact, recommended YOU as the person to call for expert advice.

Obviously, there is a HUGH void in this industry for the expert. We can’t keep spreading you so thin.

Tammy - Hi Myrna, so happy to have you on board here at Witty Woman! Geesh, nothing like going around the mulberry bush. Sorry about that. Yes, I am an expert on blogging/social media and writing, and do offer my services to the public. However, I am a working girl and my fees are posted on my website. The services offered by SCORE are free, which is why I referred you to them. Should you need my help, Myrna, I’m happy to do all I can. Click on my website, enter your payment and, Bam!, we will schedule some old fashion face time together. Thrilled to see you at the event next week!

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