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If I Am A Racist …

Chances are … you are too. In a recent conversation with my peers, I was called out as a profiler and racist. Wow! Here’s what happened. A few weeks ago, a girlfriend and I were coming out of a restaurant late at night in what can be called a sketchy part of town (isn’t that […]

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mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
A provocative column, and an honest one. There’s a thin line between profiling and racism, but given your experience, wouldn’t most women have done the same? Do you think it might have been a man/woman thing? Would you have had the same reaction if four “tough looking” women crossed your path?
I don’t think you were guilty of racism; you were just being protective of yourself, wary. Question though, would you have grabbed your mace if the four men were white w/o dreadlocks?

Joan Cooper - I really miss William Buckley. He said it all so nicely.

A friend asked him if he liked black people – he replied – “no”, his friend asked if he liked yellow people – he replied “no”. His friend asked if he liked brown people – he replied “no”. His friend asked …’then who do you like? ‘ the reply was…”I like my friends”

Touche as they say.

I am so sick of the whining. A lot of the blame goes to the media. Oh yeah – and the useless politicians. So much for civilization and don’t get me started on the Civil War for which they created a large statue to another useless politician – A. Lincoln. The truth of that war is never discussed. No it was not about slavery which the Federal Government did condone.


Kathleen O'Donnell - Women need to trust that voice in their head that lets them know when something doesn’t feel right. I’d rather be alive than politically correct and so should you. From Tammy Bleck a Witty Woman Writing.

Jeffrey Davidson - Racism in any form is wrong and unfortunate.

However, profiling is done all of the time by most people. The clerk in the convenience store who sees a couple of guys late at night milling around the store till others leave feels the potential of a robbery without regard to their race or ethnicity.

Based on statistics of terrorist activities around the world that are committed mainly by Muslim males of a particular age category, many people are wary of a group of 20-30 year old male Muslims. This is not specifically because they do or do not like Muslims but because statistically this small Muslim group has committed horrific crimes. The police look at individuals who appear to be hiding their identity walking around convenience stores, banks, etc. as potential threats. They may not even be able to tell what their race or ethnicity is at the time.

Animals (including the human species), profile all of the time. Zebras and gazelles always look at lions, leopards and cheetahs as potential threats. Are they being racist (obviously a human term) or are they looking out for their own well being.

I probably would have answered slightly different than William Buckley and said “no I do not like or dislike this group of individuals, I like people.”

When I was in college, I worked at a state mental institution (I said worked there not a guest!) and I learned among other things to treat people as individuals. I may not always succeed, but I try.

As someone else once said, I wish there was no racism in the world so that I could dislike someone because of their character, values and dishonesty and not be accused of disliking blacks, Hispanics, Jews, gypsies, etc.

As always, great writing!

We do what we need to to protect ourselves.

donna - I lived in Brooklyn, NY until I was 33 years. It was not a shee-shee area like Park Slope or DUMBO. Nope. Canarsie was a middle class area that bordered a few sketchy areas. I had to travel THROUGH these areas often.
In all my years there, I rode the bus, took the subway, hailed a cab at all kinds of hours. Never ONCE was I:
I attribute this to exactly what you say in this post.
I took CONTROL over my environment and kept aware of my surroundings.
I have definitely felt concern, anxious, even fear at times. I casually crossed a street if I felt the need. Generally, as your experience, it was because there was a group of 3 or more PEOPLE headed my way. White, black, Asian…didn’t matter. Although I will say I would probably be less apt to cross if the group were pushing baby carriages or using walkers!
This is NOT racism. It is intelligently being aware and taking needful steps to be safe.
The reaction by the few in Ferguson…and YES, I believe the low life thugs WERE the exception…is what the media wants us to see. There are injustices everywhere…thugs of all colors…”bad” white neighborhoods, “good” black neighborhoods…
We need to figure out a way to REIGN in the ridiculous behaviors of THE MEDIA. They are way more to blame than any thug anywhere.
BTW…glad you made it home safe and hope you enjoyed your meal :).
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Tammy - Mel, I doubt I would have crossed the street if 4 nuns or nannies were heading our way. However, if we were being approached by 4 women in burkas, I would have done the same thing. It’s the unknown, the un-seeable, the “group” outnumbering me. You pose a good question with regards to the dreadlocks. The answer is yes. Dark streets, 4 men together coming towards me, dreadlocks or not, the odds could easily fall against my favor. Better safe than sorry. No apology here. Not that long ago the news was covered with stories of young men prowling the streets and cold cocking people to the ground for fun. My profiling includes young men in groups. Survival of the fittest. So happy to here from you!

Tammy - Hi Joan, ah, yes, William Buckley. Where is he when we need him?! I feel the same as he did. I value people of good character, humor, intellect and kindness. Skin color does not determine any of these things. You are right, the media bares some responsibility for it’s excessive and biased broadcasts. How did we get to be such a mess?

Tammy - Hi Donna, we are SO on the same page. Yet because I “profile” I was called out as an obvious racist. This is crazy to me. It is a survival skill we ALL use every day. And, YES, the media is often the enemy. I know there were many good people of color that were frightened and angry at the looting that was going on. Violence is never the answer. I grew up in the bowels of Los Angeles. On my way to school I often encountered flashers, druggies and homeless. You learn pretty quickly who to distance yourself from and who to befriend. Survival of the fittest, something you obviously know a lot about. This LA girl sends you her respect.

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - I have and will always err on the side of my safety, and racism doesn’t play any part of that. You did good!!

Doreen Mcgettigan - I live 2 blocks from the most dangerous city in the country. You better believe I profie.
When you have been attacked your inner voice senses and screams to you when you are in danger.
I call it smart not racist.

Elin Stebbins Waldal - As many others have already said, you have to be aware of your surroundings and follow your gut instincts, safety is a non-negotiable. And it doesn’t matter where we are, violence against women occurs everywhere, and in many cases at the hands of someone the woman knows! So stranger on the street? Defense is a great call and does not make you a racist. Thought provoking post.
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Chloe Jeffreys - I am leery of men I encounter when I’m alone. Always. Regardless of color. I am particularly leery of groups of men I run across in the middle of the night. Maybe that makes me a sexist. I don’t really give a rat’s ass. I carry mace, I keep my car keys in my hand, and I’m hyper-vigilant when I’m out alone. And anyone who wants to judge me for that can bite me as well.

Donna Highfill - Tammy – thanks for a brave blog. I think profiling is a survival instinct, something that our brain does to prepare us for danger. What is unfortunate is how we stack media stories against certain races, causing the fear and stereotypes which causes the profiling. It is interesting that most serial killers are white males, yet we don’t panic when we see a single white male walking towards us. Especially if he looks like Ted Bundy. I don’t know what the right answer is, but I do know that when you are two women facing four men, always err on the side of safety.

Mary Morony - Nicely said, madam. It’s odd we live in a silly “no fault” world, unless you step on a scared cow, then baby watch out! You best be ducking.

Tammy - Chloe, you make my heart sing. We are sisters from another mother. Vigilance helps ensure safety and well being. Nothing racist about that!

Tammy - Mary, ducking, bobbing and weaving is what us city folk do best. Blaming is a game often played in the racist world. I prefer to bow out of that one. So nice to hear from you!

Lisa Carpenter - I would have done the very same thing and I’m definitely not racist in any way shape or form. This may be a horrible analogy, but when I walk my dogs (one being a pitbull), I ALWAYS am wary of any and every dog to come my way, even the sweetest looking ones. I pull out my pepper spray to prepare. Just in case! We protect ourselves for the JUST IN CASE situations all the time. It has nothing to do with racism. Nothing.

Patricia A. Patton - I am glad you are safe.

Tammy - Thanks, Patricia. So very kind of you. :)

Lois Alter Mark - You are not a racist – and neither am I. I can’t imagine it would ever be a person’s race that would make you reach for the mace – it would be the situation. Is it sexist that four men walking toward you in the dark makes you afraid? I don’t think so. So sad that there’s so much violence in this world and that this has to be an issue.

Tammy - Hi Elin, safety IS non negotiable! Thank you! I make no apologies. Still, the sting of being perceived a racist because I find no difficulty in profiling is less than awesome. It truly does make the mind wonder. So happy to have you here! Thanks for that.

Cathy Chester - You are not a racist and neither am I. I’ve held that mace ready whenever I’m feeling uncomfortable. That’s it. Uncomfortable. I don’t think about the color of the skin, just the possibilities of what could happen. Being safe is what’s our priority, and as a woman even walking out to a parking lot you have to be ready. Violence happens. Period. You, dear friend, are perfectly “normal”!!! xo
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Tammy - Thanks, Cathy! It is now clear to me that not all my friends share that sentiment. Grrrrr. I don’t feel like profiling is a racist thing. I think it’s more of a ‘girl’ thing. A survival instinct thing. Sometimes I think fear is confused with racism. I love that you think I’m perfectly “normal”. Haven’t been called that in years. Tee-Hee.

Lee Lefton - What I’d really like to know, Tam, is what your friends who are calling you a racist would do in the same situation. Is there a word they’d call themselves?

Esther Lombardi - Survival instincts are what keep us all alive, right?… and I’ve come to rely on that little voice that tells me to be extra careful. To walk the other way. Maybe I’m paranoid… fearful?

I also think there’s another dimension too. I fear for my children. I also know that even when there is no conscious intent to do harm, events can so quickly spiral out of control.

Don - I used to speak pretty regularly at neighborhood or business group meetings about safety and what not, and the number one thing I preached is to trust your gut.

You’d be surprised how many men and women I’ve taken robbery or assault reports from (I work in a big city) tell me, “I knew something wasn’t right, but I did such and such anyway.” Crazy to not listen to your gut. Those feelings come from a lifetime of experiences. Trust them, they’re trying to help.
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Tammy - Hi Esther, At this point, I think we are ALL paranoid and fearful. For good reason. The world could be a kinder place. And, you’re absolutely right … events can easily and quickly spiral out of control. Accessing a situation and acting according to your instincts is the best we can do for our selves. My two cents. So happy to have you here!

Tammy - Hi Don, you make such a good point, I wish now I had mentioned it in my blog post. YES, listening to your gut is SUPER important. We shouldn’t have to explain why we feel what we feel, nor should we need to justify how we try to help ourselves avoid a bad situation. Our gut never lies. Thank you for bringing that up! And thank you for the read AND the thoughtful comment!

Tammy - Hi Lee! You know, you have posed such a GREAT question. I’ve had to stew on it a while. My friends said they would not have been compelled to cross the street. Of course, 2 of them were men. But the 2 women agreed with them. Something I don’t quite understand or believe. They call themselves ‘liberal minded Americans’. Really. I felt like I was under attack, being wrongly judged and not being given the benefit of the doubt. But, between you and me, I also feel that if that is truly their sentiment, it is an unwise one in these times. Still pondering. So adore seeing you here on my page! Hugs!

I’m Outta Here!

The last few weeks I’ve been wondering how much of my life I had left. The threat of breast cancer will do that to you. So, for the next couple of weeks I will be living it up to the hilt. Nothing says ‘do it now’ like a near collision with the Big ‘C’. My Steven […]

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Rick Gualtieri - Good luck, Tammy.

Have a great time!

Lynn Tarson - Enjoy every minute! Can’t wait to read your report when you return!

Cathy Chester - Oh, I’m going to live vicariously through you. Because I’ve been to most of the places you’ve named, but once is never enough.

My wish for you is safe travels and I hope that your journey with breast cancer has a positive outcome and I will be reading and hearing more from you for a long, long, LONG time! xo

Eularee Smith - I am a breast cancer survivor of 23 years. Every day is an adventure! Have fun! Looking forward to hearing your story.

Jeffrey Davidson - Have a safe and fun trip!

Michele Jeffers - Tammy! I read this with laughter and tears. You are still awesome in spite of these circumstances. Glad to hear the report was clear and that the whole experience inspired you to get outta Dodge. You are inspirational. Have a blast and eat lots of Nutella crepes!

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
Bon Voyage! I like your spirit.
My wife has just come back from a river cruise from Paris south.
You should have a wonderful time.
I am sure there will be plenty to write about

Tammy - Thank, Rick! Am doing exactly that. Returning emails in my fancy schmancy hotel in Oxford England. Emailing never felt so fun!

Tammy - Thanks, Lynn! It’s only day two and we are having the time of our lives. Who knew?!

Tammy - Hi Michele, have not run across Nutella crêpes yet but have had Somme worthy encounters with meat pies! Happy to know you are on the other side, thanks for that! As for having a blast … it has been pretty damn wonderful so far. Am returning emails in my cozy Oxford hotel room and feeling pretty happy about it all. Appreciate the read!

Tammy - Hi Mel, day two and it’s been FABULOUS. Gathering lots of fodder for future posts. You knew that was combing! Talk soon!

Kathleen Kapusta - Tammy, we are doing the same, including a week in Italy, next May. My husband is living with cancer and like you, we realize how precious life is. Don’t dream your life, live your dreams…and you are.

Kitt Crescendo - Live life as passionately as you do everything else, lady! So glad you’re okay. Enjoy Europe. It’s been a long while since I’ve lived there. We’ll be here when you get back! (PS. Check out their chocolates…they’re usually better than ours.)
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If I Lost My Breast, I Would Count Myself Lucky

Three weeks ago, when the threat of breast cancer entered my life, I decided to hang up my blogging hat for a breather. Frankly, I felt everything but witty. The words, large mass on left breast, left me paralyzed with fear. Me, the woman who shrinks from nothing. I panicked. Years ago when this happened, […]

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Nanette ~ AMomBlog - I’ve had that scare myself and so has my sister most recently. It’s frightening to say the least.

I’m glad all turned out well for you.

Teresa Kindred - Great article! I’m sharing this and hope to speak with you about something. Teresa from

Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - Glad everything is good with you.

Scott Morgan - Sorry about the scare, love, but at least as far as I’m concerned, the number and size of breasts doesn’t make or diminish anyone. Stay healthy.

Tammy - Thanks, Nanette. The odds say that we will all be faced with this scare at one point or another. Some will be luckier than others. Breath holding moments are the best and the worst.

Cheryl Nicholl - Holy SHit. Let me process this……. ………… Oh my dear dear friend. My heart breaks that you had to go through this. I’m so glad you had your man there with you, but I’m reeling. The thought of you….. I just can’t say it. I’m SO HAPPY you’re OKAY. Dear God take care of Tammy. *head in hands*

Jennifer Wagner - While I am petrified of getting breast or any kind of cancer, I’d give up my breast in a heartbeat. If it gave me even a 1% better chance of living I would give it up. If it meant forgoing chemo, I’d give it up. I definitely don’t have any attachment to them that would affect my decision.

In fact, I would want a double mastectomy so that I wouldn’t be able to get it later in the other breast. And wouldn’t it be nice, after wearing underwire bras my entire life, to go braless. It would be the most freeing feeling in the world.

Everyone has their own reasons for their decisions, but for me, a life is so much more important than a body part that I never cared about nearly as much as men do.
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Rosemary Lynn Hoffman - I too had a recent scare. However, I decided that if the biopsy proved to be positive, I would have both breasts removed. Too many female relatives have succumbed to the disease, including my mother when she was only 49. Fortunately, my biopsy was benign, but I will never quit doing my monthly self-checks ( which is how I found this one) and hope to get my insurance to pay for my BRACA test. We all must be diligent. That includes men!

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - I’m so sorry you had such a scare!! And very grateful that you are okay!! HUGS!

Anne Aria Tichauer - Excellent article!

Stacey JoyEleven Johnson - Ohhhhh what a beautiful story and such a wonderful happy ending to a fresh new beginning! My closest cousin lost both breasts almost a year ago and has not cared one bit because her life was spared. I will send you her short link about her journey. Love you and so thankful you’re well!
Stacey Joy

Lisha Fink - I had the same perspective with my skin cancer diagnosis. May we all grow cranky old.
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Kathleen O'Donnell - What a beautiful post. Many good vibes to you and your long life, still to be led. Hugs.

Tammy - Thanks so much, Kathleen. From your mouth …. to God’s ears!

Tammy - Cranky old would be a VERY good thing, Lisha. Let us all get there together! Appreciate the read and the comment.

Tammy - I couldn’t have said it better myself, Jennifer. Life is worth everything. I was far less concerned about the breast as I was about the pain and the dying. Only natural I suppose. Mostly, I simply couldn’t find one single piece of me that was willing die sooner that I should. So happy to have you here!

Tammy - Thanks, Scott. How lovely to hear such a great perspective. Thanks for that! So happy to know you are still lingering out there on the other side of my blog. Oh, happy day! Very few things take me away from my posts. This was clearly one of them. Fear does quite a number on you. NOT awesome. Let’s connect via email. Would love to hear how you are doing, my friend.

Vicki - Dearest Tammy,
First and foremost so happy the results came back benign. Can’t imagine life without you!
I was diagnosed 23 years ago with breast cancer and although I was a “breasty kind of gal” I too would prefer living over keeping my breasts. It was really an easy choice and I thank G-d every day for giving me a “wink” and telling me everything would turn out fine. I also did the genetic testing (mainly for my daughter) and that was negative.
The best is yet to come!

Laura Lee Carter - WOW! So glad you are still kicking Tammy! My Mom had a radical mastectomy at age 37 and she’s still kicking butt at 81!

Such a lot to think about… we seem to lose track of the fact that anything could happen at any time to any one of us.
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Carol Cassara - Girlfriend, I am mighty relieved at your outcome. Iknow all too well that fear, having gone through it more than 20 years ago. But I was young and stupid and I would be way more terrified now. Blessings to you, your perspective and a toast to your continuing good health. oxxo
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Anne Aria Tichauer - You are a person who is full of positive vibes. You bring fun and joy to all, especially me. I can understand your feelings. God bless you.

Kim Tackett - Tammy, this is my favorite piece you’ve written. In fact, it’s my favorite piece that I have read in ages. So happy for your outcome, and so grateful for your perspective. You’re right, of course. And life is good (so are breasts, but life is better).
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Tana Bevan - Dear, Sweet, Wise, Witty, Tammy, soooooooooooo glad you and your special someone will be able to grow old and cranky together! Clapping & cheering the Universe was kind to you. You are a wonderful woman!
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Tammy - Thanks, sweet Vicki. There is no greater fear than that of the possibility of losing your life. Compared to that, breasts are a big yawn. Who knew?! I’m so very grateful for you. What a bright light you are to all who know you!

Tammy - Laura Lee, I’m happy to be still kicking! We always think things like this happen to other people. It only stands to reason that we are bound to be “the other people” at some point in time. Something to ponder. So appreciate the read and the comment!

Tammy - Carol, so wonderful hearing from you and reading all about your travels to your home land of Sicily. Awesome read! The Big C gets many people. The word alone stopped me in my tracks for at least 3 days. Fear is a liar. I have to remember….to remember THAT!

Tammy - Oh, Anne, I’m THRILLED to see you comment here. Thank you for that! And for the very lovely and loving words you shared. I feel the very same about you, my friend. xoxo

Tammy - Kim, you made me smile. Big. Thanks for that lovely compliment. Let us hope we have many years to come to share all of our happiness, angst and general bitching! I adore reading your blog, especially today’s love of orange!

Tammy - Thanks, sweet Tana, for your kindness. Good to “be back”, so to speak. Fear is a cliff waiting to be jumped from. Not the best place for any heart to be. Fortunately, in real life, with real people and real love, fear is just vapor. So happy to have you here, my friend. Thanks for that.

Ruth Curran - Oh Tammy so I get this. My mom had her first encounter with breast cancer when I was 11 and just starting to develop.No exaggeration, I have, since then, been waiting for the other shoe (or breast… I guess) to drop. Slightly different angle and issues. I love this piece, your perspective, and your willingness to speak frankly! Thank you!

Laurie Braddy - Hi Tammy, I’m so sorry to read that you have been dealing with all that. I know that even waiting for results of cancer screening can be excruciating. I’m relieved for you that the results were negative. I am confident that you will have every opportunity to live that full and happy life that you deserve. My love to you both.

Tammy - Thanks, Laurie. I no longer have the confidence that vast years ahead are a sure thing. Maybe that’s a good thing. I take nothing for granted anymore. I will live with the biggest of gusto, all that is mine to live. And that is a good feeling. Love you both right back!

Tammy - Ruth, I totally get it. Heredity has a lot to do with things. Cancer use to be a death sentence. I know that it isn’t anymore. But no matter how you look at it, cancer is life threat and a surety of physical misery beyond words. My breath gets stuck in my throat just thinking about it. As my 84 year old aunt always tells me: we are just visitors here. Thank you truly for the read and the comment. I appreciate them both very much.

Lois Alter Mark - Oh, Tammy, wow. Thanks for sharing your story which, thankfully, has a happy ending. May we all stay lucky.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
What a beautifully brave column. The fear must have been something you could breathe.I, too, had a cancer scare, but like you, I “escaped” and feel very grateful. I have to remember how grateful I feel.
Cancer scares have also struck my family, so I appreciate
your honest rendering of your feelings. We can always count on you to “tell it like it is.” A serious, worthwhile piece.

Cynthia Greene Jordan - Oh dear lord…Tammy, I had no idea you were going through this. I am elated that things turned out positive and concur that being alive is more important than a body part or an organ. XO…BNIALW

Jeffrey Davidson - First and foremost, you are free and clear. YEAH!! I am very happy for you.

WITTY or not, I think that you wrote your feelings so beautifully and expressed what is really important, losing a breast but saving your life.

The fortunate situation to be with someone who loves you and is by your side regardless can not help but make you feel special, warm and fuzzy inside.

Once again, kudos to your thoughts, emotions and your ability to express them so beautifully.

Tammy - Hi Mel, it doesn’t surprise me that you’ve been hit by the dreaded possibility. It seems if you live long enough, your reward is to be poked in the ribs by cancer or it’s possible visitation. Part of my fear is the memory of watching my father struggle to beat a non beatable foe. It was a brutal end for a man that deserved much more. There by the grace of God go I. Thank you, friend, for the read and the comment. Happy are here with me on this.

Doreen Mcgettigan - I am SO glad you are okay. I agree with you it is getting scarier the older we get but I am with you, if it will save my life take it! Did I say how happy I am that you are okay!

Joan Cooper - Your way with words never ceases to amaze me. As to ..’why are breasts so important to women’… well – because they represent the giving of life – nursing the baby – and the power that goes along with this. That sense of power with beautiful breasts never ceases to be with us – I believe.

Men never cease to admire beautiful breasts and without that (in general I mean) we feel we lose some of our femininity and womanhood.

I am taking and have taken hormones for so long I cannot remember. I think the results outdo the risk. But the balance of what you take is important.

I don’t want to lose you ever, Tammy. You are a fresh flower in the universe.

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Awwww, Joan, I think that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. Truly. I love being called a fresh flower in the universe. Love it! Thank you. You are right, men never cease to be enamored of breasts. And, yes, they are a big part of our femininity. Strangely, they have become quite insignificant in importance to me. I do love them, and I don’t want to lose them, but if doing so saved me, I couldn’t book the hospital room fast enough. Here’s to power beyond the breast! Thanks again, Joan, for just being you.

Sharon Greenthal - Thank goodness you’re all clear. I agree with you completely, I would give up my breasts in an instant if it meant saving my life. We are so much more than our bodies, aren’t we???
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Tammy - I do SO agree, Sharon. Our bodies are only our outside skin. I value it … a LOT. But giving up a piece of it so that I could live? Yeah, no contest. I’m pretty sure I didn’t come out from under my rock for a good 3 weeks. I was boosting myself up for a stronger me that I was fairly sure I would need. I’m happy to report, I don’t.

Christina Embry - Tammy, it’s been awhile since we’ve connected but I think about you all the time because you have made such a huge impact on my life and inspired me! Thank you for sharing something so personal! Once again your an inspiration to us women no matter the age. I hope to speak to you again very soon! Stay healthy.

Tammy - Hi Christina! Ever so lovely to hear from you! Thank you for the kind words, appreciate that very much. Blogging is sharing. I waited long enough to figure out how much I wanted to share. Then I thought “what the hell, just tell it like it is”. And so I did. Appreciate the read AND the comment. And I sincerely look forward to working with you again. You know where I am!

If My Dog Could Talk …

I’d be mortified. Or in jail. She would gladly share my dress size, the fact that I have chin hairs, that I’m an easy drunk (one glass of wine and I’m ready for a nap), how I talk (yell) at the television when watching the nightly news, that I eat in bed, my opinion on […]

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Carolyn Durandette - I love this…I only wish that I could understand my little guy as well. I think he is much more interested in other dogs, squirrels, treats and getting petted.

Jacqueline Wolven - Have you read Sam Harris’s book Lying? I’m reading it right now and I think you would REALLY like it! I love this: how I talk (yell) at the television when watching the nightly news… me too!

Joan Cooper - Interesting word – “If”

I think, with your gift for words you should do a whole blog on the word – “If”


Carol Cassara - If Riley could talk? I shudder to think.
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Tammy - Cool idea, Joan. So many of us have lived our lives based on the word “if”. I’ll give it some thought! Thanks for being here!

Its All About The Yummy - I can only imagine what my Biscotti might have to say. How fun would that be?

Tammy - My point exactly, Carol! Talk about not being able to show your face in public! Haaa! Appreciate the read and the comment!

Ruth Curran - I love to believe the world could use this brand of honesty, sanity, and calm (not so sure about the Milk Bones). The things we confide and the unconditional affection that makes us vulnerable…. Spooky! Wonderful post!

Marilyn Rich Tichauer - I enjoy your humor and honesty so much!!! Keep it up, we love you!!

Cheryl Nicholl - I LOVE this!!! It’s so true that the way an animal experiences life is wonderful and peaceful and simple. And I agree that there are two sides to everyone- the public and the private, the commendable and the regrettable, but I think there’s a reason we’re not like our pets, or we might all still be living in caves. Actually- that might not be so bad.
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Tammy - Cheryl, love the “the commendable and the regrettable” comment! SO true. There are days when cave dwelling sounds pretty awesome to me. Just saying. Lately I’m finding a serenity in the going back to basics logic. Of course, I take my dog with me!

Jeffrey Davidson - We all know that dogs are loving. Lock you dog and significant other/spouse/etc. in the trunk for a few hours. When you open the trunk, which one is happy to see you?

Cheryl Nicholl - Is it the Seasonal change that makes us all want to nestle and get back to simple pleasures? I know as soon as I feel the ‘shift’ I change gears. Maybe it’s our age and the wisdom that that imparts? Either way- I hear you and I’m riding in the seat next to you. Beautiful post. Wonderful writing…. of course. Thanks my dear friend for giving me something to think about.
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Kim Dalferes, Author - This post makes me miss my dog Taz, who left us this past May after over 13 years of wonderful companionship. He taught us many lessons. I try to love as unconditionally as he did.

mel - Dear Tammy,
If only our dogs could talk. Maybe they do – to other dogs. What secrets about us they would share. What a delightful funny column. You must read Billy Collins’ poem on the subject, called “The Revenant”. – Google it. It’s a dog talking back to its master. Oh, to be as good as dog, but maybe they can be better than usbecause they have less to worry about?

Kim Tackett - I’ve always thought that my dog’s unconditional love and adoration was worth every sock he chewed and every poop I scooped. And you’re right, we need to love ourselves as our dogs love us!
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Tana Bevan - Tammy~In answer to your question why we’re not as honest in public as in private (and even in private not as honest as we might be) is most of us … okay I can’t speak for others so I’ll admit that my experience has been when I’ve shared something personal, the truth, been extremely honest, and it’s been thrown back in my face and/or bitten me in the butt. That gets old. Would love to say I’ve only done this once or twice. No so. There was always something in me that hoped, “This time will be different.” Not sure when I decided that wasn’t to be and/or I just wasn’t in the mood to take that chance any more. That’s my tale.

As always, you have a lovely way of putting your words together. It is a talent I admire my friend. Still, you don’t mention how you evolved to the public/private persona. Would love to hear about its evolution if you care to share. Am respectful if you don’t. *smiles warmly*
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Lois Alter Mark - There’s a reason dog is God spelled backwards. I am totally missing our beloved dogs now, and am thinking it’s going to be time to get another one soon. It’s hard to live without that unconditional love and unbridled enthusiasm. I do get those from my husband but he’s not quite as tolerant of my singing as my Chow Chow and Newfy used to be :)

Doreen McGettigan - You really have me wondering what my dogs would say. They would probably say how much fun they have running from me after taking my underwear out their doggie door and burying it in the garden along with my keys and shoes. (the vet says they don’t want me to leave, awww)
I get so mad but they are so cute I have to laugh.
I would like to think I am the same person in public that I am in private but will have to think about that one.
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Sheryl Kraft - Dogs are THE best and THE most honest and loving. I miss my dogs beyond reason!

Tammy - Thanks, Mel, so happy you enjoyed the read. It was great fun to write. I do love my pooch of 13 years. We are old souls together, now. Understanding each others needs without a spoken word or command. A grace and dance of love and appreciation. Something I will gravely miss when she is no longer. Until then, I openly talk with her, all the while teasing her how she better not repeat what she just heard or saw. If a dog could giggle, I imagine she would.

Tammy - I do SO agree with you, Kim. They are worth every single pee spot, aggravation, pet sitting fees, etc. There is no true measure of a dogs worth, because it is so great and so profound in its purity that it’s only when we are with them we consider ourselves for what we are …. mere mortals. I have been graced by many a dog and a cat in my lifetime. Tender mercies…all of them!

Tammy - Interesting thought, isn’t it, Doreen? I think we’ve all met those women who are completely different with men than they are with other women. Sad, really. How many faces can one have without feeling confused or overwhelmed? A dogs perspective puts it all into balance. They give us a daily dose of those things that matter: love, harmony, food, water, a warm bed, and a loving lap to lean in to. A dog that has those things considers themselves to be rich. I’m thinking we should too!

Tammy - So happy you enjoyed the read, Tana. I completely understand your tale. It is the same for many, myself as well. Still, I forged ahead and found that when my attitude changed, so did the outcome. I no longer give a rats ass what people think of me. No lie. I am quite happy to be who I am, and proud that I’ve made it this far. For only I know the real distance, pain, and turmoil it took to get here. And only I can celebrate myself in proper fashion. And so I do. One day, over a cup of java, we will share. Thank you for being here. I do so appreciate you!

Nancy Hill - my dogs and cats have seen me through thick and thin, but my pups love me more, my turtle is plotting to get out of his tank and eat me

Carol - Tammy,
So much truth in this!!
You hit the nail on head once again.

Tammy - THANKS, Carol. So happy to see you here! Yup, it is all true. God love those fuzz buckets that complete our home life with such grace and devotion. Can’t imagine what it would be like without them. Thanks for popping by… was awesome!

Lily Lau - If your doggie could talk, you’d start taking the 5 o’clock tea and talk for long hours!
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Tammy - Lily, if my dog could talk I’d probably leave the house a lot less often. I’m quite sure that the conversation would be amazingly stimulating! YES, high tea would be a daily event!

Mary - I could not agree more. I have often thought the world would be a better place if my dogs did more of the running of things and I could sit around and scratch. I’m not telling what!

Can a sassy woman blogger shame the NFL even if she doesn’t know a thing about football?

Just watch me. Hey NFL, if I were your mother, I would take you out of the game. No time outs, no suspensions. I would throw your disrespectful ass out on the dirty street where it belongs. Your behavior is reprehensible, disgusting, and shows absolutely no regard for your players or their families. It is […]

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Joan Cooper - Well said, Tammy.

It is puzzling to me why the NFL does not have counseling available to its’ players who have problems, and keep a file on that. Yes, this is an investment for them, so why do they not protect that investment and also help their men who so much need help.

You know me Tammy – I put Vick at the top of the list for hanging in public. This is the ultimate violation – to hurt a flesh and blood creature who has no chance to fight back. Rice’ lady married him fully knowing his violence. That is a little different. Not approving – but she did have a fighting chancre – no pun intended.


Linda Lichtman - I’m cancelling my season’s NFL tickets and donating the $$$ to a battered women’s shelter.
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Tana Bevan - What is an appropriate punishment? Well, seems to me castration along with a frontal lobotomy. Then place him in a room/stadium of women while showing the video. Let justice be done. (Wouldn’t be surprised to learn vigilante justice is on the rise.)
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Tammy - Joan, I AGREE with you on ALL counts. That is rare for us. I welcome the company. It’s all so disgusting to know that it’s part of our “Americana”. God help us.

Tammy - OMG, Linda, that is FREAKING BRILLIANT! So LOVE the idea. Man, would that many will follow in your footsteps! Thank you for being here, my friend.

Tammy - Tana, this is all so crazy and out of whack. I’m learning that the NFL will allow him to play sooner than later. What the hell?! Women need to take over this shit. Men are clearly incapable of looking past their wallets. UGH! Do like the stadium suggestion!

Carol Cassara - I am with you 300 percent.

Helene Cohen Bludman - I am so disgusted with this Ray Rice incident and the sloppy way the NFL has dealt with it. And I hate that his wife is defending him.

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - You tell ‘em!! The whole sport – owners, players & advertisers – need fixing! Not to mention counseling for the wives…….

Barbara Torris - You are saying what we have ALL known for longer than we care to admit. However, until the football fans of America let their voice be heard, nothing (nothing) will change. I believe that football players are allowed to do things on the field that they would be arrested for on the street or in their homes. The game is simply barbaric!

Cathy Chester - This whole incident is another shameful event in the world of sports.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
As with politics and business, the bottom line is the bottom line. Now sports. The NFL is a cash cow and nobody wants to see that the milk is sour.Shepard Smith interviewed an ex-wife of an ex NFLers today who admitted she was the victim of domestic abuse, and the coach of her husband’s team told her NOT to report the incident.
I am sure ping pong has its dirty elements, but not on such a large scale. Sportsmanship? integrity? fair play? Those concepts, my dear, are gone with the wind. And we will always have football playing Mondays, Sundays, now Thursdays just outside of Tara.

Kim Tackett - I’m not a football fan, so no love lost. But it seems that the game
itself is an exercise in violence (like I said, not a fan, so the strategy part is invisible to me), so why are we surprised when the athletes, or stars, behave in this way? I do hope this opens up a conversation and real changes are made. Thanks for this piece!
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Lisa @ Grandma's Briefs - There are so many ways in which the NFL needs to shape up, do the right thing. Will it ever happen? Doubtful. It’s an endless exercise in frustration.
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Lois Alter Mark - Great post. The NFL is a disgrace, putting money before basic human rights. They could set a great example for generations of boys by kicking out abusers. Instead, they protect and defend them. If Ray Rice had knocked out anyone other than his girlfriend/fiance/wife like that, he’d be in jail. Where he should be.

Tammy - *Big Sigh* No doubt you are right, Mel. 60 Minutes did an expose last year on the NFL on how they drugged up wounded players to play. One would think that was illegal. They didn’t flinch. Like the NRA, they don’t have to. What a crazy world we live in.

Tammy - Hi Kim, happy to have you here. Yup, it opened up conversation alright. Let’s see if anything comes of it. Fingers crossed!

Tammy - It IS an endless exercise in frustration! As long as those tickets get sold, this will continue. Only when they are hit where it hurts, in the wallet, will it matter. How sad is that?!

Tammy - I’m with you Helene. His wife’s actions are even more bizarre. It seems clear that priorities are completely upside down. Can you imagine this kind of incident happening in baseball 40 years ago? Of course not. Baseball prided itself on integrity and the honesty and purity of the game. Too bad we’ve lost touch with that sentiment.

Doreen Mcgettigan - AMEN!! The NFL needs to stop signing thugs to multi-million dollar contracts, especially thugs with poor educations.

Toni McCloe - The NFL said today that they did not see the video of Rice hitting his fiancee. They saw only a video of him dragging his fiancee out of the elevator. Duhhh??? “dragging!!!”

Tammy - You made me laugh, Toni. Duhhhh! Yup, I would think that if you see a guy dropping and dragging his fiancée out of an elevator and not even bending over to see how she is, that something not so awesome went down. This post was picked up by HUFFPOST today, and as it turns out, they DID see the entire video in April. Shocker. Not. These guys are cover up artist, crooks of the worst kind. Send them all to jail! Bah!!

Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - I totally agree!

Rosalind Warren - LOVE it! (Especially that Michael Vick aside.)

Ruth Curran - Oh you are preaching to the choir on this one. I get it that holding professional athletes up as role models is not always a good idea but criminal behavior is a different story. Great post

lizzy - Pro teams have always been about the revenue. What is, sad is hearing the Commish saying he hoped the couple would work things out. Huh??? Would he hope his daughter stay with a guy who beats the shit out of her? This is all so classic victim that it’s shocking and heartbreaking. A great lesson for the public on domestic abuse, victims, and why they stay.

Tammy - Ruth, we are on the same page. If only everyone else was too. Thanks ever so for the read and the comment!

Tammy - Lizzy, holy cow, I didn’t hear that from the commish. That is insane! I’m sure the tables would be turned if it were his daughter. At least, we hope so. The poor money hungry lying scum. Wait … was that my outside voice? You’re right…it is a great lesson for the public and hopefully some good dialogue will come of it.

Jeanne Moattari - Sports figures have stopped being American idols. They are businesses. No person should have to be beaten or brow beaten by anyone else. Mental abuse occurs every day in every job. Why doesn’t anyone blog about the woman who is let go for being overweight? Or school principals who make racist statements to young student teachers? These are power plays. Everyone wants to see the guy who makes an insane amount of money, go down. His wife and he need therapy and other relationship help. But calling them out, taking away the job of the breadwinner, is not addressing the issue..wasn’t there a famous athlete charged with rape– which is violence, physical and psychological..he was fined and back at work. Definitely the ATHLETIC professions need to hire psycholigists. These athletes live abnormal lives. Bigger than reality. But they deserve to be judged like everyone else, not in the media or on blogs. Michael Vick was guilty of animal abuse and more. Why is he still playing?

WendysHat - This is a whole other world from the one I live in. Sad state of affairs I’m afraid.
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Jeffrey Davidson - Great post! It’s amazing how these “role models” just like the Senators and Representatives in Washington get away with all kinds of illegal and immoral things. The NFL at the very least should ban him from all future games, nullify his contract and never allow him to play in the league again. That goes for all of the felons, drug users, spousal, child and animal abusers etc. That being said, the salaries that any professional athlete commands, just like many CEO’s, etc. is what the market will bare. It is truly sad that our teachers, law enforcement officials, fire fighters, etc. command such low pay. However, that is a societal problem when the athletes are paid so much more. You commented that: “Speaking of bucks, don’t even get me started on the ridiculous million dollar salaries these guys get to catch, throw and kick a pig skin. All while our teachers, firemen, social workers, etc. go horribly underpaid and remain far too undervalued.” Athletes get paid because they bring in the money that society pays to see them perform. The others get paid from tax revenue. One is voluntary and the other is required. I don’t blame the “good” athletes, but like you, I think the sports management should have much higher standards as well as requiring a minimum, legitimate education.

Janice Wald - I agree with your thoughts. However, do you feel all NFL members should be shamed for the behavior of a group within their professional? Should all take the fall for the behavior of some?

Tammy - Hi Janice, absolutely NOT. But I do believe that the institution which has harbored, hidden and controlled matters unbecoming a civilized company need to be called out for what they are-greedy bastards. Shame on the NFL for not caring if their players are injured, abusers or uneducated. In America we are more than about the money. We are about the game, the players, the families and the fairness of it all. Not lately!

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