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An Open Letter To The Republican Party … (oh, boy!)

(We are not supposed to discuss politics for fear of alienating our readership. Well, I guess I’m throwing that rule out the window! Hang on to your hats, this is going to hurt … one of us). Dear Republican Party, I am embarrassed to be counted among you. What the hell is wrong with you […]

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Sharon Westmoreland - Right ON! Hope you can survive the flack!

Evette Goldstein - Well said! Right on! I agree 100%!

Marilyn Tichauer - BLECK for PRESIDENT!!!!!

Melanie Kissell - I often picture other countries observing how our government is run. I see them shaking their heads and laughing … out loud … and a lot. And it’s embarrassing and humiliating.

Phyliss Rampulla-Kirk - Thank you for stating the obvious. I hope all reasonable Republicans will follow your lead, whether they stay with the party or opt out. We need both parties to work together to support our Democracy and continue to create a government for the people, by the people !!!!!!

Tammy - Marilyn, this made me laugh out loud. Thanks for that. For the record: I will not seek, nor will I accept the nomination for President of the United States. Unless there is substantial chocolate involved. xo

Tammy - Thanks, Sharon. That makes two of us! Happy to have you here!

Debbie Barnett - Preach it, Girl!

Jeanette Bishop - I’m glad to see a reformed Republican. It shows me there is at least one who can still learn, and who is honest. I was a little disappointed to see your hanging on to at least one Republican extreme view of the Iran deal though, which I, a mere onlooker, see just the opposite. The only option I can see is the bombing method. Go over there and wipe ’em out! Obama said he would try to negotiate instead of starting another 10-year war. They

Barbara Hammond - Thank you, Tammy, for ensuring I’m not the only one who has to rant about the insanity going on lately. If we can’t let it out we’ll implode!

Toni @ Debt Free Divas - Well said. Well said. We don’t all have to agree on everything, but we can start by finding the ability to respect one another. I think the media is just as complicit in the hostility that’s so pervasive. Good old respect and decent debate doesn’t get ratings. Oh boy…what’s a political junkie who abhors the current state of discourse to do.

Here’s an idea – read great blogs like this one! Thanks!

Tammy - Toni, THANK YOU for the kind review! You are SO right and make a marvelous point; the media is culpable to the highest extreme. And the ratings go up and the coverage gets even more moronic. God help us all! Here’s hoping that respect for one another finds its way to Washington.

Bonnie K. Frogma - I think you are awesome.

Gary Siegel - Shades of coincidence. Did I once know you in a prior life? I too changed to Independent out of total disgust of the GOP. The only problem I had was not being able to figure out how fill out the change of political party form. Perhaps you should publish simple instructions and get a “grass roots” campaign going in that direction.

Beverly Diehl - You go, Tammy! While I don’t agree with everything you say, most of it strikes a chord, and I am on board. I don’t *want* there to be only two political parties, because the D’s aren’t all that and a bag of chips, but what they have going for them, is “at least they’re not ALL crazy.” It is very sad to think Eisenhower and Reagan would not be viable candidates in today’s Republican party.

Tammy - Hi Gary, go figure, that makes two of us! I have a feeling there are many more of us yet unspoken. I still believe in the mantra of less government that the Republicans hold true. If there was a grass roots effort I’d join it. We are birds of a feather, my friend, happy to have you here! Thanks for that.

Cathy Chester - This is our daily dinner conversation with our son, Tammy. But he is for women’s rights, detests Trump, Christie and a few others, and agrees on a few more issues with us. But we are really the “Family Ties” family with hubby and I as Mr. and Mrs. Keaton! I am already tired of the debates, discussions, etc. I think elections should take 3 months for campaigning and then voting time!

Cathy Chester - P.S. I think the nation is still going to vote a Republican in. History repeating itself. Hope I’m wrong…

Carol Cassara - Thank you, my darling, for this delicious post. Sad that it’s needed. Check out mine tomorrow. MIss you loads. Let’s be in touch soon.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
Couldn’t agree with you more! Which begs the question – how come you are a Republican? Any chance of conversion to the Democratic party? And what do you say to Donald Trump? I am not
saying that the Dems are perfect, but but the GOP
is a party without grace, hope or vision.

Sheryl - You are NOT stupid. You ARE brave. And, you are so RIGHT. (Not right-wing, but right in the sense of what you are saying makes such sense!!!)

Mary Bird Lanzavecchia - Yes, yes, yes!
Raised Republican, Registered Independent

Anita Dzirne-Irlen - This is an awesome post! I’m on the other “side” but you are the kind of person I want to talk to. How can you even discuss with that extreme right? It’s frightening the lack of leadership, role models, and ethical people. Thanks for being so damn sensible.

Pia Savage - This is wonderful

Geralyn Johnson Crawford - Bravo, why would you doubt yourself? Extra credit for not jumping on the ever popular Trump wagon; although it would have been entertaining.

Tammy - Hi Mel, the fact is, I have voted Democrat almost half my life. It’s always been about the person instead of the party. However, that being said, I truly believe in the Republican’s view of less is more when it comes to government meddling, handouts and programs. I grew up just knee high from dirt poor. No one gave us anything. I learned to earn my way and it made me. Dems have taken that lesson away from so many with their liberal program offerings and tax sucking programs. Not a fan. However, you are RIGHT, the GOP is a party without grace, hope or vision. To add salt to the wound, they have lathered up a good dose of hate, bigotry and racism. From this day forward I cannot, I will not, call myself a Republican. Those are NOT my ideals. Will I ever become a Democrat? Never say never.

Tammy - Thanks, Sheryl. It makes sense to me too only because it’s so basic. Sometimes we have to go back to basics to see what is right and what is wrong. The stands the GOP are making are just WRONG. I cannot stand beside them and call them my party. Far from it! Great to hear from you!

Cheryl Nicholl - I am a fiscal conservative and a social liberal- but usually vote R. However, they really are making me sick. Why can’t the GOP just stand for a leaner (fiscal responsibility) and meaner (strong defense) take care of our infrastructure and the poor and needy and stay the hell out of all the rest? Where did they loose their way??? Congress should be fired.

Debby Schlesinger - My goodness….a THINKING (albeit Ex) Republican. Good for you for realizing that the Republican party is turning into a really warped version of a “Good ‘Ole Boy” club! I don’t see how women can stick with the republican party when their bigoted, racist, mysogonistic views are so transparent! (O.K…..maybe that last adjective was a bit strong…). I work in a science based field (nursing), with Republican co workers who are sometimes quite vocal about their views. How in the world can you believe in practicing evidence based medicine & deny global warming? I really don’t get it.

Cary Vaughn - Bless you for this.

Tam Warner Minton - Ah, a 1980s Republican! The kind I used to be able to have a discussion with. Now, I absolutely cut off, and abhor, any discussions with Republicans. I find them strident, angry, and self involved. Except for the middle and lower class Republicans, I think they are just not too bright. Why vote against yourself? That is what they do. I despise the judgmental bullshit.
Yes, I am a liberal democrat. And I voted for Obama. And I would vote for him again against people like Palin and Mitt.

Roshni AaMom - The latest batch have just taken things to such an extreme! I’m amazed that they learnt nothing from the last two elections!!

Jeffrey Davidson - I love when people express their opinions since it gives us an opportunity to understand each other’s opinions and learn. However, I will only debate politics with those who vote.

Your comments regularly stimulate thought and conversation. Agree or disagree, it would be a shame that someone would not want to read your blogs because they do not necessarily share the same view.

I have friends and business associates with whom I do not agree on everything and we are still friends and get along well.

Keep up your stimulating blogs and hopefully many more will learn and grow, agree or disagree.

Keith Graham - Well said Tammy. I’m with you. I wish more Republicans would take the blinkers off and see what their pitiful excuse for a political party is actually doing to run the country.
It’s also true that unless you have 100% Native American blood you are the offspring of an immigrant.

Lisa Carpenter - Oh, yeah! This is yet another reason (among the many) why I’m no longer affiliated with either party and, like you, recently registered as independent. Will there ever be a “common sense and compassion” party? I’ll keep dreaming…

Evelyn Marshall - BRAVO. I’M WITH YOU ALL THE WAY!

Kathleen O'Donnell - I’m a conservative Democrat who feels like I have no one to vote for. If the Republicans could come up with someone who didn’t seem like a clown or a rabid dog I’d vote for them! Best analogy I’ve heard…the Republicans are a Mad Men party in a Modern Family world. Get to together! Great post.

Kitt Crescendo - Honestly, my friend, I’m pretty tired of all of them. Never mind disappointed. I keep hoping that someone’s going to run at some point that I can completely get behind, but so far, no luck. I may agree with some of their views, then they’ll throw something pretty big and extreme out there that is completely the opposite of how I feel…

Tammy - I’m right there with you, Kitt. Perhaps it’s time to save those dollar bills for that little island in the Pacific. Then I could be my own President. If only it were that easy! So happy to see you here! Thanks for popping in and sharing with me.

t - Great article and one that made me think! I vote for the person, not the party. Having said that I will say I have no idea who I will vote for and am not thrilled with any of them. By the time the election gets here I will be so sick of the commercials I probably won’t like any of them…but I will vote. I’m a former history teacher and my dad served. I don’t understand people who don’t vote.

Have a great day Tammy and hope to see you at BAM!

Theresa Wiza - Great letter! I hope some of the Republican presidential candidates read it. I don’t consider myself a Democrat, a Republican, or an Independent. I vote strictly on the person running. I know for sure that I will NOT be voting Republican, however, due to all the poison that has been leaking out of the mouths of people in that party. Right now, I’m leaning toward Hillary Clinton or Bernie Sanders, and I’m looking forward to the debates to make my final decision.

Anne - Tammy,

All I can say after reading your article is “Wow”. Fantastic article!


Maryjo Morgan - Way to go, Tammy!

This thread is the most SANE political discussion I’ve seen in AGES! Good for you for engaging respectfully and truthffully. We SHOULD be able to do this! you know, talk, agree to disagree sometimes, be surprised to find ourselves in agreement or disagreement when we didn’t expect it.

What thrills me about this thread is flagrant love of country enough to have the courage to question, to seek additional information and above all, to exercise our hard-won right to vote and case knowledgable votes.

You totally ROCK, Tammy!

Tammy - I’m right there with you. I vote for the person too. Problem is, no one of great quality is stepping up. And my Grand Old Party had turned into a hate mongering, bigoted lynch mob. Good grief! We will all be sick of the process before it’s over. I’ve never officially been an Independent before and it feels a bit like a betrayal. Then I remember that it was the GOP that changed gears and betrayed us. Bah! There’s no winning this game!

Tammy - Theresa, I am leaning that direction as well. More time needs to be given to the candidates so we can get a better idea of who they are. Trump seems to take the center stage. Entertaining but not all that enlightening. Fingers crossed!

Tammy - Thanks, Anne, so happy you enjoyed the read. It was therapeutic to write. Sad for me, really. I am fiercely loyal and it feels a bit like I’m abandoning my party of choice. But the truth is, they have wandered off into crazy-ville and have abandoned many followers such as myself. I just cannot abide the hate mongering, name calling, negative nuances that pour out of their mouths. Enough! So happy to see you here, Anne. Thanks for that. xo

Tammy - Thanks, Maryjo! I’ve noticed that even the peeps that don’t agree (and I’m sure there are millions) here, at least, they are quite civil and wonderfully expressed. I’m with you….it should be like this! Truth is, it pains me to see my party of choice get so off track. I just can’t abide by their hate mongering and negative tactics towards women, gays, immigrants. It’s crazy to me. This is NOT the GOP I have faith in. Not by a long shot! I am thrilled to hear from you. Thrilled! Thanks for that. xo

Close Encounters Of The Rudest Kind

I’ve had one of those weeks. You know the kind; where you just as soon run someone over as look at them. It seems at every turn I have encountered the foul mouthed, holier than thou, the rules don’t apply to me, individual. If there were pills for patience I would have overdosed. Let me […]

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Carole - I know what you are describing, I have had plenty of encounters with discourteous folk. All I can do is ignore them when possible, or speak up when warranted.
I also apologize for my errors. A couple of days ago I was pulling into a parking spot. As I was making the turn, I realized the driver parked next to the empty spot I wanted was attempting to back up and it looked like he was cussing when I blocked him. After I parked I tapped on his window. I could tell he was wary, but he rolled his window down slightly. I told him that I didn’t see his backup lights because of the low angle of the sun, and apologized for cutting him off. The look on his face was priceless. He thanked me, said it was no problem, and went on his way with a smile.
It was great to see him go from being irritated to being calm and relaxed. I hope he paid the courtesy forward.

Tammy - Love your sharing, Carole. Kindness and courtesy goes a long way, no lie. I make it a habit of complimenting women when I’m out and about. “You look lovely today”, or “what a pretty top” brings smiles you wouldn’t believe. Rudeness happens. I get it. But it seems to have become blatant and almost intentional these days. People seem to pride themselves on not having a filter. I don’t get it. We are not the better for it!

Lucyanne - You sound angry and a little tightly wound. Sometimes it’s ok to not sweat the small stuff. You’ll end up happier. Try yoga.

Laura Lee Carter - Hi Tammy:
Now you know why we decided to move away from all metro areas! It has been proven in all species that overcrowding causes aggressive behavior. Where it ends nobody knows, but I don’t want to be around to see it!

Scott Morgan - I have this kind of conversation with my best friend all the time. She goes ANYwhere and I get a story about rude jerks and lewd comments. This is why she likes having me around, people don’t give her attitude when I’m there.

But the Irish have a great saying — Don’t let the bastards get you down. Combine that with Kurt Vonnegut’s “Stay soft, don’t let the world make you hard,” and there’s some good advice in there.

If only it were as easy to do as to say.

Cathy Chester - I don’t have the answers because I see the same rudeness and have written about the absence of good manners before.

Perhaps it’s where we live, and it’s the very reason I want to move from crowded NJ. But where to?

We’ll still get infiltrated by the Donald Trump’s and Ann Coulters of the world. So, sorry my friend. I don’t have the answers. All we can both do is simply the best that we can to hold it together through trying situations.

Tammy - Hi Lucyanne, angry, yes. Tightly wound, some days, but not generally. I enjoy Pilates, thank you. I agree with you…don’t sweat the small stuff. But when the small stuff becomes every day stuff and all the time stuff, it becomes bigger stuff. Lots of stuff here…you know what I mean. Thanks for the read and the comment!

Tammy - Thanks, Scott. Loved the “stay soft, don’t let the world make you hard” quote. Brilliant. Some days are easier than others. But I have learned that it’s damn hard to deal with stupid. Likely impossible. Wonderful seeing you here. Thanks for that!

Doreen McGettigan - The rudeness is definitely becoming an epidemic. I am appalled at the rudeness of young cashiers and store clerks. After a nasty parking lot altercation I decided to always pick the furthest parking spot. Nobody else wants it and I need the exercise. I reward myself with extra cookies:)

Sheryl Kraft - How rude, indeed! What is WRONG with people?? (Nothing that a tube of red lipstick won’t fix :) You (and I and everyone else) has to have the patience of a saint not to spar with people like this, but I often think that they’re not worth a shred of my breath.

Tammy - Love it, Doreen. Method to your madness. An extra cookies helps loads! I too park further away to avoid the maddening crowd. From now on I will be looking for my cookie reward!

Shelley Zurek - I think manners and compassion need to be taught in an after school program where parents and kids must both attend. Either that or neither generation will have any. Cuz their partents obviously didn’t teach them anything…

Carol Cassara - Many of my readers had ideas on this when I posted a similar topic, I don’t know, I just don’t think that way (rude and nasty). It’s a big mystery to me.

Lisa at Grandma's Briefs - We are such a mess. This, yes: “I’m not sure where all the nice, polite, law abiding people went, but I miss them terribly. So does the world.” Yes, yes, yes!!

It sickens me that one of the most rude and obnoxious individuals EVER has made such a splash on the political scene—and an unbelievable number of folks think he’d be a good representative of our once-great country. Crazy. And disheartening. (Yes, you know who I mean, that man with the name I refuse to utter as too many others are.)

Patricia Patton - So with you on so much of what you’ve said. I find my mouth hanging open OFTEN because I am shocked by the bad behavior. It’s like you can think some of this “ish”, but do you really come into the street and spew your utter nonsense?

Lee Lefton - Tammy, your story about the jerk who stole your parking spot reminds me of the classic scene in “Fried Green Tomatoes,” where the same thing happens to Kathy Bates. When she calls the two 20-somethings on their s–t, they tell her they’re younger and faster. So she rams her car into the back of theirs multiple times. They rush out of the store and call her crazy, to which she replies, “Honey, I’m older and have more insurance.” Wouldn’t you just love to do that?

A number of the posts below are from people who’ve chosen to move from urban sprawl to smaller communities as we did 25 years ago. That’s not to say rudeness doesn’t occur. It’s just that with 9 million fewer people than LA, you see it a lot less. As for calling people on their s–t,
I think we have to be very careful. It only takes one nut. And NM is an open carry state. I think the safest thing we can do as mature (relatively) adults is to consider the source, let it go and move on. Not that I always do that.

Linda Lichtman - Perhaps that’s why I’ve been spending more time in the house – avoiding confrontations – avoiding bad breath – which you get plenty of when dealing w/ a fender bender – it’s wicked out here…

Lois Alter Mark - I find the world getting ruder and less civilized by the minute. I truly worry about the future of our species.

Carolann Iadarola - I don’t think that people have really changed all that much over the years. I think mankind has always been this way. It’s just that we see it more and hear about it more because of social media and the internet. I just ignore them…and move on!

Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - I love the red lipstick trick. I’m going to buy a cheap tube and keep it in my glove compartment! I am so sick of rude people!

m - Dear Tammy,
Cannot argue over this one. In this hurry-up world, we have lost civility and grace. Many people are unhappy and they take out their poor lives on others. This is a cross-generational thing.
Do we bring back charm school, have cotillions? Afraid nothing will help here because
there is no punishment for egregious behavior.
Keep fighting the good fight.

Tammy - Lisa, you made me giggle. What a great comparison. Yup, Frump (ahem) is hugely rude and discourteous and people love it about him. One moment he states how he supports women, the next he is bashing women who disagree with him with horrible name calling etc. Maybe he is the poster child for my post….and I didn’t even know it.

Tammy - Mel, I think you hit the nail on the head…there is NO punishment for egregious behavior! I didn’t think we needed more “laws” but maybe just one more would serve society nicely.

Joy Page Manuel - Tammy, I am now on my way to my upstairs dresser to grab my one and only bright red lipstick and load that priceless ammunition into my purse. Thank you for that advice! And P.S. I admire you for still being sane and not ending up on the 11pm news. I’m not sure I’d fare that well in your shoes. I think the problem with the younger generation/s is that everyone just has an unreasonably high sense of entitlement. I’m not sure exactly how or when this came to be but I’m sure it’s a complex interaction of several sociopsychological variables.

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - I too, have employed the red lipstick solution, and find that it can be really quite satisfying!

Barbara Hammond - I think our political climate has contributed greatly to the lack common decency in the past few years and right now it’s pretty much at its worst. The sense of entitlement makes me crazy. We’ve moved to a lovely little beach town where people are more laid back than in the big city and I love that. My only problem here is it’s a very right wing leaning town and sometimes my big mouth can get me in trouble. I’m working on that! Love the lipstick idea, tho.

cheryl Shaw - You are speaking to the choir—–the whole world is angry and out of patience these days——-could it be that it is fostered by our illustrious government???? Just be careful——did you hear about the honeymooning couple who deigned to request teenagers pick up their own trash on the sixteenth street mall——–he was severely beaten as was a restaurant worker who came out to help. I don’t have any suggestions for a remedy——and notice the rhetoric everywhere——especially on tv——is becoming more and more incendiary——Jorge is a prime example. I also have a personal example which I will relate to you in a personal email.
As Winston Chuchill said, “Keep calm and carry on”. I TRY to live by those words.

Myrna Alpern - Tammy, When the jerks start their rude and tastless comments, I simply ” BLOW THEM A KISS” give them a little wave saying, Bye Bye, hope you have a good day too.

Howard Roper - Well, it seems that I’m not the only one that believes that the world has turned to anger rather than common courtesy, like it was once upon a time. You know, eons ago.
From drivers who cut me off, turn right in front of me without any regard of my speed, drive 20mph under the speed limit while talking/texting on there cell, stopping on a green light, going on a red light, and passing me in a school zone, all the while providing me their friendliness, by giving me the finger. Hmmm, and to think it doesn’t stop there. I could write a novel on this subject alone.
Tammy, what bothers me the most is the disregard for the sanctity of human life in our “New Age” of racial tensions, division of our country and disrespect/murder of our military and first responders. Now, THAT is troubling to me. It makes me feel small regarding the rude attacks on me. Aggression is one thing, HATE is totally different. It is that “Hate” that worries me the most.
So, I have learned to forgive easier. They say kill them kindness. I’ve learned it’s true. I’ve chosen to just let go of my unsatisfied need of retaliation. However, I must admit there are occasions I seriously think about busting them in their kisser. Would it solve the problem? Even temporarily? Maybe… Hmmm, that would have to be thought about. Maybe, while I’m in the poky. Ha!
The aggressive sickness that has overtaken us is ugly, rude, fast lane road rage hell. And it’s growing rapidly out of control as it spreads to every corner, every street, every town/city, every county, every state throughout our great Republic. Muggings, killings, rape, robbery, Islamic terrorism, etc. Like a rabid dog biting and infecting as it goes nowhere fast. A virus spreading that cannot be contained. When will it end? Will it? Or has it just begun to fester?
Wow! and to think I’m not upset. lol
Didn’t meat to start my own blog here. Sorry Tammy!! Good thing I’m your friend, or, at least was? lol
Red Lipstick…??? Maybe I need to start carrying it???

Michele Linse Jeffers - A-men, sista! First of all, don’t get me started on “milenials.” I think they were created by an evil force to destroy the world because they certainly are leading the way! Secondly, yes, I’ve also run into the absolute cray cray out there. The psycho chick who thinks that being “in line” at the bank means your still filling out deposit slips at the desk and then I get accused of cutting in front of her! My response? Be my guest. Please go ahead of me. I LET you do that even though you didn’t deserve it! I can’t pinpoint why the world is going mad, but my guess is that people are just too stressed out from all the pressures of life and the general feeling, as it was so well put in the film Network is, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

Tammy - Hi Cheryl, it’s tough out there! I’ve noticed the political rhetoric ramping up in a vicious and person attack mode. It certainly doesn’t help. I am not an alarmist, but I’ve got to share that this stuff scares me. Because mob mentalities never come to any good. And abuse (verbal and physical) is easy to lay down when unopposed. One has to wonder how this will all turn out. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, I’m keeping calm and carrying on!

Tammy - Hi Howard, I’m excited to see you here! I agree with you…all of it. It is a sickness that has penetrated every corner of our land. I try to keep a calm demeanor when this stuff happens in front of me (and it does) and it’s getting tough to do. I don’t think that people understand how quickly we as a nation are descending into a lower form of humanity towards one another. To see refugees get shot and pepper sprayed while holding their babies because they are fleeing ISIS….what the hell is going on here? Police officers getting shot in the back while filling a tank of gas? Who are these fruitcakes and should we be afraid of them? Hell yes, we should be afraid. Very afraid. But we should also DO something. We cannot stand by and not support our military, our law enforcement, our neighbors. Humanity meant something back in the day. It’s time to bring that day back TODAY. And, yes, you should start carrying red lipstick (giggle).

Everyone Needs A Sugar Daddy

Finding love should be easy. But it’s not. It’s crazy hard. So hard, in fact, that a great many people are flocking to Sugar Daddy dating sites for companionship. And business is booming. Dating sites such as,, and dozens just like them are taking advantage of the newest trend in dating: money […]

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Carol Cassara - That “seeking arrangements” and “sugar daddy” owner is an entrepreneur who has several of those sleazy sites doing booming business. The popularity of tinder and grindr are also telling us how much the scene has changed.Glad I am our age.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
You are indeed a romantic, speaking as someone who is IN a loving relationship, but in this case, I feel you’re being a bit harsh. I am not condoning these arrangements, but am aware of the fact that most people are lonely, and if two people mutually agree to a romantic cruise with “no strings attached,” what is the harm? Would you also be against older women advertising for younger men?
Prostitution is so cold and loveless; at least these sites offer the possibility for better, and since when is age a factor?
Please feel free to disagree.

Tam Warner Minton - I find the thought of it gross. When I was young I had a man old enough to be my grandfather offer to be my “sugar daddy”. I wasn’t sure what it entailed, exactly, but I knew I didn’t want anything to do with it. Yuck.

Jeffrey Davidson - Definitely “not the last one standing.” Business is business, contracts are just that, but love, preceeded by dating, is something special and yes, you only pay for it with your heart.

Tammy - Carol, I so agree. The business model has been amazingly successful. As sleazy as it feels, it is obviously filling a need. It’s that need that is puzzling. It seems so many are no longer in the market for real relationships. And, yes, Tinder and Grindr have changed the landscape of dating forever. And we thought was innovative. Little did we know.

Tammy - Good morning, Mel. I guess I am a romantic. I agree with you that it’s all okay if that is what people want and it is consenting. I just seriously question where we going as a society that so many have given up on finding a real relationship and have opted to buy one. You and I know that despite the website verbiage there are always “strings” attached. And, yes, I disfavor older men AND women (by the way, there are plenty of them) who date and bed young people who are their kids age and often younger. The idea is just gross and feels dirty to me. Age is a factor NOT in love, but in the buying of it. Please feel free to disagree….you know I love a good banter!

Tammy - I’m with you, Tam. I have a lovely little antique piece that I have been offered a good deal of money for. I value it a lot and have never consider selling it to the highest bidder. I value myself even more. I can only speak for myself, but for me, my love is not for sale. Especially to someone who would remind me of my father/grandfather.

Ellen Dolgen - Oh my……..I can’t imagine paying for love……….:<(

Laura Lee Carter - For me, now at age 60, LOVE is what it’s all about. And if you don’t know what that is, I’m sorry. That and a fantastic view of course….

Laura Lee Carter - For me, now at age 60, LOVE is what it’s all about. And if you don’t know what that is, I’m sorry. That and a fantastic view of course….

Tammy - Well said, Laura Lee. Well said!

Melanie Kissell - You’re not the only one left standing, Tammy — not by a long shot! If adults want to prostitute themselves, fine with me. It’s just not my cup of tea. My apologies for sounding crass but … you can always turn a buck if you know how to f*ck. Oldest profession on the books. However, I cans quickly see the dangers and safety issues in this type of behavior. Frankly, I’ve never been a risk taker, especially when it comes to things of a sexual nature. I value myself and my life too much and I have certain standards I live by.

Lois Alter Mark - I guess if this makes people happy, it’s fine but I just can’t imagine the whole sugar daddy thing. It makes me sad for the future.

Doreen McGettigan - No matter what you call it is prostitution. Like you, I agree it should be legalized. Maybe if it was legal it would take some power away from traffickers because from what I have read they ‘own’ some of the young women who are used for these sites. That just makes me cringe.
I found real love on a dating site. It wasn’t easy and took awhile but it can happen.

Brandon Wade - Why should a woman who wants to date up, who wants to meet someone successful and willing and able to spoil them be told they have no self worth? We live in a double standard society where men who sleep around are called studs, whereas women who sleep around are called sluts. It is time for women to stop being subjected to the rules of a male dominated society. As a female, the author should rejoice that increasing numbers of women are now confident and comfortable enough to own their sexuality and use their assets (beauty, smarts, etc.) to date the best they can find. Instead of celebrating this type of self empowered dating the author chose to call this money for service… which it clearly is not. There is obviously nothing wrong with expecting more out of your romantic relationships, just as we expect more out of our careers and our lives.

Tammy - Love that you shared that story, Doreen. Dating sites CAN produce awesome things. So happy to hear from you and happier still for the comment!

Tammy - Hi Brandon, I like your point of view. So what if it differs from my own, I appreciate that you are holding the banner for women’s rights. I appreciate the dialogue. I would never accuse a woman of having no self worth just because she allows someone to spend and pamper her. But I would certainly question that self worth if she is sleeping with him for the swag. As a woman, our bodies and worth much more in spirit, content and value than an expensive vacation or a Louis Vuitton purse. I do absolutely agree with you about the double standards. Men who sleep around are not studs and women who do are not sluts. Do I rejoice when women find their confidence. You bet I do. I don’t rejoice, however, when they sell themselves short and use the allure of money to find “love”. But that’s just me. By the way, that’s as tidy little business you’ve got going. Congrats on your entrepreneurial spirit! THANK YOU for being here and sharing your view. It was awesome.

MSG - Brandon, I have been in your sites… and while I applaud their existance, and your straightforwardness, most of the men there are NOT looking for sugar arrangements.

1. The precious few are real sugar daddies and sugar mommas, whether or not they are in my desired bracket, area (or looking for a travel SB), and regardless of whether we would be compatible. These few gentlemen know what it means to be an SD, and came to your sites seeking an SB or SBs.

2. Most are wankers. They want sexy pictures, lewd talk, or to flash their dicks on Skype, and they call women fakes or whores when they do not comply. Some are simply lonely old men who find membership benefits provide more real attention than paid phone sex lines.

3. I can’t tell you how many “sugar daddies” I have been out on dates with, who suddenly pull some bullshit about how they need a “test drive” in bed, and I am a bitch, golddigger or whore for being unwilling to do so. Some say they will, “pay what I’m worth, after,” if I do well.

I may be much younger than these men, but I wasn’t born yesterday.

4. The men who act bewildered by the concept of sugar dating; claiming allowance is rare, and gifts will only be given at their whim. Again, I get called a whore and a golddigger for NOT having sex with men making (presumably) empty promises to spoil me over time… but do nothing but dinner in the meantime. And they want their schedules and needs catered to, while giving less than a handsome and broke young man would.

Brandon, this isn’t even counting the many, many men who claim to not know what the allowance tiers mean, and say, “Well, I selected substantial, because I think $600/month is pretty darn substantial.”

You have some great features on these sites, but I do wish you would better refine your sites to discourage fake sugar daddies and confused newbies. Perhaps you could make it harder to select a range on SA without stating that it’s clearly understood what each term means. Perhaps you could add a Sugar Daddy/Momma Guide, so that people would know the etiquette in approaching Sugar babies.

On Miss Travel, some people think that Sugar Daddy simply means they get the plane ticket. You could make some notes, to prevent this misunderstanding.

More real sugar babies would join, which would in turn attract more wealthy people to join and pay your fees.


Solo Thailand - Brandon Wade makes a great argument. A lot of the perception by women of this kind of dating hinges on the men in the equation being secure and well mannered enough with comfortable and confident empathy to bring about this situation. If the man can create a relationship atmosphere within a secure arrangement that makes the woman feel valued for her investment of time and involvement then it call all work elegantly.

As long as the participants are happy and secure the rest of the world matters not much at all.

If you enter the ‘sugar bowl’ portraying an image as a secure wealthy successful man with self confidence and the spare capacity to run a positive relationship then that’s what you need to live up to. So often women coming into the sugar lifestyle are let down by the men themselves not treating them with respect. If you do it well the outside world absorbs your image and confidence and you can effect change. There’s a lot of narrow mindedness in the west especially about relationships with a wider age span and its about time prejudice like that was made to vanish. I can’t agree with the author’s thinly disguised age prejudice. The relationships I have engendered and maintained for decades with younger female partners around the world would prove all of the author’s assumptions to be wrong and a mis-statement of the value both ways of mutually beneficial dating. It’s about time journalists grew some empathy instead of looking for shallow headlines.

Tammy - Good morning MSG, THANK YOU for your comment and wildly helpful observations. I so respect your candor and willingness to share your experiences. If Brandon is the business man we all think he is, he will listen to what you have contributed here. Your sharing has confirmed what others have also voiced and what has been suspected. I wish you much luck in your pursuits. Be careful out there…the waters are infiltrated with wankers.

Cathy Sikorski - Adults surely have the right to do what they want to do. But, I too am a romantic. If these were sites where it was for dating, that ‘s one thing, but if they’re for sex or money and nice things, that’s a horse of a different color. I just want women to love and respect themselves, make their own money (even though we are STILL fighting that battle for equal pay), and find a good partner. Is that so much to ask?

Ruth Curran - I am absolutely a prude so you can imagine my digust here. Whatever floats your boat I guess but seriously what is next? (I am now imagining you answering this question and me cracking up.)

Lisa Carpenter - It really is a sad commentary of our times. Makes me think of those Japanese companies that provided folks to visit lonely seniors who have no visitors (even though many have family). Sad. And scary for future generations.

Tammy - Not too much to ask, Cathy! It IS a horse of a different color when a $$ value has been placed on your putting out um, uh, well, just putting out. I mean, if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship…it is unlikely this will find that for you. But if you’re looking for a Louis Vuitton bag or a Hawaiian excursion, I’m thinking you’re in the right place.

Estelle Sobel Erasmus - This is such a sad state of affairs. Unfortunately, women are the ones who come out losing with these situations most of the time.

Carol Graham - Standing with you — old school is better in my books. Hard to wrap my head around this because at the end of the day, we are all still human and need to be needed, loved and “discovered”

Christina Amore - Exactly! Not dating, for sure!

Marilyn Tichauer - What about just enjoying your own life and let nature take its course!! Find your interests and passions and the rest will come naturally!! Does any woman really want a forced relationship based on $$??? I just don’t believe it!!

Tammy - So happy to see your here, Marilyn! You would be astonished at the number of young women who sign up on these websites to cash in on the swag, trips and perks. I don’t know the answer to your question… as far as I’m concerned, letting nature take it’s course and following ones interests makes complete sense to me! Clearly its a demographic thing….I think. All I know is that kind of showcasing is pay for play, plain and simple. They get away with it by calling it a dating site. Bull! Thanks for sharing your input. Awesome!

What Do Cecil The Lion and Delta Airlines Have In Common? You Will Want To Know!

You’d have to be living under a rock to not have heard about the brutal and illegal killing of Cecil the Lion outside of Zimbabwe’s Hwange National Park. I’d like to be able to say that I am not one of those animal loving emotional messes that gets all riled up at stuff like this. […]

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mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
Though saddened by Cecil’s, I have visited his brothers in Hwange Preserve just recently. Of course, what Dr. Palmer did was a moral outrage, but it is nothing new. Big game hunting (and poaching) has gone on for years and the world now is just becoming aware of it? Seriously? It will still go on as long as there is big money involved.Unfortunately, Zimbabwe is so poor – generally no electricity, no running water, dirt roads in rural areas,that the proper protection of wildlife is almost, sadly, an afterthought. People are more interested in extracting minerals from the country than they are in doing the right thing for its national symbols.

Cathy Chester - This story has haunted me. Someone posted the last photo of Cecil kissing his two cubs. TWO CUBS! OMG. How heartbreaking is that? What kind of (less than) human being needs to kill an animal, hunting it for hours?

I am a non-violent person, but where animals are concerned all bets are off. This guy, and others like him – like the woman bragging on FB and Trump’s two moronic kids – should face serious consequences. I guess I’m living in la-la land but G-d did not put these beautiful creatures on earth for this purpose.

Thanks for writing this, Tammy. My blood is boiling again…

Sherry Macdonald - This is the sadest thing ever! It made me cry. Thanks for getting the work out.

Tam Warner Minton - It is amazing to see the the shift in public opinion! Airlines have come out against carrying any trophies, and also against carrying shark fins and manta gill rakers. Hotels in Asia have followed suit in not serving endangered species. It is wonderful to see people getting it…we have to make sure they continue to do so!

Tammy - You are so right, Mel, on all levels. The world is a big place. If there are places on our planet that cannot protect their own, help should be forthcoming. What we do to the animal kingdom will be done to us… one day. An inevitable slant on the circle of life. It’s all so very sad, isn’t it?

Tammy - Cathy, we can boil together. Read a post made by my cyber friend Mel (below yours). It says a lot about the state of the country. The problem is bigger than it seems, but it always comes down to greed, ego and money. I’m with you … all bets are off!

Lois Alter Mark - I signed so many of those petitions to get the airlines to stop, and I’m glad to see they’re finally working. I can’t even talk about my feelings for hunters – their disregard for life is astonishing.

Ruth Curran - No hate mail coming at you from my part of the world! I think awareness is good and necessary — ignorance is just as bad and horrible behavior. I would love to see shifts however, to positive — focus on the good and the kind acts and let that go viral. Yep, it is nice but very quiet in my little world right now.

Doreen Mcgettigan - I cried for that poor lion and am so sad that it happens every day in Africa and in South America. It also happens here. These crazy hunting trips are pretty common. Hopefully the spotlight is brighter now and these so called hunters (murderers) will see how the dentist is being treated and think twice about spending there money on something so disgusting.
It always feels good when so many people can agree something is inhumane and come together to effect change.

Carol Cassara - It’s amazing to see how many organizations are hopping on this bandwagon. Maybe one day we’ll see this in, dare I say it… gun control. Blessings to Cecil and damn that idiotic hunter.

Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - My heart hurts for all the beautiful animals that have died so sencelessly. I am so happy that the airlines are taking a stance.

Nancy Hill (@nerthus) - This whole thing is so sad. I understand hunting for food. I do not understand hunting for sport. Thank you for letting us know that there are airlines we can support that are refusing to support such barbaric actions.

Toni McCloe - I love what you said – that animals were not placed on this earth to satisfy man’s ego – Mr Palmer has killed so many animals, I dare say nothing would satisfy his ego.

Tammy - Nancy, I think it’s epic that so many manor airlines are supporting the ban on this kind of killing. Epic. Baby steps. Let us hope that it’s not too late.

Tammy - Hi Toni, I think you are right on. People who’s ego is that big and unbalanced have an insatiable need to constantly satisfy their wants. It’s all a bit scary to know that there are so many people out there who are arrogant enough to believe it is their right to kill endangered species. The world has gone mad….and is finding it’s sensibility again. One can hope.

Carolann Iadarola - This whole situation upset me to my core. It got to the point where I couldn’t even read about it anymore. My heart is still broken over that poor lion. I hope he suffers a thousands deaths for what he did!

Estelle Sobel Erasmus - This is a disgusting excuse for a human being.

Michele Linse Jeffers - This makes me sick to my stomach and feel that there is no hope for the human race. Sometimes I think God just watches us in wonder as we destroy ourselves and our beautiful world. Simply barbarric. There are no other words.

I Don’t Usually Let Negative Comments Get To Me. Until Now.

A post of mine was featured on Huffington Post this past Friday. The hate speak it garnered was pretty impressive. It received over 5,000 Likes, hundreds of Shares and nearly 200 comments. Most of them not so friendly. What was it about? It was about starting over, fear and courage. A shadow post of one […]

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Shirlene Marquis Vitale - I agree Tammy!!! Right now I have 3 cars in my driveway….. A Jeep Cherokee Laredo, a Suzuki Sidekick and a Lexus. Does that Make me priviledged? Don’t judge too quickly people!
I just had my job eliminated due to a downsizing. I am recently and currently unemployed and am over qualified for most of the16 jobs that I have interviewed for in the last 3 weeks.

As far as my 3 cars…..My husband’s Suzuki is a 1994 and only 2 of the 5 doors open and one window has plexiglass and gorilla tape holding it on and it is missing one of the side mirrors. My Jeep is a 1999 and is having all kinds of issues. As far as the Lexus it is a 1991 and my father gave it to me because it just sits in his driveway in California and he is really sick now and wanted someone to be able to drive it until it dies(which may be soon……… My husband is a chef who is currently working at a hospital as a cook. Only makes $15 per hour right now. I now make zero!

I guess that makes me priviledged as well….LOL

Love you friend…Ignore the ignorant haters and enjoyed your life anyways! :)

Laura Lee Carter - Dear Tammy:
I am sorry you were slammed by assholes. I have been having my share of this type of negativity from MY OWN FAMILY lately… ugh! Perhaps my new favorite quote will help you feel better. It works for me!
If someone does not appreciate your efforts, STOP TRYING TO PLEASE THEM.
If they don’t appreciate you, THEY DON’T DESERVE YOU!

Rael Hall - Abundance is not what you have, where you live, or how much you make. It is a state of being you can cultivate continually as a fundamental of life, this State of Being can continually be expanding and attracting new things, people, situations to bring you your next great learning experiences, we call life. Join me in continual expansion of good

Jeffrey Davidson - So, what’s the problem with the post? It is a great story of one’s journey through change, failure, accomplishments and success.

What difference does it make that you gave up a 13 year old car or a diamond worth a million dollars? The point is that you were able to turn things around a make a success with your choices. The same holds true for someone who sold their 5 year old Ford for a clunker for the cash and then succeeded back to the level of success or beyond what they had before.

We can all disagree about many things but vitriolic comments, jealous remarks and name calling do little to help one another get along, solve problems and achieve success. These type of remarks indicate to me that these individuals were unable to make things work out successfully for themselves. So, if you succeeded, it was because you were privileged and did not have the same obstacles that they had or you would still be in a similar situation.

Those who disagree have a right to their opinion, however, I know that saying I don’t agree with you because… goes a lot farther than spewing hateful and rude remarks. I have experienced many situations that were either solved, worked out amicably or perhaps not at all because we approached the disagreement with “honey, not vineager,” but we all walked away without any animosity.

Keep writing the way you do whether or not I agree with you. Can we agree on that?

Rael Hall - Abundance is not what you have, where you live, or how much you make. It is a state of being at your deepest levels, and you can cultivate continually as a fundamental of life, this State of Being can continually be expanding and attracting new things, people, situations to bring you your next great learning experiences, we call life. Join me in continual joy and expansion of good. Those too naive at this point of their personal evolution to create their positive states of being only hurt themselves as they attract more negativity and limitation to their own lives. So thank those haters for showing you your greatness and willingness to be more.

Melanie Kissell - I can only feel sorry for the asshats who don’t know their rear ends from a hole in the ground. I’ve said this way too many times as of late, Tammy, but the term “social media” should read “spew media”. It never ceases to astound me how loose peoples’ lips are online. Seems only a few practice reserve and the measuring of words. I’m pretty damn sure some of these cowards wouldn’t have the nerve to make their unkind remarks to your face.

Melanie Kissell - Has human kindness taken a permanent leave of absence?! :(

Cathy Chester - I was very proud of you, and your story, and we all take a risk of getting those ridiculous trolls on HP who spout hateful comments. You found your happiness, Tammy, through hard work and being yourself. Your true audience recognized that, and we continue to love you!

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - If I could be you, if you could be me for just one hour
If we could find a way to get inside each other’s mind, mmmm
If you could see you through my eyes instead of your ego
I believe you’d be surprised to see that you’ve been blind, mmmm

Now your whole world you see around you is just a reflection
And the law of Karma says you’re gonna reap just what you sow
So unless you’ve lived a life of total perfection
You’d better be careful of every stone that you should throw – yeh-heh

And yet we spend the day throwin’ stones at one another
‘Cause I don’t think or wear my hair the same way you do, mmmm
Well, I may be common people but I’m your brother
And when you strike out you’re tryin’ to hurt me it’s hurtin’ you
Lord, have mercy

And there are people on reservations and out in the ghettos
And brother, there, but for the grace of God, go you and I, yeh-heh
And if I only had wings of a little angel, well
Don’t you know, I’d fly to the top of a mountain and then I’d cry

Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes
Oh, before you abuse, criticize and accuse
Walk a mile in my shoes…

– Joe South, 1970

Tammy - Hi Shirlene, such a good sharing, thank you. It really brings the point home … you can’t judge a book by it’s cover or a person by what they own. To do so is just ignorant folly. I hope you find something soon by way of employment. While it’s frustrating, being over qualified is better than being under qualified. Thinking good thoughts for you!

Tammy - Hi Laura Lee, slammed would be the appropriate word. The world has plenty of negativity. To have it come at you from your family is confusing and unacceptable. If you can’t stand by me then get way behind me. I have little need for you. Love your mantra…will adopt it in my head! Thanks for that.

Tammy - Rael, love your comment. Love it. And you are SO right. Abundance can not owned. Abundance is gifted to us by way of relationships, love and sharing. I happily join you in the continual expansion of good. Thank YOU for being here.

Tammy - Jeffrey, we are on the same here. I enjoy disagreement. It gets the mind working and the juices flowing. But jealous hate speak is NOT something I will ever subscribe to. As you say…it serves absolutely no purpose. The real scary part thing here is the ultimate judgment levied by people based completely on my possessions. That is scary stuff. We are in agreement…I will keep writing and you can keep agreeing and disagreeing with me. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Melanie, funny you should say that, I’ve been thinking lately that social media serves so many ills in our society. I question it’s value as a contributor to the general good of mankind. So many have become slaves to their phones, sheep following a pack, hate mongers behind anonymity, and bullies that can intimidate from the comfort of their laptop. Don’t even get me started on the large social media efforts used by anti American governments. It wasn’t the insults that bothered me (crazy enough), it was the fact that I was being judged by my possession (which weren’t what they appeared to be). Once people do that, we are lost.

Tammy - Hi Cathy, thank you, thank you, thank you. I think as I’ve analyzed this to death. And the outcome is scary. Once people judge and condemn someone by the car they drive the house they live in, we are doomed. All of us. It’s crazy speak, really. And oh so dangerous, especially when mob mentality comes into play. When, exactly, did this happen?

Tammy - Maureen, WOW. Just, wow. THANK YOU. This was awesome. And so are you.

Kellie Ann Kennedy - Because Tammy is called bulling over courage social media . People grow a pair over social media and in reality would never have the balls to say anything to your face. Cowards use social media to blast or humiliate others…idiots out there. With regard to people hating those who have more. We can thank the political climate out there for pushing all things need to be “fair” really?? No life’s not fair people grow up and work hard don’t expect handouts.

Raven West - Tammy –

Unfortunately, that’s the cyber world we now live in. And it doesn’t stop with on-line commentary. I’ve been “hit” by spammers on Amazon who wrote scathing “reviews” of my books that never even read any of them. They just posted the same slam on each of the book review pages.

The saying goes there is no such thing as bad ink… true and the other one about sticks and stones and words… well, words can hurt. I once posted a negative commentary on Michael Jackson and nearly feared for my life by all the attacks that one received. I didn’t post anything for months after that!

It’s a very strange world out there, but we, as writers, can NEVER allow these jerks who don’t have anything better to do, to keep us silent. We cannot allow them to EVER win.

Keep writing, keep posting, let your voice be heard and try to ignore the loonies out there who will never know of have 1/10th of the success and support you do after all the hard work you’ve done to achieve it!

Pamela Wight - We writers/bloggers can’t let the negativity degrade, humiliate, or stop us. We writers need to — WRITE about our pains and our joys, our fears and our loves and hope for compassionate caring readers. Ignore the negativity, and just reach for the light.

Cheryl Nicholl - The kind of comments you received are partially the result of a PC society, where, unfortunately, only the bottom of the barrel feel the ‘right’ to espouse their hatred. The rest of us- we just have to take it. Or do we? You did good Girl. You just keep on being you.

Tammy - Super interesting take on things, Kellie. I wouldn’t doubt that the political climate has added to the mindset of entitlement. Having that lead to the bully atmosphere isn’t a stretch. Scary stuff going on out there in the real world. If I can be so hated because of a car I drive, good luck to any of us! It’s not pretty.

Tammy - Raven (love that name!), the cyber world is getting increasingly hostile. It’s a bit of the wild west without the guns. Yet. I’m seeing a lot of anger, envy and venom in many peoples comments. Scary stuff. You have to wonder what is the incentive of a person to leave scathing reviews on people’s work. What is it they gain? Power? A better question would be: why is it tolerated by the websites that allow it to stand? This is not okay. Thanks for your supportive words. They mean a lot!

Tammy - Cheryl, I will keep on truckin’ but with an eye behind my back. Envy has a way of emerging in the nastiest of ways. Bought myself a mace bracelet. Dear God Almighty … don’t ask.

Doreen McGettigan - Politics and class distinction really is dividing women and the saddest part of that is when we are divided we cannot win.
We seriously need to concentrate on what we have in common and use that as a starting point.
I don’t know what is worse assumption or envy. Both are dangerous.
I am proud of you!

Carol Cassara - I have so many thoughts about this, way too many to share here. Maybe a cocktail. Love you.

Terri - You shared a great story about starting over, fear, and courage. Actually, it read to me as a story about optimism and hope, and not about those things mentioned in the comments. And the Huffington Post clearly saw the value in your story or they would not have published it. Besides, I recall you telling us in one of your seminars that controversy when you post is a good thing. So keep up your great writing and don’t let the few who didn’t like it outweigh the value you brought to everyone else! If they’re missing the point of your story, it’s their loss…

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
To quote the philosopher Taylor Swift, “Haters are going to hate, hate, hate.” You have worked hard for everything you’ve gotten and a divorce is rough.
(I just returned from a trip to Zimbabwe where we taught. They
have nothing, nada, no electricity, no supplies, no toilets.)
People will always be jealous in this have and have-not world.

Lee Lefton - Dear one, don’t get me started. You are light and love. Sounds woo-woo, but it’s anything but. My mother used to have a great line she’d say to me and my brother when we said something against the other. “You take care of you. That’s a big enough job.” Maybe there’s a post in there somewhere? Love you.

Carolann - That’s the net for ya – the wild west where folks can say whatever they like and hide behind a name. I wouldn’t let me bother me. It’s just words from stranges that don’t mean diddly to you.

Janie Emaus - Don’t even read those comments! Nobody walks in your shoes, but you.

Jenn - Let me just leave this right here. I read your article. It only took me reading it once to know that it was none of what some angry, misguided people said it was. Perhaps that is because I had the pleasure of working with you, and continue to have the pleasure of calling you friend. It has become very easy, to sit behind a computer screen, or cell phone and judge others. To say hurtful things that were dreamt up by a head full of assumptions. They don’t know you for who you are. They don’t know that you worked your tail off your entire life to be where you are. They don’t know the struggles you faced, the heartaches you endured. They haven’t seen those beautiful eyes sparkle for someone else’s happiness. They’ve never seen them fill with tears for someone else’s sadness. They have never had you by their side when a friend was needed. Those unhappy folks have decided who you are and what you’re about based on a few snippets of your life. Should you have to explain all of that to them? Nope. Would it change their view if you did? Probably not. But guess what? That doesn’t matter…not to anyone who knows YOU for YOU. I love you my sweet Tammy <3

Tammy - Boy, Doreen, THAT is the question: what is worse, assumption or envy? I would say that they often go hand in hand. Dangerous and scary. When women put other women down it makes my heart sink. Yes, we should be lifting up and supporting. And if we disagree, we should do so with intellect, respect and honesty. Good grief…it’s a slippery slope!

Tammy - A cocktail it is! One day. Your city or mine, Carol. We will hash it out and solve the worlds problems. Love you too.

Tammy - Terri, great to see you here! Yes, I have often said that controversy breeds readership and notoriety. And it does. The utter unfairness of the judgment here slapped me in the face. And, frankly, frightened me a bit. If we have become a people who judge, hate and love others based on what they own, drive or where they live, we’re all in trouble! But, you’re right…if they missed the point, it’s not my problem. By the way, I LOVE it when students remember what I said. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Mel, did you really just quote Taylor Swift?? I kind of love you more for that! Thanks for the encouragement. Appreciate it tons. I wondered why I haven’t seen you around the block lately. What a wonderful trip you’ve been on. And what a wonderful service you gave. I’m sure it was very emotional. Kudos to you, my friend. As always, thank you for being here!

Sandra Rea - You know… I wrote an article on Linked In about this very Blog Bullying thing. Makes me mad for you actually. I’ve been reading your blog for many moons. I’d never have a bad thought about you. Seriously. People need to be mindful of their words, but in social media they can hide, they can say incredibly hurtful things, and they think no one can find them or respond. That’s not true. It’s pretty easy actually. And sometimes it’s even a little fun. ; )

Tammy - Oh, Lee, you warm my heart. Thank you for your sweet words. Truly. While I’ve never met her, I’ve got to tell ya…I love your mother! I’m using that quote for the rest of my life. It’s that awesome! Love you too. Lots.

Sandra Rea - BTW, there ain’t nothin’ easy about divorce… even if you get a decent car out of the deal. My divorce wasn’t one of those fairy tale adventures either. I lost everything and I’m still rebuilding. I have a pretty cool Jeep. That I bought. At a terribly high interest rate. Anyone jealous? I also had to go to the food bank and declare BK. Jealous now? We do what we must to get by, and we live by love and light. I don’t know you, Tammy, but I am proud of what you are accomplishing. Don’t let those bullies get to you.

Tammy - Thanks, Carolann. I like that “they don’t mean diddly”. Yeah, that’s in my vocabulary now. I will share that the internet has been looking far less attractive in the past year. The words “we’ve created a monster” comes to mind. Thanks so much for popping in!

Tammy - Thanks, Janie. No they don’t. Damn it! Thanks for reminding me of that!

Carole Schultz - I cannot understand those people who denigrate others for overcoming heartache and finding happiness again. So sad.
I’m so pleased you have, Tammy, and wish you and Steven every happiness.

Ande Lyons - Wow Tammy… those comments need a full blown burning ceremony complete with shots of tequila and loud singing!

I feel your pain and sorrow… and I’m holding you in my arms with a big ol’ Andelicious Hug.

My thoughts? It’s time for us all to re-read/read Don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

That’s where I’m rollin’ … with deep appreciation and love for your journey and to all who have the courage to use their voices in a public format… MUAH!

<3 Ande <3

Autumn Danielle Mowatt - I’m so happy I was able to get to know you Tammy and I miss spending time with you. You are one of the most amazing women I have ever known. I agree with you completely. It’s so sad to watch how people treat one another.

Tammy - Thanks, Carole! So wonderful to hear from you. Really. Appreciate the good wishes and the support!

Tammy - Ande, what a fire storm! Geesh! Love it … “a full blown burning ceremony complete with tequila shots and loud singing”! Perfection! I do love The Four Agreements. If only we could all live by them. What a world it would be. Thank you for being here, Ande. Love you for that!

Tammy - hi Autumn, so happy to see you here! I adored getting to know you too. I think you’re pretty awesome yourself. I hope life is treating you kindly and happiness has settled in your home and heart!

Melissa Westervelt - If they only really knew! I have heard you speak a number of times now and just from the stories you tell, they are so incredibly wrong and are being just plain hateful. It’s so easy to be what I call a “keyboard hercules”, one who is big and bad behind the cover of a computer screen saying things to others that they would not typically say to their face. Good news is, whether it be good or bad, at least it got people talking!! :) Best wishes

Melissa Westervelt - I feel that I also should add that the article for me was well written, relatable, and empowering. I read your previous version and enjoyed it then as well. Those who were able to find fault in what you said must be going through something that has left them looking for the bitter and wanting to share the negative that surrounds them.

Lisa Luckenbach - Touche, Tammy! ..Sharing similar experiences in terms of others perceptions of priviledge and success one wonders why the fruits of years of work require justification, guilt, shame? I understand. I am very happy for your successes and the kind of life and love your deserve!

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