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Heaven Didn’t Wait

I don’t know if there is a gate in heaven. Truth be told, I’m not all that sold on heaven itself. I hope that if there is a heaven to look forward to, that it’s not the one I learned about in my Catholic catechism or my Baptist teachings. Because if that were true, then […]

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mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
A most compassionate column with a beautiful last last line, “….don’t press to find it.” Even Shepard Smith on FOX called RW a “coward,” but I agree, nobody can judge what drives a man or woman to the edge and over it. It’s a desire for the release of pain. (Today’s news story was that he felt crushed by money concerns – alimony payments)Would there be an accepting heaven, not sure there is one at all.) I feel for his children; they will be scarred. Suicide has consequences for the living. See scene in “Good Will Hunting” to understand the inability of one man to understand another’s pain.

Joan Cooper - Dear Tammy – you have such a way with words. No one could pay a more wonderful tribute to Robin Williams. He was lucky to have you in his audience.

Life is hard. Was this really what God or the gods wanted ? I see them sitting around watching our planet like a TV novella. Human’s are an amazing creation. So is nature. When I get too far from nature I feel myself start to lose touch. Mother Teresa questioned it all at the end. She asked how a good god could allow the cruelty all around us (?). Oh yes – we are endowed with ‘free will’. We really have to work hard to understand that when we face the mean nasty things life can hand out.

Thank you for that lovely piece for Robin Williams. Makes us all think.


Jenn - a thoughtful reflection on this sad event and some of the sadder public response.
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Tammy - Mel, I wish I knew the answer to “would there be an accepting heaven”. All we are taught about God is forgiveness and love. If that is true, then the wondering can stop. I guess we won’t know until we get there. I also heard many cruel comments. Awful. What makes a person believe they can judge another? One must wonder. Of course, it is always those who are left behind that must deal with the pain. It is all so very, very sad. Thank you, Mel, for you sharing and insight.

Tammy - Joan, we DO have to work hard to understand all that life brings our way. So much of it is tragic. I share Mother Theresa’s point of view. However, this earth is run by mankind. And we both know there is no more destructive species that lives. Continue to look on the bright side of the heart. There is much there to hold on to! Thank you for the read and the comment, Joan!

Tammy - Thanks for that, Jenn. So appreciate the read and the sharing. Life can be cruel. People crueler.

Tana Bevan - “That is what suicide is, I think. Ridding yourself of a horror you can no longer bear the weight of. I can’t imagine it, and my eyes tear up and my heart breaks at the thought of it.”

You have an amazing way with words my friend. Thank you.
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Tammy - As do you, my friend. As do you! It is a subject that I am personally unfamiliar with. Thank God. But that touches me grievously non the less. Appreciate the read, and of course, the kind comment!

Mary Lanzavecchia - Having lost my brother 4 years ago to suicide, I heard many comments that were unbelievable to me. Comments that he had committed a sin and was selfish. I couldn’t believe my ears; the insensitivity that cut into my broken heart. I ached for my brother the man who felt so lost and whose pain ran so deep and I ached more for the children he left behind.

Lovely post, Tammy. You’re right; we are all privileged to have witnessed his light shine while it did and owe nothing but respect to his family as they move through the days, months, and years ahead toward a “new normal.”
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Tammy - Mary, so very, very sorry about the loss of your brother. It’s beyond horrible what people believe they have a right to say. They have NO right to pitch in their opinions. Not then or now. Let us consider ourselves lucky to have had these wonderful people in our lives and to bear witness to their contributions of family, love and giving. Hugs to you, my new friend, and warm thanks for your sharing.

Lois Alter Mark - Such a great post. It’s not up to any of us to judge Robin Williams or anyone who commits suicide. I can’t imagine the pain someone must feel to reach that point. It’s up to us to be compassionate to the family they leave behind and to try to help people never get to that point in the first place. Robin Williams will be greatly missed.
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Tammy - What a wonderful world it would be if we could prevent this disease from taking any one from us again. If only. And yet, if we can send men to the moon, this should be attainable. From your mouth to Gods ears, Lois. Thank you for being here!

Kitt Crescendo - Tammy, I have found myself both frustrated and ashamed of the way our media/press handles celebrity death…or celebrities in general. We don’t allow families their space to grieve. We get so nosy about the gory details. I truly feel for the loved ones left behind in these situations.

Like you, I adored Robin Williams. Always have. Was I devastated to learn of his passing? Of course. Yet my sense of loss is minute compared to what his family must be experiencing…and they’re under microscopes. Me? I’ll pray for them and hope they find some measure of peace. I won’t be judging Robin. It’s not my job. My job is to love and give and try to make my world a better place how and where I can.
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Susan Smart - Dearest Tammy ……Perfect.

Janie Emaus - This was a beautiful tribute. So well written and well, I just had to comment even though I’m leaving at 4:30am and should be packing!

Tammy - I too am ashamed of our media system of coverage for things like this. It’s embarrassing and humiliating. It’s also depicts us as a nation in such a sad despicable way. *sigh* We are better than that as a whole. People generally reach out as you have with prayers and genuine tears of grief for those left behind. I’m right there with you. So glad to see you here. I’ve missed you!

Tammy - Susan, that is the nicest thing anyone could say. Thank you, my friend. I miss you.

Tammy - Oh, Janie, I’m so happy you made time for me. Thank you for the kindest of reviews! Appreciate the read! Safe travels to you….uh, leaving at 4:30? What journey would be worth that wake up? You must keep me posted on that. Wonderful to hear from you. Truly.

Doreen McGettigan - Some of those comments were horrific. My family was very rattled by the comments and by the sheriff’s press conference. My stepson died the same way. The sheriffs graphic detail left us praying Robin’s family was not watching.
Our priest told us if you are mentally ill and die of suicide you do go to heaven. I find it all very confusing but cannot imagine Robin Williams anywhere right now but in Heaven making all of the angels and the stars laugh.
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Tammy - Neither can I, Doreen. Neither can I. Religion is confusing. The rules seems to change and flux and sins have degrees. I have to think that there are no such idiocies in Gods place. Loving hearts are accepted. It can’t be any other way. I’m so very sorry to hear of your stepson. It’s brutal. I can’t imagine. I too prayed that Robins family was not watching the news as the sheriff spoke of the details. I, myself, turned off the television. Some things I don’t need to know. Thank you for the read, Dorren, and the comment. Wonderful to hear your sharing.

Maliss - Your spot on! Hugs Tammy

Tammy - Happy to hear it, Maliss. Happy you enjoyed the read, and do so appreciate the comment!

Jean-Pierre Smith - Tammy, Thank you so much for those word. You are spot on.

Tammy - Thank YOU for the read, Jean-Pierre. I do so appreciate your kindness.

Should We Grow Old Gracefully?

I was recently asked to lecture on the art of growing old gracefully. Boy were they barking up the wrong tree. I accepted the challenge. I figured it was an opportunity to enlighten my audience and get paid for it. Nice work if you can get it. I shared with them the bittersweet truth: there […]

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mel glenn - I think part of the trick to manage the years is to stay feisty.
Like you do. Grace Schmace. You have to be passionate. I like your message here that we should be graceful for even reaching our ages. (Pity the poor sick child). Keep battlin’ tiger.
It’s the good fight.

Tammy - Feisty is good, Mel. LOVE your comment: Grace Schmace! Brilliant! I think I want to be just like YOU when I grow up!! Always fighting the good fight! Thanks for being here, Mel. Love you for it!

Carol Cassara - Helping smush leftover birthday cake into your face…you GO, girl!

Roberta Yates - I love life ! Always have something to look forward to! I’m never bored . Cherish the past, LIVE today, dream tomorrow !! Xx

Stephanie Weaver - Great post. I loved this line: “as I relax myself around the holding of it.”

Kathy Gottberg - Graceful be damned! Screw Graceful! Graceful is BORING! Hope you shared that ungracefully with the group you spoke to!

Suerae Cobbs Stein - HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a grand, messy, honest, sassy, fun, gorgeous, live-out-loud, amazing woman!!! This is a great post and one I hope to live by. :)

Carole Searcy Milligan - I have this poster on my wall:
Say something silly
Laugh ’til it hurts
Take a risk
Sing out loud
Rock the boat
Shake things up
Flirt with disaster
Buy something frivolous
Color outside the lines
Cause a scene
Order dessert
Make waves
Get carried away
Have a great day

The poster reminds me life is for living. I retired from my company after 29 years, and haven’t sat around. I worked other jobs, and took online classes, and now have my own company to promote natural health for pets. Sure, I got some creaky joints and some aches. But I still have plenty of battery life in this almost 62 year old body. Thanks for sharing your fire, passion and lust for life with us. Wishing you lots of birthday cake to get on your face!

Joan Cooper - I like the comment of a young man who died before he should have – he had a T-shirt that said: “It isn’t the duration, it’s the donation. ”

My T-shirt says: ” Don’t call me old……call me lucky.”

May we all give everything we’ve got before checking out.

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Joan, what a LOVELY offering. YES … may we all give everything we’ve got before checking out! Amen to that and so well said!!

Tam Warner Minton - Well said. Being graceful has never been my forte!
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Kim Tackett - I love this: I choose to live my life out loud. Screw graceful.

I think that’s one of the gifts of age, that we are comfortable with ourselves, however we show up!

Happy Birthday.
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Lois Alter Mark - I’m so with you. I’ve never been graceful and am certainly not going to start now!
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Ande - Goddess Tammy!

A BEAUTIFUL post filled with delicious, messy, joy-filled advice for any age – thank you Love!

Living out Loud and Breaking the Rules are two of my fave “messy mottoes” to live by…


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Tammy - Mine either, Tam! I’ve always longed to be graceful and demure. Just not in the cards for me. It’s all so boring!

Tammy - Thanks, Kim. It feels marvelous to be 61! And, you’re right! Age gives us the wisdom to know the obvious that escapes us in our youth. And I just love that!

Tammy - I wouldn’t have a clue how to live gracefully. I laughed so hard when I heard the original voicemail that wanted to hire me to speak on the subject. I think I surprised them big time. AND, I got asked back? Will wonders (and the truth) never cease!

Walker Thornton - You tell ‘em, Tammy. I’m right there with you! Gracefully implies that it’s going to be awkward, when actually I think growing old, at least at this juncture, is pretty easy! And, fun.
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Tammy - So happy you liked it, Ande! The one thing I have learned about life is that it has no rules. It is a beautiful mess. Just like me (giggle)! Thank you, my darling, for being here for me! I adore you and appreciate you!

Tammy - Thanks, Walker! The whole aging thing gets easier every day. I’m thrilled to be 61. Thrilled! I also like myself a LOT more than I did in my 40′s. It’s all so rewarding in a way. Grace has pity little to do with life. I call on it when I need it and am happy that it has been there for me. As for living gracefully … I think NOT.

Ruth Curran - Here’s to be vibrant and sassy ’til death due us part! Love your attitude and fire with a smile!

Helene Cohen Bludman - Love your positive attitude, Tammy! Aging can be filled with angst, but as you say, it’s better than the alternative. Long life is truly a gift to be cherished.

Tammy - Love that, Ruth …. ’til death do us part! When I was young I wanted so much to be graceful like Audrey Hepburn. Damn. As I got older I found pity little use for grace in real life. Who knew?!

Doreen Mcgettigan - I really needed to read this today, lately I’ve been feeling guilty that I am still here.
I’m 2 minutes late but Happy Happy Birthday and best wishes for a blessed year!

Chloe Jeffreys - I, for one, have always despised the aging gracefully bullshit. What is that anyway? Can we women do one single solitary thing in this life that isn’t getting measured against some abstract, unachievable standard?

Chellie Campbell - I love your post! There are so many examples of women becoming successful entrepreneurs after forty: Louise Hay started her publishing business Hay House when she was 58, Mary Kay Ash started Mary Kay Cosmetics when she was 45. I started my workshop business when I was 42, published my first book “The Wealthy Spirit” when I was 54, my second “Zero to Zillionaire” when I was 58, and my third “From Worry to Wealthy” comes out next year at the lovely young age of 66. Harry Bernstein, who published his first book at age 96 and then three more before passing away at 101, said, “My 90s were the most productive years of my life.” If it wasn’t too late for us, it’s not too late for any of you!

Adriana Kraft - Walt Whitman said it – Do not go gentle into that good night. My dad (who lived to 101) never stopped saying “it’s better than the alternative.” Excellent post!
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Tammy - Such fabulous points, Chellie! When I turned 50 I fancied myself as a wanna-be writer. I penned a book called “Single Past Fifty Now What?”. It was picked up and published. I now earn a very comfy living writing, blogging and speaking about it. Proof that if you dream it you can be it. Age is irrelevant. Passion, vision, guts and courage are essential. Thanks SO much for sharing, Chellie!

Tammy - I love Whitman’s quote and couldn’t agree with it more! Thanks for bringing it to the forefront! I’m betting your dad was a pretty awesome guy! So appreciate the sharing!

Carol Cassara - I don’t mind the forgiving so much. It’s taught me a lot. And so has living out loud. You go, girl! It does beat being in the urn!
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Tammy - Thanks, Carol! Pretty much everything beats the urn. Well, almost. So appreciate the read AND the comment!

The Biggest Lies We Tell Ourselves …

Can take us down in the most unattractive way. Such as: I can’t do better than my best Yes you can. Doing your best is essential, no lie. But you can do more. You can look at the bigger picture. You can do your best at the right time, the right place with the right […]

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Tana Bevan - Tammy~Among the many things I love/admire about you is you swing with the ol’ 10-ton-brick. Works every time for those who are dense and require the 10-tonner. (Yours truly being at the front of the line!) Bristling here because I KNOW you’re right … and yet grrrr … I still want to “yeah, but” you. Won’t do it, girlfriend. You scored a home run … didn’t even need a bat, you did just fine with your brick.

PS: Quite a difference in tone & topic your post before you get-away with your honey and after. So glad you’re well rested and back to swinging full strength. *smiles*
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Tammy - You are so funny, Tana. And here I thought I was being delicate. Haaaa! Always good to share a dose of common sense with my best friends on the web. Happy to be back, and happy to be at my desk! So, so lovely to hear from you. Thanks for that.

Suerae Stein - I may have been guilty of a couple of these lies, but you give some pretty air tight reasons why they don’t work for anyone. Great insights into why these things we tell ourselves are, in fact, lies, and do work against us. I couldn’t argue with any of them! Fantastic post, Tammy!
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Tammy - Suerae! Happy to see you here, my friend! True confession: I have been (briefly) guilty of all those lies. Not for years. But I had myself suckered pretty good. I’m betting everyone has their own demon lies. So happy you enjoyed the post!

mel glenn - another winning column, Tammy. You tell it like it is, and there is no bull here. I particularly like the line, “what you think of yourself is what other think of you.” The doctor is in and you have set up your office. Now the trick is to use what you preach.

Ande Lyons - Tammy!

I just can’t get enough of YOU and your insightful witty writing. I love every word and piece of advice shared in this article… especially your closing paragraph.

THANK YOU for sharing your gifts with the world!

Your Devoted Fan,

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Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - Great end to a great piece – what we think about ourselves is exactly what others will also think – so true!! Thanks for another great read!

Tammy - Hi Mel, yup, I’m a no bullshit kind of girl. You either love it or hate it. I feel like Lucy with her 5 cent advice booth. I ALWAYS live my talk. Always. I don’t know another way. Never have. Frankly, it has often gotten me into a bit of hot water. That’s okay. I wouldn’t have it any other way! Thank you, my friend, for being here. I DO love hearing from you!

Tammy - Ande, I love our lovefest!! You know I just tell it like it is. As one of my readers put it: the world according to Tammy. Haaa! What else would I write about?! So happy you enjoyed, and even happier you shared with me here.

Carol Cassara - I’m not sure i ever had that magical thinking that if X would happen all would be well. But this really was food for thought this morning. And still is as the day wears on.
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Helene Cohen Bludman - Yes to all of these. Especially the fluffy one. ;) Funny and true, as always, Tammy!

Doreen Mcgettigan - This is so good and I have a few people I need to share with.
Love, love…

Tammy - Carol, I have often thought that if I could lose about 30 labs, I would feel more confident and my social life would be awesome. Turns out if I were any more confident I wouldn’t be able to stand myself AND my social life rocks. So…. I’ve quite that nonsense!

Tammy - We can be fluffy together, Helene! Oophff! So happy to have you here. Thanks for that.

Tammy - Yaaa, share away, Doreen! So happy you enjoyed.

Ruth Curran - Oh so true!!! At the end of it all, all we can change is how we see ourselves and how we react to others. The answer is really not changing someone else — that is not our job nor our right!

Awesome insights Tammy! Thank you!

Kim Tackett - You know, your last one (it doesn’t matter what I think, it matters what I do), stopped me in my tracks.

Jacqueline Tierney DeMuro - Nothing like a dose of brutal honesty on a Monday morning!

Seriously, though, every single thing you said makes perfect sense :)

Tammy - Thanks, Ruth, for that awesome reply. NO, it is NOT our job or our right. It’s also a losing proposition. Just ask anyone who’s tried!

Lois Alter Mark - YES! Sugarcoating the truth doesn’t solve anything – and just makes the lies fatter, not fluffier!

Estelle - That’s why I don’t indulge in negative self-talk. It’s just not productive in any way shape or form.
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Elaine Ambrose - So, I can’t be fluffy? Excellent comments.

Tammy - You are smart as a whip, Estelle!

Tammy - As I embark on the eve on my 61st birthday, Elaine, I’ve come to the conclusion that you can be any damn thing you want to be. Spoken like the true fluffy princess I am! Appreciate the comment, and you.

You Want Independence? Come And Get It!

This Fourth of July, I am exercising my freedom. Not from the British, my ex-husband or the band of gypsies that would abscond with my womanhood (you’re way too late). I’m going for the gold. I want to claim a life without cat vomit on my desk in the mornings, random dog pee, plants that […]

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Joan Cooper - Ahhhh Tammy – I also long for the garden of Eden.

Why, why, why is life so hard? Have you seen the life size robots Japan has made that move, talk (in several languages) and can do a job ! They wear clothes beautifully and could also be models.

So we humans are indeed expendable. Kind of sad to make all this effort and be less than a robot.


Lois Alter Mark - I totally live by “It is what it is.” It’s too frustrating to try to figure out why something happened or why somebody acted the way they did, and the craziness seems to definitely be growing. So here’s a toast to the God of Smooth Going and the hopes that she’ll get back to work.
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Cathy Chester - I hear ya, Tammy. I really do. But I have to say that this week, my charger bust from my MacBook. Being over 2 years old the warranty ran out. But, as luck would have it (and I’ve had none for the past 2 years!) the guy at the Apple Store GAVE me the charger for free. Yes, for free! It would have cost $80. Good PR, perhaps. But it put a skip back in my step for a bit.
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Tammy - Hi Joan, YES, I have seen those robots. Super creepy if you ask me. I don’t think we are expendable but I do think that many humans carry less and less weight to their existence. Just saying. You, my dear, will NEVER be less than a robot!

Tammy - Hi Lois, I’m toasting right along with you. Am also thinking that if she wants to leave her job, I’d take it! And hold no prisoners! Buahahahahaa!

Tammy - Hi Cathy, I’d say you are a lucky duck and would like to rub up against you in hopes that some of it would rub off on me! It’s all so exhausting, and requires a never ending supply of coping skills that I don’t always possess. A for effort! Thanks for being here <3

Carol Cassara - Great idea and I don’t blame you a bit!
Carolyn Jourdan

Helene Cohen Bludman - I’ll drink to that, Tammy! I’ll be thinking of you this weekend and hoping you have a wonderful time. Also, I do NOT trust my GPS. She has steered me wrong too many times.

Rosalind Warren - I always enjoy a good rant. Thanks!

Lee Lefton - Well, now that you’ve opened this door, yesterday and today have been banner days technology-wise. We couldn’t pay our online bills with Quicken, nor could we navigate the new taxation and revenue website (which is the fourth this year already (someone there obviously needs something to do), my new fangled insulin pump/continuous glucose monitor combo ($5K, thank God for insurance) doesn’t link up with my portable blood glucose meter, so either I’m crashing to earth or shooting to the moon blood sugar-wise (risky to my health ya think?), and here’s the coup de gras….my web designer sent an email saying that the portfolio on my site (all of my work!) no longer appears due to a needed software upgrade (that he’ll do for half-price of $1300! I told him thanks but no thanks. I’m now retired. I thought maybe Mercury was in retrograde but that doesn’t happen until October. I’d give my left you-know-what to go back to the days of little powder blue portable typewriters, rotary dial phones with no message machines and….well, I could go on and on but don’t have the time. I have to get on the phone with the insulin pump manufacturer for the umpteenth time in the past four days. Fortunately, they work around the clock. Does that tell you something about how many other people are having the same problem I am?????

Jacqueline Tierney DeMuro - Unplugging, yet recharging. Sounds great! Enjoy!

Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - And the attitude you get from the GPS thingies – I’m better off lost than being chastised by her!

Tammy - Helene, you made me laugh :) I’ve always said that my GPS should have a male French voice. I think I would be far more forgiving if I was talked to sweetly with that fabulous accent! If there’s one thing I learned from watch the Twilight Zone … it’s that you can’t trust technology! Amen!

Sheryl Kraft - If I were in charge of the world, I’d help you, Tammy! And share some wine with you while we were plotting to take over…

Ellen Dolgen - You go girl! Have a fabulous weekend!

Tana Bevan - Tammy~
I LOVE both your sentiment (yours truly being techno-challenged and all can totally relate to techno-related frustration), and the way you say what you say.

“appliances that cost a fortune but feel no obligation to do their job” ~ Can totally see (in doodle form, of course) the annual meeting of the Happy Appliance Hindrance Association (HAHA). HAHA’s mission being to “Hinder as many people as possible while pretending to make their lives easier.”

“We shouldn’t have to go about our day trying to recover from those things that didn’t work, people that didn’t show, bullshit that shouldn’t have happened, and promises that were never kept.” ~ You’re right. We “shouldn’t.” But sadly, we do. All of us.

“global weather systems are as pissed off as I am,” ~ Then I’m going to do my best to stay on your good side because from where I stand, Mother Nature is thoroughly and completely pissed off.

Have a WONDERFUL, TERRIFIC, and MARVELOUS in wine country with your Special Somebody and Trusty Canine
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Tammy - Thanks, Ellen. You do the same!!

Tammy - Hi Tana, the Happy Appliance Hindrance Association – hahahahaaa! Of course…it’s a conspiracy! I can see your marvelous doodles now! Leaving in a moment on our ‘Get Out Of Dodge” expedition. Very excited to UNplug big time. Let the chips fall where they may! Happy 4th to you, my friend. See you on the flip side!

Melissa Senecal - Have a safe and relaxing trip and we’ll try and keep the crazies at bay until you return!!!

Anne Tichauer - Ms. Bleck, as usual, your articles are a treat to read. Thank you.

Anne Tichauer

Cynthia Greene Jordan - Happy days in the wine country. Raise a glass for me!. Love you little Tammy. BNIALW

Kitt Crescendo - My holiday coincides with my birthday, so I spent it relaxing with my hubby, my dogs, and our two best friends….by the pool and cooking out. We spent much of it just enjoying good food and good company. It was exactly what I needed to unwind.
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Tammy - Thank you, sweet Anne. So delighted to know you are on the other end!! Love you!

Tammy - Sounds like you had the PERFECT holiday/birthday! Damn good for you! I, too, am relaxed after having spent a couple of days in wine country. Aside from the heat, it was pretty awesome! So happy to hear from you!

I Wanted To Be The Perfect Mom

Wouldn’t it be great if our kids remembered every single thing we’ve ever done for them? Every changed diaper, cleaned up puke, boo-boo kissed. Because if they did, they’d think we were Gods!

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Chloe Jeffreys - Simply perfect.

Rick Gualtieri - My excuse whenever I get caught sitting there with my youngest while there’s some horrific monster movie on the screen “I never claimed to be a good role model”.

And I’m sticking to that. :)

Susan Smart - Well said, Tammy . And, to Amanda Leigh, happy birthday. Guess you both have
A lot to be thankful for today. Blessings abound !

Vicki - Beautifully written Tammy!

Tammy - Thanks, Vicki. As a mom yourself, I know you relate!

Tammy - Rick, who amongst us hasn’t done that?! I was a bigger sissy than my kid was. Still, having to calm nightmares in the middle of the night isn’t awesome. I’m sure my 5 year old hated doing it. Haaa! It’s been a while, so happy to see you here!

Tammy - Thanks, Chloe. There isn’t a parent in the world that doesn’t understand the true work and worth of it all. Happy to have you here. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Hi sweet Susan, so happy to see you here! Yes, we ALL keep getting older, don’t we? And we do have a lot to be thankful for. Kids are a blessing in between the times they drive us absolutely mad … what we do without them?! Speaking of blessings … I count you among mine.

Tana Bevan - Tammy~A few days ago my 20-something darlin’ called. We spent close to an hour on the phone, with her filling me in on the latest in her life. While I recall the things I did wrong & wasn’t able to do for her, she seems to have a far different perspective. During our conversation, she thanked me for being there for her, believing in her, supporting her, loving her unconditionally. Just thinking about all the kind & loving words she said — and the love behind them — brings tears to my eyes. Tammy, you may be imperfect, but I’m willing to bet that in your daughter’s eyes, you’re the most WONDERFULLY, PERFECTLY imperfect mother she could ever have. Hugs my friend. Enjoy your darlin’, cuz no matter the awesome woman she is and continues to be, you’re right, she’ll always be your baby.

mel glenn - I forgot who said it, but the line goes, “90% of life is showing up,” but it sounds like you made all the right moves. We are haunted by the specter of our parents’ omissions, and we try to do better. The hardest part of parenting is letting go. No matter how old they are, they are still your kids.
Thank you for a wise and perceptive column.

Kim Tackett - I love this: As a mom I became a warrior. Yup, we all do (did) the best we can. Sometimes it’s enough. Sometimes it isn’t. But they all seem to survive, and even thrive. I often say (and only half joking) that my daughters are awesome because of my husband, and in spite of me!! Happy Birthday to both of you.

Tammy - Tana, I do love to knowing that there are grown children out there that love and appreciate their parents. Your daughter is a reflection or you, your gifts, your love and your sacrifices. I’m happy for you that you are getting what you deserve on the parental front. It doesn’t always go that way. As far as my kidlet thinking I’ve been a fab mom, I can only hope so. So happy for your sharing, Tana. Thanks for that.

Susan Cook Bonifant - Lovely, Tammy. Really and truly.

Tammy - Mel, I SO agree with that saying! I’ve built a life and many a business on that cornerstone. I don’t think I made all the right moves…but I did make them for all the right reasons. I have hugely improved on the letting go part. Respecting her privacy, not pushing myself on her. We can only hope it is the right thing. Because what I’d really like to do is pop over for a dinner once a week. Haaa! Thanks for being here, Mel. Love you for it.

Tam Warner Minton - Exactly. I wrote something similar for Mother’s Day…they never remember those countless hours you spent with them, playing, helping with homework, or reading to them. Oh well….it must have had an effect on them, they turned out well! Though like you, I do not know how my 27 year old survived me.

Carol Cassara - Mom wasn’t crafty, but she did all the homeroom mom stuff anyway. Bought cupcakes in that day were ok.

Lois Alter Mark - Awesome post which every mother can relate to! You seem pretty perfect to me, Tammy!
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Nancy Hill (@Nerthus) - Baked at home or baked in the corner bakery, the cupcakes were filled with love, just as were the popsicle sticks. And that is all that matters. Nice post!
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Ellen Dolgen - I felt the same way, then I learned that there is no such thing at a perfect Mom. It is perfectly fine to be imperfect!
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Judy Lee Dunn - What a salute to imperfection. As a single parent (and a first grade teacher), I always regretted the things I had missed: my daughter’s field trips, the chance as a “room mother” to participate in the parties, the chance to accompany my child to school on the first day and give her emotional support. But, reading your beautiful piece, I realize that parenting is much more than that. It is being ready to pick your third grader up at 9pm because she thought she could spend the night at a grind’s house but realized late that she really needed to be with her mom. It is picking her up in your arms when she falls on a nail on the side of the house and needs emergency stitches. It’s watching through tears as she walks across the stage to get her college degree. Your post has brought so many memories back for me. Thanks for writing it.
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Diane Tolley - Absolutely beautiful! You are one of those who changed the mold! That, in itself is not easy. Happy birthday to your little girls as well. Her mom did good.

Tammy - This imperfect mom completely agrees with you, Ellen. So happy you popped in for the read!

Tammy - Hi Lois, thanks for that. I remember when my daughter was in grade school. She told me that I was the most perfect wonderful mom in the world. Should have gotten that in writing! Even if it would have been in crayon. Haaaa! So glad you enjoyed the read, and uber happy to see you here!

Tammy - Hi Nancy, you got that right! It doesn’t matter ‘how’ it just matters that you do. And I did. And still do. Thank you for the read and the sharing!

Tammy - Hi Judy, absolutely right on! Every mom and dad know that its about being there. Ready to cuddle, cure, feed, comfort or support. Every day forever more. A thankless wonderful job that none of us would trade for the world. So happy it spoke to you and happier still you shared with men! Thanks for that.

Lori Bachman - Tammy, I think you belong in the Mom Extraordinaire category! And I’m sure your Sweet Pea, Amanda does too. I think all of us moms can relate to some of the shortcuts…like gluing the felt poodle skirt. My son didn’t know for years that his cub scout badges were supposed to be anything but stapled on his shirt. :) Oh well!

Tammy - Lori, just saw this comment. You are hilarious! Stapling badges on cub scout shirt. Ahahahahahha! You are my kind of girl!! So happy to know you are on the other end. Shortcut moms unite … we are in good company!

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