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If I Knew Then What I Know Now ….

I’d be filthy rich. Okay. Not really. But I would have saved myself a lot of grief, angst and tears. Growing up is hard. I’m still working on it. Needless to say, I would have used sunscreen (duh!), I wouldn’t be self-conscious of my body (it was fabulous), I wouldn’t be impressed with money (even […]

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Joan Cooper - Oh Tammy – knowing you, I would never have guessed you had such a hard hard experience. You really do not show it in any way. I am told I am cynical, but I respond – no, I am realistic. Can you even trust your guardian angel? I don’t know.

Life is a throw of the dice. Luck is the prize of life. As the Irishman said…”I would rather be born lucky than smart…”

I am off to buy a Lotto ticket.


Tammy - Hi Joan, life isn’t easy for any of us, that’s for damn sure. I think I would trust my guardian angel….if he/she came with credentials. Haaa! Guess that makes me the cynical one. Life is a bit of a throw with the dice, but so much of the outcome depends heavily on our own participation. As to whether being born lucky or smart….I choose rich! Then luck wouldn’t matter a wit and I could buy knowledge. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!

Tana Bevan - If I knew then what I know now, I’d tell my younger me, “ALWAYS!!!! listen to your Little Voice. It’s NEVER wrong.”

Though I was a little late in learning that lesson, I was in time to impart it to my daughter. The difference in our approach to life speaks well of this practice.

So, when in doubt my friend, listen to your Little Voice!

Tammy - Tana, good one! I learned early on that the little voice is the actual voice of reason and survival. When I think back, most of my life struggles, problems and miseries were caused because I ignored that voice. Not any more! Age has it’s perks! Thanks for being here!

Helene Cohen Bludman - You inspire me, Tammy. You’ve taken some hits but have come away stronger for the experience. I applaud you for your courage and determination. And yeah, passing on a The Cheesecake Factory is a major bummer.

Tammy - Hi Helene, I think we’ve all taken some hard knocks. It happens when you live long enough. I’ve got to tell ‘ya, every time I have a slice of cheesecake, I cringe just a little bit at my stupidity. Aaaargh! So happy you stopped by for a read! Thanks for that and the kind words!

Lisa @ Grandma's Briefs - Your heartache is palpable in this post. But so, too, is your relief at finding you can and do (and surely will continue to) comfort yourself. What a wonderful realization, courtesy an angel? Your subconscious? Whatever. It worked and that’s what matters.

We will always retain those things that sting, those mistakes made and chances missed. But how awesome it is that we can keep on trying, keep on hoping for the best… and that we know where to turn when we fail miserably.

I loved this post. Thank you for sharing.

mel - Dear Tammy,
Who knows what was behind both of those moments? I certainly don’t. Neither does anyone else, but whatever it was, you can’t deny that to a large extent you pulled yourself up by your own bootstraps. It’s like you are your own profile in courage, and living testimony to that fact that when you’re down you can rise again to the top.
A stirring column.

Tammy - Mel, it all felt real. But I can’t deny, it was and still is, very weird. But a good kind of weird. Pulling one up by the bootstraps is sometimes not an option. My back was up against the wall big time. I’m not at all sure I am at the “top”, nor do I think it matters. Because I simply love where I am, and I’m grateful for the journey. And you!

Tammy - Hi Lisa, thanks so much for the visit and the kind review! Appreciate both. You’re right, of course, we all have those moments in our lives where we would do it differently given the chance. I think it’s called learning. Haaa! Some lessons cost more than others. Still, I’m grateful for all of them!

Terri - Hi Tammy! I’ve had dreams like that as well. Extremely clear, vivid, and with a powerfully calming message that everything will be ok. The key is to trust and listen to those messages. We often have the answer and don’t trust it because it seems to simple, easy, or it doesn’t seem possible. I believe in those dreams and I thank you for sharing yours! And while passing up on that little investment in Woodland Hills may sting, think about what you have and love in your life right now that would be missing had you made a different choice!

Tammy - Hi Terri, I believe in them too. That was the only dream of it’s kind, that years later repeated itself in real life. Spooky, crazy good! I never forgot it and likely never will. You’re right, of course, a change in our past can gravely affect what our future folds out to be. Still, I wouldn’t mind a piece of the cheesecake empire in my back pocket. Next time!

Carol Cassara - Here’s the crazy thing: I would’ve done it all exactly the same. Then again, no one presented me with the business opportunity of a lifetime!!!

Tammy - Hi Carol, I think I’m with you there. I would have changed the duration of a given relationship, but not the relationship itself. While it ended in a boatload of hurt, it was a wonderful ride and we were given a beautiful daughter out of the deal. Win-win. Truth is….I WOULD have altered all those goofy things I didn’t do from sunscreen to the Cheesecake Factory, but, what the hell. It all turned out just fine and its not over yet (hoping). So appreciate the read and the comment, thanks for that.

Kitt Crescendo - I found myself nodding with every word you wrote, my friend. Though I have never had a divorce or foreclosure, I’ve lost loved ones at very early times in life. I still remember being in the front seat of the ambulance as we drove my brother to the ER. I was terrified, heart practically pounding out of my chest, shaking a little, and never feeling so alone or scared… yet somehow, I, too felt that comforting presence. We lost him, but somehow, I knew we were going to get through. It’s funny, because as I write this, I also remember getting to that ER (I was only 14), 2 Latino gang bangers (and I mean that literally, the hospital was not in a good neighborhood, but it was a Trauma 1 center) tried to approach me…but a large, black gentleman (pretty sure he was involved in gangs somehow, too, though not theirs) got in their way and told them to leave me alone. He watched over me from a distance. Kept me safe while I waited for my mom to get there from work. As I look back, I see places were people one wouldn’t expect to care or lend a hand, have been put in my path to support or protect my way.

I sort of think it was God…looking out for one of his many children. Thanks for sharing!

Tammy - Kitt, your comment gave me chills. I have no doubt, NO DOUBT, that angels come in many forms. And that we, ourselves, take on the task, albeit unknown to us. To be comforted, kept safe, left to feel that we are not alone, is such a gift. I, myself do not know where it comes from but remain forever grateful for the gift of it all. I am always so compelled when I read your comments. Grateful for that too!

Linda Lichtman - Just beautiful. What you may not know is that guardian angel sits on your shoulder when you are addressing a group of people. The angel is a gift from your last life.

Your post took a lot of courage to share – and that’s what I see when I look at you…You are beautiful – just like your story.

Tammy - Oh, Linda, what kind words! Thank you. I would love to think that we all have angels on our shoulders. Lord knows, I always seem to be in need at some point or another. However hard we try, things don’t always go according to our plans. Courage is found in the trying, don’t you think? You, my friend, are a blessing. I just wanted to say that out loud!

Nothing Says Valentine’s Day Like A Squealing Pig Head!

Nothing says happy valentines day like a battery operated squealing pig head or a dozen pairs of tube socks. Yes, I’m serious.

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Angel The Alien - I’m not expecting any Valentines from anyone (other than my dad maybe… he gets me a candy bar) but I DID get Valentine’s Day treats for my dogs and for my brother’s dog!

Marilyn Tichauer - I’m always hoping for something!! But it is true we celebrate our love everyday, not to be too mushy. I must confess I do love flowers!!

mel glenn - Really one of your best and funniest columns. I laughed out loud, even though this gender comes out second best. Even though it is a “manufactured” holiday designed to line the pockets of Hallmark, I enjoy because I take it semi-seriously.
In fact, every year I write my wife a Valentine’s Day poem.
I agree – love lives. Do you know there are people in Verona, Italy that actually answer letters to Juliet?

Tammy - Hi Angel, candy bars are ALWAYS good! Clearly you and I are not alone … America spends 9 million dollars on their pets for Valentines Day. Power in numbers. I enjoyed your blog and relayed your message to Mel. I will private message you with his email address should you wish to correspond with him directly. Happy to have you here Angel The Alien!

Tammy - Hi Marilyn, SO lovely to hear from you. Good to know you are still out there! I’m with you…flowers are always wonderful. But in our house, every day is Valentine’s Day, mushy be damned. We are lucky, lucky ducks to be so loved and to love so much in return. Have a happy, my dear friend!

Tammy - Hi Mel, you are a romantic at heart. Love that about you. Bet your beautiful wife does too. No, I did NOT know that people in Verona answer mail to Juliet. Somehow, that makes it worse. Bah! So happy to have given you a chuckle today. Have a wonderful day of love, you two crazy kids!

Kitt Crescendo - You know, I’ve been one of those girls that was spoiled on Valentine’s Day…for the most part. Worst Valentine’s day to my recollection? A couple of years ago hubby got me a card, some Edible Arrangements and chocolate covered strawberries while I got him a card and made him a special Filipino meal…only to have him wind up in the ER for an emergency appendectomy. Yeah, it wasn’t the gifts…it was the following event.

As for break ups? Not surprised. Sometimes I think it’s the stress of having to figure out the gifts (or not wanting to bother/the other party getting their feelings hurt). I also knew guys who would deliberately break up with their girlfriends on gift giving holidays simply to get out of having to purchase a gift. Others…yeah, I think you’re right. Expectations have a lot to do with it.

Tammy - Hi Kitt, eeeek, that sounds like a horrible Valentine’s Day! A story you can laugh at now (hopefully). Damn good for you that you have always been spoiled on VD! That’s as it should be. I’m a big low key girl. Less is ore in my book. Probably why I don’t do Thanksgiving dinners with a lot of grace. I’d so much prefer to just keep it all simple, sweet and meaningful. I agree with you…. the breakup stat is not as surprising as it may seem. The second biggest break up day of the year is New Years ever. Go figure! So happy to have you here, Kitt. Thanks for that!

Jenny - I did “marinate” kitty toys in catnip. I put their toys in a zip baggie and shake, let them sit for a few days. Meows of “please can I have it NOW” bring smiles any day of the year. This Valentines Day I just loved listening to my sweeties heart. It is beating so strong and he is doing great! My daughter and I did venture down the aisle with heart cards, red boxes of candy, and a whole bunch of flowers in bouquets ready to be purchased. I was specifically looking for gummi bears, actually for her, but she didn’t know it at the time. I enjoyed watching her watching all the guys frantically looking for a card. This was 2/13 at 5pm. She said, “They clearly have to know that this day is coming for sometime, right?” Ah, youth, she is 22 and life is just
beginning! Happy Valentines Day to you Tammy on 2/16.

Tammy - Hi Jenny, Hope it was grand! It doesn’t get much better than listening to the healthy heart of the one you love. So happy to hear it. As far as the naiveté of youth, it is a wondrous thing. I sometimes wish I still lived in that world. Life has a way of teaching us the obvious…whether we want to know or not. Happy to see you here, grateful for that! Love to those catnip sniffing kitties!

Old Dog … New Tricks!

I’m pretty sick and tired of being referred to as a Boomer, senior citizen, or a person of age, and I sure as hell do not want to be referred to as “over the hill”. I haven’t a clue what hill you’re referring to, but I’m betting I can beat you to the top of it.

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Joan Cooper - I am always amazed at how you can expand on what is to me just a one sentence comment.

Ancient civilizations revered their elderly. Of course they were not bothered by TV, constant media, stay young forever products, good looks (I think wrinkles were what Joan Rivers calls ‘Life Stripes’). True that there really is no substitute for experience. I congratulate you on making the ‘machine’ work for you. I just do not have that knack. I am terrified of Facebook etc. Am I lost in the world I live in?

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Good morning Joan! Yeah, my grandfather would always tell me that I have the gift of gab. I wish we lived in a culture where age was valued. I see it in the Japanese and Italian cultures, but seldom in ours. Sad. But it’s okay. Aging is hard enough without having to deal with all the preconceived nonsense people throw in your wake. I feel like people our age are completely misunderstood and often thought less of. Good grief, enough! WE can hold our own and probably help with your load too! Thanks for the read, Joan. Always lovely to hear from you!

Kitt Crescendo - You know, no one played the stock market and day trading from home with the help of his laptop quite like my grandpa. He did it till he was 94. His learning curve? He was already in his 50’s when stuff like this started coming out.

I used to teach smart phone and tablet classes. The “older set” were always so much more willing to jump in and learn, yet I’d meet folks my own age that would say “I’m too old to learn all of that!”

As the saying goes, “Whether you are or you aren’t, you’re right.”

Helene Cohen Bludman - Good on you, Tammy! You’re showing the new face of midlife and giving us 60+ year-olds some credibility. Rock on!

mel glenn - Dear Tammy.
I know what you mean. Just today someone, (who I didn’t know) called me “Grandpa.” I bristled.
But as always I admire your spunk. You refuse to be categorized.
You learn new things; you speak your mind. I graze with the other dinosaurs. One day I will get a larger brain.

Suerae Stein - It’s true, Tammy, we all get boxed in somehow. When I was younger, I looked very young and I always wanted to look older so people would start taking me more seriously. Because of course, a young woman couldn’t possibly know what she’s doing. So, of course, now I’d like to look younger, since I am older and I don’t want to be boxed in once again. You can’t win for losing, I guess. I’ll never forget the first time I was called ma’am, and I didn’t like that so much. Sadly, that was a long time ago! Great post!

Laurie Hurley - Here, here for the mature professionals who have more than a clue what we are doing and can run circles around the twenty-somethings who think just because they took a class (whoooo) in social media, they know more than us. It’s called life experience, and nothing can replace that. Get over it, young ones. Be patient, soon you will be as sharp an focused as we are!

Tammy - Hi Kitt, Yup, I SO agree! I always preached top my kidlet “If you think you can, or if you think you can’t, you’ll be right”. So much is determined in that space called mindset. Crazy for people to think that because we are 50+ we are behind the curve and oblivious to the newest thing. Poppycock. Yikes, just dated myself there! So happy to have you here! Thanks for that.

Tammy - Thanks, Helene, I’m rocking on right next to YOU! So appreciate the read and the comment!

Tammy - Hi Mel, someone you didn’t know called you Grandpa? Why I never! You are a better man than I, as I would have done more than bristle. Geesh, that just smacks of disrespect and ignorance. I’m sure you are a grandpa of many, a father, a husband, a thinker, doer, writer, hobbyist, the list probably goes on forever. I just abhore the idea of anyone pigeonholing anyone else into one category. Crazy! To me, my friend, you are that ever so delightful gentleman that is well read, a loving father and husband and FABULOUS writer, among many things. One day, I’d like to meet you in person, perhaps when I’m skipping through NYC. You never know, stranger things have happened. Rock on, Sir Mel!

Tammy - Hi Suerae, we are birds of a feather. I, too, will never forget when our local bag boy at Ralphs addressed me as ma’am. I was speechless, furious, confused and stunned. Such a tiny word with such a strong impact. That was many, many years ago, and it was just yesterday. I’m okay these days with being a ma’am. As long as I know that I’m a rocking one! Thanks for the read, Suerae, and the lovely comment!

Tammy - Hi Laurie, I love the “woooo”! Too funny. Yup, there is nothing that can replace life experience and no way to get it but to grow older. Ironic, isn’t it?! Personally, I’m super happy to be where I am. I wouldn’t be 30 again for anything. Well, okay, maybe a few million. We all have our price! Lovely having your here! Thanks for that.

Angel The Alien - I wouldn’t think of a person in their sixties as being too old for any of that stuff at all! Age isn’t what it used to be. Most of the people I know in their sixties are definitely on top of all types of technology and are nowhere near ready to be put out to pasture!

Angel The Alien - Hey I just saw that Mel Glenn commented on your blog! I know him! We go way back (to 1997) but he knows me by a different name.

Are You Socially UNsocial?

I give up. Where is the sociability? As I sit here looking out the vast window of my local java joint, I’m feeling like a social animal. I look around, and it occurs to me that all of us here found our way to our local coffee house to meet up with a little bit […]

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Scott Morgan - Eerie. I was just thinking this the other day, out for a beer, realizing that if you’re not already there with someone you know, you’re not going to get into a conversation with anyone. At a bar, no less. Even there, greased by alcohol, we’ve lost the ability to talk to each other. Not good for a social pariah like myself who’d like humanity to reach out every now and again. Nice piece, as always, Tammy.

Joan Cooper - Who was it that said – ‘Animals understand what humans don’t……life is to have fun’. How many humans do you know that make ‘fun’ a priority?

I fear for what is called civilization and have for a long time now. Why don’t they teach it in school? The machine has certainly changed humanity and much of it for the good, but this machine communication thing is too too scary. Draw the line people.

Some years ago, MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology), put ballroom dancing in their curriculum. Why? They said it is not enough to have a skill. That is a mouth full.

As always provocative as you are, Tammy, I wish I had the lack of fear to acknowledge Facebook etc etc.


Frankie - If you haven’t already, go see Spike Jonze’s movie, “Her” It beautifully conveys the sentiment of how society claims to be so social, but really in truth we are very isolated. It takes place in Los Angeles in our not so distant future. You will appreciate it.

TanaBevan - One thing history has proven, ad nauseam, is the pendulum is in perpetual motion. Right now the social skills of the one-on-one nature are ebbing counterpoint to the rise in “let’s hang together in our aloneness.” In a few years there will probably be a “movement” of some sort to get people talking to one another again. The movement will come with certain buzz words, protocol, maybe even logos and t-shirts.

A few “movements” of today which come to mind (that were par for the course back when) include:

*recycling, repurposing, reusing
*time banks (euphemism for bartering)

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
A true and observant column that points out that while we may crave sociability, we are afraid of intimacy. We bury ourselves in modern technology because it provides a filter between us, in effect saying, get close, but not too close. We rely on old familiar ways because we don’t want to entertain risk; we prefer our lives simple, without entangling alliances while at the same time crying out,metaphorically, “I’m lonely, I’m lonely.

Tammy - Hi Scott, Clearly we should be living close to one another. I’m totally tied into my social media and love it to death for what it does for me. No lie. BUT, it doesn’t negate my need for social contact. To make a new friend, share a joke, listen to a story, contemplate the worlds problems. It wasn’t that long ago that we could be assured of that with a quick pop in to our local watering hole. Scary stuff. The other day I saw a well dress woman walking the street, nose in her phone, as she slammed right into a large concrete trash can. My inside voice was screaming “that’s what you get when you’re not in the present”, my outside voice helped to pick her up and ask if she was okay. She didn’t even thank me. What the hell are we coming to?

Tammy - Hi Joan, “draw the line, people” is the best quote of your post. That would solve so much. We need to draw the line and pull the plug. But few do. We are finding ourselves more lost in the fog of social media, never ending news broadcasts, updates, the list is endless. Best we all remember that our life isn’t. Skill is NOT enough. Heart and soul are required for the living of a purposeful life. Just ask my cats and dog. They live it every day. Facebook, etc. didn’t require bravery, just a resignation of it’s influence and power and the harnessing of it to move myself forward. But the real power comes from harnessing our real lives. Good luck with that!

Tammy - Hi Frankie, I haven’t seen it yet and wasn’t planning on it, but you have peaked my interest! It is now on my list. Interesting concept … one that doesn’t seem all that far fetched to me. I have to wonder what that says about my outlook of things. Meet you back here once I’ve seen the flick! Very happy to have you here!

Tammy - Tana, interesting outlook. Everything does come around and go around. Time will tell. But for this moment, I’ve got to share that I’m not a huge fan of where things have gone and are headed. Technology will never be more interesting than people. That, I’m afraid, would be a hard concept to sell these days. More the pity. So appreciate the read and the comment! Thanks for that.

Tammy - Hi Mel, it would be interesting to note the scale of suicides these past few years compared to a decade ago when technology didn’t suck us dry. I remember a plane flight home not too long ago, where I sat next to a man with earplugs in his ears. I noticed that they were dangling loose, not plugged into his smart phone. I don’t think he realized it, as he held his phone as if he were listening to it the entire 3 hour flight. I concluded that he was simply putting out a “Do not disturb” sign. I respected it. Unplugged from everything is no way to go through life. My humble opinion. I do so love your take on it, and agree in every way. There is a lot of “lonely” out there.

Kitt Crescendo - It’s occurred to me that Starbucks, for writers, is a place to get out into the “real world” and interact, maybe people watch. For everyone else? it’s either a place to see and be seen (strange to think of Starbucks as a status symbol place, but it is) or it’s a place for business folks to conduct interviews.

Social media has actually hurt face to face human interaction. How often do you go to restaurants and watch two people sitting directly across from each other, but focused on their phones. Have you ever texted someone who was actually with you instead of opening your mouth? I have been guilty of both…and I’m pretty danged social!

Tammy - Kitt, its weird about the whole Starbucks phenomenon. I do love their coffee, though. I often see people, entire families that are together but not really. I wonder if it will ever revert back to the personal conversation, the slight touch on the sleeve during a compliment? At this point, the jury is still out. It all happened so quickly. I, like Scott Morgan below, miss it something terrible. I still get plenty of chatter when I go after it, but, just like sex, it would be nice to not always have to be the “aggressor”. Does that make sense? My daughter always said that I could have a fab party all by myself, and at the end of the evening a dozen strangers will have joined in and we would be eternal friends, all of us. Probably true. I’d rather be that person that the one who never thinks to look up. Thanks for the read, Kitt…and the awesome comment!

Carol Cassara - I always notice the same thing. Although I have no interest in establishing a long interaction if I’m at a coffee house, it would be nice to exchange a few words of greeting.

Tammy - Hi Carol, you just never know what may come of a conversation, however brief. I booked a primo gig once that came from a convo at a Party City store. Yup. Also, established a long term friendship from a visit on a plane ride. Never gave it any thought at the time. But, I think I appreciate what I affectionately call the drive-bys the most. Those quick interludes with random people. A glimpse of a life. Awesome!

Angel The Alien - I recently embarked on a project that led me to look through a lot of my town’s old newspapers from the 1930’s, 40’s and 50’s. They had a whole section back then on the little things going on around town, like who ate dinner at whose house and whose kids were sick and who was going on vacation. It made me feel sad to think how, back then, people used to rely on other humans for company, entertainment, and a sense of connection… and how we’ve lost that. It made me wish I lived back then! Except I’d probably miss my blog.

What Would You Do For Money?

Few people would pose naked for a magazine cover.  I wouldn’t. Wait … if they paid me a million bucks, I would give it some serious thought. We all have a price.  Just ask Kim Kardashian. Most of us would do pretty much anything for those we love. Sacrifice for love is an act of […]

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Carol Cassara - This is such a good topic. Although I’d finished an MS and dropped out of a PhD program just a few years before, I found myself living in a new place at age 33 and unable to get a professional job. I worked as a temp secretary for two years with no embarrassment at all. If you have a firm sense of yourself, your circumstances won’t embarrass you, nor will the fear of judgment from others–or the judgment that comes. If you have mouths to feed and bills to pay, you don’t have the luxury of worrying about selling yourself out. Kim K? a whole different story & her frame and acting as a role model for young women sure is a pet peeve of mine. Thanks for this interesting post.

Joan Cooper - Deep subject, Tammy.

Now that money has been invented I suppose it will never go away. Most of us are not well trained in the handling of money. I understand that in Colorado they teach finance in the lower grades in school. It is very successful. We need to grow up understanding how vital this is.

Pose nude for a million? You bet – any offers?

Joan Cooper

Jeffrey Davidson - Eating humble pie every once in a while probably never hurt anyone. It probably contributed to the strength of their character.

It is noble to be able to support yourself and perhaps even more noble to support a family so that they can get an education, have health insurance, etc. I applaud and respect those who do especially when it not the type of work they chose for themselves when they went to college.

Like most, I too have taken work just for the money when I did not particularly like the client or felt that it was “beneath me.” As you mentioned, I “sucked it up” and did my best to make it temporary and then moved on.

As far as the $1,000,000 for a nude cover photo, if they want to pay I’ll accept the fact that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Tana Bevan - Intense. A montage of memories of things I’ve done to survive suddenly appeared. Up from those deep, dark places where they’d been squashed in an apparently futile attempt to annihilate them. Make that EXTREMELY intense.

Question: If the prize you sought turned out to be a mirage, how do you trust your “sight”?

Tammy - Hi Carol, so happy you enjoyed and related. I have never felt embarrassed about what others thought of me, but I’m guilty of thinking less of myself in some of those times when I felt I worked beneath myself. No longer the case. I’m not pride filled, but I’m realistic. Doing what needs to get done to keep the lights on and the gas tank filled is never anything to be ashamed of. Very happy to have you here, Carol! Thanks for that.

Tammy - Joan, learning money management 101 should be class every kid is taught. If not at home, in school. I’m still learning as I go along. As far as posing nude for a million bucks … truth is, my price is probably lower. Thanks so much for the read and the comment!

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, humble pie never tastes good when you are forced to eat it. I should know. But it certainly is a building and learning experience, no doubt! Humble is something many of us forget when we get in to the real world and puff ourselves up for business reasons. Best we all remember where we came from and what it took to get where we are. Wonderful hearing from you!

Tammy - Tana, I get it. Some things are best left forgotten, and some things are not. Best to keep in mind the price we have already paid for our accomplishments, and keep in check the one we are prepared to pay for our future successes. As far as keeping your eye on the prize, I’ve learned to be careful what you wish for. More than once I’ve strived for (and got) something that turned out to be not worth having. I chalk it up to experience and refer to it as needed. As I get older, my “sight” gets better. So happy to have you here!

Tana Bevan - Do you see the irony? If what you say is true, then as our eyesight deteriorates (along with other parts of our anatomy lol) our “sight” improves. Further confirmation “The Big Guy Upstairs” has a wicked sense of humor.

Definitely a thought-provoking post. (Or thought-stirring-up post. *smiles ruefully*)

Suerae Stein - You nailed it, Tammy. Humble pie is just plain necessary sometimes, and it probably does just what it needs to at that time. We have to do what we can to survive… while that doesn’t mean we should sell illegal drugs or rob banks, we should be willing to work hard to keep our families alive and safe. Very well written – kudos!!!

mel glenn - Good column, Tammy. You combine admirably the practical with the ideal. You keep your eye on the prize, but are also cog- nizant of paying the rent. Question: Is there any work that is beneath us? I think the strongest instinct we have is survival.

Tammy - Hi Suerae, Thanks for the good review, so happy you enjoyed the read. Yup, I’ve discovered in my years that humble pie usually comes to the table when you think you need it least, but in fact, you need it most. I’ve learned to never think less of myself as I earn my way through this life. Something that took me some time to know. Love knowing you are on the other side, Suerae. <3

Tammy - Hi Mel, I don’t think there is any work that is beneath any of us…unless, perhaps, it is illegal or immoral. Our strongest instinct SHOULD be to survive, don’t you think? I mean, it’s inbred. Taking care of ourselves and our family means that we/they don’t go without and that no one else has to pick up the burden. No shame there! LOVE having you, Mel. You are my pleasure.

Ande Lyons - Been there, done that, have the Tiara!

Especially for the kids. Why, I’ve even gone without Spa Treatments so my precious treasures could go to camp and other enrichment programs! 😀

Doing what we have to in tough times is necessary. However, don’t get stuck in the low or high paying gig you don’t love. Remember it’s a temporary place until you can figure out a new strategy.

Ideally, one is feeding their soul AND their body through their work. But when that path gets paused, be sure to feed your soul in other ways until you can get back on track.

BTW: if there was really good lighting and amazing photoshop skills involved, I would absolutely pose nude for a million dollars. Woo Hoo!


Tammy - Ande, such good advice! Love how you mentioned how we should never settle for a HIGH or low salary if we are not doing something we love. Took me years to learn it. Money isn’t the answer to happiness. It is the answer for a financial and healthy security, no lie. But without happiness, I’m not sure of the worth of it all. And just between us girls, I don’t think there is enough lighting in the world that could help me. Bah! Thanks for the read, sweet Ande, and for the great insight.

Kitt Crescendo - Tammy, this one made me tear up. In fact, your friend’s situation drew a lot of parallels for my husband and me in our life. After losing my job we’d agreed to let me pursue my dream of writing. Then he lost his. Although he didn’t stay jobless for long, the position he took was not what you’d call a dream job. He does it right now to keep the roof over our head and a steady income through the door. I keep working my dream, and have begun to take temp jobs again in training and sales for additional income. Hopefully, one day, I’ll be able to repay his faith in my dreams by being able to financially support us so that he can chase his.

Sue - Would like to sign up for emails but I can not read those obnoxious codes!

Tammy - Kit, this is what I call a love story. Two people supporting each other the best they can. I have a feeling that you repay him everyday for his faith in you. Just a hunch. Another hunch I have is that your incredible writing will pave your way to your dream. This post hit close to home for me. Real close. So glad that we shared it together. Thanks for that.

Tammy - Hi Sue, so sorry about those goofy capcha letters. It’s a necessary evil to keep spammers away. Ugh. BUT, I went ahead and subscribed you using the gmail address that you provided privately to me. You will receive an email from Feedburner/Witty Woman Writing asking that you click on the link provided to confirm that you indeed signed up to receive the blog. Hope to see you on the other side, my friend!

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