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What Would You Do For Money?

Few people would pose naked for a magazine cover.  I wouldn’t. Wait … if they paid me a million bucks, I would give it some serious thought. We all have a price.  Just ask Kim Kardashian. Most of us would do pretty much anything for those we love. Sacrifice for love is an act of […]

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Carol Cassara - This is such a good topic. Although I’d finished an MS and dropped out of a PhD program just a few years before, I found myself living in a new place at age 33 and unable to get a professional job. I worked as a temp secretary for two years with no embarrassment at all. If you have a firm sense of yourself, your circumstances won’t embarrass you, nor will the fear of judgment from others–or the judgment that comes. If you have mouths to feed and bills to pay, you don’t have the luxury of worrying about selling yourself out. Kim K? a whole different story & her frame and acting as a role model for young women sure is a pet peeve of mine. Thanks for this interesting post.

Joan Cooper - Deep subject, Tammy.

Now that money has been invented I suppose it will never go away. Most of us are not well trained in the handling of money. I understand that in Colorado they teach finance in the lower grades in school. It is very successful. We need to grow up understanding how vital this is.

Pose nude for a million? You bet – any offers?

Joan Cooper

Jeffrey Davidson - Eating humble pie every once in a while probably never hurt anyone. It probably contributed to the strength of their character.

It is noble to be able to support yourself and perhaps even more noble to support a family so that they can get an education, have health insurance, etc. I applaud and respect those who do especially when it not the type of work they chose for themselves when they went to college.

Like most, I too have taken work just for the money when I did not particularly like the client or felt that it was “beneath me.” As you mentioned, I “sucked it up” and did my best to make it temporary and then moved on.

As far as the $1,000,000 for a nude cover photo, if they want to pay I’ll accept the fact that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Tana Bevan - Intense. A montage of memories of things I’ve done to survive suddenly appeared. Up from those deep, dark places where they’d been squashed in an apparently futile attempt to annihilate them. Make that EXTREMELY intense.

Question: If the prize you sought turned out to be a mirage, how do you trust your “sight”?

Tammy - Hi Carol, so happy you enjoyed and related. I have never felt embarrassed about what others thought of me, but I’m guilty of thinking less of myself in some of those times when I felt I worked beneath myself. No longer the case. I’m not pride filled, but I’m realistic. Doing what needs to get done to keep the lights on and the gas tank filled is never anything to be ashamed of. Very happy to have you here, Carol! Thanks for that.

Tammy - Joan, learning money management 101 should be class every kid is taught. If not at home, in school. I’m still learning as I go along. As far as posing nude for a million bucks … truth is, my price is probably lower. Thanks so much for the read and the comment!

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, humble pie never tastes good when you are forced to eat it. I should know. But it certainly is a building and learning experience, no doubt! Humble is something many of us forget when we get in to the real world and puff ourselves up for business reasons. Best we all remember where we came from and what it took to get where we are. Wonderful hearing from you!

Tammy - Tana, I get it. Some things are best left forgotten, and some things are not. Best to keep in mind the price we have already paid for our accomplishments, and keep in check the one we are prepared to pay for our future successes. As far as keeping your eye on the prize, I’ve learned to be careful what you wish for. More than once I’ve strived for (and got) something that turned out to be not worth having. I chalk it up to experience and refer to it as needed. As I get older, my “sight” gets better. So happy to have you here!

Tana Bevan - Do you see the irony? If what you say is true, then as our eyesight deteriorates (along with other parts of our anatomy lol) our “sight” improves. Further confirmation “The Big Guy Upstairs” has a wicked sense of humor.

Definitely a thought-provoking post. (Or thought-stirring-up post. *smiles ruefully*)

Suerae Stein - You nailed it, Tammy. Humble pie is just plain necessary sometimes, and it probably does just what it needs to at that time. We have to do what we can to survive… while that doesn’t mean we should sell illegal drugs or rob banks, we should be willing to work hard to keep our families alive and safe. Very well written – kudos!!!

mel glenn - Good column, Tammy. You combine admirably the practical with the ideal. You keep your eye on the prize, but are also cog- nizant of paying the rent. Question: Is there any work that is beneath us? I think the strongest instinct we have is survival.

Tammy - Hi Suerae, Thanks for the good review, so happy you enjoyed the read. Yup, I’ve discovered in my years that humble pie usually comes to the table when you think you need it least, but in fact, you need it most. I’ve learned to never think less of myself as I earn my way through this life. Something that took me some time to know. Love knowing you are on the other side, Suerae. <3

Tammy - Hi Mel, I don’t think there is any work that is beneath any of us…unless, perhaps, it is illegal or immoral. Our strongest instinct SHOULD be to survive, don’t you think? I mean, it’s inbred. Taking care of ourselves and our family means that we/they don’t go without and that no one else has to pick up the burden. No shame there! LOVE having you, Mel. You are my pleasure.

Ande Lyons - Been there, done that, have the Tiara!

Especially for the kids. Why, I’ve even gone without Spa Treatments so my precious treasures could go to camp and other enrichment programs! 😀

Doing what we have to in tough times is necessary. However, don’t get stuck in the low or high paying gig you don’t love. Remember it’s a temporary place until you can figure out a new strategy.

Ideally, one is feeding their soul AND their body through their work. But when that path gets paused, be sure to feed your soul in other ways until you can get back on track.

BTW: if there was really good lighting and amazing photoshop skills involved, I would absolutely pose nude for a million dollars. Woo Hoo!

LOVE YOU Tammy!

Tammy - Ande, such good advice! Love how you mentioned how we should never settle for a HIGH or low salary if we are not doing something we love. Took me years to learn it. Money isn’t the answer to happiness. It is the answer for a financial and healthy security, no lie. But without happiness, I’m not sure of the worth of it all. And just between us girls, I don’t think there is enough lighting in the world that could help me. Bah! Thanks for the read, sweet Ande, and for the great insight.

Kitt Crescendo - Tammy, this one made me tear up. In fact, your friend’s situation drew a lot of parallels for my husband and me in our life. After losing my job we’d agreed to let me pursue my dream of writing. Then he lost his. Although he didn’t stay jobless for long, the position he took was not what you’d call a dream job. He does it right now to keep the roof over our head and a steady income through the door. I keep working my dream, and have begun to take temp jobs again in training and sales for additional income. Hopefully, one day, I’ll be able to repay his faith in my dreams by being able to financially support us so that he can chase his.

Sue - Would like to sign up for emails but I can not read those obnoxious codes!

Tammy - Kit, this is what I call a love story. Two people supporting each other the best they can. I have a feeling that you repay him everyday for his faith in you. Just a hunch. Another hunch I have is that your incredible writing will pave your way to your dream. This post hit close to home for me. Real close. So glad that we shared it together. Thanks for that.

Tammy - Hi Sue, so sorry about those goofy capcha letters. It’s a necessary evil to keep spammers away. Ugh. BUT, I went ahead and subscribed you using the gmail address that you provided privately to me. You will receive an email from Feedburner/Witty Woman Writing asking that you click on the link provided to confirm that you indeed signed up to receive the blog. Hope to see you on the other side, my friend!

Take a Shot or Take a Seat

Success isn’t preordained or acquired by a stroke of luck. Hell no. It isn’t who we know, but rather who we are, that makes the difference in our life path. I shared those sentiments with them, calmly. I’m pretty sure I’m off their Christmas list next year.

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Tana Bevan - Never ceases to amaze me how quickly those-who-haven’t-a-clue are quick with the derisive, derogatory and/or demeaning judgments & comments towards those-who-go-forth-and-do. Rather than focus on those negative 3-Ds from those who don’t know, let those who DO know cheer you on with some serious clapping and cheering for the positive 3-Ds you’ve got going for you: Determination. Diligence. Delight.

PS: And when when the spirit strikes, enjoy your Tequila. Cheers!

Joan Cooper - And I leave you with my Epitah…

Keep a Fire in Your Heart

and

a Smile in Your Eyes

Scott Morgan - Hell yeah, baby! This is one of my favorite things you’ve written. And I always like what you’ve written. I think it was Bob Dylan who said a successful man is one who wakes up every morning and goes to bed every night and does exactly what he wants in between. This sentiment is certainly on par with that.

Tammy - Tana, I’m right there with you, accentuating the positive and eliminating the negative. The thing is, these people truly believe that the success of many is highly dependent on luck, how they play the game and who they know. Crazy! LOVE your 3-D take on things. I came up with a few of my own, but am pretty sure WordPress would shut me down if I shared them. Eeeep! So appreciate the read, and LOVED the comment!

Tammy - Joan, I could not have said it better myself. Something tells me it is not only your epitaph, but the words you live by! Thanks for the read and for the awesome sharing!

Tammy - Scott! SO great to see you here again! I’ve missed you, buddy of mine! Gotta love the Dylan, truer words were never spoken! I’ve got to tell you, that was one strange evening. It felt like I was in a bubble surrounded by delusion and grandeur. The grandeur was pretty cool. The delusion was ridiculously absurd and bigoted. I needed a shower after it all. Thanks for the pop-in, my friend. Hope to see you again sooner than later!

Kitt Crescendo - Oh, Tammy! Again, we’re sisters! Like you, I’ve heard all that propaganda said in that complimentary tone, made to both pat your back and question yourself. I, too, was raised barely a step up from poverty and taught to learn the value of a dollar early by making the money myself so that I could afford cool new clothes before each school year. Like you, my mom was a single parent with two daughters to support. Technically, we even qualified for food stamps/government aid, not that my mom ever used it. She always felt there were others in worse situations than ours that needed it more and wanted to set an example of hard work and dedication.

My sister and I learned our lessons well. She’s a nurse and a semi-professional vocal musician. Me? Well, I’ve done the medically related, sales and management. These days I’ve put myself back out on that limb and am taking my chances with writing. Remember when we talked about writing my book and getting close to publishing? Well, I pulled the trigger and did it! The nerves I initially felt are gone. Now it’s all excitement.

I’m so glad you spoke out to these women and explained the truth. The kind of downplaying they expected you to do leaves a very toxic aftertaste…and quite frankly, tends to be the lesson taught to their children (who are still waiting for that big break to come in, rather than working hard to make it happen). This is where entitlement starts.

Brava!

Tammy - Kitt, clearly at some point we should compare DNA. You bring up a great point, one I overlooked. To be “that person” who diminishes and disparages others, is bad enough. But to pass that kind entitled ideology to your children, well that’s a different crime all together. Proving once again that ignorance is taught. And to think that I wanted to be one of those ladies when I grew up. Believe me when I tell you, there was nothing lady like about the ignorance these women touted. I couldn’t leave fast enough. Poor never equaled stupid. Wealthy shouldn’t either. I so love having you here in my little corner of the world. Thanks for that!

Marcia - Someone once told me that luck is nothing more than the intersection of opportunity and preparation. ‘Nuff said.

Tammy - Maria, I am left to wonder why I’ve never heard that, because it’s brilliant! You’re absolutely right … ’nuff said!! So wonderful to hear from you. Love knowing you are on the other side of my little blog and love even more when you chime in! Thanks for that!

Suerae Stein - Another AWESOME post, Tammy! You deserve all the credit for where you are today. I admire your strength and courage to take risks, ESPECIALLY after you’ve had a failure or two. Others may not have taken more chances after getting burned just once. I do believe that those who rely only on themselves for survival and success are often the ones who appreciate it most. Way to go my friend!

Amanda Fox - Tammy, I loved this. You are right. There are no short cuts to succeeding – at anything. It takes focus, determination, the willingness to take chances, and freakin’ hard work. Thanks for writing this. You are a definite role model! [heart]

Tammy - Suera, for me, NOT taking a viable risk is a harder thing to wrangle with. If I think its a great idea, I research, check out the competition, mull it over a bit and then pounce. No lie, failing is NOT awesome. Nor is it something you forget … ever. But to think that those people (like me) who achieve some measure of success, no matter how large or small, that we came upon it by luck, well it’s beyond insulting. Bah! Can you tell that it makes me crazy? I so appreciate the read and the feedback. It is ever so nice to know I’m not alone in my littler corner of the world.

Tammy - Hi Amanda, thanks so much for the support! The only success from others that I have known that was derived from luck or game playing always involved a hefty inheritance or a family business. Luck has pity little to do with success. Period. Whatever accolades and profit you have, you earned! It is hard for me to understand how people could think otherwise. I feels just plain weird. So very happy to have you, sweet Amanda, in my corner. We must compare notes for Doomsday. You can never have enough friends to fend off the zombies.

mel glenn - Nobody puts Tammy in a corner. You are the succesful person-product of your own hard work, and nobody can take that away from you – ever.You say you make your own luck, and you have, but what do you say to people who have worked as hard as you have, and have not been as successful? Do you say that they have bad luck? Or, is it a matter, as some (religious) people would argue, there is no such think as luck at all. It’s preordained by a higher authority?

Tammy - Hi Mel, I don’t make my own luck, I follow my own dreams and aspirations. No luck involved. I remember my grandfather teaching me a lesson on work ethic. It involved a fly in a window. The fly buzzed around for hours trying to get out. Eventually he died on the sill. My grandpa pointed out to me that no fly could have worked harder to get out. But only 4 feet away was an open sliding glass door. Had he ventured further, he would have survived. Sometimes you need to work smarter rather than harder. It can make the difference between life/death or success/failure. As far as our lives being preordained, I haven’t a clue. But I can tell you that I am doing all I can to help myself along, so should it be so, I can look God in the eye and tell him I gave it my very best shot. It’s all I expect of myself and I hoping it’s all God can expect of me too. Here’s hoping. I do so love our conversations! Appreciate you!

Ande Lyons - Now you’ve gone and done it Tammy. Your powerful post made me cry. A Barbara Walters moment, for sure!

Thank you for spotlighting the often misuse of the word “LUCKY.” It’s an outlawed word in our home. The word fortunate is tolerated… we allow the occasional use of good fortune… but not luck… good or bad.

Darling Man and I are so committed to our fully expressed lives we’ve scared ourselves and our children way too many times.

Recently, while trying to figure out how to pay the utilities AND the phone bill, we scratched our heads and said “Why are we doing this at our age? Most folks are retired and living off their savings/pensions.”

Then we laughed and said WTH (okay, it was WTF), we LOVE pursuing our dreams. They’re not always pretty, but they are defining. They help us experience all of who we are and who we will be. Worth the struggle, the tears, the no money, the gobs of money.

Because we can’t just feed our bodies… we have to feed our souls.

This is why I LOVE and CELEBRATE YOU, dearest Tammy. I appreciation you and applaud you for being willing to create a life of your dreams. For using tenacity, perseverance, resiliency and hope to give yourself a life you can be proud of and take joy in.

I also love that you surround yourself with folks who celebrate you, not merely tolerate you. BRAVO!

As one of my favorite sheroes always says/sings:

But the world is full of zanies and fools
Who don’t believe in sensible rules
And won’t believe what sensible people say
And because these daft and dewey-eyed dopes
Keep building up impossible hopes
Impossible Things are happening every day !

~Fairy Godmother

Love sharing the circle with YOU,

Ande

Tammy - Ande, I will be forever grateful that the land of Twitter brought you to me, me to you. I don’t think for a minute that it was a coincidence. Not by a long shot. Birds of a feather do gather together. That’s a fact. You are right, of course, pursuing our dreams is often messy, cluttered and less than monetarily rewarding. I can’t think of a better way to live each day. There are times I make more money that I feel I have a right to, and others when I’m robbing Peter to pay Paul. But either way, I wake up smiling and happy to go to go to work each day and see what strides I can make. My life is awesome because I work to make it so and because I have loving people who support one another as a big part of it. Being with a wonderful man who loves and supports my every move and whom I love with the breath of me makes it all that much better. I’ve seen way too many wealthy people who are dreadfully unhappy to know that money won’t buy happiness. Love of yourself, your work, your family, friends and home, not THATS something you can take to the bank. Grateful for you, my friend.

Cynthia Jordan - So so true Tammy. I’ve also come up from the trenches of life and I’m proud of it. It wasn’t luck at all, but hard work and stamina.

Tammy - Hi Cynthia, there are so many of us who are still looked down on or regarded as “lucky” because we made it to where we are in life. Bull! You’re right, my friend, luck had pity little to do with it! So happy to hear from you! Nice to know you are still out there behind my blog. xo

Debra Tosca - Congratulations on your success! You are an excellent communicator and I wish I had half of your ability, Although knowledge, good fortune, who you know, right time-right place are all important in “making it”, self confidence is the best attribute for success. You have inspired me to keep pursuing my dreams (I will get more than 4 twitter followers, lol) and I thank you for sharing your experiences and knowledge with me.

Tammy - Hi Debra, I’m betting you probably have TWICE my ability. But I’m THRILLED to hear that I’ve inspired you to jump on the social media bandwagon. And if I’m not already following you, bet sure to tweet me, because I want to be counted among your growing number! Let’s keep in touch. I’d like nothing better.

Why Christmas Is a Lot Like Sex … Kind Of

The first thing that comes to mind is the waiting and anticipation of it all. The grand expectations, the splendor, the happy ending and the disappointing outcome. Yup, Christmas has sex written all over it. Much has been written about Christmas miracles, but if you ask any single woman over 50, you’ll be duly advised […]

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Rick Gualtieri - Me, I’d take sex over Christmas any day of the week. Sex is way cheaper and with far fewer annoying relatives…unless you’re doing it wrong. 🙂

Joan Cooper - What a fabulous piece! When you think if it, I guess a lot of things fall into that category – including the stress and worry that you may not make it ‘perfect ‘.

And to think you went right past that not at all sexy Santa and still got this message. Must be your Latin blood, Tammy. Personally I would not care to sit on Santa’s lap. Maybe that is why my dreams did not come true ???

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Joan

Diahann Reyes - Very sexy, fun, informative holiday post! Love the comparison between sex and X-mas, which I would have never made the connection to. Happy Holidays.

Tammy - Haaaaa! Rick, you crack me up! Too funny. Glad to see you on the other side! I have to share that for those who buy sex, it can get a tad pricey. Just saying. But a lot less annoying …. oh yeah! Have a very merry!

Tammy - Joan, so glad you enjoyed my little holiday frolic. A very merry Christmas to you, my friend! May all your dreams still come true.

Tammy - Diahann, I know it was a bit out of the ordinary. What the heck, I’m 60 and I can say what I want, right? Happy you enjoyed the read and got a giggle out of it. Even more happy to have you here! Thanks for that.

Terri - At least sex is not limited to once a year!

Happy Holidays!
Terri

Tammy - Terri, dear God, we hope not! Happiest of holidays to you! Appreciate the read AND the comment.

Mel Glenn - Dear Tammy,
One of your funniest columns. Even though I am not a woman or a celebrant of Christmas, I really enjoyed this piece. I believe that even though you are a realist, you are still very much the romantic, and hope that both men and Christmas will yield presents. Hope the men stay around longer than the 12 days of Christmas. Finding the right man is much harder than finding the right tree. Hopefully, you have to branch out and turn over a new leaf. Merry Christmas

Tammy - Mel, you ARE a stitch! You should do stand up. Seriously. I AM a romantic at heart and I do love the process of budding love. It’s a pain the butt…no lie. But it is a wonder to behold. I have always held physical connection until I knew they were the right one for me. Which could account the ridiculously small quantity of men in my life. As they say…is the quality NOT the quantity. Happy New Year to you, my friend. Thank you for being here. I enjoy you more than you know.

Walker Thornton - Delightful. I had never compared the 2 but now that you’ve gone there.. Also intrigued by the idea of sitting on ‘his’ lap and telling him what I want… naughty or nice would be Santa’s choice!

Janie Emaus - So funny and true!

Tammy - Hi Walker, I KNOW, right?! Intriguing thought to be sure. Happy you enjoyed the read and happier still for the comment. A very merry to you, my friend!

Tammy - Hi Janie, I’m nothing if not ridiculously honest. Was thinking of submitting something of the like to HP, but can only imagine the body slams I would get for the comparison. Oye! Appreciate the read the good review!

Malissa - Well I hope I get a lot of sex because there isn’t much for Christmas!
My best gift though is my aunt is still with us when dr said she had six months, she isn’t even feeling sick yet so I hope she keeps going and makes her 90th birthday in February! I’m thank full I have had her for so long.
Hope you get some and have a happy new year too. Hugs

Suerae Stein - Only you, Tammy, could come up with such a comparison and make it work! I love it! It’s so true, fun and, well, sexy! Well done, my dear, as always! Have a wonderful holiday and I hope it continues well into the new year!

Tammy - Suerae, it works for me! So very happy that it worked for you too. Glad to have put a smile on your face and a giggle on your lips. Merry Christmas, my friend. Best to you…always!

Tammy - Malissa, well then, girl, I’m hoping for a boat load of good sex for you this year! *giggling* Your 89 year young aunt IS the best gift ever! I love my aunt and uncle and hope they will be around for a long time yet. They are in their 80″s and still going strong. People really do make the best gifts, don’t they?! A very merry to you, my friend! Hugs right back atcha!

Kitt Crescendo - LOL! Funny, I wrote something around Halloween about the fact that “that” particular holiday gave folks carte blanche to explore their kinkier side…LOL!

I totally agree with you, by the way, about selectiveness with trees and partners. It drives me absolutely batty when people go into marriage with the “well, if it doesn’t work out, I can always get divorced” thought in the back of their minds. It’s setting them up to fail. Nine times out of ten it means that communication, honesty and commitment are all selective and incomplete. Ugh! I may have been picky, but I’m with an amazing man who is with me because he wants to be, not because he had no other viable alternatives at the moment. 🙂

Ande Lyons - Sexy Goddess Tammy!

I LOVE your kinky comparison of Holiday Love and Sensual Love… it’s deeeelicious and deeelightful!

This is our first Christmas where we are not exchanging gifts. We are all about giving the gift of our presence… and it’s been the most liberating of Holiday Seasons! Our two teens are fully on board… and loving the time we’re spending AWAKE with each other and loved ones.

Wishing you the happiest of Holiday love and joy… and may your New Year be filled with all your dreams come true – MUAH!!

Ande

Tammy - Hi Kitt, we must be related. Somehow. From somewhere. Don’t both getting married if you’re not in for the long haul. Said by this divorced woman. In defense of myself, I hung in there for 30 years. In the end, giving up on my marriage was the only way to save myself. I believe in the commitment. To stay until it becomes impossible to breathe. I’ve discovered in this journey called “married life” that if there is only one person working on the marriage, for years, it’s not likely it can or should survive. My 2cents. Sending you a warm holiday hug this holiday. Best to you, my friend! May you have much love to share (kinky or not)!

Tammy - My dear Ande, what a wonderfully fabulous idea. The gift of self. What could be finer?! This is the first Xmas that my fiancé and I are celebrating. He is Jewish, and he has opened his heart to my celebration of the season. He is experiencing his first Christmas tree and simply loves it. Gifts are involved, a lot like Hanukkah. It’s wonderful sharing our two faiths with each other. A meeting of the hearts, if not the minds. Blessings to you and your, my dear friend, Ande. You know I just love and adore you … in every way!

Kitt Crescendo - Tammy, I couldn’t agree with you more! It takes two… If only one person is willing to work, it’s doomed to fair. Marriage is definitely a partnership. I’m glad you found Mr. Right the second time around. 🙂

Does Doubt Render You Incapable?

There are days when I feel like I’m all that. The best thing since sliced bread, the cat’s pajamas, the bee’s knees. Then there are days like today. Where I don’t feel like I can accomplish anything. At all. Ever again. Days where I find myself in that place where everything hurts and doubt has […]

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mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
I like your courage in always putting one foot forward, not matter if you go fast or slow – the goal is always progress, but I agree, self-doubt is the anchor that drags you to a complete stop. There are things always to doubt, mostly theological, but in the fast paced world, you have to take your best shot No0 doubt about that..

Tana Bevan - A Chinese person supposedly said, “Don’t be afraid of going slowly, be afraid of standing still.”

As for doubt being a killer, agreed. However, Hope is its antithesis. So long as you are moving forward (as slow as it might be) Hope is with you.

Not a lot to hang onto. But sometimes it’s all there is.

Thank you Tammy for putting into words that which many feel.

Melanie - You know what, Tammy? I think doubt is worse than fear. And that’s saying a mouthful!

Thank you for this wonderful chunk of honesty. I doubt there’s a soul out there who’s never doubted themselves.

I often refer to doubting as “second guessing” myself … and I do that a lot. The really stinky thing is that doubt holds me back in SO many ways. I get the same kinds of “You’re so confident” comments and compliments … and they’re really nice. But the truth is, most days my feet feel as if they’re stuck in quicksand as I hold tightly to uncertainty.

I realize there are no guarantees in life and we’ll never accomplish much of anything if we don’t take some risks. I just wish I could kick doubt to the curb!

Ande Lyons - Tammy!

Thank you for spotlighting the Life and Love of Doubt… a dear friend of us all… and inviting it to the party.

Doubt teaches us the best lessons; it gives us a deeper relationship with our Self; and it has a profound impact on our ability to soar and be remarkable.

Yet it’s often shoved back into the darkest part of the closet… an “unmentionable.”

Doubt needed to come out of the closet for some fresh air, sunlight and LOVE. Give Doubt a hug, a high-five, a clink, clink and a woo hoo! It’s one of the best shadows we have and needs to be celebrated.

BTW: FAVE quote of the post “a disturbingly lovely letter.” LOVE IT!

Your Devoted Goddess,

Ande

Tammy - Hi Tana, those Chinese proverbs were eerily accurate! Standing still has never suited me. I say that knowing that my happy place will always be in a quiet room with a good book, surrounded by my kitties and dog. Certainly that is about as still as you get. Hope is something I hang on to. The consequence of losing that is incomprehensible. I am nothing if not forever hopeful. Thanks for the read and the comment. I do so appreciate knowing you are on the other side.

Tammy - Hi Melanie, if you ever figure out how to get rid of the doubt in your life, you better share it, girl! I have yet to master that task. As confident as I am, and I truly am, doubt finds a way to weasel in periodically. It makes me stronger in the end, no lie. But it messes with my head and my life like nothing else. Bah! I’m so glad you enjoyed my chunk of honesty. I can’t think who I’d rather have shared it with!

Tammy - Ande, I think you are so right … doubt is a commonality we ALL have. Yet, I find few people who openly admit it. What a shame. I think it would help us all to know that those people we admire, well, they have doubts and crummy days too. And they make through…which means we can make it through! The letter was absolutely disturbingly lovely. It was kind, thoughtful and praising. But it pictured me as a person I do not know myself as. I found it disturbing that my persona could have been so misconstrued. Or am I delusional. Oh, God, I hope so! From one Goddess to another … I do so LOVE having you here!! Thanks for that!

Tammy - Mel, you never fail to put a smile on my face. “No doubt about that”? Ahahahahaha! Yup, doubt is a bugger to deal with. The monster at the gate denying entrance to your life. Not okay. I guess that’s why we read stories as kids about fighting dragons and winning. We need to believe that we can. And I do. Believe, that is. You are one of my favorite devoted readers, and I’m so grateful for you, your insight and your humor. It’s MY pleasure to have you, Mel.

Walker Thornton - Tammy, I think you speak for many of us–I can certainly attest to moments of doubt. Years of doubt! Thank you for this, it is giving me a powerful nudge.

Melanie - It’s settled then. Doubt is a “weasel”! 😉

Jennifer - Amazing piece. Think people admire this trait in you because that first step forward is often the hardest. When they see that you can do it, it inspires them to have more faith in themselves to be able to do it as well.

Tammy - Hi Jennifer, here’s hoping you are right! Doubt seems to be shame based. I’m not sure why. We ALL have it from time to time. And it’s a bitch getting rid of. Thanks for you kind review and for your sharing. You, Jennifer, are AWESOME!

Tammy - Hi Walker, I think doubt is something we ALL deal with, like it or not. But few speak of it, like it’s a weakness of sorts. Nonsense! It’s a devil to get past, that’s for sure. Between you and mean, I hate it. But kicking it to the curb, while challenging, is always empowering. So happy to be able to share that nudge with you. Thanks for that!

Kitt Crescendo - I believe Babe Ruth said it best when he said “Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.”

I, too, have often appeared to people as fearless. What a crock. Lately I’ve been struggling with nerves and fear as I am at the end stages of putting my first manuscript out there. Then I remember something someone once told me…”Only the stupid are unafraid. It’s the willingness to do what’s necessary despite our fear that makes us brave.” So, instead of allowing my fear to take hold, I’ve been telling myself, “You’ve got this.”

Tammy - Hi Kit, just saw this comment. What a beauty it is! My dad would always tell me “never let them see you sweat”. They never do. Thanks for your sharing, my sister from another mother. Love you for that! And, YES, you’ve got this!!

If You’re Looking At The Big Picture, You’re Cheating Yourself Big Time!

I am guilty of looking at the big picture in my business world, but you won’t find me doing it very often in my personal life. Why? Because I was cheating myself out of something valuable. And it’s likely that you are too. The other night, I was out to dinner with a dear friend […]

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Joan Cooper - You have a very very special gift – your insight is rare and beautiful. I reserve $100 a month for animal charities – and there are so many more – but just think – my $10.00 each, multiplied by 1000 is $10,000.00 per charity and so on.

No gift is too small to make a difference.

Joan Cooper

Tana Bevan - Touche for celebrating the joy with a variation of the small and simple. Often those who look at the “big picture” are overwhelmed by the hugeness of it all and feel impotent to evoke change, forgetting the one-on-one difference. The story which makes the internet/Chicken Soup for the Soul rounds about the starfish is on point. A young person happens upon an older person tossing starfish back into the sea because starfish will otherwise die. Young Person looks around, sees a shoreline filled with starfish and comments Old Person won’t really make a difference as there are too many. Old Person holds up starfish, says “Makes a difference to this one,” and tosses it into the water. Young Person picks up a starfish to toss.

Tammy - Hi Joan, you really are too kind. You are SO right, my friend … “no gift is too small to make a difference”! Love it! And you!

Tammy - Hi Tana, I’ve got to confess that I feel overwhelmed almost every day. There is such a big picture to be considered and it’s exhausting. But when it comes to real life (not business life), it’s the smaller picture that matters to me. It allows me to be a part of the world, to participate, engage, feel like I’ve done some good of sorts. All we can do … is do our best. LOVE, love the starfish story. I’ve heard it before, but never enough. Thanks for bringing to the table. Happy holiday to you, my friend!

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
I agree with you on this one with the caveat that one can do both – look at the big picture and the small one. Look at Shindler – he saved 1000 Jews though six million were killed. He did something, even though in the grand scheme of things it wasn’t all that much.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Best, Mel

Kitt Crescendo - You know I love you, right? Your words reflect my feelings to a tee…and remind me of Garth Brooks’ song “The Change”. The lyrics go a little something like this:

One hand reaches out and pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
And they say you, what good have you done by saving just this one?
It’s like whispering a prayer in the fury of a storm

And I hear them saying you’ll never change things
And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing
But it’s not the world that I am changing I’ll do this
So this world will know that it will not change me

This heart still believes, the love and mercy still exist
While all the hatred rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this
It’s like trying to stop a fire with the moisture from a kiss

And I hear them saying you’ll never change things
And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing
But it’s not the world that I am changing I’ll do this
So this world will know that it will not change me

As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone

I hear them saying you’ll never change things
And no matter what you do it’s still the same thing
But it’s not the world that I am changing I’ll do this
So this world we know never changes me
What I’ll do is so this world will know that it will not change me

Suerae Stein - Tammy, this is a great reminder to us all that day to day kindnesses do matter, and you, my dear, have a kind heart indeed. It is all too easy to be overwhelmed by the grand scale suffering that happens all around us. It might be natural to throw up our hands and think that it is all just too big for one person. I know I’ve felt that way. But even if we can make one day, one meal, one life, just a little better for one person or animal, sometimes that can make a huge difference far beyond what we might see. The ripple effect could be on a grand scale. Wonderful post! Thank you.

Tammy - Hi Mel, It lovely being on the same page as you. I find that the grand scheme of things is always too much. I don’t avoid it, I just do what I can in the little time and space that I occupy. And it’s enough….for now. To do less would make me a lesser person. Thanks so much, Mel, for being here. Hope your holiday was wonderful!

Tammy - Kitt, I had never heard this song before. Thank you so much for sharing it. It is absolutely spot on! Doing what we can, when we can, the best we can DOES make a difference. Every. Single. Time. We are, truly, sisters from another mother! Thanks so much for being here! I … am thankful … for YOU!

Tammy - Thanks, Suerae, for the kind words. It doesn’t surprise me that we are on the same page here. I’m always a bit surprised to see so many people who say they don’t extend themselves because they know it won’t make a difference. Really? They know? How can humanity be so easily duped? One has to wonder. I get that things are so overwhelming so often. But to not try to make one small difference whenever you can, well, it just doesn’t seem at all right. I’d like to think there are millions who do little things. That would mean there are millions of little things being done to help one another. Awesome! Love to you, my friend, this holiday! Thanks so much for stopping by.

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