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Clowns, Bigots, and other Calamities

After a recent presentation in front of a few hundred people, I was relaxing in the lounge with a few of my peers. In conversation, they commented how much they admired my fearlessness. Fearless? Me? Oh, I don’t think so! I’m afraid a lot of things. Yes, I have a list, and I’m thinking that the […]

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Scott Morgan - I fear stupid people of influence too. Just so happens, so many of them are politicians or bigots. or both.

Joan Cooper - I don’t know what it is, but I am terrorized by CLOWNS. People laugh at them and think they are fun – not me – I am so so afraid of them. Why is that? You know almost all there is to know, Tammy. Tell me why I am so afraid of clowns.

I am so afraid of reptiles. I lived in the country outside LA and had to deal with an occasional snk. I know that is not the right spelling – I just cannot face it or say it. Yet – when I had to – I moved them or killed them. Survival I guess. But clowns? I run the other way.

Kitt Crescendo - Aw, you’re afraid of Pit’s? My 2 shiba inu dogs’ best friend is a pit, but I completely understand. They get a bad rep…and too many owners don’t train them properly. Hopefully you don’t think less of me because I don’t mind them. 😉

As for creepy crawlies…I’m terrified of frogs. Don’t laugh. They seem to find all sorts of crazy ways to attack. Spiders, on the other hand, don’t phase me.

You get a big AMEN from me regarding bigots, too.

Bravery has nothing to do with fear, you know. It’s the ability to overcome it.

Sandra Sallin - OK, I’m alright with spiders, alright with hairs in my sink, (although I do immediately remove them with a tissue) I’m right with you on bigots, politicians, and pit bulls. See you at the hot dog stand.

Tammy - Hi Sandra, haa! You’re too funny. The hot dogs are on me! Thanks for stopping by, appreciate it tons.

Tammy - Hi Kitt, I am a dog lover from way back. Waaay back. Yes, Pits scare me. Mostly because I don’t know their owners. I have a friend who is a police officer who told me that the reason Pitts are such a problem is because of the owner demographic that gravitates to them. They are often people who want to scare, intimidate and bully. Naturally, they teach their dogs to do it. People are such idiots some times. I’ve known a Pitt or two who were as gentle as a mouse, but I know they were raised as family members, with love and kindness. Frogs?? Really? I’ve never given it much thought, but they are a bit slimy-ish. You are SO right…bravery doesn’t have a damn thing to do with fear. You are wise beyond your years. Thanks for being here, Kitt. You won’t mind me telling you that I think you’re awesome!

Tammy - Hi Joan, thanks for the compliment of thinking I know almost all there is to know. The truth is, I haven’t a clue. You and I are in the same boat. I’m not fond of pantomimes either. There is something sinister to me about a white face, big hair and a fake big red smile. Yeah, I’m not trusting it. As far as snakes go…it’s right up there on my list too. Reason #212 why I don’t go camping! We had a big one in our garage the other night. I called the fire department. I don’t care if my neighbors think I’m a sissy. I am (she says proudly). Great having you here, Joan.

Tammy - Hi Scott, that coincidence didn’t escape me. Seems like it’s almost a pre-requisite. We are birds of feather, or shall I say, you are my brother from another mother. Still. Hope you are well, and know that I appreciate hearing from you. Thanks for that.

Mel Glenn - I have always been afraid of insects. My mother, knowing that, drew one on the wall when I was six – shock therapy? Maybe politicians are worse than insects,or maybe they are synonymous terms.I like clowns, dogs, not so much.
Contrary to that movie ad, fear is not a choice.
You are a stand-up writer, admitting fears that others would try to cover. Good column.

Tammy - Hi Mel, yikes! Your mom drew an insect on your wall? Clearly it didn’t cleanse you of any fear of them. I had a friend once who thought it was a good idea to throw children in the deep end of the pool, with the thought that they would learn to swim pretty quickly. Ignorant and cruel. I’m no expert (that’s an understatement) but I don’t have a lot of faith in “shocking” someone into admission or submission. It would never have worked on me…then or now. Haaa! I agree with you….fear is NOT a choice. It is an instinct, bred deep within us. I’m thinking it keeps us alive most of the time. But I won’t tell Will Smith if you don’t. Thanks for the good review, stand up or not, I’m “out there”. And ever so happy to know you are on the other side.

Kitt Crescendo - Aww! I think you’re awesome, too. By the way, on the frog thing…I’ve had allergic reactions to them in the past (may have a little bit to do with it) and they also tend to attack in the strangest places. I actually blogged a while back on those Freaky Froggy Findings. Heck, they may freak me out, but that doesn’t mean I can’t laugh about them.

As for the Pits…your police officer friend is right, unfortunately. Their size and durability also seems to attract dog fighters, etc. I actually feel really sorry for the pits. Overall, they’re usually such sweet, mild mannered dogs, but you kick one often enough….

Cynthia Jordan - Of course I would have to ask if the wet hair in the sink belonged to you or someone else? The latter would be unacceptable. Pit Bulls scare the crap out of me. I also cross the street and DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. Certain bugs and especially rodents (yes those fuzzy little pets called gerbils, mice and guinea pigs are RODENTS) make my toes curl and have since I was a kid. Yet, I will kiss my dog’s lips and wipe the slobber off my cheeks, never giving a thought to anything possibly disgusting about that.

Tammy - Hi Cynthia, I share my ice-cream cones with my dog and have no issues about the germs. I’m sure others would nearly vomit at the thought. Aren’t we funny?! I recently read an article that speaks about how dirty a dogs mouth really is, debunking the myth that our mouths are far dirtier. Yet, I’m okay with it. We all have our “issues”. I will be sure not to gift you with a prize guinea pig anytime soon! Haaaa! Thanks for popping in for the read and the comment!

Does Money Buy Happiness?

I love money. I have recently been chided for my vigorous pursuit of it. It seems that my edict of always trying to monetize what I do is offensive to some. Really? Bite me. Money makes the world go around. It feeds us, clothes us, keeps the lights on and the gas tank filled. I […]

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mercyn - Don’t apologize for making the most from your talents and for wanting comfort and security today and in the future. You should be proud of balancing personal success, happiness and a satisfying lifestyle. Too many people get the $ they want but too late realize their life lacks a lot of things money cannot buy. Money sure helps – but is not everything.

Joan Cooper - NO money does not buy happiness – BUT you can’t be happy without it either.

I am amazed at how much you can discuss about any topic. Such a gift, Tammy. Keep it up.

Joan

Suerae Stein - In this day and age, there is no real financial security. Of course we want as much money as we can manage to make to be sure we are not out on the street during our retirement! I am stunned that you would be criticized for that. Especially after you have experienced hardship. As I get older, the materialistic things matter less. I want everything to be simpler, less cluttered, downsized. Happiness does matter more than money, but let’s face it, money can add a whole lot of stress to our lives when we don’t have enough. And that can make us pretty unhappy. Great post as always!

Sharon Westmoreland - Hi Tammy, I find that many people who show distain for those that who are trying to make a little money are scarcity driven. They believe that if you have it, it drains away their chance to gain more themselves. Of course the current corporate culture of greed also feeds a dislike for those with wealth. As you note, balance is everything!

General people who criticize us for trying to earn more money are negative thinkers, do not have your best interests at heart, and are best left out of your life least they drag you down into that same stagnant pool!

Frankie - Why is it people who don’t know how to control spending and management their money, always seem to end up inheriting it? Just sayin…

I too write because I want to write-I am not expecting that big hunk of change for writing my memoir– that’s not the point of why I write. It’s my passion in life.

I agree money does make things a lot easier, but I think being grateful for what we already have makes money come into our life even easier.

Loved this read!

Tammy - Mercyn, so appreciate your comment. I don’t apologize for trying hard but I do get a bit sick and tired of being labeled a greedy person. I’m far from wealthy. Sometimes you need to dig deep into the earth to find the well of water. I’m a digger from way back and probably will be until the day I die. Thank you, Mercyn, for the read and pep talk. Both highly appreciated.

Tammy - Joan, you’re right. In this world it would be hard to be comfortable, let alone happy, without money. I do have the gift of gab. A blessing and a curse. Thank you for making it feel like the former. Love having you here!

Tammy - Suerae, boy, you got that right. I always feel just a stones throw away from living under a bridge. Some of my male counterparts feel that my pursuit of money is, at times, too tenacious. Color me baffled. Financial insolvency is something I ever wish to never live again. Perhaps I have more urgency than others, but I never thought of it as a bad thing. Funny how age teaches us that less IS more. Thanks for stopping by and sharing. Appreciate that!

Tammy - Sharon, no stagnant pool for me! Negative Ned’s are never awesome to be around. Funny how they always have a not so favorable opinion about how others should run their lives. I’m just a girl trying to do the best that I can with what I have. Thanks for the clarity and the pep talk. I needed both!

Tammy - Frankie, I giggled when I read your first line. Isn’t it always the way?! I also agree that a grateful mind renders many opportunities. You have to love to write to do it. The pay scale is laughable and the accolades are few. But when you monetize your work, it pays in all kinds of ways. Thanks ever so for the read and for the awesome comment. I appreciate them both!

Sandra Sallin - You sound right on to me. Keep it up. You know what’s really important and that includes money. So go for it!

Sandra Sallin - By the way, you want money? Try being an artist. 🙂 i don’t know if writing or painting pays worse. My husband supports me so I can follow my bliss.

Tammy - Sandra, THANKS for that! Don’t you just have to wonder why people are so inclined to take you down a notch? Bewildering. Kinda makes me want to make more money to spite them. But that’s another blog for another day. Appreciate you stopping in and giving me your gracious validation!

Mel Glenn - There is nothing wrong with wanting money. The trick is to find a balance between poverty and wealth. You need certain amount for sense of security, but it shouldn’t be the driving force in your life.
An honest and sincere column.

Tammy - Thanks, Mel. I am nothing if not honest and sincere. Some would also call me a pain in the butt. But I digress. Balance IS everything. Money matters. More to some than to others. I would venture that it would be those amongst us who have travailed without it, that understand it’s bigger meaning. And by the way…thank you for not correcting my grammar along the way, Professor, sir, and for always adding insight. You are appreciated.

Kitt Crescendo - You know what’s odd? Most of the times that I’ve seen people criticize a woman for wanting more money or a better life…it’s come from other women (And you’re right…they have no issue if it were a man wanting those thing. In fact, it would be lauded as ambitious and expected by these same women.)

I often wonder why we seem to go out of our way to tear at each other in such a manner. Like you, I’ve been on both the have and have not side of money. The have is definitely where I prefer to be and I’m capable of working to get myself there.

Am I willing to give up my values, my friendships and my happiness for it? No- though I have friends who’ve made that choice, usually through marriages they’re miserable in or careers that leave them with no time for a life (and are oddly critical of those of us who’ve done it on their own).

Like you, I’m hoping for the best of both worlds and working on making it happen. I make no apologies for wanting some of the better things in life for me and mine.

Tammy - Sandra, haaa! I think we have a draw! By the way, on behalf of women everywhere … tell your husband we love him.

Tammy - Kitt, we are birds of a feather, you and I. I agree that many of the disparaging remarks that women receive are from other women. I’d like to think that’s it’s because they look to help. But I kind of doubt it. Sad, really. I subscribe to the thought that my candle burns just as bright when I light another. Envy and competitiveness brings out the worst in some. But the best of us don’t partake in that kind of foolishness. SO very happy you stopped in today. Thanks for that.

Kitt Crescendo - Unfortunately, I doubt it too. It seems that there are certain women who believe that the only way to feel better about themselves is to denigrate someone else. I’m not a fan of that type of behavior at all. In fact, one of my biggest hot buttons are things that damage self esteem (especially female). I do what I can to uplift and encourage…and if it makes a difference to just one person….all the comments, criticisms, etc will be worth it. As the saying goes…”Be the change you want to see in the world”. That’s how I try to live.

Tammy - Amen, my sister from another mother! AMEN!

Carol - I love money! I Love to visualize the positive flow of energy
that exists with money coming in and money going out and cycling through my life daily. Big beautiful waves of money ebbing and flowing. (Ok, call me nuts!) I believe money is just one of the many positive, beautiful manifestations of
energy that exist in our world. Positive for me when it comes in and positive energy for someone else when it flows out.

Charity Kountz - Great insights and I am absolutely with you. Right now my husband and I are not sure how we will make rent this month because he lost his job and our savings ran out. I am scrounging every freelance job I can to come up with it. On top of that we are trying to get custody of his daughter. What I wouldn’t give for the comfort of a decent savings account balance to get us through three months and enough to pay the bills while doing all the rest we need to do (not want but need). I was laid off in March and its so tough right now. So yeah I agree 200% lol!

Tammy - Carol, you’re a girl after my own heart. I love that you see it all as positive energy. And why shouldn’t you? Anyone who doubts that money helps every situation should talk to a mom who didn’t have enough to get her child to the doctor, pay the heating bill or buy a prom dress. Positive thoughts feed positive money. Blessing to you for your quest to get more and spend plenty, sending it all out to us! So appreciate your comment. Thanks ever so for that.

Tammy - Charity, I would guess that few know more than you, at this moment in your life, how important money is and how it would comfort your family to have a bit more of it right now. My heart hurts for you, your husband and his daughter. These are indeed dark times. As I always have said in times like yours: “this could be our greatest hour…what we will remember about ourselves”. I send good thoughts your way. Your sharing has made me more resolute in my stance of no apologies for doing whatever I have to do to make ends meet. Blessing to you and your family, Charity. There is one more person on this earth tonight who is saying a prayer with your name in it.

Jim Lunsford - Tammy, I want to say thank you for being so straight-forward and brave about this subject. I have always had upheaval in my money house, perhaps because I was somehow taught to equate financial success with evil – no one wants to grow up to be Mr. Potter in It’s a Wonderful Life, right – or Mr. Burns from The Simpsons for that matter. It seems that we are taught to believe that heroes must be poor, struggling, everyday blokes (or babes). I am working very hard – still at my age – to reeducate myself about the positive impact that financial abundance can leverage in my life, as well as the lives of those I love and want to help. It seems, however, that unlearning is sometimes a very hard thing to do.

Lois Merrill - I am so glad I ran across your blog…it’s fantastic and spot on! I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. This has instantly become my favorite blog 🙂

Tammy - Hi Lois, THANKS for that. And strictly by coincidence, you have instantly become my favorite reader! Funny how that works! So happy to have you hear!

Tammy - Hi Jim, your comment was so thought provoking. I never gave much thought to the media’s portrayal of money holders. You’re right, I’d hate to be lumped in with Mr. Potter (my fav movie of ALL time, by the way). Then there is the famous scene from Wallstreet: “Greed is good.” Yeah. I’m not so sure about the greed part, but I am pretty sure about the money part. We need it to live, prosper, provide and comfort. All good things, don’t you think? And here is a little spoken fact … we deserve to have all those things and more. Yes, DESERVE. I hope find a reconciliation with your thoughts about money. In the hands of good people, it brings forth good things. Am I right?

caron block - Just read your post on “sex”. You are right on about sex and money. I look forward to reading more of your posts. Thanks for nailing it one the head.!
Best regards,
Caron

Tammy - Hi Caron, oh, it’s so nice to find kindred spirits! Very glad you enjoyed both reads! Hope you subscribed to my Witty Woman once a week rant. Would love to know you are just a word away. Thanks for the kind reviews and for the comment. Appreciate them both. Welcome!

Kellie - Well you know what they say money is the root of all evil. However… I say it is how you use money. Some use if or good some for only selfish reasons. As the really famous always say, “money did not make them happier it just made things easier.” So I guess the best combination is money and a wonderful companion to share it with too.

Virginia Sullivan - Wow Tammy, your statement about how money went through your ex-husband’s fingers like water really rang true to me. My ex was like that, but we didn’t have any money for him to spend. I’d have $30 left to buy groceries for our 4 kids and he’d take it from my purse and spend it. I figured out how to feed everyone, I had the second job, I tried to keep it together. But, one day I realized that the one job I didn’t want was dealing with this grown child for the rest of my life. Great post- Virginia- FirstClassWoman

Tammy - Hi Virginia, well you are a woman after my own heart. I came to the same decision. It was painful but absolutely the right thing to do. These are things they don’t teach young women when we are growing up. A pity. It would be good to get a heads up from those who love us and know the pitfalls of love and the cost of the blind eye. So very happy to have you here! Thank you for the good review, but mostly, thank you for the great comment!

Abercrombie & Bitch

I don’t have a lot of tolerance for snobs, bigots or idiots. Which means that Mike Jeffries, the CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch will not be on my Christmas list. The man is all that and more. Jeffries proudly proclaims that his stores are strictly for the thin, pretty, and cool kids, which serves as […]

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Frankie - And we wonder why young girls have a problem with low self esteem-shame on this man!!!!

Tammy - Frankie, I agree with you on ALL counts. So appreciate the read and your sharing!

Suerae Stein - Amen! What an idiot and creep! You said it any better than I ever could have. We love American Eagle Outfitters and will never step foot in A&F – it’s too pricey for too little material, if you ask me. Great post and I love Ellen too!

Jeffrey Davidson - Well, where do I begin? First, he has a right to sell whatever sizes he chooses. However, his marketing of the reasons he sells those sizes is insensitive, malicious, callous, crude and we don’t have enough room for all of the other adjectives, some of which you may not be able to print.

His attitude of who he hires and where they work within the stores was appropriately dealt with by the courts but perhaps the award was not great enough since the insurance companies pay for it.

To say that someone is “cool” strictly because of their appearance or stature is reprehensible. He lacks common decency.

Ellen certainly has a way in presenting some things but was certainly right on the mark when she commented that being “cool” {even if that is a reasonably defining term – my words} is NOT defined by a number but by who you are inside.

Growing up, I suffered from the cruelty of other children for a variety of reasons and found myself unaccepted and “not cool” until certain things changed in my life. Trust me, they had nothing to do with my size {which was and is somewhat below average} nor my financial status {which was just above average for my community}.

I became “accepted” {I never really liked the idea of being ‘cool’ or ‘uncool’} when others saw in me some of what I had to offer and that where I may not have been very competent or good at some things, I excelled at others where they did not.

It was not always easy, and perhaps the peer pressure was not what it is today, but looking back, as difficult as it was, it helped to make me who I am today. I hope that for the most part that’s a good thing.

Courage to those who can’t and shouldn’t buy their attire at A&F.

Mel Glenn - Righteous anger, well-justified. He should made to wear baggy suits and barrels held up with suspenders.
One question: you reference a 2006 interview.
Does he still adhere to the same policy today?

Tammy - Hi Jeff, if you follow the links of the Salon and Business Insider you will get an earful of his conceit. It’s beyond nauseating. Life is hard enough for kids as it is…and was for you and me. Nobody needs a major clothing store to exclude kids because they don’t fit the “cool kid” mode. I call bullshit. It’s nice to know that men feel strongly about this issue as well. Proving that it’s not a woman’s issue after all. Thanks ever so for the read and the comment. Love having you here.

Tammy - Hi Mel, yes, he does still adhere to the same hiring policy today, lawsuits be damned. It seems he has been embroiled in them since he took over the company. Arrogance has a price. I invite you to click on the highlighted “Salon” and “Business Insider” reference in my blog. It will take you to the in-depth articles that I speak of. Prepare yourself for a ridiculous dose of conceit. They are, however, great reads. I hope you enjoyed the Ellen DeGeneres clip at the end (click on the highlighted “here” reference). The woman is a hoot and took this topic on full speed. Let me know what you think, Mel. As always, my friend, thank you for being here.

Tammy - Hi Suerae, yes, I’ve actually known idiots and creeps that I like better than this guy. I have a reader who responded that she was going to go into the A & F store to deliberately request bigger sizes. wish I were a fly on that wall! As my dad would always say, “it’s hard to argue with stupid”. But I would offer that it’s harder to argue with arrogance. Maybe they are one in the same. Hope you enjoyed the Ellen clip, she is awesome! Thanks ever so for stopping by. Always glad to see you around the place.

Richard - There’s one virtue of American enterprise which can be exercised here. Don’t patronize
A & F. We have choices and they are many. It’s hard to believe that a leading retailer’s CEO would espouse such a position. However, the expression of such an arrogant posture would be the shot heard around the country. The result in diminishing sales will be deafening.

Ellie - Tammy, great commentary about what’s going on with A & F. It’s hard to believe but I think you really said it right. I’m curious to know what makes this guy think the way he does? Keep up the great writing as I look forward to reading your blog posts and forwarding them to my friends.

Tammy - Richard, from your mouth to God’s ears! Let us hope that people let their voice and their choice speak through their pocket books. Happy to have you here and so appreciate the comment!

Tammy - Hi Ellie, thanks for the kind review. I’ll keep writing as long as people keep reading. I have no clue what makes anyone so enclosed in their own ideals and self made world. Dangerous stuff. I can only imagine the damage his actions have cause all these many years. I hope it all comes to an end. So happy you stopped by! Do come again.

Kitt Crescendo - I absolutely LOVE that he’s getting so much negative press because of his narrow minded attitudes. A friend and fellow blogger named August McLaughlin wrote a post recently about his shameful behavior, too.

She came from the modeling world, so her insights were fantastic. I truly loved that she turned down a gig with them back in the day.

It is never okay to undermine self esteem and make someone feel like less of a person simply based on appearance. Kids have enough to struggle with… This kind of behavior is a gateway to bullying, in my opinion. It drives superiority complexes and lowers self esteem…and those who “fit the profile” are now sent the message that it’s acceptable to mock anyone who aren’t as physically blessed as they are.

Yeah…not ever spending money with that Douchebag CEO’s company.

Jenny - I had read about a man in LA that started a campaign by going to a Goodwill store and buying all the A & F clothing items as possible. He then handed them out to homeless people. To encourage others his campaign goes under #FitchTheHomeless.
Never bought anything from this store nor have the kids. Never really thought too and most definitely will not now, well I guess no L has done it for me.

Tammy - Kit, it IS the gateway to bullying! You are so right. And I’m not sure what I’m more frightened of, a superiority complex from idiots or low self-esteem from those who are so much. Scary business. Let us hope that this man continually gets called out for the hateful bigot that he is. He continues his “business practices” and we all have to wonder to ourselves why parents spend their dollars there. I’m with you … ditch the Fitch!! Appreciate the read and the comment!

Tana Bevan - Tammy, In case you haven’t seen it yet, Jes M. Baker wrote the following. The photographs are great! http://www.themilitantbaker.com/2013/05/to-mike-jeffries-co-abercrombie-fitch.html

Kellie - friggin idiot

Joan Cooper - Well…it took me awhile to find a comment to this item. There was a time when “exclusivity” was not unusual. That time has passed. For better or worse.

People need to be taught that their own self worth comes from within themselves – not from any kind of entity outside in the world.

If it is profitable (hard to believe) for A&F to present their product in this matter, I guess that makes it worth while. But you don’t need to buy into it, even if you are the “cool” image they cater to. It is just one person’s idea of mass marketing. Are you laughing?

Tammy - Tana, yes I did see it and I LOVE it. Thanks ever so for sharing it hear!! Appreciate you thinking of me.

The Most Predictable Mistress

You know you want it. It is your ultimate satisfaction, your elusive dream come true.  It will give you everything you’ve ever wanted. All you have to do is pursue it with passion and desire. It will want you to work your fingers to the bone, sacrifice and take chances. When it rejects you, you […]

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Mel Glenn - If success and failure are both teachers, I’d rather have success. It takes a special person, like you, to learn from failure. Usually, the down time from failure is longer than the up time for success, but you do have a good point: many famous people appreciate the journey up the mountain better than the pinnacle.

Rick Gualtieri - I often tell my students 2 things:

1) the stupidest idea realized will be infinitely more successful than a great idea you don’t do anything with

2) sometimes the worst thing you can ever do is ask your friends for advice on an idea you had.

As for me: tons of failures, followed by some successes. Failure does build character, but never giving up builds more.

Tammy - Hi Mel, I’ve come to the conclusion, in all my 60 years, that true success is not attainable without a degree of failure. I know people who have inherited buckets of money and they live a good life they mistakenly think is successful. Earning your way, fighting through the doubt, losing the battle to later win the war…that is success. YES, the journey is really the destination after all. LOVE your comment. Thank you for the read, kind sir, and for sharing.

Joan Cooper - Failure a blessing??? You are wonderful, Tammy.

Failure has left me with a weak heart, disolving nerve endings, a rebellious stomach and an altogether bad taste in my mouth. Oh yes and a hopeless feeling of inferiority!

Joan

Tammy - Rick, now is the moment when I tell you that you are brilliant! Your students are lucky ducks to have you for an instructor. Yup, failure does build character and never giving up builds more. But that kind of tenacity would never be necessary if success was an easy find. Where do I sign up for your class, Mr. Gualtieri? So happy to know you are on the other side. Thanks for that!

Rick Gualtieri - Hah, you don’t. I just handed in my notice at the school. Not enough hours in the day and something has to be cut. 🙂

Tammy - Hi Joan, I feel your pain. And, you are right, of course. When our body fails it’s a whole different ballgame. But I’m willing to bet that when you think about it, you will admit that you learned a boatload of amazing stuff when you tried and failed at something. The knowledge at the other end of the failure stick is pretty amazing. Hard to live through, but amazing. You didn’t become a success because you have always been one. As far as your heart, nerves and rebellious stomach go, let me know when you find the cure. I’m gonna need it myself. Thank you, Joan, for the read and the sharing. Love having you here!

Tammy - Rick, man, another good man down. I understand, but am feeling a bit sorrowful for the students that will be missing out. Still, hugely smart of you to know when and where to trim your day to get the living done! Kudos, my friend.

Ande Lyons - Ah Tammy… the word and experience called failure has such a bad rap. It frightens people… and prevents folks from having the most amazing experiences.

I celebrate failure. Why? Because failure is the best of teachers. It teaches us what we don’t know and what we do or don’t want in life.

Failure is also the best of personal trainers. It provides us the opportunity to build a deeper relationship with our Self… and it builds the best of muscles: tenacity, resilience, persistence and determination.

Our two sons have not been protected from failure… not just as spectators watching their parents. We always encourage our guys to stretch out of their comfort zones… and they often do. (We got them off to a good start by moving them 5 times in 9 years… including across the country and back. :o)

What is failure… really… and what is success? We had a loss in each trimester. Should we have given up? Thank goodness we didn’t let failure be a bad thing. Wasn’t easy… but we kept going and LOVE the successful outcomes! =D

I have two businesses under my tiara. Complete flops from an investor point of view. However, they were amazing adventures… phenomenal products and services that made many people very, very happy… and there were delicious periods of extraordinary success. But in the end, they didn’t make it. Are they failures?

Not all businesses have a traditional “successful outcome;” but they’re not failures, either.

My third “adventure” called Bring Back Desire is providing me with the best of times… and yes, fingers are crossed it’s a monetary success too. I don’t focus on that… I focus on the journey… if I’m meeting my needs, my family’s needs, and making the world a better place to live… life rocks!

I’m thinking we need a new name for failure … one that honors the experience of trying… creating… collaborating… and celebrates those folks who have had the courage to share their gifts with the world… no matter what.

MUAH & LOVE!

Ande

Deborah - Failure for sure! You hit it on the nose! You may for years be a jack of all trades but then comes ” your drum roll” the ultimate master! Nice reading! Much success! God bless! <3

Jenny - My mom tells me “do the best you can with the knowledge you have”. To be failing means you don’t have to worry about things turning out perfect. Perfect gives you a tummy ache.

Kitt Crescendo - I love your view on failure. Professionally speaking, last year I “failed” for the first time. Failure gave me an opportunity to reflect on my life in a way I hadn’t had time to before. It allowed me to see more clearly how I’d shifted my priorities and my passions around (sacrificing much of what was most important to me along the way) to let my career take over. If not for that failure, I doubt I’d have had the courage to go after my passion for writing or enjoy time with family or make time for church. Thanks to this “failure” I’m singing in the church, feeling like maybe it’s not too late to start a family after all and pursuing my writing.

Tammy - Ande, I’ve often heard it said that a woman is like a tea bag. You know what she is made of when she is in hot water. The same is true for all of us. Failure has often been my finest hour and my deepest disappointment. I agree with you on every point and know from your writing that you are on the right side of it. I always said to my daughter that she didn’t need to like failure, but she needed to learn how to fail, why she did, then get past it. Like the Grinch who stole Christmas, once done, your heart grows three times as strong. You hit the nail on the head when you said that sharing our gifts with the world is courageous. Bless all the courageous ones, for they make worth the adventure. Thanks you Ande, for your amazing words of wisdom. Beyond happy to have you here!

Tammy - Hi Deborah, thanks for the kind review! Much success to you and my heartfelt thanks for the read.

Tammy - Jenny, I like your mom already. I’ve never known perfect. I have, however, known extraordinary. I’m grateful for that. Once you have flown, your eyes are forever looking towards the heavens. For it is there you once were, and where you long to be again. Story of my life in a nutshell. Tummy aches and all, failure has been very good to me. Wonderful hearing from you!!

Tammy - Hi Kit, I love your post…so inspiring! Isn’t funny how life works out? Failure always plays a big part in our life success’s. I believe that to the core. BUT, I must give you credit for viewing the glass half full. THAT, my friend, is the key: to see what is there, not what is not there. I send warm wishes your way for your happiness, success, upcoming family and pursuit of your writing gifts. You have a fan in me! Thank you, Kit, for the read and the sharing!

Stephanie - Failure is something I’ve never come to terms with. My dad would tell me that it was the best teacher. 40 years later, I see that he was right. Great post!

Nick - Great blog, found you on Twitter. Failure is a beast, plain and simple. But I think that without it, most of us wouldn’t know what success was really worth. That’s my input. I will subscribe to the WW writing. Thanks!

Patty - Hi Tamy, wow, great website! I was at your presentation yesterday and it was really, truly motivating. I get what you mean about failure, but I have known lots of people who should have failed and didn’t. I kind of think they would be better people and better bosses if they got a taste of what hardship is all about. Plese put me on your mailing list for future talks. Loved it!

Richard - I’ve been poor, and I’ve been rich. Rich is better. And I’d rather suffocate in the luxury of wealth than suffer in the pit of failure. But that’s just me!

Samantha - Hi Tammy, great to meet you yesterday! LOVE the blog and can’t wait for your book! Failure has taught me a LOT. Sometimes more than I wanted to learn. But I got the messages and I’m better for it.

Tammy - Hi Stephanie, I admit that failure is tough to like. But I have to agree with both you and your dad, it IS the best teacher around! So glad to have you hear, and thanks for the comment!

Tammy - Hi Nick, LOVE my Titter friends! Glad you found your way to me and super happy to have you on the WW bandwagon! Thanks for that!

Tammy - Hi Patty, so happy you enjoyed it. Lovely to meet all the new women in business! I agree that not everyone that enjoys success, deserves it. That’s when Karma comes in … sooner or later. You are on my mailing list and I do have some great stuff coming up in the near future. Hope to see you there! Thanks for stopping in!

Tammy - Hi Richard, hard to argue with rich vs. poor. I’d choose rich too. Finding my way to the money is easier since I’ve learned which ways NOT to go. Get my drift? That’s just me! Thanks, Richard for the read and the comment.

Tammy - Samantha, thanks for the kind review. The pleasure was all mine, I assure you. I truly appreciate the support and the positive energy. Thanks for the read and the comment.

Sharleen - Hi Tammy, thanks so much for the presentation. I signed up for your blog and LOVE, LOVE the posts already! It was really great to meet you and the next time you are in town, the offer still holds. This is a great post…it really hits home for me. I spend more time thinking of reasons why I can’t do something instead of just trying to do it. I know it’s because I don’t want to fail at it. When you put it in perspective, its really ridiculous, isn’t it?

Jimbo - I get what you’re saying and I understand where youre going, but the fact is that if I can avoid failing, I will!

Danielle - I’m still waiting for failure to teach me anything other than how much it sucks. I’ve yet to learn a life lesson and I am now on my second divorce. I’d love to believe you but life shows me different.

Tammy - Sharleen, thanks for that invite, appreciate the kindness behind it. I will be in town again shortly, I’m sure. (fingers crossed) Procrastination and avoidance is the biggest casualty of fearing failure. I’m thinking that you will never swim if you don’t jump in the water. Come on in….the water is great! Lovely meeting you and thank you for being here!

Tammy - Jimbo, I understand and I agree…to an extent. The problem is by avoiding failure we often avoid the opportunities that are given to us to succeed. Something to think about. Appreciate the read and the comment!

Christine - What a fantastic way to look at failure!! It is indeed a great teacher, and because you’ve lost some of your fear of it, it can’t hold you hostage. Nice!

Tammy - Christine, thanks for the kind review! And just so we are clear, I have not lost my fear of it, quite the contrary. I fear failure with the best of them. As a matter of fact, I hate it. BUT, I would be unfair to myself if I didn’t admit that it was in the failing of things that I found the success I was working for. And THAT is an awesome place to be. So happy you are on the other side of my blog. So appreciate the comment.

Mother Teresa I’m not!

You could always pick my kid out in the Halloween parade lineup as the only child with a store bought costume. I’m also the mom who brought in Safeway brand cupcakes when it was my turn to provide snacks. Mother Teresa I’m not. I likewise confess to apologizing to my daughter on more than one […]

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Amanda Fox - Too funny. I love the fact that you told your daughter she was a “practice child”. I’m using that line tonight LOL. And you are right, labour pains do prepare us for the rest of motherhood – which is hard as heck.

mercyn - Great post!
My son tells everyone he took two years of culinary arts in high school because if he did not learn to cook, he would have starved.

Tammy - Hi Amanda, Yup, I still use that line from time to time. A good crutch is hard to let go of. Hard as heck defines it nicely. And yet, I would do it all over again, but next time with a ton more money and a lot more wine! Appreciate the read and love the comment! Thanks for being here

Tammy - Hi Mercyn, I LOVE your son already! Send him over any time. The apple never falls too far from the tree, you know. Kudos to you both, and a very happy Mother’s Day to you!

Lois Alter Mark - I love this piece! I’ve told my kids every day is kids day, too, and they never bought it either! The picture is adorable — have to cherish those rare moments when your child actually looks adoringly at you!

Tammy - Hi Lois, so glad you enjoyed! I remember the day and cherish it still. Lots more wonderful days followed, and some, not so much. Parenting is nothing like the commercials tout it to be. Its way harder and way better in every way. Still … every day IS kids day. You and I know it’s true! Thanks ever so for being here. Appreciate the read and the comment!

Sheryl - My favorite line: I am shorter, less sassy and have fewer teeth. I am not amused at the comparison.

Thanks for the laugh!

Tammy - Hi Sheryl, you’re welcome! Thanks for popping in and appreciate your comment. YOU made ME laugh!

Enchanted Seashells,Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife - Oh boy, don’t hate, but…I buy my son presents for Mother’s Day because we both agree that if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have anything to celebrate. Truth. This year I got him an array of Kiehls products. 🙂

Laurie - Tammy, love that picture! I think this post is a beautiful, loving tribute to motherhood. It brouht tears to my eyes. i hope you have a wonderful Mothers Day!

Tana Bevan - Tammy, Motherhood is definitely not for the faint of heart. Teenagers (particularly those with the female anatomy) have got to be one of the the greatest forms of birth control out there. (“How did that darling, cute, sweet, angelic child I nurtured all those years morph into a creature from beyond?”)

The good news is usually children return after a few years of hanging out in the morass of teen angst, become human again in a slightly older/more mature form (one hopes), only to immediately (or shortly thereafter) set out to forge a life for themselves.

Or at least that’s what used to happen.

Nowadays there seems to be a time lag between those steps and the darlins’ departing the homestead, but that’s another story. For the sake of my comment let’s go with the “fact” that shortly after the darlins’ return from their teen angst, they leave home. Ah, silence, sweet silence … until something goes wrong. Then you probably get an earful (though its doubtful you’ll hear the resolution).

The kicker is, every-so-often there will be a call, a message, a note, a something in which the darlin’ says, “Hey, thanks for all you did for me (and do for me). I love you Mom.”

Poof, suddenly none of the other stuff matters.

It must be genetically encoded. Just when you’re so frustrated you want to commit a felony on your off-spring, they tell you that and you turn into a blithering, puddle of mush. Okay, maybe you don’t. I confess, I do.

In the end, it’s those Magic Moments that make it worthwhile since it’s all about love. May you and yours share in a very special Mother’s Day.

Tammy - Enchanted, not hating on ya, loving you for the thought, and the act. Such a wonderful motherly thing to do. You, my dear, are before your time. Perhaps it’s about time we all followed in your thoughtful footsteps. Awesome! Thank you for the read and the comment. Ever so lovely to have you here!

Tammy - Laurie, thank you for that. It was written with a pound of remembrance, a dash of love, a pinch of sentiment and an abundance of gratitude. So very happy it moved you. I will enjoy the day, thank you. My thoughts are with you and your mother. We only have one. Thanks for stopping in and sharing. Love having you!

Ande Lyons - *SNIFF* Wiping tears of joy and laughter as I read your beautiful post for the THIRD time!

LOVE the gorgeous photo of you and your baby girl. And yes, she will always be your baby girl!

Just tweeted my FAVE quote: “I’ve always said that the easiest part of child rearing are the ages between birth and 2 days old.”

The first words I taught my boys were “can I get you anything Mommy?” 😀

The programming was further cemented by the huge plaque in my kitchen with the quote: “Ask not what your Mother can do for you… ask what you can do for your Mother.”

And yes, every swear word my precious treasures know, they learned from their Mother.

Even though these two darling boys are now 17 and 15… and I need a stool to stand on if I want my face to be in the family photo… it feels like it was just yesterday that I was rocking them in my arms, my face pressed into their chubby sweet necks, breathing in the essence of their preciousness. *sigh*

Happy Mother’s Day dearest Tammy!

With love and appreciation for YOU!

Ande

Mel Glenn - I readily concede that being a Mom is the toughest job in the world. Cute column with real truths. My second son always says first son was the “practice child.” I am sure you were a great Mom, and what an adorable picture!!

Suerae Stein - Oh, Tammy, what an adorable photo! Just look at the way your daughter is beaming at you! I was just feeling quite sad and nostalgic the other day as I heard a little 5-year-old say to his little friend, “I get to see my mommy now!” And I thought, “Why does that have to end… that excitement over seeing mommy?” My kids are teens and one is heading to college in the fall. The emotions are flying right now! It’s nice to hear that it does get better. Oh, and you sound like a damn great mother to me!

Joan Cooper - How Charming!!!

I have never been a ‘mom’ except to horses, dogs, cats, birds. After I got over the ‘salmon swimming upstream’ syndrome, I realized that to have a child is a lifetime commitment that I probably would not have been very good at. It takes humor, tolerance, blind eye, ability to forgive and other things I am definitely not good at.

Have a fabulous Mother’s Day. You moms earned it.

Tammy - Hi Ande, thank you, thank you, thank you, for all those kind words. I, my dear, appreciate YOU. Your description of pressing your face into your babies necks as you breath in their essence of preciousness says it all for mothers everywhere. The first thing I did, instinctively, when Amanda was handed to me in the hospital, was smell her head, face and neck. I don’t know why. But I’ve always told her that she could line up with a hundred other kids, and I, blindfolded, could easily select her from the bunch just by smelling her. True. The knowing of her fragrance never left me, and to this day, when I hug her, I lean and smell my kid. That is why I say that I love her with the breath of me. LOVE, love your mommy-isms! Perfect planning on you part. I imagine it’s too late for me to start that with mine. Damn. I hate missed opportunities! Thank you for being here and for sharing your comment. Appreciate it more than you know. Have a wonderful Mother’s Day – so well deserved!

Tammy - Hi Mel, yes, I can only agree with you, motherhood is the toughest job around. But it’s also the very best job to have. Thanks, Mel, for the read and for the sharing. Enjoy your family this Sunday as you celebrate your kids and your wife’s mothering of them. Your sons are most lucky to have two loving parents that are still together and who love them until the end of time.

Tammy - Hi Suerae, thanks, yes, those were the days when she often looked lovingly at me. A memory I hold dear. I understand how you feel. We all wish we could freeze time or at least slow it down. When a child leaves for college it devastates a mom’s heart. We get over it when we realize that it isn’t an end…it’s a new beginning. Still, it’s tough going for a bit, so hold on. Baby birds always remember the nest they were born in, and they always return. I’m still not sure it gets better, as any mom will tell you, it’s hard to beat caring for our infant and growing children. Perhaps that’s what grandbabies are all about. I’ll let you know when my time comes. Thank you for the read and the comment. I so appreciate you sharing.

Tammy - Hi Joan, I think that furry children make us parents all the same. The difference is they never talk back and never ask for money. Yup, kids are a lifetime commitment and many are not inclined for the challenge. Sad to know that many of those people have children anyway. I so respect that you made that choice, eventually. I also respect moms of furry children. Being one myself, I understand the heart strings that it holds, and the commitment that it takes. Blessing to you, this Sunday, Joan. Thank you so very much for being here!

Tammy - Hi Tana, Yes, I too turn into a puddle of mush when a sweetness is thrown my way by my kid-let. I totally feel you in your description of a teenage girl. Talk about a wild ride! There were times I wanted to get off the carrousel, but clearly not an option. I do remember sitting in my bed more than once wondering what the hell happened to my sweet, adoring, daughter. Of course I found out that she was always there, just sidetracked by hormones, reality and the need to grow up faster than her body would allow. It all works out in the end. At least that’s my hope! Here’s to many more magic moments for us, Tana. And here’s to you! Blessing to you this Mother’s Day, and to the sweet daughter you raised.

Liz - Tammy love love the photo….side ponytail and all. Got to love the 80’s! My oldest child claims we made all our mistakes on her and that her brother’s life was much easier than hers. As we all know parenting is not for the weak, but what a huge reward it is to see your kids grow into wonderful adults…..so proud of them both. Happy Mother’s Day.

Tammy - Hi Liz, haaa! Yes, as my kid and I would always say, “fashion is everything”. Well, mostly we say that about little dog outfits we would choose for our dog, Maddy. I cringe when I look at some of my “looks” in the 80’s! But it’s always fun to go back and see my now, very grown up girl, as a little baby. Seems like yesterday. Your oldest might be right to a degree. We are a bit stricter with our first child (so I’ve heard). I guess we want to make sure it all goes perfectly. Good luck with that. So, perhaps her brothers life was a bit easier because she paved the way. Just one more thing he owes her. Yes, it is a wonderful reward to see them grow and be such great kids. We are lucky, lucky moms! A super happy Mum’s Day to you, sweet Lizzie!

Laurie Hurley - This one brought tears to my eyes as we prepare for my 18 year old to leave for college in September. I can’t imagine our home without her in her bed every night. We raise our children to be independent and then (at least I) curse that she is actually leaving me. Once out the door, everything changes. My daughter is adopted, but I never remember that part – she is mine, heart and soul. The only time we both are reminded she did not spring from my body is the fact the she is Asian and I am not. Who cares? Not us! Loved this post, hit an emotional nerve with me today. Happy Mother’s Day!

Tammy - Hi Laurie, so happy it touched you. I get what you’re going through. Tough business watching our babies leave the nest. I’m pretty sure I had a mild nervous breakdown. I do remember crying for about 3 months. My divorce from a 27 year marriage was easier. My heart is with you. You will quickly find out that while everything does change, the important things never do. She is still your baby, and will be until the day you die. I think it is God’s cruel joke to require us to nurture, love and protect so that we may let go. I remember sobbing an entire afternoon many years ago when I was teaching Amanda how to walk in our driveway. She clung to my fingers like they were life itself, and then suddenly she burst forward and let go. The irony didn’t escape me and I knew, at that very moment, that she would be letting go throughout her whole life. It was, after all, her job .. and mine. Blessings to you, Laurie, and to your beautiful family, this Mother’s Day. Thank you so very much for the read and for the sharing.

Kellie - OMG Such a baby face on you girl! Precious!

Jim Lunsford - Great post, and great picture! Happy Mother’s Day!!

Tammy - Thanks, Jim. Appreciate the compliment. Hope your day is wonderful too!

cheryl - My dear———you look just the same as that day——adorable

Tammy - Cheryl, thanks for that. Especially since we both know it’s far from true. But I sure like hearing it! Hope your Mom’s Day was a special one. You deserve nothing less than wonderful!

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