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I Wanted To Be The Perfect Mom

Wouldn’t it be great if our kids remembered every single thing we’ve ever done for them? Every changed diaper, cleaned up puke, boo-boo kissed. Because if they did, they’d think we were Gods!

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Chloe Jeffreys - Simply perfect.

Rick Gualtieri - My excuse whenever I get caught sitting there with my youngest while there’s some horrific monster movie on the screen “I never claimed to be a good role model”.

And I’m sticking to that. 🙂

Susan Smart - Well said, Tammy . And, to Amanda Leigh, happy birthday. Guess you both have
A lot to be thankful for today. Blessings abound !

Vicki - Beautifully written Tammy!

Tammy - Thanks, Vicki. As a mom yourself, I know you relate!

Tammy - Rick, who amongst us hasn’t done that?! I was a bigger sissy than my kid was. Still, having to calm nightmares in the middle of the night isn’t awesome. I’m sure my 5 year old hated doing it. Haaa! It’s been a while, so happy to see you here!

Tammy - Thanks, Chloe. There isn’t a parent in the world that doesn’t understand the true work and worth of it all. Happy to have you here. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Hi sweet Susan, so happy to see you here! Yes, we ALL keep getting older, don’t we? And we do have a lot to be thankful for. Kids are a blessing in between the times they drive us absolutely mad … what we do without them?! Speaking of blessings … I count you among mine.

Tana Bevan - Tammy~A few days ago my 20-something darlin’ called. We spent close to an hour on the phone, with her filling me in on the latest in her life. While I recall the things I did wrong & wasn’t able to do for her, she seems to have a far different perspective. During our conversation, she thanked me for being there for her, believing in her, supporting her, loving her unconditionally. Just thinking about all the kind & loving words she said — and the love behind them — brings tears to my eyes. Tammy, you may be imperfect, but I’m willing to bet that in your daughter’s eyes, you’re the most WONDERFULLY, PERFECTLY imperfect mother she could ever have. Hugs my friend. Enjoy your darlin’, cuz no matter the awesome woman she is and continues to be, you’re right, she’ll always be your baby.

mel glenn - I forgot who said it, but the line goes, “90% of life is showing up,” but it sounds like you made all the right moves. We are haunted by the specter of our parents’ omissions, and we try to do better. The hardest part of parenting is letting go. No matter how old they are, they are still your kids.
Thank you for a wise and perceptive column.

Tammy - Tana, I do love to knowing that there are grown children out there that love and appreciate their parents. Your daughter is a reflection or you, your gifts, your love and your sacrifices. I’m happy for you that you are getting what you deserve on the parental front. It doesn’t always go that way. As far as my kidlet thinking I’ve been a fab mom, I can only hope so. So happy for your sharing, Tana. Thanks for that.

Tammy - Mel, I SO agree with that saying! I’ve built a life and many a business on that cornerstone. I don’t think I made all the right moves…but I did make them for all the right reasons. I have hugely improved on the letting go part. Respecting her privacy, not pushing myself on her. We can only hope it is the right thing. Because what I’d really like to do is pop over for a dinner once a week. Haaa! Thanks for being here, Mel. Love you for it.

Lois Alter Mark - Awesome post which every mother can relate to! You seem pretty perfect to me, Tammy!

Nancy Hill (@Nerthus) - Baked at home or baked in the corner bakery, the cupcakes were filled with love, just as were the popsicle sticks. And that is all that matters. Nice post!

Ellen Dolgen - I felt the same way, then I learned that there is no such thing at a perfect Mom. It is perfectly fine to be imperfect!

Judy Lee Dunn - What a salute to imperfection. As a single parent (and a first grade teacher), I always regretted the things I had missed: my daughter’s field trips, the chance as a “room mother” to participate in the parties, the chance to accompany my child to school on the first day and give her emotional support. But, reading your beautiful piece, I realize that parenting is much more than that. It is being ready to pick your third grader up at 9pm because she thought she could spend the night at a grind’s house but realized late that she really needed to be with her mom. It is picking her up in your arms when she falls on a nail on the side of the house and needs emergency stitches. It’s watching through tears as she walks across the stage to get her college degree. Your post has brought so many memories back for me. Thanks for writing it.

Tammy - This imperfect mom completely agrees with you, Ellen. So happy you popped in for the read!

Tammy - Hi Lois, thanks for that. I remember when my daughter was in grade school. She told me that I was the most perfect wonderful mom in the world. Should have gotten that in writing! Even if it would have been in crayon. Haaaa! So glad you enjoyed the read, and uber happy to see you here!

Tammy - Hi Nancy, you got that right! It doesn’t matter ‘how’ it just matters that you do. And I did. And still do. Thank you for the read and the sharing!

Tammy - Hi Judy, absolutely right on! Every mom and dad know that its about being there. Ready to cuddle, cure, feed, comfort or support. Every day forever more. A thankless wonderful job that none of us would trade for the world. So happy it spoke to you and happier still you shared with men! Thanks for that.

Tammy - Lori, just saw this comment. You are hilarious! Stapling badges on cub scout shirt. Ahahahahahha! You are my kind of girl!! So happy to know you are on the other end. Shortcut moms unite … we are in good company!

You’ll Never Get Advice As Good As This

I’ve got me some pretty wicked wisdom clout. Sixty years and counting. I’ve been around the block a few times and I’ve been well endowed with the common sense God gave me. So sit down and let me tell you how it is. How it really is. You know that whole ‘patience is a virtue’ […]

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Tana Bevan - Tammy ~ You effin’ ROCK!
As for your post … Powerful. Intense. And Spot On!!!!!

Laurie - I am going to memorize these to live by. Great advice for anyone and everyone. You never disappoint!

Tammy - Haaa! Awesome, Tana, thanks for that!! LOVE having you on the other side!

Tammy - Hi Laurie, I memorized it years ago and live by it every single day. So very happy it spoke to you. And even happier to have you here!

kim tackett - Sing it sister! I’m right there with the dump worry and guilt and don’t accept substitutes for real love!

Tammy - Singing it, Kim. Happy to have you warble right along with me! You’re awesome!

Chloe Jeffreys - Most excellent advice. Fear is the stealer if joy and likely at the root of every bad decision I’ve ever made.

Tammy - Good point, Chloe! Fear has been at the root of many a bad decision of mine too. Not any more. I think we can thank the years for knowing better. Wonderful seeing you here. Thanks for that.

Kathy @ SMART Living 365.com - When I grow up I want to be EXACTLY like you Tammy! Thanks for the solid advice!

Susan - ofeverymoment - You have given some good reminders here! Thanks – and for making me smile while I read them!

Ami Jo - Thanks for the reminder. Great advice everyone should try to apply to their own lives, especially us mid-lifers!

Tammy - Thanks for that, Kathy! But truth is I’m still waiting to grow up myself. An endless journey. So very happy to have you here! Thanks for that.

Tammy - Glad I was able to bring a smile to your face, Susan. You made my day!

Tammy - Hi Ami Jo, thanks for the kind review. I think we mid-lifers have it going on at this time in our lives. If only peeps would listen to the awesomeness we try to share. Geeesh, it’s exhausting being informative, isn’t it? Great to see you here!

You Can Never Get Enough Sex On The Internet. Until Now.

I got to thinking; how many kinds of sex are there? Oh, come on, you know you were wondering too! Let us begin. First time sex –It’s usually clumsy at best and unless you are a good communicator (screaming God’s name doesn’t count) then you will most likely not get the most satisfying result. That’s politically […]

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Joan Cooper - Oh Tammy – you are fearless !!!

The sacred ground of s-e-x and you made a masterpiece of it.

Such a talent for words you have. Do you read a lot or is this experience itself?

Joan Cooper

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
“You tell me”? There is nothing to tell. You told it all in a warm, witty, non-pornographic way. Funny column, including the puns. Maybe you should entertain queries from the audience?
Depends what comes up.

Chloe Jeffreys - Having had every single type of sex you’ve described here (The cheating sex wasn’t on my husband, though. I’ve never cheated on him.)I can confidently say that Epic True Love sex is by far and away the BEST sex a person can have. Being truly loved? It doesn’t get any better than that. Everything else is just imitation.

Tammy - Chloe, I’m right there with ya, and agree wholeheartedly that true love sex trumps them all. I’ve gotta say that I kinda envy your having all the kinds of sex I mentioned. Kudos to you, girlfriend! Nothing teaches like experience.

Tammy - Hi Joan, I do read a lot and life has thrown plenty of experience my way. Fearless? Hmmm, I’m not sure about that. But I thank you for thinking it! Always such a pleasure to see you here, Joan.

Tammy - Mel, I am a non-pornographic kind of gal. Not that there’s anything wrong with it! Yes, it ALWAYS depends on what comes up, doesn’t it? *giggling* Thanks for the read, Mel, AND for the clever sharing. I do adore you!

Ruth Curran - Makes me think about how many kinds of love there are. I bet that Google search won’t be quite as easy :)! You probably wouldn’t get as much traffic either…. State of the world!

Shelley Zurek - I don’t talk about sex on the internet but did laugh at all your different categories and was able to think of few additional ones. (animal, teacher, oh the list just never ends).

Tammy - Hi Shelley, eeeek – animal? Yup, it’s out there, but I shudder at the thought. And inappropriate sex should have been listed. Damn! Thanks for brining to the table. So happy to have you here!

Tammy - Hi Ruth, gee, now THAT’S a good thought. It’s a sad place where sex trumps love on the internet! But we both know that in real life, it’s a distant second! So appreciate the read AND the comment. You couldn’t be more right on!

Chloe Jeffreys - I’m glad I did all that crazy stuff when I was young and got it out of my system. I wouldn’t do some of that stuff now.

kim tackett - I believe you skipped empty nester sex…that would be when the kids are gone and every night is date night, and you don’t have to be quiet. (did I just say that with my outside voice?)

Tammy - Kim, EMPTY NESTER SEX … of course!! I love your outside voice. Clearly it should have been included. So happy you did that for me. Thanks for that! It would have been quite the fun write-up though. *snicker*

Walker Thornton - You left out Charity Sex–those times when you feel you ought to/ have to… My term for those times I had sex with the husband because it kept him in a better mood or I felt like it was the right thing to do!

Ellen Dolgen - This is quite the sexy blog! I am definitely not going to be trying all of these! My favorite is -Ellen & David sex!

Cheryl Nicholl - Wonderful post my dear, but you left out Old Age Sex- which requires darkened rooms, large beds, foreplay in the form of grilled meat served by 6pm, and copious amounts of the Weather Chanel- not that I know firsthand. I’m just surmising….

Tammy - Cheryl, Old Age Sex … of course! Unlike you, I do know a lot about this subject. Candlelight is my friend, beds that adjust at a buttons touch are awesome and copious amounts of Modern Family put us in the mood for laughter which is the perfect time for old age sex!! You’ll get there … eventually, and you will have a rip-roaring time at it, no doubt! Lovely to see you here, my dear.

Tammy - Haaaa, Ellen, you crack me up. I’m NOT signing on to all of these either! My fav is also Ellen and David sex. NO…wait… I meant to say, oh, never mind! Keep enjoying!

Tammy - Oh, Walker, of course….charity sex! How could I have missed that one. Who among us hasn’t had it?! And yet, it was still good! Thanks for contributing. Love seeing you here!

Ande - Oh Baby… you are so singing my song!

Thanks for all the Sex Categories Tammy!

I love sex! And I REALLY love Emotionally Safe Sex! Yup, that’s where your wildest desires and fantasies can be experienced because you feel emotionally safe with your Darling and can “go there.” (I’ll have what she’s having!)

Whether it’s True Love, New Love, Been There and Done That Love… feeling a deep emotional and physical connection with a Beloved is one of the BEST side effects of Being Human.

MUAH & LOVE!!

@AndeLyons

Tammy - Ande, I’m with you all the way, girl. One of the best side effects of being human IS feeling that deep emotional and physical connection with the one you’re with. Amen to that! I’ve never experienced sex any other way so I don’t know if a one night stand has it’s own magic. Will likely never know. And I guess that’s okay by me. Wonderful having you here, Ande!

Kitt Crescendo - Ooh, Tammy! You picked one of my favorite subjects of all time! In fact, I was so torn between which link to share on this post because I’ve recently addressed 2 of your many awesome options on my blog. (I know, you’re soooo shocked…LOL!)

Since everyone knows solo sex (and those who don’t are either lying or seriously deprived), I thought I’d share one on the Dominance and Submission element you alluded to in your “S & M sex”, though that, technically, stands for sado-masochism. As you know, the many elements of BDSM are often thrown in under the S & M flag, despite the fact that they’re not all the same, except for the power exchange that happens. 😀

Obviously, I LOVE when you go all sex talk on the world, which means I adore this post.

Tammy - Hi Kitt, you always make me smile. I am skipping over to check out your post now! Isn’t it awesome when two birds sing the same song?! Thanks for being here!

How Could Something So Good Be So Bad For You?

The very thing that helps my business to grow can single handedly destroy my personal relationships and reduce my real life to an isolated existence. Yup, I’m talking about technology. Smart phones, social media, texting, Instagram, selfies. The list is endless. While I LOVE what social media has done for my business, I HATE what […]

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Joan Cooper - This really needed to be said !

While technology has helped civilization tremendously (cars, airplanes, medical surgeries, telephones (person to person live),I think this whole technology thing is going to destroy civilization (if we ever had it). The picture that comes to me is people seeing people and communicating on that level – not with a machine between them.

Ever heard of “boundaries”? We used to have them in day to day life. They worked. Draw the line somewhere please.

Note that the violence in the world did not end with ‘progress’. The solution is not based on person to person discussing and understanding and making some changes, it is based on who has the latest killer weapon AND the fastest tech communication.

I could go on,but I know you think I am off the wall.

Carry on, Tammy.

Joan Cooper

Tana Bevan - Tammy~Life is for living. It’s about flesh, blood, passion. The bits & bytes … they have their place, but they’re not the end-all, be-all. We who know a different world, where people met while out and about, striking up conversations, making friends (and even enemies), being a part of something REAL, need to encourage the generation(s) that follow the value of this. This post, sharing the wonderful video, you’re doing your part. Thank you!

The bits & bytes … well, take away the electricity, cell towers, and satellites and what have you got? A bunch of scrap metal. How many deep friendships have been forged around the camp fire? Cups of tea? Strolls around the block? Bringing dinners to those recuperating from surgery? Being there for a friend, to hold them, or even be with them when they cry. A cyber-hug just doesn’t get the job done.

PS: LOVE THE VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tana Bevan - PS: “Smart phones & dumb people.” LOVE that quote from the video. Here’s rooting for intelligence making a comeback!

Tammy - Hi Joan, no doubt progress has it’s price. We pay it every day. I don’t know if its an age thing or just a marvelous awakening, but I’m not willing to give up my old ways of reaching out, sharing and making new friends. I do get caught up in it all from time to time, but check myself and come back to where I belong: reality. Thanks for being here and sharing. It was awesome!

Tammy - Hi Tana, I loved the video too. So well done. Real is as real does. I am guilty of getting wrapped around my social media for business. And it sometimes carries over into much prized personal time. That won’t happen anymore. I vow to be vigilant, to protect my reality, my friends, my relationships, conversations and sharing. You are right…cyber hugs suck. Being present with one another, now THATS the bomb! There were several quotes in there that I loved….”smart phones and dumb people” was one of them! Adore you for sharing, and for many other reasons.

Walker Thornton - There are days when I think I’m addicted as well. Love that you caught yourself and truly enjoyed your trip.

Ande - Aaahhh… welcome to the digital free world and HIRLing… hanging out in real life. A delicious sensation, yes? So proud of you!!

A few months ago we turned our smart phones into dumb phones, and it was SO FREEING! We began connecting with the world around us… uninterrupted interactions and conversations … woo hoo!

Here’s my fave video about phone addiction… my teenage boys sent it to me… via Facebook, of course… sigh… http://youtu.be/OINa46HeWg8

LOVE YOU Tammy – MUAH!

Tammy - Thanks, Walker. Overachievers often overdo everything. Then we overdo under-doing! It’s all so exhausting, isn’t it?! So happy to see you here. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Ande, I LOVE, LOVE the term ‘Hirling’! Watched the video. I kinda shuttered and secretly prayed that that was never me. But I’m betting, that at some points, it was. I’m so proud of me too, and happy to be part of the clan of real life again. I fear I’ve missed a lot! You have a pretty brilliant son there. But I think you already know that. I still love my iPhone and use it regularly, but I never use it to capture or record what my mind and heart can do so much better. LOVE YOU RIGHT BACK, Ande! Mush!

Susan - Right on, Tammy ! My little dog and I loved having you visit. How nice to have nothing disturb us…..ahhhhh, the sounds of quiet. x

Linda Lichtman - I am so glad that I’m a technotard – because it’s so difficult for me to successfully use my SmartPhone – I’m free of that addiction – leaving room for so many other bad habits – staying in bed too long – letting piles of papers and notebooks pile up so I can’t find projects I’m working on without wasting time re-organizing…oooh how I’d prefer getting stuck on technology than my totally insular addiction…just sayin’

Tammy - Thanks, Susan. What a treat to see you here! It was a grand 48 hours and I can’t wait to do it again next year! Love you so! Cassie too!

Tammy - Linda, you make me laugh! I guess addiction is addiction. We all have our demons, my darling. But mine was robbing me of some pretty serious human connection. Bah! To hell with that! I wasn’t put here to spend all my time on the internet. I’d rather go out and play in the mud. Wait …. that was 55 years ago. Oh well, it still applies! So happy to have you here.

mel glenn - I couldn’t agree with you more. I am a troglodyte. I have the technological I.Q. of a carrot and would be much more at home in the 19th century. Your column reminds us that technology is a mixed blessing. Once I saw a woman texting so fast in an elevator, I foolishly asked, “How come you’re so fast?” She gave me a withering look and said, “I’m 23.” Burn. We are in an age of my cell phone will connect to your cell phone. Thanks for reminding us of the pleasure of a technology-free zone.

Tammy - Hey Mel, how the heck are you? I, too, have a computer IQ of a carrot and prefer to use my time reading a good book. That elevator comment hurt to even read. Ouch. Kids today! I do love technology but abhor the addiction that draws me in. I have keep an eye on myself so as not to let my life slip into soundbites, cat posts and cyber updates. So appreciate knowing you are here, my friend.

kim tackett - Yes, it’s true. I was a houseguest this weekend with no internet…which meant instead of checking blog stats (sneaking in of course), publicizing, looking at other blogs, and general tomfoolery, I was present. Sitting in the patio, for hours…just sitting and visiting, with my head up!

Tammy - Hi Kim, I KNOW, right?! I bet it was awesome. What happened to us that we don’t stay present more often? I’m the worst offender and have to “check” myself frequently. I’m happy that I do. Life is better when you are living it. So happy you popped in to share. Thanks for that!

New And Improved … What A Crock!

Improved wins. So I’m told. Why is it that my spiffy new car, purchased in October of last year, is old news the day I drove it off the lot?  The lipstick color I’ve been wearing for years is now ‘retired’, my printer is outdated even though I just purchased it 4 months ago, and […]

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Lee Lefton - I still have the little powder blue Smith Corona portable typewriter my dad gave me when I completed my high school typing class. It gives me solace from the overwhelming world of technology. I just wish I could find ribbons and whiteout.

Tammy - I SO get it, Lee. By the way, you’re in luck …. I DO have the white out! The ribbons can be found on Amazon. There is still civility in this world. You, sir, are part of mine.

Joan Cooper - Yes Yes !!! I too long for the less stressful time when I was young and people were looked at and seen unlike today as people walk around with a machine gadget in front of their nose. But you see, money now is everything and all of these things are to make more money.

I remember hearing many years ago in my youthful days in Detroit, that Henry Ford almost went broke because he made the Model T car so good it never wore out.

There you have life today in a nutshell. It makes more money – do it.

Joan

Tammy - Hi Joan, I do so agree! Steven and I passed a little store yesterday that said smart phone repairs. I thought to myself this man will be going out of business in no time flat. People don’t repair…they replace. Yup, life in a nutshell!

Tana Bevan - “He cautioned me that when you are looking through your camera, you are missing the moment, the breeze, the sunlight and the memory.” True

Tammy, I hear you. A delightful article. I guess it has become old-fashioned to believe that things are meant to be enjoyed or be useful. Enjoyment takes time. With the rate the new & improved is upon us, I don’t see where there’s time for the enjoyment. As for the useful, well, how much time is spent getting up-to-speed, and then once there, how much time is spent debugging, and finally, by the time that is done, what you were speeding along and debugging is obsolete so you keep running to catch up to the newest, which is already oldish by the time you reach it. Me thinketh the hamster wheel has simply changed form.

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