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Clowns, Bigots, and other Calamities

Fear peeking throughAfter a recent presentation in front of a few hundred people, I was relaxing in the lounge with a few of my peers. In conversation, they commented how much they admired my fearlessness.

Fearless? Me? Oh, I don’t think so!

I’m afraid a lot of things. Yes, I have a list, and I’m thinking that the chances are pretty good you share at least one of these fears with me.

Spindly legged spiders. If I see one of the spindly legged spiders methodically climbing up my wall, I’m reaching for the car keys. I used to keep a can of Raid in the house until, one day, I sprayed it on the spider and he jumped two feet into my face. I thought I was going to die!  I adopted two cats to take care of the spiders, but instead, they just bring mice into the house. I can’t get rid of the cats because I love them now and truth be told, they are the bosses of me. Luckily, I’m not afraid of mice.

Stupid people with important jobs. There should be a standard rule that if you are a doctor, nurse, real estate mogul or a big shot lawyer, you should be smart. Many aren’t. Some of the smartest people I know are not credentialed professionals and some of the stupidest people I know are. I’m scared to death that I’m going to end up trusting one of these morons with my life one day. Yes, I’m definitely afraid of stupid people.

Hair in my food. There is something about seeing or tasting a hair in my food that completely and utterly freaks me out. It gets worse. If I see a strand of wet hair clinging to my sink, I want to jump up on the counter and scream “Kill it!!”  Clearly I have fear issues with unattached hair.

Bigots. The thing about bigots is they are so convinced that they are right. They are often very articulate and have a personality that wins people over to their side. Bigots make sense out of hate and present their solutions towards the destruction of someone else. The leaders usually have nice smiles and pleasing mannerism. Their followers are just a bunch of droid hoodlums carrying sticks. I have a healthy fear of bigots.

Pit Bulls. I see the sweetest looking Pit Bulls in the park playing with little children and rolling in the grass all sweet and cuddly, but all I can think of when I pass one on the street is that they are about to rip my throat out and I will be on the news at 11. I see a Pit Bull – I cross the street and get my mace out. I’m not going down without a fight.

Politicians. There isn’t one out there that I trust or that I think is in it for the common good. Each and every one of them has a self-serving agenda. Many that hold office also hold a tremendous amount of power and influence. Every time I have trusted one, I’ve lost benefits and paid more in taxes. If I ran my business the way they all run the country, I’d be behind bars. My feeling is if you don’t fear politicians you might be a blithering idiot.

Clowns. I really have no explanation for this, but I can honestly tell you that I never go near them, I don’t like them and there is something about them that creeps me out big time. Watching that movie years ago called ‘It’ doesn’t help matters much. I’ve passed this endearing fear onto my daughter. I’m sure she will thank me one day when we read about a crazed mass murdering clown in the news.

Aside from these fears I’m just your normal red blooded American girl who likes bubble baths (wearing a hair net), old movies (no clowns!), lovely strolls in the park (with mace and Raid), eating from the local hot dog stands (watching for hair) and enjoys watching the stupid people walking their Pit Bulls while they talk to bigots about politicians.

Yup, I’m just your average girl. 

You’re turn.

 

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Scott Morgan - I fear stupid people of influence too. Just so happens, so many of them are politicians or bigots. or both.

Joan Cooper - I don’t know what it is, but I am terrorized by CLOWNS. People laugh at them and think they are fun – not me – I am so so afraid of them. Why is that? You know almost all there is to know, Tammy. Tell me why I am so afraid of clowns.

I am so afraid of reptiles. I lived in the country outside LA and had to deal with an occasional snk. I know that is not the right spelling – I just cannot face it or say it. Yet – when I had to – I moved them or killed them. Survival I guess. But clowns? I run the other way.

Kitt Crescendo - Aw, you’re afraid of Pit’s? My 2 shiba inu dogs’ best friend is a pit, but I completely understand. They get a bad rep…and too many owners don’t train them properly. Hopefully you don’t think less of me because I don’t mind them. 😉

As for creepy crawlies…I’m terrified of frogs. Don’t laugh. They seem to find all sorts of crazy ways to attack. Spiders, on the other hand, don’t phase me.

You get a big AMEN from me regarding bigots, too.

Bravery has nothing to do with fear, you know. It’s the ability to overcome it.

Sandra Sallin - OK, I’m alright with spiders, alright with hairs in my sink, (although I do immediately remove them with a tissue) I’m right with you on bigots, politicians, and pit bulls. See you at the hot dog stand.

Tammy - Hi Sandra, haa! You’re too funny. The hot dogs are on me! Thanks for stopping by, appreciate it tons.

Tammy - Hi Kitt, I am a dog lover from way back. Waaay back. Yes, Pits scare me. Mostly because I don’t know their owners. I have a friend who is a police officer who told me that the reason Pitts are such a problem is because of the owner demographic that gravitates to them. They are often people who want to scare, intimidate and bully. Naturally, they teach their dogs to do it. People are such idiots some times. I’ve known a Pitt or two who were as gentle as a mouse, but I know they were raised as family members, with love and kindness. Frogs?? Really? I’ve never given it much thought, but they are a bit slimy-ish. You are SO right…bravery doesn’t have a damn thing to do with fear. You are wise beyond your years. Thanks for being here, Kitt. You won’t mind me telling you that I think you’re awesome!

Tammy - Hi Joan, thanks for the compliment of thinking I know almost all there is to know. The truth is, I haven’t a clue. You and I are in the same boat. I’m not fond of pantomimes either. There is something sinister to me about a white face, big hair and a fake big red smile. Yeah, I’m not trusting it. As far as snakes go…it’s right up there on my list too. Reason #212 why I don’t go camping! We had a big one in our garage the other night. I called the fire department. I don’t care if my neighbors think I’m a sissy. I am (she says proudly). Great having you here, Joan.

Tammy - Hi Scott, that coincidence didn’t escape me. Seems like it’s almost a pre-requisite. We are birds of feather, or shall I say, you are my brother from another mother. Still. Hope you are well, and know that I appreciate hearing from you. Thanks for that.

Mel Glenn - I have always been afraid of insects. My mother, knowing that, drew one on the wall when I was six – shock therapy? Maybe politicians are worse than insects,or maybe they are synonymous terms.I like clowns, dogs, not so much.
Contrary to that movie ad, fear is not a choice.
You are a stand-up writer, admitting fears that others would try to cover. Good column.

Tammy - Hi Mel, yikes! Your mom drew an insect on your wall? Clearly it didn’t cleanse you of any fear of them. I had a friend once who thought it was a good idea to throw children in the deep end of the pool, with the thought that they would learn to swim pretty quickly. Ignorant and cruel. I’m no expert (that’s an understatement) but I don’t have a lot of faith in “shocking” someone into admission or submission. It would never have worked on me…then or now. Haaa! I agree with you….fear is NOT a choice. It is an instinct, bred deep within us. I’m thinking it keeps us alive most of the time. But I won’t tell Will Smith if you don’t. Thanks for the good review, stand up or not, I’m “out there”. And ever so happy to know you are on the other side.

Kitt Crescendo - Aww! I think you’re awesome, too. By the way, on the frog thing…I’ve had allergic reactions to them in the past (may have a little bit to do with it) and they also tend to attack in the strangest places. I actually blogged a while back on those Freaky Froggy Findings. Heck, they may freak me out, but that doesn’t mean I can’t laugh about them.

As for the Pits…your police officer friend is right, unfortunately. Their size and durability also seems to attract dog fighters, etc. I actually feel really sorry for the pits. Overall, they’re usually such sweet, mild mannered dogs, but you kick one often enough….

Cynthia Jordan - Of course I would have to ask if the wet hair in the sink belonged to you or someone else? The latter would be unacceptable. Pit Bulls scare the crap out of me. I also cross the street and DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. Certain bugs and especially rodents (yes those fuzzy little pets called gerbils, mice and guinea pigs are RODENTS) make my toes curl and have since I was a kid. Yet, I will kiss my dog’s lips and wipe the slobber off my cheeks, never giving a thought to anything possibly disgusting about that.

Tammy - Hi Cynthia, I share my ice-cream cones with my dog and have no issues about the germs. I’m sure others would nearly vomit at the thought. Aren’t we funny?! I recently read an article that speaks about how dirty a dogs mouth really is, debunking the myth that our mouths are far dirtier. Yet, I’m okay with it. We all have our “issues”. I will be sure not to gift you with a prize guinea pig anytime soon! Haaaa! Thanks for popping in for the read and the comment!

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