So, how are ya? What’s new besides the old famine, war, plagues and pestilence thing? How are the kids?
Can I ask you a personal question? Why do you always look so grumpy? I mean, you’re doing what you want, wreaking havoc throughout the world, and instigating lies, deceit and infidelity. What’s that? Oh, you have nothing to do with infidelity? Well, that figures.
So, let’s talk about forgiveness; rumor has it that you were pretty tight with God a long time ago. I’m talking centuries here, so don’t you think it might be time to just forgive and forget?
I mean, no offense or anything, but the world would be a better place without you and all your shenanigans. (Yes, that’s a real word). And we could use the break.
Speaking of a break, I’m thinking you should stay the hell out of Washington. I mean, seriously, its overkill. Our reps there do a splendid job implementing greed, lies and corrupt agendas without your help. So don’t even think about trying to take credit for that.
Oh, stop flashing that evil smile at me, you’re not scaring me one bit. Although it is getting hot in here, maybe we could turn the air up a notch.
Look, if you want the truth, here it is. As a species we can kill, plunder, lie, cheat and slaughter humans and animals to extinction right up there with the best of them. So you see, you’ve become a bit obsolete at this point.
I’m sure you get a big kick out of the droughts, earthquakes, tornados, fires and floods. Don’t even think of taking credit for them or Mother Nature will come kick your ass too. You never want to piss off a woman. Just saying.
What is it with you and ex husbands? I mean is this a team sport? I’m pretty confident that they don’t need your help or guidance in their quest to cheat, lie and otherwise disrespect us. Maybe you could just step away from that company for a while. I bet you will start to feel better about yourself in no time flat.
Along those lines, you really should stop hanging out with those bankers. They are a horrible influence on you and no good can come of it. You need to pay better attention to the company you keep. Clearly they are better at your job than you are. With friends like that … well, you know.
Stop looking so sad. Maybe it’s time for you to take advantage of your time shares, take a vacation, hang up the pitch fork and go make some new friends. We’ve got it covered from here.
No, I’m not interested in selling my soul for 72 virgins, but thanks.
Until then, we’ll make the best of things. Truth is it might be a lot quieter around here without you. Maybe I can finally get some reading done.
Bye now. I’m sure we will see you again soon. Inhumanity never seems to be gone for too long.
Oh, and do something about those hideous claws and hoofed feet, will you please? I know a great little shop off Melrose. And for the love of God, buy some breath mints.