Finding love should be easy. But it’s not.
It’s crazy hard. So hard, in fact, that a great many people are flocking to Sugar Daddy dating sites for companionship. And business is booming.
Dating sites such as www.seekingarrangements.com, www.whatsyourprice.com, www.sugardaddyforme.com and dozens just like them are taking advantage of the newest trend in dating: money for companionship. In the old days he would be called a John and she would be called a prostitute.
So, what’s changed? Social media, the internet and desperate people who are either too tired, too busy or too lazy to find companionship on their own.
Don’t have enough money to take that dream vacation? No worries. If you’re young, attractive and willing, go to Miss Travel (www.misstravel.com) and find yourself a “sponsor” to pay your way. Compromise (that’s what we’re calling it these days) is expected, of course.
Miss Travel is doing big business. With over 615,000 members worldwide and over half a million trips booked, there is no denying that it is filling a need. It was initially launched as a dating site over two years ago, the first in the “travel dating space,” according to founder Brandon Wade, the relationship guru behind the sugar daddy search sites, SeekingArrangement.com and WhatsYourPrice.com.
The Seeking Arrangements website boasts an astonishing clientele of over 4.5 million sugar babies, sugar daddies and sugar mommas, is active in 139 countries, and offers 8 sugar babies for one sugar daddy.
They provide a “no strings” attached matches, thereby redefining the expectations of a perfect relationship. They even provide a mobile friendly app so that you can find an “arrangement” anywhere, anytime and on any device (how convenient), and they refer to their matches as ideal relationships because they are honest, upfront and with someone who will cater to your needs.
I’m no prude, not by a long shot. But I, like so many, find the thought of an older man paying a young woman half his age to date him, rather a repugnant and pathetic proposition.
Have men just lost all hope of finding a suitable mate?
Have women lost all sense of self-worth, character and boundaries?
Is no one looking for love anymore?
And when does dating become prostitution?
The lines are blurred, and truth be told, as long as it’s between consenting adults, no children or animals involved, and no one gets hurt, I don’t really care.
The fact is, I’m in favor of legalizing prostitution. I’ve never believed that the law could stand between whatever a man/woman would want to pay for pleasure. Legalize it, regulate it, and tax it! Bam! That would put a nice dent in the city’s coffers.
If this is progress, then who am I to judge? I don’t begrudge anyone getting what they want. If it works for you, do it.
But when you are exchanging a service for money, don’t call that dating. Call it a business transaction, a pay for play, or perhaps a gentleman’s agreement.
Dating is when two people meet for the purpose of finding love, commonality, respect, loyalty and companionship. They put in the time, the vulnerability, the compromise and the love. Its hard work, and it can be heartbreaking. But if you get lucky, you hit the jackpot, and it won’t cost you a bloody fortune.
The only price you will pay is with your heart. Just as it should be.
I’m not yet ready to abandon the old ways of finding love and companionship. Nor can I accept a pay for play coupling as a bonafide relationship. Please tell me I’m not the last one standing.
Carol Cassara - That “seeking arrangements” and “sugar daddy” owner is an entrepreneur who has several of those sleazy sites doing booming business. The popularity of tinder and grindr are also telling us how much the scene has changed.Glad I am our age.
mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
You are indeed a romantic, speaking as someone who is IN a loving relationship, but in this case, I feel you’re being a bit harsh. I am not condoning these arrangements, but am aware of the fact that most people are lonely, and if two people mutually agree to a romantic cruise with “no strings attached,” what is the harm? Would you also be against older women advertising for younger men?
Prostitution is so cold and loveless; at least these sites offer the possibility for better, and since when is age a factor?
Please feel free to disagree.
Tam Warner Minton - I find the thought of it gross. When I was young I had a man old enough to be my grandfather offer to be my “sugar daddy”. I wasn’t sure what it entailed, exactly, but I knew I didn’t want anything to do with it. Yuck.
Jeffrey Davidson - Definitely “not the last one standing.” Business is business, contracts are just that, but love, preceeded by dating, is something special and yes, you only pay for it with your heart.
Tammy - Carol, I so agree. The business model has been amazingly successful. As sleazy as it feels, it is obviously filling a need. It’s that need that is puzzling. It seems so many are no longer in the market for real relationships. And, yes, Tinder and Grindr have changed the landscape of dating forever. And we thought Match.com was innovative. Little did we know.
Tammy - Good morning, Mel. I guess I am a romantic. I agree with you that it’s all okay if that is what people want and it is consenting. I just seriously question where we going as a society that so many have given up on finding a real relationship and have opted to buy one. You and I know that despite the website verbiage there are always “strings” attached. And, yes, I disfavor older men AND women (by the way, there are plenty of them) who date and bed young people who are their kids age and often younger. The idea is just gross and feels dirty to me. Age is a factor NOT in love, but in the buying of it. Please feel free to disagree….you know I love a good banter!
Tammy - I’m with you, Tam. I have a lovely little antique piece that I have been offered a good deal of money for. I value it a lot and have never consider selling it to the highest bidder. I value myself even more. I can only speak for myself, but for me, my love is not for sale. Especially to someone who would remind me of my father/grandfather.
Ellen Dolgen - Oh my……..I can’t imagine paying for love……….:<(
Laura Lee Carter - For me, now at age 60, LOVE is what it’s all about. And if you don’t know what that is, I’m sorry. That and a fantastic view of course….
Laura Lee Carter - For me, now at age 60, LOVE is what it’s all about. And if you don’t know what that is, I’m sorry. That and a fantastic view of course….
Tammy - Well said, Laura Lee. Well said!
Melanie Kissell - You’re not the only one left standing, Tammy — not by a long shot! If adults want to prostitute themselves, fine with me. It’s just not my cup of tea. My apologies for sounding crass but … you can always turn a buck if you know how to f*ck. Oldest profession on the books. However, I cans quickly see the dangers and safety issues in this type of behavior. Frankly, I’ve never been a risk taker, especially when it comes to things of a sexual nature. I value myself and my life too much and I have certain standards I live by.
Lois Alter Mark - I guess if this makes people happy, it’s fine but I just can’t imagine the whole sugar daddy thing. It makes me sad for the future.
Doreen McGettigan - No matter what you call it is prostitution. Like you, I agree it should be legalized. Maybe if it was legal it would take some power away from traffickers because from what I have read they ‘own’ some of the young women who are used for these sites. That just makes me cringe.
I found real love on a dating site. It wasn’t easy and took awhile but it can happen.
Brandon Wade - Why should a woman who wants to date up, who wants to meet someone successful and willing and able to spoil them be told they have no self worth? We live in a double standard society where men who sleep around are called studs, whereas women who sleep around are called sluts. It is time for women to stop being subjected to the rules of a male dominated society. As a female, the author should rejoice that increasing numbers of women are now confident and comfortable enough to own their sexuality and use their assets (beauty, smarts, etc.) to date the best they can find. Instead of celebrating this type of self empowered dating the author chose to call this money for service… which it clearly is not. There is obviously nothing wrong with expecting more out of your romantic relationships, just as we expect more out of our careers and our lives.
Tammy - Love that you shared that story, Doreen. Dating sites CAN produce awesome things. So happy to hear from you and happier still for the comment!
Tammy - Hi Brandon, I like your point of view. So what if it differs from my own, I appreciate that you are holding the banner for women’s rights. I appreciate the dialogue. I would never accuse a woman of having no self worth just because she allows someone to spend and pamper her. But I would certainly question that self worth if she is sleeping with him for the swag. As a woman, our bodies and worth much more in spirit, content and value than an expensive vacation or a Louis Vuitton purse. I do absolutely agree with you about the double standards. Men who sleep around are not studs and women who do are not sluts. Do I rejoice when women find their confidence. You bet I do. I don’t rejoice, however, when they sell themselves short and use the allure of money to find “love”. But that’s just me. By the way, that’s as tidy little business you’ve got going. Congrats on your entrepreneurial spirit! THANK YOU for being here and sharing your view. It was awesome.
MSG - Brandon, I have been in your sites… and while I applaud their existance, and your straightforwardness, most of the men there are NOT looking for sugar arrangements.
1. The precious few are real sugar daddies and sugar mommas, whether or not they are in my desired bracket, area (or looking for a travel SB), and regardless of whether we would be compatible. These few gentlemen know what it means to be an SD, and came to your sites seeking an SB or SBs.
2. Most are wankers. They want sexy pictures, lewd talk, or to flash their dicks on Skype, and they call women fakes or whores when they do not comply. Some are simply lonely old men who find membership benefits provide more real attention than paid phone sex lines.
3. I can’t tell you how many “sugar daddies” I have been out on dates with, who suddenly pull some bullshit about how they need a “test drive” in bed, and I am a bitch, golddigger or whore for being unwilling to do so. Some say they will, “pay what I’m worth, after,” if I do well.
I may be much younger than these men, but I wasn’t born yesterday.
4. The men who act bewildered by the concept of sugar dating; claiming allowance is rare, and gifts will only be given at their whim. Again, I get called a whore and a golddigger for NOT having sex with men making (presumably) empty promises to spoil me over time… but do nothing but dinner in the meantime. And they want their schedules and needs catered to, while giving less than a handsome and broke young man would.
Brandon, this isn’t even counting the many, many men who claim to not know what the allowance tiers mean, and say, “Well, I selected substantial, because I think $600/month is pretty darn substantial.”
You have some great features on these sites, but I do wish you would better refine your sites to discourage fake sugar daddies and confused newbies. Perhaps you could make it harder to select a range on SA without stating that it’s clearly understood what each term means. Perhaps you could add a Sugar Daddy/Momma Guide, so that people would know the etiquette in approaching Sugar babies.
On Miss Travel, some people think that Sugar Daddy simply means they get the plane ticket. You could make some notes, to prevent this misunderstanding.
More real sugar babies would join, which would in turn attract more wealthy people to join and pay your fees.
Solo Thailand - Brandon Wade makes a great argument. A lot of the perception by women of this kind of dating hinges on the men in the equation being secure and well mannered enough with comfortable and confident empathy to bring about this situation. If the man can create a relationship atmosphere within a secure arrangement that makes the woman feel valued for her investment of time and involvement then it call all work elegantly.
As long as the participants are happy and secure the rest of the world matters not much at all.
If you enter the ‘sugar bowl’ portraying an image as a secure wealthy successful man with self confidence and the spare capacity to run a positive relationship then that’s what you need to live up to. So often women coming into the sugar lifestyle are let down by the men themselves not treating them with respect. If you do it well the outside world absorbs your image and confidence and you can effect change. There’s a lot of narrow mindedness in the west especially about relationships with a wider age span and its about time prejudice like that was made to vanish. I can’t agree with the author’s thinly disguised age prejudice. The relationships I have engendered and maintained for decades with younger female partners around the world would prove all of the author’s assumptions to be wrong and a mis-statement of the value both ways of mutually beneficial dating. It’s about time journalists grew some empathy instead of looking for shallow headlines.
Tammy - Good morning MSG, THANK YOU for your comment and wildly helpful observations. I so respect your candor and willingness to share your experiences. If Brandon is the business man we all think he is, he will listen to what you have contributed here. Your sharing has confirmed what others have also voiced and what has been suspected. I wish you much luck in your pursuits. Be careful out there…the waters are infiltrated with wankers.
Cathy Sikorski - Adults surely have the right to do what they want to do. But, I too am a romantic. If these were sites where it was for dating, that ‘s one thing, but if they’re for sex or money and nice things, that’s a horse of a different color. I just want women to love and respect themselves, make their own money (even though we are STILL fighting that battle for equal pay), and find a good partner. Is that so much to ask?
Ruth Curran - I am absolutely a prude so you can imagine my digust here. Whatever floats your boat I guess but seriously what is next? (I am now imagining you answering this question and me cracking up.)
Lisa Carpenter - It really is a sad commentary of our times. Makes me think of those Japanese companies that provided folks to visit lonely seniors who have no visitors (even though many have family). Sad. And scary for future generations.
Tammy - Not too much to ask, Cathy! It IS a horse of a different color when a $$ value has been placed on your putting out um, uh, well, just putting out. I mean, if you’re looking for a meaningful relationship…it is unlikely this will find that for you. But if you’re looking for a Louis Vuitton bag or a Hawaiian excursion, I’m thinking you’re in the right place.
Estelle Sobel Erasmus - This is such a sad state of affairs. Unfortunately, women are the ones who come out losing with these situations most of the time.
Carol Graham - Standing with you — old school is better in my books. Hard to wrap my head around this because at the end of the day, we are all still human and need to be needed, loved and “discovered”
Christina Amore - Exactly! Not dating, for sure!
Marilyn Tichauer - What about just enjoying your own life and let nature take its course!! Find your interests and passions and the rest will come naturally!! Does any woman really want a forced relationship based on $$??? I just don’t believe it!!
Tammy - So happy to see your here, Marilyn! You would be astonished at the number of young women who sign up on these websites to cash in on the swag, trips and perks. I don’t know the answer to your question… as far as I’m concerned, letting nature take it’s course and following ones interests makes complete sense to me! Clearly its a demographic thing….I think. All I know is that kind of showcasing is pay for play, plain and simple. They get away with it by calling it a dating site. Bull! Thanks for sharing your input. Awesome!
sugar daddy - This is such a sad state of affairs. Unfortunately, women are the ones who come out losing with these situations most of the time.
Tammy - I agree, operative word being “most of the time”. I have witnessed situations where the women know precisely what they are doing and garner exactly what they want out of the relationship. Still….I’m not at all sure about the healthiness of such an “arrangement”. To each his own!
Hari Dhameliya - What about just enjoying your own life and let nature take its course!! Find your interests and passions and the rest will come naturally!! Does any woman really want a forced relationship based on $$??? I just don’t believe it!!