The word hasn’t crossed these lips for years. I wrote a book (quite a successful one I might add) about the virtues of being unmarried.
I am the poster child for living single past 50.
Since my divorce, I’m afraid of marriage. There. I said it out loud.
Let’s digress. I moved in with my high school sweetheart when I was 20. I married him at 23. I divorced him at 50.
I stand before you today a mature (debatable) woman of 62 years. And I am looking at getting …um, the ‘M’ word (she says with teeth chattering).
Something happens to you when you pass 50. You become acutely aware that you don’t have a lot of time for screw-ups and bad judgments. A once ever present carefree attitude is replaced with a prevalent cautious one.
The remnants of my divorce of many years ago still stings like a fresh wound.
Although the divorce was my doing, it was hugely painful to lose my husband, and even more painful to lose the friendship. We remained friends for a few years, but sadly, I learned that I was nothing more to him than a memory and a financial obligation. Harsh.
At this point in my life, I don’t have the time or the heart to recover from a mistake as I did in years past.
I have been blessed with the love of a wonderful man who happened to be a good friend of mine 45 years ago.
When we graduated from high school we lost touch. That is, until he reached out several years ago with an email.
And here we are. Both of us uprooted our lifestyles for each other and made compromises we never thought we would/could make. It hasn’t all been easy. Not by a long shot. But he knew what I knew: we were worth it.
I am grateful every day for him. Every day. I trust him to the ends of the earth and love him to the moon and back. But marriage? It seems so unnecessary in today’s society.
The loss in divorce is an experience so awful that you never want to put yourself in that position again. If I was so wrong the first time, could I be so wrong again?
Like so many things in life, it comes down to FEAR.
If life has taught me anything at all, it’s that fear is a liar and a robber of all things that should have been.
Steven and I have been happy together for years now. He tells me he knew from the beginning that we were meant to be. I was not so easily convinced. Stubbornness is not my best trait.
The truth is, I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else. I want to share all the moments I am given with him; the years, laughter and tears. All of it. That is my truth. And he is my gift.
When we first met, he was a chance, a risk, a hope and a dream. Today he is my solid ground. Proof that those of us who have lost, been hurt or damaged can find happiness again.
He is my hope. And I am his.
Yes, I’m afraid. Fear is imbedded in all of us. Overcoming it is our life challenge.
I will be the nervous mature bride with a lump in her throat and nervous rash on her chest who, despite the fear, knows in her heart of hearts that she is the luckiest girl in the world.
Looks like I’ll have to pen another book.
Anyone know a good wedding planner?