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I Don’t Usually Let Negative Comments Get To Me. Until Now.

IMG_7275A post of mine was featured on Huffington Post this past Friday.

The hate speak it garnered was pretty impressive.

It received over 5,000 Likes, hundreds of Shares and nearly 200 comments. Most of them not so friendly.

What was it about? It was about starting over, fear and courage. A shadow post of one I have shared with you here. I’ve left a link for you at the end of this post should you want to check it out.

Here are some of my favorite UNfavorite quotes:

“Gag me. And ladies, please do not give up everything to follow a man. It’s too bad she couldn’t be happy alone in her own skin.”

“Yeah, I live in the REAL world… this woman doesn’t have a clue what it takes to survive when you’re really, really, really on your own.”

“Wow, poor Tammy Bleck had to trade in a Benz for a BMW post divorce. #1stworldproblems.

“LOL…this is not how most women go through a divorce…this is what is called a “priviledged”(mis-spelled) divorce.”

OUCH!

From what I can gather, most of the anger came from my reference of selling my Mercedes and buying a used BMW and belonging to a country club. All true, by the way.

Here’s the rest of the truth. I worked my ass for that Mercedes and owned it for 13 years. We had our own business which we worked 60-70 hours a week. We went into debt to join the country club so our daughter could use their facilities during the summer months, like their pool, tennis courts, and summer camps, opting for the “social level” membership.

But why should I have to explain any of this to anyone when the post was about focusing on overcoming your fears and moving forward with your life post-divorce?

And why are we so judgmental and mean spirited with each other? What ever happened to civility and consideration?

Are people really that rotten?

Evidently.

There seems to be a growing class distinction that is separating us and superseding our compassion for one another. It seems we have once again become a society of the “have’s” and the “have nots”. One pitched against the other. Statistics tell us that the middle class is dwindling rapidly. And while I don’t agree with that assessment, there are many that think we will all end up on one side of the fence or the other.

Class distinction breeds envy. Envy breeds hate. Hate breeds violence. And don’t think for a moment that a little blog can’t shine a light on it. I did exactly that, albeit, unintentional.

If I am better-off than you, you might find me less likeable, my problems less significant, and my pain less important. And yet, the same would hold true if I were worse-off than you.

I was called out as wealthy, privileged and part of the 1 percent because I owned a Mercedes. Trust me when I share with you, that there are TONS of people who own very expensive cars and live in big houses who are living paycheck to paycheck.

When my divorce came into play I was devastated, just like everyone else, emotionally and financially. I had paid the bills for years but found I had no credit in my own name. The utilities, insurance, contracts, etc. weren’t in my name. My ex-husband got the business in the divorce, along with its assets.

Quickly unemployed, my credit cards cut in half by sympathetic store clerks, my house in foreclosure, I took what I had, which was in part my 13 year old Mercedes (fortunately owned outright) sold it, and moved on.

And I was slammed for it on social media. Twitter had a field day. Facebook did too. I was labeled privileged, wealthy, advantaged, etc. And I was hated and vilified for it.

You don’t have to like me. You don’t have to like what I write. You can disagree to your hearts content. It keeps things interesting. BUT why can’t we keep it civil?

When did we stop being considerate towards one another? I disagree with people all the time. I do it respectfully. They are entitled to their opinion, and I to mine.

I write for many public forums. It is my privilege to write for the Huffington Post. I think I contribute viable content there. I understand that when I put myself out there to the general public I’m opening myself up to all kinds of opinions.

The real question here is: if we judge people by what they have, what car they drive, what house they live in, what jewelry they wear … where will it lead us?

You tell me.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tammy-bleck/life-after-divorce_b_7764754.html

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Tammy - Hi Shirlene, such a good sharing, thank you. It really brings the point home … you can’t judge a book by it’s cover or a person by what they own. To do so is just ignorant folly. I hope you find something soon by way of employment. While it’s frustrating, being over qualified is better than being under qualified. Thinking good thoughts for you!

Tammy - Hi Laura Lee, slammed would be the appropriate word. The world has plenty of negativity. To have it come at you from your family is confusing and unacceptable. If you can’t stand by me then get way behind me. I have little need for you. Love your mantra…will adopt it in my head! Thanks for that.

Tammy - Rael, love your comment. Love it. And you are SO right. Abundance can not owned. Abundance is gifted to us by way of relationships, love and sharing. I happily join you in the continual expansion of good. Thank YOU for being here.

Tammy - Jeffrey, we are on the same here. I enjoy disagreement. It gets the mind working and the juices flowing. But jealous hate speak is NOT something I will ever subscribe to. As you say…it serves absolutely no purpose. The real scary part thing here is the ultimate judgment levied by people based completely on my possessions. That is scary stuff. We are in agreement…I will keep writing and you can keep agreeing and disagreeing with me. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Melanie, funny you should say that, I’ve been thinking lately that social media serves so many ills in our society. I question it’s value as a contributor to the general good of mankind. So many have become slaves to their phones, sheep following a pack, hate mongers behind anonymity, and bullies that can intimidate from the comfort of their laptop. Don’t even get me started on the large social media efforts used by anti American governments. It wasn’t the insults that bothered me (crazy enough), it was the fact that I was being judged by my possession (which weren’t what they appeared to be). Once people do that, we are lost.

Tammy - Hi Cathy, thank you, thank you, thank you. I think as I’ve analyzed this to death. And the outcome is scary. Once people judge and condemn someone by the car they drive the house they live in, we are doomed. All of us. It’s crazy speak, really. And oh so dangerous, especially when mob mentality comes into play. When, exactly, did this happen?

Tammy - Maureen, WOW. Just, wow. THANK YOU. This was awesome. And so are you.

Raven West - Tammy –

Unfortunately, that’s the cyber world we now live in. And it doesn’t stop with on-line commentary. I’ve been “hit” by spammers on Amazon who wrote scathing “reviews” of my books that never even read any of them. They just posted the same slam on each of the book review pages.

The saying goes there is no such thing as bad ink… true and the other one about sticks and stones and words… well, words can hurt. I once posted a negative commentary on Michael Jackson and nearly feared for my life by all the attacks that one received. I didn’t post anything for months after that!

It’s a very strange world out there, but we, as writers, can NEVER allow these jerks who don’t have anything better to do, to keep us silent. We cannot allow them to EVER win.

Keep writing, keep posting, let your voice be heard and try to ignore the loonies out there who will never know of have 1/10th of the success and support you do after all the hard work you’ve done to achieve it!

Cheryl Nicholl - The kind of comments you received are partially the result of a PC society, where, unfortunately, only the bottom of the barrel feel the ‘right’ to espouse their hatred. The rest of us- we just have to take it. Or do we? You did good Girl. You just keep on being you.

Tammy - Super interesting take on things, Kellie. I wouldn’t doubt that the political climate has added to the mindset of entitlement. Having that lead to the bully atmosphere isn’t a stretch. Scary stuff going on out there in the real world. If I can be so hated because of a car I drive, good luck to any of us! It’s not pretty.

Tammy - Raven (love that name!), the cyber world is getting increasingly hostile. It’s a bit of the wild west without the guns. Yet. I’m seeing a lot of anger, envy and venom in many peoples comments. Scary stuff. You have to wonder what is the incentive of a person to leave scathing reviews on people’s work. What is it they gain? Power? A better question would be: why is it tolerated by the websites that allow it to stand? This is not okay. Thanks for your supportive words. They mean a lot!

Tammy - Cheryl, I will keep on truckin’ but with an eye behind my back. Envy has a way of emerging in the nastiest of ways. Bought myself a mace bracelet. Dear God Almighty … don’t ask.

Doreen McGettigan - Politics and class distinction really is dividing women and the saddest part of that is when we are divided we cannot win.
We seriously need to concentrate on what we have in common and use that as a starting point.
I don’t know what is worse assumption or envy. Both are dangerous.
I am proud of you!

Terri - You shared a great story about starting over, fear, and courage. Actually, it read to me as a story about optimism and hope, and not about those things mentioned in the comments. And the Huffington Post clearly saw the value in your story or they would not have published it. Besides, I recall you telling us in one of your seminars that controversy when you post is a good thing. So keep up your great writing and don’t let the few who didn’t like it outweigh the value you brought to everyone else! If they’re missing the point of your story, it’s their loss…

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
To quote the philosopher Taylor Swift, “Haters are going to hate, hate, hate.” You have worked hard for everything you’ve gotten and a divorce is rough.
(I just returned from a trip to Zimbabwe where we taught. They
have nothing, nada, no electricity, no supplies, no toilets.)
People will always be jealous in this have and have-not world.

Lee Lefton - Dear one, don’t get me started. You are light and love. Sounds woo-woo, but it’s anything but. My mother used to have a great line she’d say to me and my brother when we said something against the other. “You take care of you. That’s a big enough job.” Maybe there’s a post in there somewhere? Love you.

Carolann - That’s the net for ya – the wild west where folks can say whatever they like and hide behind a name. I wouldn’t let me bother me. It’s just words from stranges that don’t mean diddly to you.

Jenn - Let me just leave this right here. I read your article. It only took me reading it once to know that it was none of what some angry, misguided people said it was. Perhaps that is because I had the pleasure of working with you, and continue to have the pleasure of calling you friend. It has become very easy, to sit behind a computer screen, or cell phone and judge others. To say hurtful things that were dreamt up by a head full of assumptions. They don’t know you for who you are. They don’t know that you worked your tail off your entire life to be where you are. They don’t know the struggles you faced, the heartaches you endured. They haven’t seen those beautiful eyes sparkle for someone else’s happiness. They’ve never seen them fill with tears for someone else’s sadness. They have never had you by their side when a friend was needed. Those unhappy folks have decided who you are and what you’re about based on a few snippets of your life. Should you have to explain all of that to them? Nope. Would it change their view if you did? Probably not. But guess what? That doesn’t matter…not to anyone who knows YOU for YOU. I love you my sweet Tammy <3

Tammy - Boy, Doreen, THAT is the question: what is worse, assumption or envy? I would say that they often go hand in hand. Dangerous and scary. When women put other women down it makes my heart sink. Yes, we should be lifting up and supporting. And if we disagree, we should do so with intellect, respect and honesty. Good grief…it’s a slippery slope!

Tammy - A cocktail it is! One day. Your city or mine, Carol. We will hash it out and solve the worlds problems. Love you too.

Tammy - Terri, great to see you here! Yes, I have often said that controversy breeds readership and notoriety. And it does. The utter unfairness of the judgment here slapped me in the face. And, frankly, frightened me a bit. If we have become a people who judge, hate and love others based on what they own, drive or where they live, we’re all in trouble! But, you’re right…if they missed the point, it’s not my problem. By the way, I LOVE it when students remember what I said. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Mel, did you really just quote Taylor Swift?? I kind of love you more for that! Thanks for the encouragement. Appreciate it tons. I wondered why I haven’t seen you around the block lately. What a wonderful trip you’ve been on. And what a wonderful service you gave. I’m sure it was very emotional. Kudos to you, my friend. As always, thank you for being here!

Tammy - Oh, Lee, you warm my heart. Thank you for your sweet words. Truly. While I’ve never met her, I’ve got to tell ya…I love your mother! I’m using that quote for the rest of my life. It’s that awesome! Love you too. Lots.

Tammy - Thanks, Carolann. I like that “they don’t mean diddly”. Yeah, that’s in my vocabulary now. I will share that the internet has been looking far less attractive in the past year. The words “we’ve created a monster” comes to mind. Thanks so much for popping in!

Tammy - Thanks, Janie. No they don’t. Damn it! Thanks for reminding me of that!

Carole Schultz - I cannot understand those people who denigrate others for overcoming heartache and finding happiness again. So sad.
I’m so pleased you have, Tammy, and wish you and Steven every happiness.

Ande Lyons - Wow Tammy… those comments need a full blown burning ceremony complete with shots of tequila and loud singing!

I feel your pain and sorrow… and I’m holding you in my arms with a big ol’ Andelicious Hug.

My thoughts? It’s time for us all to re-read/read Don Miguel Ruiz’ The Four Agreements:

1. Be impeccable with your word.
2. Don’t take anything personally.
3. Don’t make assumptions.
4. Always do your best.

That’s where I’m rollin’ … with deep appreciation and love for your journey and to all who have the courage to use their voices in a public format… MUAH!

<3 Ande <3

Tammy - Thanks, Carole! So wonderful to hear from you. Really. Appreciate the good wishes and the support!

Tammy - Ande, what a fire storm! Geesh! Love it … “a full blown burning ceremony complete with tequila shots and loud singing”! Perfection! I do love The Four Agreements. If only we could all live by them. What a world it would be. Thank you for being here, Ande. Love you for that!

Tammy - hi Autumn, so happy to see you here! I adored getting to know you too. I think you’re pretty awesome yourself. I hope life is treating you kindly and happiness has settled in your home and heart!

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