There are few things more damaging to any relationship than silence. That’s a fact.
Keeping things in has never been a problem I’ve had to deal with (a blessing and a curse). I wear my heart on my sleeve, my opinion on my lips and my mind generally out in left field. It all works for me.
But it doesn’t work for everyone. I’m not sure why people shy away from confrontation. It really is the most genuine way to resolve issues.
I, for one, welcome a sit down. I’m happy to share my mind’s view and my heart’s sentiments if you care enough to listen. I also welcome the opportunity to hear you out, whatever the issues may be. But I don’t think that anyone appreciates being ignored, talked badly about, or being resented without the opportunity to understand why and perhaps explain themselves. Besides, chances are pretty good that if you have a problem with me, I’d like to hear about it. These things should be easy to work out, right?
Therein lies the rub. It takes two to have an honest, viable relationship. One person willing to listen, talk and work issues out will never make the grade. Timing is everything, but while we wait for the right moment, it may well have already slipped by us.
Why do so many people go to such great lengths to avoid discussing their anger, issues and resentments? The price paid can be the cost of a valuable and loving relationship.
Now, granted, sometimes our liaisons aren’t worth much to begin with, and maybe sending those kinds of relationships sailing into the sunset isn’t a bad thing. Those of us who are “of age” have cleaned our house of useless and negative friendships and relatives along the way. It’s something we do when we realize the need for honest interactions, mutual acceptance and a positive re-enforcement to our life’s struggles along with our need for simple courtesies.
But if we have a friendship or a relation that we love and value, why do we hesitate to take the time and the effort to support that value with love and understanding? I don’t get it; can someone please explain it to me?
Whoever said silence is golden was deaf to reality. Deathbed conversations are filled with apologies and scrambled efforts to communicate everything that has been withheld. If you’ve got something to say, best you say it while it still matters.
My friends know that if you ask for my opinion, you will get nothing but the truth. If you want my support, you will have it. And if I have a problem with you, well, suffice it to say that we will both have the opportunity to talk it over.
Life is all about give and take. I can give it and I can take it. My life is so much easier when this balance works as it should. I sometimes wish I wasn’t the only one sailing on the ship of sharing.
Life is short, love is eternal but resentments, anger and silence can be the death of both.
It kind of makes you wonder why hesitation instead of communication is so often the preferred choice.
If you know something I don’t; I hope you share it with me.
Jeffrey Davidson - Great insight! I truly believe the lack of communication contributed considerably to the failure of my marriage.
When you ask someone if anything is wrong or bothering them and they say “no,” but it is obvious that something is wrong, there is a bigger problem.
Although I have said many times that your writing is humorous entertaining, insightful and other accolades, when you present a more serious topic and treat it as such, you continue to present well, meaningfully and with insight.
Keep it up!
Joan Cooper - Tammy & Jeffrey,
Logic doesn’t always work.
You cannot help someone who isn’t able to help themselves. Get over it and move on.
No don’t sit down. Stand on your feet. If you can’t do that, you are beyond help. Face to face. Head high. Tears are woman’s greatest defense. If that happens – give up. Don’t be conned. For men – watch the eyes no matter what he says with his mouth.
Well, Tammy – I am just not a cuddly teddy bear like you.
Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, Exactly what I’m talking about. If there is something wrong and you are asked about it … fess the hell up! It’s the ONLY way your issue will have a chance at resolution. Talking things out seems to have lost its luster these days. Probably why we have so much brokenness in our lives. I bet the days when divorce was taboo, people at least made the effort to communicate. People, their feelings and emotions matter. Thanks for your kind words. Whether I write funny or not so funny, I always write what I feel and what I see. Happy you’re on the other end to read it. Thanks for posting!
Tammy - Hi Joan, It would be a better world if logic did indeed prevail. Pity. I’ve never thought of myself as a cuddle teddy bear, but I’m smiling at the reference. I’m not sure if you’re too cynical or I’m too naive. Perhaps we should go for cocktails one day and decide. Whatever the verdict, I’m delighted to have you here, read your opinions and exchange thoughts. It’s pretty awesome!
maureen - Ive always appreciated your no bullshit up front ways and could not agree more! But mayne im not as nice as you because if a person wont just tell me what I did to piss them off they can go away and play the martyr somewhere else. Honesty first I say…and thank you for yet another good post!
Trenna - I like things out in the open and agree with what you say….daa…once again! There are so many people that feel lonely and afraid. Do you think if there was more transparenty it might make life easier!? Love you girlfriend and can’t wait for you to come for your visit!!
Tammy - Hi Maureen, I’ve been called a lot of things but love being called ‘nice’. Thanks for that. I totally understand where you’re coming from. Your stance makes life easier and a more positive environment. Easier said than done, especially when the person/people that choose to withhold are people you love with all your heart. I guess it’s all a process, isn’t it? Thanks so much for posting. Love, love having you here!
Tammy - Hi Trenna, yes, I think that if people really said what their truth was, their lives would be fuller, with more purpose and with a lot less conflict. Just a hunch. Am so looking forward to being back in Denver for the writing conference and to see my dear old friends. So excited! Thanks for the post, it means a lot.