What is wrong with this picture?
I swore I’d never marry again. But then again, I also swore I’d never drink tequila with the band, adopt more than one cat, or wear a strapless bra for as long as I lived.
Needless to say, I’ve done all of them.
Five weeks ago I married my BFF from high school, my Steven. As I walked down the aisle I was taken aback by the realization that I had no butterflies in my stomach, no nervousness, no overwhelming giddiness. Where was the euphoria?
A small gathering of family and friends came to witness a modern day miracle; an old broad who insisted she’d never marry again and her old high school friend who waited over 40 years for her to say yes, both walking the aisle to each other. Fairytales do come true.
It was a beautiful day in every way. I was ridiculously calm, happy, satisfied, and sure.
There was champagne, toasts, dancing, laughing, visiting with family and old friends, and a delicious cake. There were tears, and hugs, best wishes, good food and good music. The things that life should be filled with every day.
When I married my husband of 30 years, back in 1976, my emotions were different. Way different. I was nervous, scared, excited, filled with anticipation and covered in a nervous rash.
This time I understood what I was getting in to. I knew the man I was about to marry inside and out. My expectations were defined, reasonable and well thought out. It was less of a gamble and more of a blessing. My heart wasn’t filled with butterflies; it was overflowing with love and gratitude.
I found myself so appreciative for the opportunity to love again, grow again and trust again with someone who is wonderful to me and for me. And I for him.
They say that love never changes. That’s a dirty lie. Love is forever changing. It grows with us as we get older. If we are lucky, love gets smarter, more patient, more forgiving, more comfortable and conversational. If we are unlucky, love lets us down, leaves us or dissipates over time.
Love is a fickle bitch and a beautiful one too. We all hope to partner with it for life. We are not all so lucky. Which is precisely why I believe in second chances.
These are things I never knew in my twenties. A knowledge that comes as a gift of age, maturity and surviving broken hearts, bashed egos and life’s knocks.
And so the day was as wonderful as I could have imagined.
There was just one thing. A very big thing.
The morning of our wedding I received a phone call telling me that my mom had just passed away. It was an epic blow. After a good cry I gathered myself together and took stock.
I decided not to share the news with our family and friends. Not that day. I consciously reached deep down and clutched at the happiness that had fallen through the cracks when I got that phone call. I made the choice to embrace it, hold it tight, and move on with the day in love and light.
I wore my mom’s pendant made from her wedding ring that day, along with Steven’s mom’s Timex watch, and my dad’s medal. They were all there with us. A reminder that for all we have, we have all lost a lot getting to where we are.
You can keep your butterflies. I’ve found them to be highly over-rated. I’ll take grateful, compassionate, kind, sexy, smart and funny love. Every day of the week.
Thank you, dear readers, for excusing my absence these past weeks. With the wedding, my mother’s death and a bout with influenza, it’s taken a while to get back on my feet.
Thanks for being here!
T.O. Weller - Wow Tammy!! Losing your mom on the same day as your wedding.
For celebrating the love you and your Steven share — congratulations!!
For your loss — I am so sorry.
Your perspective exemplifies the wisdom that comes with time and experience. I’m sure your mom wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Life is meant to be lived & loved, and death is a reminder to savor the moments, rather than a show stopper … at least it should be.
Looking forward to meeting you at BAM!! (8 more sleeps!)
Lori Bachman - Tammy I love your post. Tender, truthful and a joy to read. Blessings to you and dear Steven. 🙂
Carol - Beautiful
Kim Tackett - Tammy, I am so sorry for your loss, and so delighted for your love.
Barbara Hammond - You managed both ends of the love spectrum at once and did it beautifully. I’m sure your mom was right there with you and so very happy for you. Congratulations on finding true love.
Vicki - You write as beautiful as you looked on your wedding day to your “Steven”. What a glorious day it was. ❤️
Rick Dean - Beauty, grace, confidence, trust, and most of all the love for each other as well as love from friends and family is what Jody and I saw.
We morn the loss of your Mom, and rejoice in the fact she left this world knowing you found your heart once again. Your stregnth was reflected in your family which also carried this secret with respect.
Good job Mom, good job Tammy and also to you Steve.
Carol Cassara - Lovely. And all best wishes to you and your true love. It’s a great thing, indeed, to find the right guy!
Tammy - Thanks, T.O. It was a double whammy. And you are right, of course. Death IS a reminder to savor the moments and should never be a show stopper. Still, it stops us in our tracks and our mind scurries to catch up with our heart. Tough deal. So looking forward to meeting you IRL! Yes… 8 more sleeps (LOL!).
Carmen Clay - So sorry to hear about the loss of your beloved mother. Congratulations on your marriage to your BFF! You have truly inspired me to believe that it’s never to late to open your heart to happiness. You’re truly
an inspiration to those of us who have shut down being open to romance and enjoying that aspect of life again. Thank you so much for the wake up call. I’ve got some true living left to do.
Tammy - Thanks, Lori. It’s been a long time coming. Happy to be Mrs. Steven Weiner. *whew*!
Tammy - Thank you, Kim. As am I! Funny how life works. So often the happiest of times is mixed with the saddest. We learn so much from it all. I’d like to yell that I’ve learned enough. Appreciate the read.
Tammy - Thanks, Barbara. I hope and pray you are right about that. It’s a lovely thought. True love always seems to find a way. Thank God for small favors! Thanks for being here!
Tammy - Thanks, Vicki. Happy to know that no one knew my ‘secret’. The timing was horrible, but I guess there is never a good time to say goodbye. It was a good day nonetheless. And I couldn’t be happier about that! xo
Tammy - Hi Rick, thank you for this. Life serves it up whether we are ready of not. It was a beautiful day, and nothing could take away from that. I hope that she sees that we are happy together and that my heart is settled. One can hope.
Tammy - Hi Carmen, you are SO right, it is NEVER too late for a heart to be open to love. I closed my heart for years. I don’t think I wanted to be bothered, nor did I trust that there was anything out there for me. I was okay with that. Once I was open to everything and anything, life turned a wonderfully wicked turn, and rewarded me. Thank you for your condolences. I so appreciate you being here.
Karen D. Austin - Oh, my. I applaud you for managing your emotions on your wedding day, given the news about your mother. Thank you for sharing your journey and your mature reflections on love…and that great photo of the cake. Yum!
Stacey Joy - This is a testament to what happens when NOTHING can block the peace that was meant for you. I have found myself thinking lately about the mistakes of my first marriage at 22. Then I read your blog and it is confirming what I always knew. I was just too young! Happiness comes again and love envelopes a mature heart in ways that can only be experienced. I’m truly beaming for you and your marriage. I’m also deeply sorry for the loss of your mom. But yes, now she’s with you even closer than in body, but in soul. God bless you!
Tam Warner Minton - How lovely. And incredible that you were able to put your grief on hold and move forward with joy.
Andrea Bates - Oh, Tammy – what a painful loss to experience on a day filled with such joy. I’m sure your mom was with you in your heart and I’m so glad that you were able to feel so much love with those who care about you surrounding you on this special day. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - I’m so sorry for your loss – but thrilled for you and Steven. What a beautiful tribute!!
Tammy - Thank you, Stacey. I was 23 when I first married. We know very little about life and love at that age. But we think we know it all. Kudos to us for giving it try. For trusting and loving. It didn’t work out, that’s okay. I’ve discovered that love later in life is so much more relevant, meaningful and responsive. Not that it wasn’t awesome in our youth. Oh, no, it was. But we tend to view things very differently without any life lesson under our belt. Life, as they say, changes everything. And I couldn’t be more grateful for it. Thank you for your kind words. Truly.
mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
Love can come anytime, anywhere. You are indeed fortunate to have had it twice. Coincidentally, we are doing many “love” poems in my poetry class, and I am sure you can write one of your own. All my best for this new beginning.
Carole Schultz - So sorry to hear of the loss of your mum, Tammy, but with all the love around you I am so happy you had a beautiful day. Loved the cake, by the way!
Tammy - Thanks, Mel. I’ll leave the poetry to YOU. I do love new beginnings. You have to admit, that out of 365 days a year, the odds are against having your day of betrothal be the day that my mom passes. The best of days and the worst of them too. Life is mysterious in so many ways, isn’t it?
Lisa Tarson - Congratulations to both of you, a Perfect & Beautiful couple. Loved the photos, you both looked Fabulous! Looking forward to seeing you both soon to celebrate your new life together. We are so Happy for the both of you!
Lisa & David
Grammie Time - Congratulations and what a bittersweet day that must have been. So sorry for the loss of your mom. This is a beautiful story and I wish you many wonderful years together.
Carolann Iadarola - I love your story! It’s so beautiful and inspiring. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mother. I lost mine too so I know the pain. I lost my dad two years ago as well. You look stunning and I know you will have so many happy years together!
Rosalind Warren - “It was less of a gamble and more of a blessing.” Lovely. Great post. Made me happy to read it. 🙂
Tammy - Hi Lisa, thank you for the kind words! It was a day to be remembered, that’s for sure. We DO hope to see you sooner than later. Fingers crossed. Celebrating life together (as a family) is where it’s at! xo
Lisa Carpenter - Oh, such extremes, both ends emblazoned with love. I’m so sorry for your loss. And so happy you grabbed onto that happiness that fell through the cracks. You’re an inspiration. Best to you. My condolences, too.
Helene Cohen Bludman - Oh Tammy. I was loving your post until I came to the part about your mother passing away. I can’t imagine the range of emotions coursing through you on your wedding day. Hugs and best wishes and may you and your new hubby enjoy many years of happiness together.
Robin Westmiller - May your second marriage last as long as mine… 35 years and counting!! All the very best to a wonderful, talented and BEAUTIFUL woman and her very VERY lucky new hubby!
Cathy Lynch Lawdanski - Beautiful story and I’m so happy that you found love again. The mature kind, like you said. So sorry you lost your mom. The losses make the blessings all the more sweeter because we appreciate them more.
Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - Congratulations, you are truly a beautiful bride and the epotime of a gracious woman, sparing the emotions of your family and friends. I am so sorry for your loss.
Courtenay Cassel Brinckerhoff - So sorry about your mother, but it sounds like you were at peace with her too. I love this perspective on a non-giddy wedding day.
Corinne Rodrigues - Thank you for sharing your love story, Tammy. My condolences on your Mom’s passing. What a brave decision for you not to tell people about the loss of your Mom. But I’m sure your Mom was there in spirit.
You look beautiful in your dress!
Lois Alter Mark - Wow, if there was ever a reminder that life is full of extreme highs and lows – sometimes at the same time. I hope your marriage is full of the highs.
Rebecca Forstadt Olkowski - Congrats on finding love again and embracing it. And so sorry for the loss of your mother. You handled it beautifully and she was there in spirit.
Leanne Le Cras - that was beautiful and you are so happy and content – I just feel happy for you in response (and sad that you lost your mum too)
Tammy - So well said, Lisa. It was a strange sensation. But, all in all, it was a lovely moment in time for us. That is what I hope to remember. Appreciate the read!
Tammy - Hi Corinne, thank you for your kind words. It was a beautiful day, to say the least. Life is for the living, after all. It was wonderful for me/us to be surrounded by family and peeps we love. Made all the difference in the world. Thanks so much for being here.
Melissa Westervelt - Your gift of the written word is amazing. I am sorry for your loss and love your positivity for the future
Tammy - Thanks so much or that, Melissa. I am so very happy to have you here. Thanks for that too!
Kim Jorgensen Gane - Oh, Tammy. I’m deeply, deeply sorry for your loss and I stand in awe of your strength. Happy for your found love and all the beautiful things that come with. xo
Julia Daniels - Congratulations! BEST WISHES for a wonderful future!
Elin Stebbins Waldal - Tammy, Needless to say I am so sorry to hear about your mom, I admire the strength you brought to your special day and that you could feel her, along with other loved ones you mnetioned, in your heart and around you too. I too believe in second chances, in fact my second chance and I just celebrated 21 years of marriage. I am so happy for you. Congratulations and many happy returns to you and your groom.
Sarah Massengill Harris - I love your truth in this story! You give me hope! 😀
So sorry about your mom!
Tana Bevan - WOO-HOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! About time!!!!!! I remember when I first met Steven. He was recording your IWOSC presentation in Los Angeles. It was so beepin’ obvious he adored you and loved you passionately. That it took you so long to walk down the aisle, well, that’s simply you being stubborn you. That you finally walked down the aisle shows you’ve come a long way. So happy Steven got his wish. There can be no doubt the man has patience. I’m sure it was (and is and will continue to be) well worth it … both for him and you. CONGRATS!!!!!!
Tammy - Tana! So great to hear from you. When it comes to relationships, I’ve never been impulsive. Once burned, twice as smart. Steven was and is a blessing to me. At the time, I just didn’t see a reason to marry for the blessing. I’ve changed my mind and heart. Can’t imagine life without him. Grateful every day that he didn’t take no for an answer, and how he makes every day my best day. We couldn’t be happier together, and yes, I have come a long way. But then, my dear, so have you. I’m so happy for the both of us. Sending you love from afar! xo