Clearly something somewhere has gone terribly awry.
Okay, so I’ve got to share with you that I am one of the nicest people I know. No, really, I am.
I do unto others, I donate a dollar each time I buy pet food at PetSmart, I always let the merging car in, I don’t lie (except about my weight, duh?!) and I answer my phone at 3 a.m. when a friend calls. I’m a saint.
Hello? Is the person who verifies good deeds and kind hearts on vacation? Someone should be accountable for those times when shit hits the fan and sprays on the innocent bystander. I want to speak to that person please.
I’d like to lodge a complaint. If good things happen to good people … I’m waiting. And I’m getting a little pissed off.
I would like my piece of the pie, a walk in the promised land, a visit to the end of the rainbow, my place in the sun. Fact is, I’d settle for a quiet beach vacation. No men allowed, though. I love them, but I don’t want to have to shave my legs, pluck my eyebrows (or chin hairs), and I don’t want to have to put on make-up. Just me, a book and an unending supply of lemon drop martinis. If the world was a fair place, my travel itinerary would be in my mailbox. But it isn’t.
Instead I’m left to deal with a narcissistic ex-husband, broken promises, road raged drivers, incompetent store clerks, squeaky wheels on shopping carts, perpetual voice-mail, cell phone service that doesn’t work, contractors that refuse to tell time, and computer programs that God couldn’t understand. Quick, pass the chocolate!
I get that God has an interesting way to teach us important life lessons, but enough already! While I surrender to the ‘big picture’, I feel compelled to fight on.
So I have to ask: Can you give up without giving in?
Where is the fairness, the justice? Will karma kick in and take care of the good people? I’m damn well counting on it.
Let me think it through.
Here’s what I know for sure; the things that really matter, I have. And I have them in abundance.
The small stuff will be the death of you if you let it.
It’s a lot easier to steer the car forward when you’re not busy looking in the rear view mirror. The past molds us, teaches us and somewhere along the way, will gift us with regrets and resentments. But, it doesn’t need to define us.
Stupid drivers and rude people will always populate the earth. Let us say a silent prayer that they are not related to us.
Perpetual voice-mail will be with us forever and will probably get worse. My advice would be to yell loudly and cuss extravagantly until a live person comes on line. Then, do unto others. Unless you are on hold with the department of motor vehicles, in which case I highly recommend you drink in excess to numb the fact that you will be on the phone for at least three hours.
Surrender is okay when it saves you.
Promises will be broken, even by those whom you have spent a life time loving and trusting. I never saw this one coming and cried myself a river. A heart betrayed is an awful and bitter thing. Best to let it go. Whatever you need to do to make that happen, do it.
Yes, something did go terribly awry and I don’t for a minute think I deserve some of the bad juju that has come my way. I guess that’s okay; because I’m pretty sure I haven’t always deserved all the amazing things that have been sent my way, either.
I aspire to be saintly, and while I know I am far from it, I still think I’m pretty awesome. I am loving, forgiving, kind and thoughtful. I am a rocking good mom, friend and companion. Maybe I’m closer to saint hood than I thought.
So I’ve had a bad day. No, a bad week. All right .. a not so awesome several weeks. So what? Good things must be coming my way (she says with fingers crossed) any minute now!
Still, I wouldn’t exactly be heartbroken to find out that Karma finally found my ex. Wait … was that my outside voice?
Tana Bevan - Of all the things to comment on, the fact your chosen picture creeps me out is what first comes to mind, is pretty pathetic. Then again, maybe that’s par for the course. After all, when inundated by the tsunamis of life, there’s no way to take it all in, so we focus on the minutia.
(I learned the hard way many years ago that complaining is a luxury. It is truly possible to reach a point where complaining is not an option. [How depressing is that?] Full disclosure: not that it stops me, but every so often I do acknowledge the luxury of my complaining.)
This thing called life is a tricky road. It’s one way, like those people-movers. Even if you run as hard as you can backwards, you’re still moving forward. The thing is, you don’t know if the decisions, choices, attitudes you make along the way are the right ones. Not until you reach the end.
And yet, unlike lemmings who go blindly into the sea, we (those of the thinking sort), question, ponder, attempt to make some sense from the madness and chaos that is life. On good days we do okay. On bad days, well, we keep moving because at some point, “this too shall pass.”
Here’s wishing your rocky patch passes sooner than later. Know also my friend, there are many (myself included) who are rooting for you and sending good, kind, and loving thoughts your way.
Laura Lee Carter aka the Midlife Crisis Queen - I KNOW! I fully prefer “Poop happens!” It somehow has deeper meaning for me!
Joan Cooper - GEE I thought I was the only one that felt that way.
You do it so much better than I do. I recently got a homeopathic tranquilizer which does not make you sleepy and it works. Just takes the edge off these life frustrations.
What I have learned is that you cannot depend on people for happiness. Really. You learn to tolerate and let it slide by. What do they know anyway? Life is not fair. Don’t wait for that. You heard the irishman that said….I would rather be born lucky than smart…. Hear hear. Unfortunately I am neither. Boo Hoo.
As you said – you have a lot of blessings. Count them – morning and night.
Mel Glenn - Seems to me you’re asking for parity and fairness. You must know that the world is not an equal balance of good and bad. But as you also admit, you have the goods when it comes to the BIG things. Be thankful for that, (as you are.)
To me the greatest injustice is the ravage of getting old. As S. Johnson says, “”I’m coming to see my body as a decrepit, old tenement house and realize that the owner has no intention of making repairs.”
Now that’s unfair; go fight that!
Sandra Sallin - You are one funny lady. Maybe that’s the karma right in front of your face. You are funny. Most people are not. That’s it.
Tammy - Laura Lee, that works too! I guess the feeling is universal. Thanks for being on the team!
Tammy - Hi Joan, I think I’d rather be lucky AND smart! Talk about wanting it all. You’re right, life isn’t fair, that I know. But dear God almighty…wouldn’t it be nice if the odds slanted in my favor every once in a while?! I’m just saying. That’s enough bitching from me .. I’m off to count my blessings!
Tammy - Hi Sandra, thanks for that! Celebrate humor is something I do every day. Thanks for reminding me that it’s a gift. As are you.
Kitt Crescendo - I absolutely think you can give up without giving in. In fact, sometimes I think that’s what forgiveness and letting go is all about. For me, it’s not an ex, but my dad. It took me a long time to learn that trying to be the “good” daughter was pointless, especially since he barely noticed the effort, much less appreciated it. He’s narcissistic and incapable of taking ownership for any consequences regarding his actions. I kept reaching out, but it only made me sad. Not that he was cruel. He was just clueless and self absorbed….and blamed my mom for his lack of relationship with me and my sister (rather than his affair, moving half way around the world and pretending we didn’t exist…and that’s just the Cliff Notes version). A few years ago I finally gave him a dose of tough love and told him how his behaviors impacted me and let him go. Does that mean I’m not cordial? No. In fact, I still sent him a very generic father’s day card. I just don’t invest myself anymore (a byproduct of forgiving him and accepting his flaws, I think), and I don’t go out of my way. Basically, he’s just any other person to me now. Sad, but true…and self defense.
Eularee Smith - You have no idea how heartwarming this piece was to me. The past few months have been one challenge after another and yes, it was beginning to feel like “why me?” The take away, I suppose, is why not me? Stuff happens. In hindsight we have the luxury of knowing whether it is a curse or a blessing. Until then, we pick up and move on to the next bit of sh*t we step in along the road.
Tana Bevan - Tammy — As a final thought, fertilizer (a “polite society” euphemism for sh*t) makes for beautiful roses. Though of course, roses do have thorns which tend to get caught in your clothes and leave you bleeding. So maybe that wasn’t the best example. But that sounds so much more romantic than “fertilizer makes for better carrots.”
It’s really too early in the morning to be punchy, but there you have it. I am. No worries. My wishes remain as before. May your rocky patch pass sooner than later and know many (yours truly included) are rooting for you and sending good, kind, loving thoughts your way.
Tana Bevan - I so hear you, both what you said and didn’t say. Disinterest, apathy, or even estrangement are often held as an extreme (and undesired) result to dealing with one’s family. Sometimes it’s necessary so YOU can flourish.
As I pondered the matter recently (link below), I came to the following conclusion:
“When you’ve allowed yourself to truly go through the entire agonizing (and seemingly endless) process [of grief], you will reach a point where you hold no grudges. Harbor no resentment. Perhaps deep inside there’s a quiet, still place with just a hint of sadness or sorrow over what might have been. But you also have the peace that comes with accepting that it’s not. And that makes it okay. You are then truly free. Able to move on. Stronger. Wiser. And forever connected to the cycles of life, spirit, and emotion.”
From your comment I hear your wisdom and feel your strength. Fingers crossed you appreciate the magnitude of your accomplishment and are proud of it — as you have every right to be!
Tammy - Hi Eularee, one foot in front of the other is my motto these days. Sound like we are pacing together. Wonderful hearing from you. Truly. So happy the post spoke to you. I appreciate you stopping in to say so.
Tammy - Hi Tana, complaining is a luxury. To me, it’s an art form. *giggling* Rocky patches always pass (thank God for small favors) but I am incapable of letting them slide by without voicing my contempt over it all. It helps me to breath. Life is funny, we were given this life because we are strong enough to live it. Some days it sure doesn’t feel that way. Thank you for the good wishes. I will get through it all with a smile on my face and a tap in my dance. I’m grateful for a very many things. People like you are just one of them.
Tammy - Hi Mel, you crack me up! You are so refreshing. YES, I should go fight the fact that our bodies are becoming more and more decrepit while we do all we can to stave off the wolves…all to no avail. The problem is, who would I present the problem to? God? I’m thinking it would be too late at that point to push the cause. I agree, it is the greatest injustice. The world is far from fair. I guess I will quit my bitching. Clearly I am blessed with the greatest readers a blogger could have. Yes, that be you!
Tammy - Hi Kit, your story about your dad is a sad one. But self defense often calls upon us to do the hardest thing ever: give up the hope. I’m happy for you that you found peace. The price was high. Higher for your father. I pray he knows that. I agree, surrender can save us. I’m so glad you found a way to do exactly that. Thank you, Kit, for the sharing of your personal story. It brings everything into the light. I’m grateful for that. And for you!
Tammy - Thanks, Tana, I LOVED your post and hope others will find there way there. It IS worth the read. Strength comes from having to. Plain and simple. At least for me. Wisdom comes from having done things the wrong way at some point along the road. I think they call it “live and learn”. I appreciate your very kind and caring words. Thank you for that. And thank you for contributing here. I simply thrilled to have you.
Kitt Crescendo - Thanks, I do appreciate it. It wasn’t an easy journey…and I think somehow, that tough love moment allowed me to gain closure. Although he needed to hear it, I kind of doubt he understood. But really, it was more for me. So I could have no regrets and move on.
Tammy - Kit, I get it. Believe me….I get it! It HAD to be for you. Saving ourselves is mandatory if we are to help, love and save others. In my humble opinion, you did good!
Tana Bevan - Kitt–The cool thing is, when you’ve done your part (and it totally and completely sounds like you have), you get to claim that peace of mind/peace of spirit/peace of soul as your own. You’ve done yours. What another (in this case your sire), does with that is his story. Claim also your right to stand tall & revel in the fact that you did right by you. Your actions are to be commended!
Enchanted Seashells,Confessions of a Tugboat Captain's Wife - I laughed. Sorry. Not AT you tho, but the tale is funny! Hope things turn around for you. Do what I do…shop!
Tammy - Enchanted, thanks, I’m working on it. Shopping does help. But alas, you have to be “in the zone”. And right now, it’s too hot to even think about it. Glad to have made you giggle!