The first thing that comes to mind is the waiting and anticipation of it all. The grand expectations, the splendor, the happy ending and the disappointing outcome. Yup, Christmas has sex written all over it.
Much has been written about Christmas miracles, but if you ask any single woman over 50, you’ll be duly advised that finding a compatible mate is a miracle in itself. Having good sex with that mate, generally involves hope, prayer, and the lighting of a lot of candles.
Christmas, like sex, is a crap shoot.
I’ve often said that if women took as much time choosing their men as they did their Christmas trees, the divorce rate would be a lot lower. Christmas takes a lot of effort and planning. We want it to be right, beautiful, fun, meaningful and memorable. The same is true for sex.
When we were kids, the wonder of Christmas was dutifully generated by our parents. Our job was to believe. We clung to our grand expectations, left cookies and milk for the big guy and hoped and prayed we got what we asked for.
When we are all grown up, the wonder has been replaced by reality. Our job is still to believe despite what past experiences have taught us. We still have our grand expectations, the cookies have been replaced by a nice mellow scotch for the big guy. We still hope and pray we get what we asked for. I’m not sure if we’re talking about Christmas or sex here, but the same would apply to both.
In the end, you have to wait to know if you will receive what you hope you deserve or end up with a disappointing bag of coal.
I love Christmas. People seem a lot happier during the holidays. The outdoor decorations, the Christmas tree, presents, fabulous food and the anticipation of pleasing those you love and being pleased in return.
I also love sex. People seem a lot happier in their relationships when they are participating in flirtatious foreplay. We put our best foot forward, go to fabulous dinners and carry the burning anticipation of pleasing those we love and being pleased in return.
Santa is a bit kinky when you think about it. That crazy red suit, the fur lining, those shiny boots and his voyeurism tendencies. The truth is, I just adore the idea of sitting on a handsome man’s lap and telling him all the things I want from him. I figure any conversation that starts out like that is bound to end up good.
When Christmas day arrives, and all the gifts have been opened, the trash thrown out and you hear a football game blaring in the background, many are left to wonder if that’s all there is.
When sex is over, and the heat of the moment has turned to a cold winter morning and you hear the traffic report blaring in the background, many of us are left hoping that there’s more.
The answer to both is, there’s always more. Isn’t that what makes Christmas (and sex) worth the effort? There’s always another chance for good things to come our way and ways for us to give good things to others.
Age has taught me that the true happiness of Christmas comes from giving to others and spending time with those you love. It has also taught me that in the matter of sex, the same holds true.
I’ve had a bit of fun comparing Christmas and sex, but I’m thinking, if you’re honest, you’ll find the comparisons to be fabulously true.
Whether it’s kinky, quiet, subdued or outrageous, may your Christmas (and sex) be all that you wished for!
Are you listening Santa?
Rick Gualtieri - Me, I’d take sex over Christmas any day of the week. Sex is way cheaper and with far fewer annoying relatives…unless you’re doing it wrong. 🙂
Joan Cooper - What a fabulous piece! When you think if it, I guess a lot of things fall into that category – including the stress and worry that you may not make it ‘perfect ‘.
And to think you went right past that not at all sexy Santa and still got this message. Must be your Latin blood, Tammy. Personally I would not care to sit on Santa’s lap. Maybe that is why my dreams did not come true ???
Diahann Reyes - Very sexy, fun, informative holiday post! Love the comparison between sex and X-mas, which I would have never made the connection to. Happy Holidays.
Tammy - Haaaaa! Rick, you crack me up! Too funny. Glad to see you on the other side! I have to share that for those who buy sex, it can get a tad pricey. Just saying. But a lot less annoying …. oh yeah! Have a very merry!
Tammy - Joan, so glad you enjoyed my little holiday frolic. A very merry Christmas to you, my friend! May all your dreams still come true.
Tammy - Diahann, I know it was a bit out of the ordinary. What the heck, I’m 60 and I can say what I want, right? Happy you enjoyed the read and got a giggle out of it. Even more happy to have you here! Thanks for that.
Terri - At least sex is not limited to once a year!
Tammy - Terri, dear God, we hope not! Happiest of holidays to you! Appreciate the read AND the comment.
Mel Glenn - Dear Tammy,
One of your funniest columns. Even though I am not a woman or a celebrant of Christmas, I really enjoyed this piece. I believe that even though you are a realist, you are still very much the romantic, and hope that both men and Christmas will yield presents. Hope the men stay around longer than the 12 days of Christmas. Finding the right man is much harder than finding the right tree. Hopefully, you have to branch out and turn over a new leaf. Merry Christmas
Tammy - Mel, you ARE a stitch! You should do stand up. Seriously. I AM a romantic at heart and I do love the process of budding love. It’s a pain the butt…no lie. But it is a wonder to behold. I have always held physical connection until I knew they were the right one for me. Which could account the ridiculously small quantity of men in my life. As they say…is the quality NOT the quantity. Happy New Year to you, my friend. Thank you for being here. I enjoy you more than you know.
Walker Thornton - Delightful. I had never compared the 2 but now that you’ve gone there.. Also intrigued by the idea of sitting on ‘his’ lap and telling him what I want… naughty or nice would be Santa’s choice!
Janie Emaus - I loved this! So true, funny and heartfelt.
Janie Emaus - So funny and true!
Tammy - Hi Walker, I KNOW, right?! Intriguing thought to be sure. Happy you enjoyed the read and happier still for the comment. A very merry to you, my friend!
Tammy - Hi Janie, I’m nothing if not ridiculously honest. Was thinking of submitting something of the like to HP, but can only imagine the body slams I would get for the comparison. Oye! Appreciate the read the good review!
Malissa - Well I hope I get a lot of sex because there isn’t much for Christmas!
My best gift though is my aunt is still with us when dr said she had six months, she isn’t even feeling sick yet so I hope she keeps going and makes her 90th birthday in February! I’m thank full I have had her for so long.
Hope you get some and have a happy new year too. Hugs
Doreen Mcgettigan - I loved this too! It is true!
Suerae Stein - Only you, Tammy, could come up with such a comparison and make it work! I love it! It’s so true, fun and, well, sexy! Well done, my dear, as always! Have a wonderful holiday and I hope it continues well into the new year!
Tammy - Suerae, it works for me! So very happy that it worked for you too. Glad to have put a smile on your face and a giggle on your lips. Merry Christmas, my friend. Best to you…always!
Tammy - Malissa, well then, girl, I’m hoping for a boat load of good sex for you this year! *giggling* Your 89 year young aunt IS the best gift ever! I love my aunt and uncle and hope they will be around for a long time yet. They are in their 80″s and still going strong. People really do make the best gifts, don’t they?! A very merry to you, my friend! Hugs right back atcha!
Kitt Crescendo - LOL! Funny, I wrote something around Halloween about the fact that “that” particular holiday gave folks carte blanche to explore their kinkier side…LOL!
I totally agree with you, by the way, about selectiveness with trees and partners. It drives me absolutely batty when people go into marriage with the “well, if it doesn’t work out, I can always get divorced” thought in the back of their minds. It’s setting them up to fail. Nine times out of ten it means that communication, honesty and commitment are all selective and incomplete. Ugh! I may have been picky, but I’m with an amazing man who is with me because he wants to be, not because he had no other viable alternatives at the moment. 🙂
Ande Lyons - Sexy Goddess Tammy!
I LOVE your kinky comparison of Holiday Love and Sensual Love… it’s deeeelicious and deeelightful!
This is our first Christmas where we are not exchanging gifts. We are all about giving the gift of our presence… and it’s been the most liberating of Holiday Seasons! Our two teens are fully on board… and loving the time we’re spending AWAKE with each other and loved ones.
Wishing you the happiest of Holiday love and joy… and may your New Year be filled with all your dreams come true – MUAH!!
Tammy - Hi Kitt, we must be related. Somehow. From somewhere. Don’t both getting married if you’re not in for the long haul. Said by this divorced woman. In defense of myself, I hung in there for 30 years. In the end, giving up on my marriage was the only way to save myself. I believe in the commitment. To stay until it becomes impossible to breathe. I’ve discovered in this journey called “married life” that if there is only one person working on the marriage, for years, it’s not likely it can or should survive. My 2cents. Sending you a warm holiday hug this holiday. Best to you, my friend! May you have much love to share (kinky or not)!
Tammy - My dear Ande, what a wonderfully fabulous idea. The gift of self. What could be finer?! This is the first Xmas that my fiancé and I are celebrating. He is Jewish, and he has opened his heart to my celebration of the season. He is experiencing his first Christmas tree and simply loves it. Gifts are involved, a lot like Hanukkah. It’s wonderful sharing our two faiths with each other. A meeting of the hearts, if not the minds. Blessings to you and your, my dear friend, Ande. You know I just love and adore you … in every way!
Kitt Crescendo - Tammy, I couldn’t agree with you more! It takes two… If only one person is willing to work, it’s doomed to fair. Marriage is definitely a partnership. I’m glad you found Mr. Right the second time around. 🙂