It depends on who you ask.
To my ex-husband who hooked up with a little Russian chick half his age and yells to the hilltops that he is not too old; you can sit down now, we hear you.
But, for the rest of us who still have our sanity and are considered by many to be over the hill (man, I hate that expression), sex generally plays a less important role in our lives.
Or does it?
I recently had an informative (drunken) and frank (loud and boisterous) discussion with my peers (girlfriends) about this very subject. In our in-depth (raunchy and crude) dialogue, we all came to the same conclusion: sex is alive and well in our relationships.
It is however not without its challenges, complaints and restraints (pun intended).
Since most of us aren’t particularly feisty about our naked bodies anymore, prancing around the house wearing a thong, heels and a hairband is pretty much off the table. Instead we camouflage our bodies, accentuating the good (cleavage) and hiding the bad (everything else). We depend heavily on candlelight, black out curtains and sturdy mattresses.
These days sex is more than an orgasm, it’s an adventure. It’s also a lot noisier than it used to be. The grunting, moaning and heavy breathing begins way before we do. It’s all par for the course.
I find that in this stage of my life, intimacy holds a great deal of importance. I’ve also learned that intimacy is not always the same as having sex. I appreciate the closeness, the holding, kissing and I keep my expectations to a reasonable level.
But, being a girl, I want what I want. Good thing for me, we are both good communicators and great listeners. Together we have learned what works, what doesn’t, and how to talk with each other about both.
I have to confess, sex is a little less important to me than it used to be. At this stage of my life I’m more centered on the bigger picture, the overall need to satisfy my partner and myself in all areas of our lives. Conversation entertainment, friendship, travel, our kids and the events of the day.
Unlike our younger years, our libidos can be affected by our stress, weight gain, medical conditions and the meds we take for them. Okay, fine. So sex may not be as sweaty or frequent as it once was years ago. That’s okay, because sweat is highly over-rated and the years have taught me that frequency is trumped by quality, hands down!
That’s NOT to say that sex is on the back burner. Oh, hell no. Fact is, the opposite is true. We are actually more adventurous. The kitchen table is not just for meals and the car is not just for running errands. Now that I have totally grossed out my fully grown daughter, let me say out loud … bravo for us!
Being cheeky (do the puns never end?) is something I’m far more comfortable with now than I ever was in my 20’s and 30’s. As I approach my 60th birthday this summer, I realize that while 60 is not really the new 40, it is a far cry from what it was in my grandmother’s generation!
I remember reading a quote somewhere many years ago that cautioned women to choose their mates carefully. It claimed that passion would wane but the ability to maintain good conversation, share loyalty and enjoy someone’s company would last a lifetime. I scoffed at the notion. Silly me.
We’ve also heard it said many times that waiting for something will often make you appreciate it more.
Of course, I do have a 2 week limit on the whole “waiting” part. After all, without some sense of reasonable decorum, the world could easily plunge into mayhem and anarchy.
Trust me when I tell you, the last thing this world needs is a sex deprived menopausal woman. Do I here an “Amen”?