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The Grinch that stole Thanksgiving

It’s that time of year again. Last year I went on record stating that Thanksgiving was my least favorite holiday. That is an understatement. I am clearly not a fan. I’m also not a fan of turkey, cranberries, stuffing, overeating, and spending hours cooking and cleaning. All of this explains a lot about my resistance […]

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Linda Robertson - Tammy, you crack me up! I’m so enjoying your emails. I write what I call “inspirational humor” and also “black and blue” humor…that one’s when you’ve been beaten down but you come back fighting…actually, they’re both kind of the same now that I think of it. And I too, have been compared to the irrepressible and wonderful Erma. How could anything be more awesome than that?

Keep those literary gems coming and know that I’m a big fan of yours…also, you can check out my blog: for my take on the world!

Thanks for spreading the joy through your insight, words, and humor.


Carol - You are truly “witty”! Love your insight and humor in putting
On paper what I think so many of us are thinking
silently to ourselves! Chinese food and pj’s sounds good to

Joan Cooper - I love the “vineyard” solution. Me too me too.

My least favorite holiday is Halloween. All those scary things – what is that to celebrate? I am not big on holiday type things – for me the challenge is living everyday. I especially do not like to celebrate birthdays!!!!!!!!!!

Carry on, Tammy.

Joan Cooper

Suerae Stein - I love the Chinese food idea! I have to say that it is not my favorite holiday either, although I do like the idea of a day focused on food! It is something I find myself thinking about often – haha! I love your blog and hope that you find much joy in your non-Chinese-food-Thanksgiving. The vineyard idea sounds even better than the Chinese food!

Tammy - Hi Linda, I’m always happy to meet a new fan and happy to throw my own adoration your way. Humor is a way of life for me (as you can tell), as I have not found any better way to get through the day. My daughter would always tell me that I’m a party all by myself. I will indeed check out your blog and am wondering why it is not tagged in your response as I have accommodated my fellow bloggers by giving them an automatic link to their latest post. Next time you post (I am hopeful there will be a next time), use your blog address to post from and it will happen automatically for you. In the meantime, enjoy this goofy holiday as I send a big Erma hug your way!

Tammy - Hi Carol, I often wonder if I’m the only one that thinks “that way”. Few peeps ever speak out about stuff like this. But you know, I couldn’t hold it in if I tried. Yes, Chinese food and Jammies is the ultimate way to do anything (in my humble opinion). Hopefully next year! Have a most wonderful holiday, however you choose to spend it. Thanks ever so for the read and the post!

Tammy - Hi Joan, YES, the vineyard solution is absolutely heavenly. Unfortunately, I’m the only one in the relationship that thinks so. (sad face) I, too, love celebrating birthdays, especially if they are at a spa that requires me to dress in a white fluffy robe and get pampered all day with massages, facials, steams and pedi’s, while being fed grapes and chocolate by Pablo. But I digress. A very happy turkey holiday to you! I appreciate hearing from you, Joan, and yes, I will indeed carry on!

Tammy - Hi Suerae, Finally! Some one else who doesn’t cherish Thanksgiving. Awesome! That now makes two of us. I am going out on the traditional limb this year (kicking and screaming) and can only hope for the best. Thanks so much for being here…I love that you love the blog, and I can tell you, that the writer loves you right back! I’m thinking next year I should organize a trip for all who want to spend Thanksgiving at a vineyard. Just a thought. Best wishes to you and your family for a warm and happy holiday! Great hearing from you!!

Susan S - Ahhhhh, blessings rejoice ! To be with loved ones, and I will….that’s what it’s all about. A dear friend once told me that Thanksgiving is “just a meal”….nah…it’s the joy of being with those we care about…laughing, catching up with those that we don’t see enough, and yes enjoying the turkey, stuffing, and of course the pumpkin pie….it’s the calories we don’t need, but the love that surrounds us that we do need. Life is way too short….enjoy and yes, blessings do follow. Love to you, dear Tammy….x

Malissa - They have pills for that! 🙂

Nancy Wurtzel - Tammy, I love your take on a holiday that can really get out of hand! I’m more of a Chinese person on Christmas (having been married to a Jewish man for 21 years), but I might opt for Japanese for Thanksgiving…actually that sounds pretty wonderful. Anyway, you are very nice to host the day with your significant other. All the best to you — and keep these great posts coming! Hugs, Nancy

SUE COVE - Happy Turkey Day from sunny and warm Colorado!! Wish there was snow and then I can sing that song…..Over the River and Through the woods…to grandmothers house we go…..oh those were the best Turkey Days! I am thankful for those memories! You enjoy!!!

Tammy - Hi Susan, oh my, you sound so full of gratitude and good tidings! Yes, yes, I know you’re right, it’s not just another meal … it’s a boat load of work kind of meal. Just saying. Clearly you are blessed to have a loving family who gathers to share, play, eat and pray. Blessings to you, and yours, my friend. I’m all about the pumpkin pie and hope you have a piece in my honor. Life IS way too short, and so we must all go and enjoy this coming holiday in whatever manner best suits us. I will hold out for the vineyard next year, just in case you were wondering. Give that lovely family of yours a Tammy kind of hug and kisses all around. Being surrounded by love is the best way to spend any day!

Tammy - Hi Melissa, yes, but my preferred method of relief is Ben & Jerry’s chocolate brownie ice-cream. Works every time! Happy holiday to you!

Tammy - Hi Nancy, Japanese food on Thanksgiving?? Brilliant! I will keep it in mind for my hopeful excursion next year to the vineyards! I AM a nice person to host the Thanksgiving soiree, aren’t I? I hope I get points in heaven for the thought and the effort (you can never have enough points!). Although it won’t be much effort hanging with some of the nicest people on earth. My warmest thoughts go out to you and your family this holiday. Enjoy, and hugs right back at ya!!

Tammy - Hi Sue, you are entirely too cheerful but I think it’s what everyone loves about you (among other things). I miss Colorado, this time of year especially. Thanksgiving would always give us a little snow, crisp air and a lot of sunny blue skies and white puffy clouds. I won’t complain too much as I sit in beautiful California where it is currently 72 degrees. Not exactly a Rocky Mountain high, but pretty awesome in itself. Keep up that amazing energy, sing to your heart’s content and enjoy your turkey day with friends and family and accept my best wishes. Truth is a big part of me wishes I was spending the weekend in the Rockies, the vineyards be damned! Thanks, awfully for being here.

Malissa - LoL yumm, that would be better !

Laura Lee Carter aka the Midlife Crisis Queen - Nice Tammy! WE got ours over earlier this week and now we are laying low, much like you recommended. It feels like we got away with something…while everyone else stresses ou ton dinner, we are taking in some serious r & r.
Yum, yummy, yum, yum!

Tammy - Hi Laura Lee, you DID get away with something and I am uber envious. Damn good for you! You now have the best of both worlds. You clever little minx, you! So, while we are stressing it out, you are picking off the leftovers, sleeping in, watching movies and doing some reading and cuddling. Assumptions, I know, but hey, I am nothing if not pushy. I like it! Thanks for popping in. Always love having you. Enjoy your stress free weekend and think of the little people who are scurrying around trying to make it work (that would be me). A collective prayer for calm and a good sense of humor can’t hurt.

Mel Glenn - Have a good holiday and make the best of it. I am sure you will feel grateful for all that you DO have. Living on the east coast and surviving the worst of Hurricane Sandy makes me feel lucky and grateful.

Kellie - Dear friend
I hope you find peace and joy this thanksgiving. Often times we bring our old baggage of our past to the present day holidays. Throw away the past and see it as new adventure with new BF and friends. It maybe surprising. Create new memories…

Tammy - Hi Mel, I imagine that thankfulness takes on a whole new meaning after surviving Sandy. There are no words to comfort such devastation. You are right, my friend, I do feel grateful for all that I have and I WILL make the best of it. Someday I would like to meet you in person and we can compare notes on life, liberty and the art of survival. It should make for an interesting afternoon, don’t you think? Until then, continue to feel grateful for all you have, as I suspect you are worthy of every single bit of it. Happy holiday to you and your family.

Tammy - Hi Kellie, well, I am well known for my baggage and the ability to leave it at the door. Past holidays still haunt me, though, in a way I don’t often admit. Throwing away the past is not so easily done. But living in the ‘now’ is something I am good at. Being present, being aware and being grateful is something I practice every day. Thank you for reminding me that I have a “Do Over” life. I’ve worked very hard for it and deserve its grace and its blessings. Creating new memories is my newest state of mind. But hanging on to some of the old ones is still something I value. It’s all a balance, something I often share with my favorite readers. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and advice. Both are always welcome here! Happiest of holiday to you and your family.

Pamela O'Mack - Hi Tammy, it’s not often that I disagree with you, but this time I do. Thanksgiving Day is a day of giving thanks, which can be a variety of things. I’m thankful for every day I wake up, especially after my recent bout in the hospital, my loving daughter and wonderful boyfriend, most of my relatives, my wonderful friends, a roof over my head and food to eat. I’m sure there are many other things that I have forgotton, but when I look at the pictures of people lined up for food and have no heat after Hurricane Sandy, and hearing their positive attitudes, I feel very humbled and grateful for what I have. I hope you enjoy tomorrow with wonderful Steven and the rest of the people you are cooking for and have fun and be your wonderful happy, loving, funny and perky self! Happy turkey day!!! Love, Pamela

Tammy - Hi Pamela, I stand corrected…and humbled. You are of course, very right; there is much for a grateful heart to celebrate. I, like you, am a lucky girl in more ways than I can count. Once in a while life gets me a bit down, a bit hurried, a bit overwhelmed and a bit annoyed. But in the big scheme of things I am a girl that knows what I have and celebrates having it. I WILL spend tomorrow with great friends and my Steven and send blessings to the wonderful people that I am fortunate to have in my life … such as you. As for being my happy, loving, funny perky self … well, I’ll have to get back to you on that. Have a happy, restful and loving day of thanks. I’m so happy (and grateful) to have you here!

Maureen - Hope your T’giving dinner turned out wonderful!

Stacey Joy - Ohhhh how I love thee!!! I detest turkey, dressing, SOUL FOOD (and I am African-American), and sweet potato pie is gross but I can make a really delicious pie for the hubby!! I’m no one’s favorite person on Turkey Day and I’ve never cared! The year I brought PF Chang’s take-out as my contribution, everyone resolved to letting me be me!!

Tammy, I commend you for being cooperative with your guy and the planning! You’re a good person!

Great post!

Tammy - Stacey, well, my dear, you and I might be alone in this category. That’s fine by me! I understand completely how you feel, and am grateful for you that you have family and friends that are happy to let you … be you. I’m not necessarily a good person. All right, .. yes I am. Haa! I’m just racking up points so that next year will be a pajama day filled with moo-shoo pork and sweet and sour chicken. Now THAT’S a holiday! I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship. Love your posts!

Divided we fall

Dear people of America, I’m not sure what side of the fence you live on, but chances are good that whatever side it is; half of you woke up this morning pretty damn unhappy. I share in your gloom and disgust but not for the reasons you may think. While all of you are arguing […]

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Mel Glenn - Yours, is a cool call to reason, Tammy, but reasonable discourse is alien to politicians who piouslyfervently say the right thing, but mean, “I got mine, so go screw yourself.” Let’s hope people can come together, but I do have my doubts.

Tammy - Hi Mel, I agree. It is past time that the American people separate the pompous patooties from the politicians. A true representative of the people does not put his own interest first. But I know that you already know that. If they continue to be self serving bunglers of government then maybe they should be thrown overboard. Oops, we’re not on a real boat although the sinking feeling prevails. Forming a supportive line to pail out the gushing onslaught of problems is our only hope. My two cents. And I’m always happy to here yours! Keeping our fingers crossed. Thanks for being here.

Suerae Stein - Well said! Perfect.

Tammy - Hi Suerae, well … I’ll take that compliment even though I’ve never even come close to perfect. Shhh, it will be our little secret. Thanks for the read and the post!

SUE COVE - Good day Tammy! I was so happy last night when our president has 4 more years to continue to try to get everything together. It will not be fun and people will be angry. There is soooo much work to do…..but it starts with me and my attitude first. I wish we could all say that. Can’t we all just get along!!
Nope….there will always be someone who has to be right! Yes, there is much to be done and things in America seem bad….but hey…we have to appreciate the things we do have and be thankful for the things yet to come!! Life is really a roller coaster! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Joan Cooper - I was so sad last night when the media rudely gave the election to B.O. even before the ballots were finished being counted. Actually Romney captured a larger part of America. As long as the Electoral College exists there will be no representative government.

We lost a very fine man who is abundantly qualified to deal with the job we have here in America. There is no budget – there has been no budget for 4 years. Mr. B.O. has no partisan skills because he is so wrapped up in himself. ‘Do it my way or no way’ is his credo. That is not leadership.

As the senior Senator from New England said…”change” will have to come from the grass roots of America – it will not happen in Washington. They say the Latinos, women and young people 18 – 29 caused the loss to Romney. Latinos now want a deal for immigration. Another sell out from B.O.

It is our hard earned money they play with folks.

Joan Cooper

Kellie - Well Tammy your vision is nice in theory however, just not possible for at least 50% of the American people (like myself) who feel that this president does not represent anything similar in their own belief system. Has nothing to do with whether dem or rep. It is about the presidents ideaology … it is no where near my belief system or where I want to live. This is the first time in my adult voting experience that I literaly am embarrassed to have this president in office. To have an American President push such divisiveness in this country makes my stomach turn. To have a President out of touch and being unable to make the correct call to protect our Ambassadors is truly appalling. To have an American President ignore Black Panther intimidation and voter influence in polling places is a disgrace. To have an American President unable to have a clue on how to create jobs (other than government or union jobs) appalling. To have a president create a debt that we will never get out of an not take responsibility for his own failures. A President that believes in the “give me ” program instead of hard work for all. A President that has made us laughing stocks thru out Europe and Middle East and made one of our best allies (Israel) not trust us. My grandparents and great grandparents came to this country via european eastern block country. They never expected the government to bail them out and never asked for anything. We have become a country of slackers ( how is that working for Portugal, Italy, Greece Spain and France. better know as the PIGS, as my european friends have informed me. It’s not working for them! Even London have 1 or both parents on the dole because they know they can and have lost the desire to work. So while that is a lovely thought to unite behind this President and all stand behind Obama for me … he is not my President and does not represent my belief system in any way shape or form. I can only hope that 4 years from now we are able to un-do the nightmare of this President and return it to the country I loved and grew up in and respected.

Rick Dean - Tammy, we loose perspective at times of emotional charge, and such an event like a presidential race can certainly result in the emotional charge, you help put our feet back on the ground. To think we are at the mercy or benifit of any one person in our government is ridiculous. While we by design are to have balance in a multiple party system, it is up to the resolve of the people to make it work. Last nights election is not the end if you like the republican position, and is is not a guarantee if you support the democrat position. Work will be done and we need to support and excersise our rights, voices and make it right.

Tammy - Hi Kellie, I understand how you feel. Much of what you have said I share in sentiment. I go into the next four years with trepidation, angst and a fair degree of ire. But all that being said, Obama is the only dog you and I have in this fight to represent our country, whether we like it or not. I am an individualist, a self starter, and a self employed worker. I expect no handouts from anyone and contribute freely should my heart tell me to. I will never appreciate having my hard earned income shared on my behalf with those individuals chosen by my government. I agree with Rick who points out that the President is not the only determining decision maker in our system of government; which brings us to a do nothing Congress, yet another subject for another day. There is plenty of blame to go around. I am sick of the hateful division as so many of us are. While Congress and the White House need to put their issues aside stop standing on party lines and address the backbreaking needs of the people, so do we. Success, wealth, achievement is not something to be envied or vilified. It is something to aspire to. I only hope that America will always be that place where anyone can get there from here. So I will watch carefully, use my voice thoughtfully and support my President when my conscious allows. There are no mutinies in a country, and he is the only leader you and I have as we engage the battle of a sinking economy, world tension and unprecedented debt. Good luck to us all.

Tammy - Hi Joan, it is not only our hard earned money that is on the line … it is our future. I agree with you that the Electoral voting system is gravely flawed and robs the individual of a voice. I’m sure President Obama is a fine father and husband; admirable traits. But the past four years have proven to be a disappointment for people who voted for him and looked to him for real leadership. Let us hope for a better four years to come. Hope, it seems, is all we have at the moment. I, for one, will cling to it. Thank you, Joan, for sharing!

Tammy - Hi Sue, let us hope that your happiness is well earned by our President. You are absolutely right; our country’s outlook begins with us and our attitudes. We cannot expect our Congress, our Senate and our state representatives to come to the table in a spirit of togetherness if we, ourselves, cannot muster up the sentiment. There is work to do. Let us hope that it is all for the greater good, the support of the individual, dependency minimized and the entrepreneurial spirit encouraged to thrive. Life is a roller coaster. I hope that at the end of the ride we find ourselves stronger, richer and more independent as a nation. Fingers crossed. Thanks so much for your post! Awesome!

Tammy - Hi Rick, you are so right on; the emotional charge in this last election was huge. The division it has left is staggering. Our system of checks and balances will be put to the ultimate test in the next four years. There is a lot of work to be done, and I for one, am direly sick of the hate mongering. It’s enough. It IS up to the resolve of the people to make things work. We all have a voice. I hope for an America where individualism is held in high esteem, where wealth is something to aspire to, where we take care of our own but also take care not to dole out precious financial/medical resources to those who are more than capable of taking care of themselves. Compassion with reason, strength with purpose and taxation that will not break the backs of the people who hold up the government. Let us hope. Thank you for the read and the post. Appreciate hearing from you!

Laura Lee Carter aka the Midlife Crisis Queen - I hear you Tammy and empathize completely, but there is one small bright side that I can find:

Jeffrey Davidson - I think that realistically, when faced with a dilemma or crisis, it should not matter what your party affiliation is but rather how can we work together to solve the problems that exist and make this country a better place for the majority.

Politics is a dirty game, unfortunately, and it becomes more and more difficult to trust those in office. Consider that a great majority of the members of the House and the Senate are guilty of one or more of: tax evasion, DUI, domestic abuse, abuse of power, fraudulent use of contributions, felonies, a variety of misdemeanors, cheating on spouses, ethics violations, wasting tax payer money on junkets or personal use, etc.

Inspires a lot of confidence doesn’t it?

If you vote, I will discuss or debate with you. If you do not vote, then keep your mouth shut as you are part of the problem. Don’t say your vote doesn’t count. Add up all of those who say the same thing and you have millions of potential voters. Millions of votes do affect the outcome. Get rid of the politicians who are more concerned with themselves than with their constituents. Create “voter term limits” by voting out those who do not do what they promise or what is best for the country.

The election is over. Move on and VOTE in the next election.

There were fewer voters in this election than in 2008 and 2004.

I believe it was Winston Churchill who opined that ” . . . the biggest argument against democracy is a 5-minute conversation with the average voter . . .”

Franklin D. Roosevelt, the 32nd President of the United States and central figure in world events during the mid-20th century, leading the United States during a time of worldwide economic depression and total war, said:

“Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves and the only way they could do this is by not voting.”

“Some of the funniest political jokes are elected.”

“You know why a banana is like a politician?”
“He/she comes in and first is green, then turns yellow and then he’s/she’s rotten.”

“I think Congressmen should wear uniforms, you know, like NASCAR drivers, so we could identify their corporate sponsors.”

The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would ‘hate’ to have to make a living under the laws they’ve passed.
If the opposite of “pro” is “con,” then is the opposite of “progress” “Congress?”

Thanks for helping people to think whether or not they agree.

Keep up the great writing!

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, I absolutely LOVE your thoughtful reply and greatly appreciate you sharing with me. I’m particularly fond of the idea of our Congressmen wearing uniforms with their sponsorships well identified. Bloody brilliant! Politics is indeed a dirty game. I don’t think it was meant to be that way. I think fair play was part of the original plan. I appreciate the exchange of ideas that happens here and regret the once in a while person who reads a post and UN-subscribes because he/she disagrees with the opinion stated. My goodness! If we can’t talk about stuff in a friendly blog … you have to wonder where we can talk about it. Agreements make things lovely. Disagreements make things interesting. Thanks for being here and hanging on for the ride!

Lizzie Williams - Hi Jeffrey!

Just wanted to let you know that this is the kind of comment that makes me smile. It’s thoughtful, a bit funny and oh so true!

Jan Tucker - Dear Mother Earth,
I am so with you on this! I remember when our country wasn’t quite as “me” oriented even though I’m from the “me generation.”

Why can’t we learn fro past mistakes and start supporting each other?

I do think it’s changing though. More and more of us are getting fed up with the “new” status quo already. Maybe we need to join together more to collaborate on getting this important message out!

Thanks for speaking out,

Tammy - Hi Jan, this is one of my favorite posts. It speaks from a frustrated heart and the message is so simple. Yet few listen. I’m so thrilled to see you here and most appreciative of your post!

The Bucket List

While I slowly approach my 60th birthday, I figure I’ve still got plenty of play left in the game. But the way life has been going lately, with disasters running amok, earthquakes, tornado’s, floods, random crazies with a high power rifles not to mention the texting driver, well, it’s just not the sure thing it […]

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cheryl - Hey Girl, How is everything going???????? Would love to join you as you accomplish your “bucket list”——–except the one-night stand. My list includes spending a season in the countryside of France and riding the Orient Express——–of course that requires the appropriate wardrobe!!!!!!!! Speaking of books, etc.———Have you seen Magic Mike, raunchy but Matthew McConahey does not disappoint——-also have you read Gone Girl——-quite a story. By the way, when IS your birthday——–I thought in July. love your posts!!!!!!!!!

Mel Glenn - Love your list. My son has done Harbour Bridge, my wife is in Israel, and I’ve always wanted to see Ireland. A liaison win an elevator would give me a lift and parties are welcome; I do ride my bike. Your column is important because everyone needs a bucket list

Lee Lefton - Tammy,

I want to be the first to comment. I love this and it really hits home. All I have to do is turn on the TV and I’m given a hundred reasons why the world is going to hell in a hand basket. Where the —- is the good news! I’m trying to distance myself from that and creating a bucket list and beginning to live it is a much more positive thing to do.

One short story about yoga. (Actually, it’s not that short so I apologize up front). When I lived in LA, there was a studio around the corner. I was usually the only guy in the class and being highly inflexible, there was a lot of grunting and groaning coming from me.

One day, this cute little woman from India who was in her seventies and considered a yoga guru (or guress), came to teach the class. She had people doing unbelievable contortions. When it was time to do headstands, I quietly slunk out of the room and shut myself in the bathroom. After about five minutes, I figured the lesson would be over. I opened the door and there, smiling, was the teacher. She reached out and took my hand and walked me back into the classroom where she led me over to a wall and gently helped me get into a headstand then backed away. Amazingly, I stayed upright!

Moral of the story. If I can do yoga, anyone can. So just go and sign up for a class.

P.S. Frugality is overrated and gets in the way of us fulfilling our dreams. We’re going to Israel next April and have already put down a deposit.

Wanna join us?

Much love,
You know who

Tammy - Hi Cheryl, so happy to hear from you. It’s going good, thanks for asking. Hmmm, I may have to snatch that one item of your bucket list as riding the Orient Express would be a tremendous thrill. Being an Agatha Christi buff for over 30 years, I can’t even imagine how exciting that would feel. No on Magic Mike, yes on Gone Girl – loved the read, disliked the ending, and my birthday is July 15th. Thanks for popping in and sharing. By the way, if you need anyone to carry your luggage while traveling the countryside of France, give me a holler!

Tammy - Hi Mel, I LOVE your summation! You know how to say a lot in few words. A wonderful skill set to be sure. So, what is the wife doing in Israel without you? Yes, I’m nosy. So, ride your bike to the airport, meet her in Israel, fly home by way of Ireland and leave the bridge for another day. Sounds good to me. I love the idea of a bucket list, as it promotes planning, vision and the stark realization that we won’t be here forever. And we won’t. Yes, I agree, we all need a bucket list. But more importantly, we all need to act on them. SO happy to have you here. Thanks for the read and the post!

Beatrice M. Hogg - Great list, Tammy! My list would include witnessing the Tour de France during the L’Alpe du’Huez stage with the 21 hairpin turns, having a one night stand with a rock star, driving a very expensive, very fast car for one day, seeing the Great Pyramid in Egypt, take bass guitar lessons again, and having a book on the New York Times bestseller list!

I hope that everyone gets to realize some of their dreams!

Tammy - Hi You Know Who (yes I do!), THANK YOU for sharing your Yoga story. That was awesome!! I’m still laughing and wishing my instructor would have been half as kind. I think mine was raised a Nazi (please, people, no pro Nazi letters!) and never would have acted so caring. So, you really think I can do Yoga? Well, I’m going to give it another ‘go’ this summer. Yoga prayers appreciated. You’re right (as usual); frugality absolutely gets in the way of our dreams. Utter nonsense. We can be financially responsible and still provide our souls the experience it needs to flourish. This is a lesson I’ve only just learned in recent years. Israel in April? Wow. Color me envious. Do I want to join you? Are political TV ads annoying? Hell yeah. Can I? Not at all sure. But I am sure that I appreciate the invitation! Much love back to you along with a warm thank you for being here.

Tammy - Hi Beatrice, Clearly you are heads above me in the area of adventure. Your list is thrilling and I’m feeling a tad boring just reading it. A rock star? Why didn’t I think of that? Yes, I am absolutely stealing two of your items because they are so awesome and I need them on my list. A NY bestseller and the Pyramids of Egypt. I simply don’t know how they escaped me! I’m going to leave the rock star to you, unless he is in an elevator, Italian, hugely sensitive and wildly erotic, in which case, all bets might be off. So very wonderful to have you here. I appreciate the read and the post!

Susan S - A bucket list….guess I have thought about it, but have done zero…must start the list and yep, act on it ! Hmmmm…will begin by looking for Julio !!!!

With your list….yikes…you’ve given me hope ! Love you girlfriend…

Tammy - Hi Susan, Maybe you and Julio and me Pablo can escape for a weekend together in the Virgin Islands (there is irony there somewhere). Yup, let’s start thinking about it because while we are still fabulous, we ain’t getting any younger. I expect a full report! So wonderful seeing you here, it’s been a while and I’ve missed you.

Beatrice M. Hogg - Tammy, I am happy to share two of my items with you! My cousin died of AIDS in 1994, he was a world traveler, but he never got to take his dream trip to Egypt. I want to go someday for him. I don’t know if I’ll ever been on the bestseller list, but today I am in the New York Times ( in an article about long term unemployed persons. As far as the rock star – I prefer them tall and blond unless Lenny Kravitz is available! And I’m not sure about an elevator – at my age, I may need more time!

Marilyn - Dearest Tammy, my bucket list is that we can enjoy the fore mentioned together!! Just stop and smell the roses…boy am I trying!!

Tammy - Hi Marilyn, That would be a done deal! Well, except for the one thing. My friends know that there are two things in life that I NEVER share. They are: M&M’s and my man (not necessarily in that order). Other than that, it would be grand! When do we start? Thanks for the post – appreciate hearing from you.

Are you a member of the Failure Club?

I am. Well, at least I’ve had my turn up at bat and the game isn’t over yet. Yup, I’ve been a failure many times over. My first attempt at an upside-down pineapple cake ended up looking like an oozing pancake and my first business thrived for only one year. That’s okay because I went […]

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Stan Grimes - Very excellent article.

Suerae Stein - “Mistakes are stepping stones to success” – I LOVE it! You have an uncanny ability to make the most out of life, even those “failures” – well done Tammy!

Rick Gualtieri - As I tell people: my goal is to be spectacular. Preferably I want to be a spectacular success. However, if I must fail then it shall be spectacularly. 🙂

Either way, nothing ventured…

Kellie - Tammy
Then I too should be wearing a BUTT LOAD of badges myself! I to have failed at an early brief marriage. I have failed at certain friendships (although) I don’t really consider those failures I consider them lessons learned. My true friendships are strong and VERY long term. I have failed at attempts to try different things in my life. There a couple of fantastic quotes in the move “Under The Tuscan Sun” by main Characters Frances & Senor Martini. I related to them regarding my life and my mistakes and my path in life.

Frances- ” Do you know the most surprising thing about divorce? It doesn’t actually kill you. Like a bullet to the heart or a head-on car wreck. It should. When someone you’ve promised to cherish till death do you part says “I never loved you,” it should kill you instantly. You shouldn’t have to wake up day after day after that, trying to understand how in the world you didn’t know. The light just never went on, you know. I must have known, of course, but I was too scared to see the truth. Then fear just makes you so stupid.”

Martini says ” Signora, between Austria and Italy, there is a section of the Alps called the Semmering. It is an impossibly steep, very high part of the mountains. They built a train track over these Alps to connect Vienna and Venice. They built these tracks even before there was a train in existence that could make the trip. They built it because they knew some day, the train would come”

Francis quote at end of movie- “Any arbitrary turning along the way and I would be else ware; I would be different. “

Tammy - Hi Stan, thanks! Happy you found your way here. I checked out your site and found some very poignant poetry there. Kudos. Appreciate the post!

Tammy - Hi Suerae, when I was younger I took ‘failure’ pretty hard. Years taught me that I was way ahead of the pack just by trying. Yup, my mistakes were indeed stepping stones to success. I can happily report I’ve enjoyed a lot of it. The lean years taught me a boatload…whether I wanted to learn it or not. Haa! Thanks for posting. So happy to hear from you!

Tammy - Hi Rick, I’m with you ALL the way! I have had more than one spectacular fail and can happily share more than one spectacular win. I figure in this game of life, it’s better to be at bat and strike out than to sit on the bleachers waiting to be called. Thanks for sharing, always great to hear from you!

Tammy - Hi Kellie, you said a mouthful there. I LOVE LOVE those quotes from Francis. Scary true. I saw and enjoyed that movie and remember it vividly. Lessons for us all. Yes, my dear, you do get badges. You entered the scuffle with a true heart and hopeful soul. You did the best you could … even when the best wasn’t good enough. That counts. We remember our failures, but our truest of friends remember our victories. Thank God for them! Thanks for sharing and posting. It, and you, are awesome!

Joan Coopr - Well…just about every decision I ever made was wrong and I made them for all the right reasons.

Where is my success? I am still waiting for it and running out of time.

Joan Cooper

Marcia - My father (very wise in his 83rd year) always says “Life wasn’t meant to be easy.” As I have “matured” (aka aged), and experienced my share of disappointment and failure, I realize just how right he is. I think what he really means is that failure is simply a part of life, and we had better get used to things not always going our way and learn how to handle it.

Did I “fail” at my marriage? No, I think not. Perhaps we failed each other, but the marriage was a learning experience for us both. (I learned more about myself in the 25 year process than I learned about him.) Success!!! Did I fail Calculus? Well, yes, but I did learn that it’s too hard for me to grasp, so it wasn’t a total bust! Success!!!

I wish the word “failure” was not part of the English language, or at least that people used it in a more positive fashion. The word seems to have a negative connotation that is undeserved. This so-called “failure” helps us to learn, to grow, and to better ourselves. Can someone tell me how that is a negative thing?

So, yes, I am a member of the Failure Club, but I would like to change the name of the club. Anyone have an idea on that?

Thank you, Tammy, for another thought-provoking article!

Tammy - Hi Miss Marcia, welcome to the Failure Club, so named until we can find another suitable replacement. You are SO right, what in the world is negative about learning, growing and being a better version of ourselves?! That is what failure teaches us, whether we want to know it or not. Perhaps we should call it “I Gave it My Best Shot” Club? I stand firm in the belief that we get big points for participating, trying, and taking a chance. I know many people who play it safe and I wish never to be included among them. And just for the record … I failed Calculus the first time around too. Nailed it my second try. Love knowing you are on the other side of my blog. Thanks for that!

Mel Glenn - Love the line, “the biggest mistake we can ever make is being to afraid to make one.” Good point. Merit badges for failures? Many of us would be decorated boy or girl scouts. I wonder if you are not being too optimistic about the rewards of failures. In hindsight, they might prove instructive, but while they are happening they are devastating and hard to endure. That said, I do admire your constant abilty to learn from your experiences.

Tammy - Hi Joan, well now you have totally depressed me. I’m sorry to hear that. I think that life teaches us big important lessons when we make wrong decisions. It’s our job to spin the teachings into the gold we deserve. I have a feeling you have a lot to be grateful for. Beauty, intelligence, compassion and friendship. Still, I’m hoping you receive the success you seek … any day now. Thanks for sharing!

Tammy - Hi Mel, yes! Merit badges for trying, for going the distance even if you didn’t “win”. Don’t you think it’s a fabulous idea? I have to agree with you, when failure slaps you in the face, you are not soon to forget the sting. It is always devastating and hard to endure. But when we come out on the other side look at how much wiser we are. It would be lovely to be able to learn life’s hard lessons without life’s hard knocks, but as we know, it is hugely unlikely. So, it’s good to know that with the knocks comes something wonderful; strength, wisdom, patience and compassion for others that have been there. Don’t get me wrong, I have never been knocked down that I didn’t cry and whine about it. Tears come with pain. But that’s all part of it. Getting up, moving on, moving up, that’s all part of it too. Thanks for the read and the post. Love the exchange of ideas!

Jane Steen - Tweeted AND Facebooked that one. I remember how crushing failures felt when I was young; and then the older I get the less important they seem. It’s one of the great advantages of gray hairs.

Tammy - Hi Jane, thanks for spreading the word. Awesome! It’s true the older we get the better we are at realizing that failure is just another way of saying “I tried”. I am prone to think that the failures we experienced in our younger years were crushing because I’m not at all sure that we believed for a minute that we could or would fail. Being naive has it’s price. Age solves that condition. So wonderful to hear from you. Thanks for the read, the post and the sharing!

SUE COVE - Great words Tammy. I thought I was a failure at one time…..but not anymore! I will always try my best in this life and no one is going to get in my way. I have had some hard knock downs….but I get back up, shake it off (by dancing around the house in my underwear!) and move on.
One day at a time…fail or not! Move on!
I sure miss you! Your forever friend, Sue

Tammy - Hi Sue, first off, thanks for being my forever friend! Secondly, I too have danced in my underwear. I had rushed downstairs after my shower in just my undies to feed the dog when the Helen Reddy song “I am Woman” came on the radio. What choice did I have but to turn it up and let it loose. It was awesome. Awesome until I got a post-it note on my door the next morning from an ‘anonymous’ neighbor asking me to make sure my shutters were closed if I was going to dance around topless. Ouch! Getting up after being knocked down is the absolute definition of success…if you ask me, and I know you didn’t. Moving on is a wonderful life game plan. You have already won the battle, my dear. Keep moving forward, and I’ll be right behind you. You forever friend who misses you too!

Stacey - I enjoyed reading this because my failure badges shine but my success badges GLISTEN AND SPARKLE!

I am reminded of the scripture from Luke 12:48(King James version)
“For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required…”
I see this as a reminder that when we are blessed enough to have rewards, we often forget that there was a shitload of work put in first.

Sometimes that work is painful, difficult, and laden with failures. In the end, the rewards are so much more appreciated when the journey was not so easy because it surely won’t be easily forgotten!

Thank you again for a really meaningful post!

Tammy - Stacey, I love how you stated your post. So very eloquent. No, true failure is never forgotten. It’s the life lesson that smacks you so hard in the face that you still feel the sting 30 years later. And thank God for that. Otherwise we would be destined to repeat it. I always tell people that my failures have helped to make me what I am today. I am grateful for every single one of them. Thanks so much for your post, Stacey. Wonderful to hear your feedback.

Gary Jordan - Good work, Tammy! As I’ve said to you before, you have more than your share of common sense. I enjoy your blog and value your friendship. Keep it up.

Mel Glenn - A very honest column that stands under the umbrella of “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger.” And truer words were never said that the “biggest mistake is to be afraid to make one.”
I have to remember your words when, as usual,
technology fails me, and I scared about which key to hit. Seriously, a very strong column.

Tammy - Thanks, Gary! I intend to keep it up and thank you for stopping by and sharing a comment. Means a lot. This post was posted erroneously, as I originally wrote and released it in October. I’ve had some sever problems with a blog hacker these past few weeks and this is the second time a previous post was posted NOT by me. It’s always something, isn’t it?! Thanks for being here, Gary. Love you for that!

Tammy - Hi Mel, thanks for the read and the kind words. This post was posted erroneously, as I originally wrote ad released it October. I haven’t shared it, but have been experiencing a brutal hacking of my blog these past few weeks. It is why my posts are not being released as consistently as before. Not awesome, but I think (I pray) I’ve got it contained. One must wonder why possess a person to waste their time posting on someone’s blog and manipulating the content. I can only guess the obvious: lack of intelligence and an abundance of time. Thank you, Mel, for sticking with me here. I adore you for that and appreciate the audience!

Fear is a liar

When something comes our way that we think we can’t handle, we become fearful. This past week has dealt me a good piece of fear. The dreaded word, ‘cancer’, entered the life of someone I love. It is not my first encounter with this robber of hope. I needed a day or two to keep […]

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Joan Cooper - This is the most amazing piece you have yet written. Fear is indeed proven wrong over and over. Politicians know its’ power – they use it all the time. The world is actually ruled by fear.

There is always hope. I heard of a new approach to curing breast cancer the other day. This lady has had 6 chemos in 2 years to no avail. They are now trying male hormone injections which breast cancer cells don’t touch. My own homeopathic doctor (M.D,) put me on small doses of Testerone a long long time ago. I wonder……….

Joan Cooper

Kellie - Tammy
I know the feeling of fear very well … unfortunately. Dealing with my own past cancer and now handling my father’s stage 4 cancer and my oldest sister’s Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma fear has become an ugly friend to me. I always say lack of information is much more scary than learning all the information … the “unknown” Give me the facts straight up good or bad and then I can move forward and fear slowly fades away.

Mel Glenn - Love the line,”fear is a liar.” And often this is true. Roosevelt not withstanding, there are many things to fear, and they can’t all disappear by applying a healthy dose of hope. Good advice to step back and ask yourself what are you really afraid of? Logic and reason can help.

SUE COVE - Great insight into fear. I know that fear in my life made me stand still …really frozen….and listen….and then move on.
Fear is a liar and comes from somewhere very evil! I don’t like it and I don’t want any part of it! Thanks for sharing! You rock!

Tammy - Hi Joan, thanks so much for that! I write what I feel. I totally agree with you in your opinion that politicians utilize fear to their advantage. Pisses me off to no end. We have enough of it in our daily lives. Tell us something useful, something positive, something that’s real. It makes ya think, doesn’t it?

Tammy - Hi Kellie, we both know that information is power. Some things cripple our minds for a moment. It feels a little like being stunned. When we regroup, we are stronger, better, even if we are still afraid. Thanks for sharing yourself with me here. You’re awesome!

Tammy - Hi Mel, I love that line too. Because it is so raw and so true. It leaves little to the imagination. And there should be no wondering about what fear is and what it does. Logic, reason and listening to our heart. It’s what gets us through the rough spots. So VERY happy to have you here. Thanks for the post!

Tammy - Hi Sue, I love, love your outlook. Always have. You are right; fear stops us in our tracks. Too many never move forward. I too believe it comes from an evil place. Anything that debilitating has to. Thanks for the read and the post. Appreciate hearing from you!

Suerae Stein - Ugh… fear. Such an enemy. I am trying to learn to be mindful and to live in the present moment. We fear the future because it is unknown. All we really have is now. And you are right that fear is a liar. We make up our own fears… we lie to ourselves… and we can be very convincing! Great post, as always.

Cynthia - As you know, I dealt with that same fear 3 years ago…it’s a horrible feeling and I’m stronger for getting past it and healing. Thanks for you Tammy.

Susan Smart - Beautiful, Tammy. This piece should be in every cancer publication. We have all been touched one way or another by this horrible disease. Blessings to your loved one. The fight is on, fear will not win.

Tammy - Hi Suerae, always wonderful having you here. You are so right, we do make our own fears and we grow them pretty well too. Not a great habit but one I think we all possess. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve repeated to myself that fear is a liar, but each time I do, I reconnect all over again with that truth. Yup, I talk to myself, which in most instances beats listening to myself. Haa! Thanks ever so for the post!

Tammy - Hi Cynthia, who could forget that moment? Not I. You have emerged stronger. A strength gained by fire I’m sad to say. Proof that it’s how things end that matters, isn’t it? You are a source of beauty, strength and vitality in this world. One I have treasured for many years and will for many more to come. Thanks for that.

Tammy - Hi Susan, yup, the fight is on, and I dare say, I wouldn’t want to be the opponent. Love of life will prevail here. Along with love for each other. Cancer doesn’t always end well. No one knows better than you. I accept your loving blessings, raise them ten fold, and send them back to you, my dear friend. Thanks for being here and for sharing.

Stacey Joy - I had to take a minute to compose myself because this message hits me in many ways.
1) Raped at 18 and had to deal with fear of many things related to it.
2) Mom had terrible claustrophobia that hindered many experiences for us.
3) Mom had a brain tumor that required surgery and radiation MAKING IT IMPERATIVE that she get over her claustrophobia!
4) Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer at age 72…chemo for two years before losing her. She was afraid but I was more fearful for her than she was for herself.
5) Dad died of lung cancer 6 months after my mom (they were divorced and both remarried over 35 years but they say loved ones often can’t survive without each other) hmmmm.
6) I needed to publish my poetry but was afraid of rejection!

In 20/20 hindsight, here’s what I know now. I conquered my fears after being raped with the same courage mom had. I had to be able to move forward. When the bondage in my mind was weaker than my desire to squash it, I did it and so did Mom.

She passed with dignity and grace up til the last breath. She orchestrated her final moments to the tee! She had the courage to pass with her favorite grandson by her side.

I then had to have the courage to tell my stories SHAMELESSLY and that’s what I am committed to doing from now on.

Tammy, thank you for being in my life at the PERFECT time! I will probably not get my school work done tonight because I have to finish reading ALL of these posts!

Blessings and joy to you!

Tammy - Hi Stacey, well, I’d say that you are indeed MY joy today. What a sharing. Thank you. As you can tell from my posts I am a believer in doing all you can with what you have where you are … at the moment. Life isn’t easy for any of us. Some have it harder than others. I might securely venture that this was the case for you. I’ve never known life to be gentle to any of us. Never. But I have known it to be a righteous teacher. One that will not be ignored. Lessons learned. Funny how people go in and out of our lives for a reason. Perhaps this is one of the moments. If so … color me grateful to be a part of it. Thank you for your honest sharing. It is pretty wonderful having you here!

Scott Morgan (@write_hook) - I was once asked on a podcast what my least favorite word is, and it was cancer. Still is. But if all we can do is fight, then fight.

Anne Tichauer - Tammy,

As usual a very, very good article! You never fail to surprise me.

How true, it is the “unknown” that is our fear!

I enjoy your articles very much.

Anne Tichauer

Joan Cooper - How right you are – as usual. Fear is used by governments, parents, bosses – just about in every walk of life. It is effective.

Your father did you a very great service with that thought. How true it is. Fear made me sell a home I loved and I have regreted it every since. Health problems made me “fear” I might have to crawl from room to room and that I needed a small living area. How wrong I was. I recently heard about a woman who does lectures on NOT giving up your bigger home as you age

Was it Winston Churchill who said …’we have nothing to fear but fear itself…’

Joan Cooper

Mel Glenn - Fear may be a liar and a bitch, but there is little you can do about it. Churchill said, “When you are in hell, just go through it.” I had my own cancer scare and the anxiety of waiting was the most upsetting part of of it.
You do a valuable service as a writer and coach to help people cross the bridge of fear into safety.

Laura Lee Carter aka the Midlife Crisis Queen - My new mantra:
Everything is OK right now, and there is only right now.

Tammy - Scott, so few words, so mighty in their meaning. Thanks for that! Appreciate the post!

Tammy - Anne, so happy to know that you are on the other side of my posts. Awesome! I’ve heard it said many a time…”better to face the devil we know than the one we don’t”. Bunk! Thanks, Anne, for stopping by and posting. Appreciate it tons!

Tammy - Joan, Fear is a tool wielded by many an organization and religion. But it is the fear in our own minds and hearts that speak the loudest. As your sharing would attest. Fear itself, is indeed, the only thing we have to really watch out for. That Churchill was one smart cookie! Always happy to hear from you, Joan!

Linda D'Ae-Smith - Such a wise father!

Tammy - Mel, thanks for the kind review! I’d like to think that I can do a lot about my inner fear. Not an easy task, that’s for damn sure. But my mind is the master of my fear. Yes, waiting IS the hardest part. The anxiety level is excruciating. As they say “all is well that ends well.” I am waiting for that outcome. Thanks, ever so, for the post!

Tammy - Laura Lee, I LOVE your new mantra! Thanks so much for sharing it here! Appreciate the post.

Suerae Stein - Yes, for sure, fear sucks. Overcoming it might be one of the biggest obstacles in our lives. But, I guess I have to admit that there are such things as healthy doses of fear. But only small doses might be healthy. Not the heaping piles that we often encounter! I hope your friend is doing ok. 🙂

Tammy - Hi Suerae, I agree, there is the good kind of fear that keeps you from jumping off a cliff, but the kind of fear that shuts you down, cripples your logic and overtakes your heart is not a good thing to allow to fester. Bad news always brings with it a fear factor. Mastering it, taming it, well, that’s the real crust of the matter, isn’t it? Great to hear from you, thanks ever so much for the visit and the post!

Tammy - Linda, you got that right. Funny how when I was young I thought he didn’t know a thing in the world. Turns out he was a smart old bird. Thanks for stopping in! Wildly appreciate the post!

Nancy Wurtzel - Great post, Tammy. It was as if you were talking right to me. Thank you for sharing and I wish your loved-one with the health issue the best.

Tammy - Hi Nancy, Gee, I thought I was always talking to you *giggle*. Fear is something we all wrangle with every single day. Yup. Thanks for the kind wishes. Keeping fingers crossed and head leveled. So appreciate hearing from you!

Malissa - Hi Tammy,
I got this while I was sitting in the waiting room for my aunt , she was getting a colonoscopy. They callede back and the Dr. Told me she has cancer, and it had to be taken out she just turned 89 , he said if it has spread chemo would be next but people her age don’t handle it well. So ok now the fear sets in, she has not reacted to it yet , I told her to think nothing but positive thoughts they will get it and she will be fine. I need to tell myself the same thing because I am not ready to lose my wonderful ,caring, giving, loving aunt. I am so thankful for her she has been there for me and everyone else all her life and I’ve had the joy of her living with us for almost 3 yrs now since mom mom past. A life saver for me during that time. She is a gem!
I hope your loved one has a good out come with there cancer treatment. Hug for you girlfriend!

Tammy - Malissa, hugs to you right back. Cancer is a tough deal no matter who you are or what kind it is. Sending prayers and good thoughts your way. Blessings to your aunt. We don’t have the people in our lives forever. Sometimes we forget that. I hope that you won’t allow fear to rule your heart during this time. It will not be kind to you. It never is. As for me, I am keeping my heart filled with good thoughts, my mind with positive information, and my actions are very pro-active. If all I can do it love, then love I will. Thank you, Malissa, for sharing!

Kellie - Being a Cancer Survivor myself I get it! Fear is nasty and unkind. That’s why over coming dear is the best!

Virginia Sullivan - Powerful post Tammy, my good thoughts are with you. I love “fear is a liar” and to hear it today was very good for me. Recently I’ve also heard about accepting fear – of welcoming it as a part of life so that it disappates. And, for me- that helps too. Somehow when I do that it makes me feel more in control of an uncontrolable situation. Take care, V

Tammy - Virginia, thanks, I agree. Powerful, I think, because it talks about something powerful, something I think that none of us escape, fear. I know what it’s like to need to get a handle on an uncontrollable situation. There is so much out of our reach. But so much that we can touch and affect in ourselves. Thank you, Virginia, for the good thoughts. I’ll take them! And I return them ten fold to you, my friend. Blessings to us both! So happy you stopped in for a visit. Appreciate the post!

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