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Get your mind out of the gutter. The new euphemism stands for “What’s The Future?”. It all started with OMG, followed by LOL which quickly progressed into LMAO and ROTFL. It wasn’t long before girls were discussing their BF and their BFF’s and telling their parents they would BRB. It all adds up to TMI […]

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Mel Glenn - What a wonderful and witty column (WWC) (LI) Loved it. You are a savior of the English language (SEL) Please keep writing (PKW) in the long, establish form, of course.

Kellie - Oh Ya Twitter has made it very difficult to write anything that’s for sure. I was told the other day TOO many words! I too along with my mother send REAL cards! I still don’t know most of the words. I say to other people. WHAT????

MerCyn - Thank you for my daily dose of information I will quickly forget, a symptom of my age. GTG (got to go).

Joan Cooper - Well – along with the “paperless” world of the computer! Never mind Jeff – do not tell me I don’t use the computer correctly.

Maybe we will have a universal language after all.

HAK (love it)

joan cooper

Jeffrey Davidson - OMG, this is so true!

One of my BFF’s commented on this also and I said “FYI my BFF it is the WOTF, so GUTI.”

He said that “The lack of VC makes things SI that it’s a shame.”

I said that “most people SDNC about things being SI. It is SME to communicate when you do NHTT and you do not have to WIL.”

It seems that with AT people find that they CGMA if they do not have to PC.

Of course in a RR it may be better to PCV even though TS plays such a major role.

OW! I guess TL.

Of course, since there is no adequate lexicon for the myriad of abbreviations and there are no grammatical rules with regards to the abbreviations, it would be as though people are speaking different languages.

Communication is fundamental to socialization, working together, sharing knowledge and ideas. Misinterpretation leads to many problems. It is too easy to misunderstand and misinterpret all of these abbreviations.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“The greatest fallacy of communication is the illusion that it has been achieved.”

Enough said!

OMG – oh my God
BFF – best friends forever
FYI – for your information
WOTF – wave of the future
GUTI – get used to it
VC – verbal communication
SNDC – simp;ly do not care
SI – so impersonal
SME – so much easier
NHTT – not have to talk
WIL – write in longhand
AT – advanced technology
CGMA – can get more accomplished
PC – personally communicate
RR – romantic relationship
PCV – personally communicate verbally
TS – tactile stimulation
OW – oh well
TL – Where is that lexicon?

Carol - As always Tammy, you are a master of the written word! Always look forward to Witty Woman Writing. Many thanks for an enjoyable read!

Tammy - Hi Carol, thanks! I had such fun with this post, it just flowed out. I needed to use my own key word reference. I’m ridiculous. So glad you enjoyed the read and ever so glad you are here! Thanks for the post!

Tammy - Oh my gosh, Jeffrey, you are awesome! I now understand that it must have taken some time to get through my post if you didn’t know the acronyms. You went all out, Mr. Davidson. Kudos! You mentioned something that I should have absolutely touched on; that misinterpretation does lead to problems, hurt feelings, cost over rides and bloody noses. Abbreviated nonsense only complicates matters. Thanks for bringing it up! This was such fun, but I think I will stick to the good old fashion way of writing. By that I mean sarcastic and in long hand. Haa! Thanks for being here and for the post. It was great!

Tammy - Hi Mel, wasn’t that kind of fun? In a novel kind of way, of course. I stand by my ‘keep it real’ soapbox. I will absolutely KW (keep writing) only if you promise to KR (keep reading). Thanks ever so for the post. You know I appreciate having you here.

Tammy - Hi Kellie, it’s all a learning process and a a royal pain in the butt. But the worst part of it all is the criminal desecration of the English language. Bah! I’m all about progress, but it just feels like this is moving backwards, like in the time when cavemen grunted as their form of communication. Glad you enjoyed the read. So very happy to have you here.

Tammy - Hi MerCyn, you are most welcome. But I would most likely consider this an OVER dose of information. It’s a sign of the times I’m afraid. But I don’t have to like it or go gently into the night. Yeah, like that’s going to happen. Thanks for the post. You, my dear, are awesome!

Tammy - Hi Joan, I’ve often thought the universal language was music. I might still be right, cuz it sure isn’t this pop culture stuf. (Did I just sound like an old bitty?) HAK (hugs and kisses) to you. Thanks ever so much for being here!

Political Confessions

I have an ugly confession to make. As much as I spout the talk and tout the right to vote; there was one time that I chose NOT to vote for the presidency of the United States. Me, a woman, who knows full well about the suffrage movement, the sacrifices and the suffering that so […]

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mercyn - It is a shame more people today do not have your grandfather’s perspective on politics and country.

Tammy - Mercyn, agreed. It’s one thing to be a devout party liner, it’s quite another to not stand behind your country’s leader. Gramps was a smart old bird. Miss him still. Thanks for the read and the post, Mercyn. Great having you here!

David Rosenberg - Hey Tammy –
Just got turned on to your blog by SW and I’ve enjoyed every word. Will be watching the “debate” tonight, but I have read that the candidates have gotten the questions in advance, so maybe we’ll get some well-considered answers to some predictable questions.


I have learned that no president has the power to do much of anything, short of declaring “National Pooper Scooper Day.” Without a reasonable, rational congress – adjectives notable by their absence lately – very little of value will be done. And no president, not one, has the power to create more jobs. Any candidate who says they know how to do that and can, is a prevaricatin’ fool.

Anyway, as they say, vote early and often.

Kellie - Tammy
I too have voted Democrat and Republican in my life time. I started as a registered democrat in my younger years, then Independant now a registered Republican. I see the issue being MOST people vote the way they have been told to all their life. Not by their life experiences as a human being, so they can make better choices when going to the voting booth. Most people really have very little knowledge of how politics work and what their parties platform actually stands for. Funny, I see people who are against abortion and gay marriage vote democrat … why because that is how they have always been taught by family members. Not following their heart and own belief system … being a follower not a leader. Same with people who ONLY vote Republican but are more left leaning towards social issues. Neither way of thinking incorrect or only way. But I respect people who vote THEIR own belief system and not being pressured by outside sources. I also respect people (like yourself) that admit they may have voted wrong. I voted wrong in my first election (in my opinion) I was young and voted for President Carter. I look back now and see his time as Presidenct as a horror. But I admit to voting for him. Those people who voted for Obama in 2008 but know realize they would have chosen differently now after 4 years of his track record…I respect so much more. why because honesty in anyone especially when you can admit an error is a great quality.

maureen - Your grandfather must have been a fascinating guy – so many rich life experiences that most of us don’t – won’t – ever get. Good and bad, seems as tho the old days had more lessons to teach than nowadays. Thanks for another great post!

Joan Cooper - Bravo. Yes, we have to work with what we have albeit not perfect.

The system is the problem. I am for shutting Wash. DC down as it is a country to itself, and we are all Roman slaves. Rich or poor – you pay for incompetence, waste galore, power grabs etc etc etc.

I want the States to have more power and more money – not the central government. I want to be first in line marching into Wash DC victorias as a free people. A seasoned
Senator from New England gave an interview recently and he said the changes have to come from the grass roots – they will not come from Wash DC. I am ready.

With my bare hands, I will tear down the monument to Abe Lincoln – the man who destroyed a large part of this country on a trumped up ‘do good’ slogan (abolish slavery), to take American’s property and life away for more money for government. Oh yes, did I mention, they left those so called slaves in the field to starve. They did nothing for them after they destroyed their way of life. What is anyone doing about slavery in our time?

Socialism has never worked anywhere it was implemented. As long as government is so tied to money, it will not help the people. Look at the fiasco of the mortgage business. Government told the banks to help, but then made no laws to protect the customers and the banks did just as they pleased. It is a shell game.

So sad – humans have still not risen above greed. Money is all.

The vote is all we have, but it is pretty useless. The electoral vote should be eliminated and a popular vote put in place.

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Hi David, welcome! So glad you enjoyed the read. I hope you subscribed for my once a week rant. It would be wonderful having you in the neighborhood. You’re right, of course, the president is far more restricted than most people think as to what he can and cannot do. But the office can still get us in a bit of hot water with executive orders and such. I watched the debate last night as was a wee bit surprised at the docile attitude displayed by our president. I think the talking heads and fact checkers will have much to contribute today. I’ll tune in next time, no doubt about it. But the calculated untruths that are propagated are more than disconcerting. It really is such a mess, but it’s our mess. So yes, I agree … vote early and often! A big thank you to SW for sending you my way. Thanks for posting!

Tammy - Hi Kellie, I so agree with you. It might be a generational thing. I believe as time passes that our younger Americans are less inclined to vote their parents affiliation. We exchanged tweets last night during the debate, as did millions of others. It was, for me, a bit surprising. As you know from my tweets, I was less than thrilled with the moderator. Forums like this are imperative to the American people. I love our system of putting it all out there. I just wish they were both tethered to a lie detector machine while they presented their side of things. Wouldn’t that be something?! So happy to have you hear, and thanks ever so for the post!

Tammy - Thanks Maureen, gramps was a pretty awesome guy. I hope we never see the hardships he faced (heaven forbid), but if we do, I hope I can be as resourceful and strong as he was. Interesting debate last night to say the least! Thanks for sharing!

Tammy - Joan, I didn’t doubt that you would have something to say on this subject. So happy you dropped by. While we don’t always agree, we do agree to disagree. I happen to favor giving individual states more say and more money than at the federal level. But if there were no federal government, I believe we would be the lesser for it in many ways. Make no mistake, local government is just as corrupt. I also happen to agree with the idea that the electoral votes should be diminished in stature and importance and the popular vote count for more. There is so much lobbying and corrupt buying of votes going on that it is impossible to regulate and monitor. It’s a big mess … but it’s our mess. And I appreciate living in a country where two opposing sides standoff in front of the country with their views and proposed legislation’s. If only there was a way we could get them to always tell the truth. Good luck with that! Thanks for the post!

Linny - Amen sister!

Kellie - Hey Tammy,
Ya I heard both ways on moderator. I think we are all so used to the other way been done for years perhaps just need to get the feel down for new format. Although, I THINK Obama is wishing for the use of a Mulligan right now. see how clever I was using a golf term and Obama. I am one smart chick! 2 more debates and 1 VP debate. God I don’t think I can handle anymore train wrecks, but just like the real ones … hard to look away.

Tammy - Amen back to you, Linny!! Happy to have you here!

Eularee Smith - I have finally given up on the hope of achieving world peace in my lifetime when we can’t even produce a civil tongue in our elections. It seems that gas needs to be thrown on the fires, in order for votes to be pledged and money to be raised.
I, too, am a declared Independent but I have had many a friend question the rationale behind that. But what it means is I vote. It matters not to me if the candidate is Republican or Democrat or Mormon or Catholic, or red head or brunette. I vote. I don’t care who backed the bill, wrote the article or lobbied for its passage. I vote. Doesn’t mean that my vote is right or wrong. It is a declaration of my opinion. That is the freedom we were granted as citizens of this country. I may not agree with the laws, I may not like the man who is President, but this is the country that I pledge allegiance. Therefore, it is not only a right but a duty for knowledgeable citizens to vote their conscience, not necessarily their party. I wonder what would happen if we were all registered Independent. Would that reunite us?

Tammy - Hi Eularee, such a well stated post, thanks for sharing. It brings to mind how we, as children, would always start the school day saying the pledge of allegiance to our flag. Somewhere along the line that well established habit was dropped. We are the worse for it. You’re right; it is our country that we pledge our allegiance to, not our president. Emotions run so how and there is such a dug in mentality of “them” and “us”. Uniting America would most likely take a terrible catastrophe. We saw it when 9-11 hit. There were no republicans or democrats. We were ALL American’s. Flags hung in abundance on every house. Politics were not discussed, they held little meaning. As we know, the sentiment didn’t last long. I’m not sure what the answer is. But I will be voting this election, even though I’m not at entirely confident in either candidate. I’m thrilled you are here and thank you for your post!

I knew I was in trouble when …

A few years back, I went to a hypnotist in hopes of helping me with my memory. What was I saying? While he was trying to put me under, he told me to go to my happy place. My what? I sat there struggling to think of what my happy place was. Then I broke […]

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Adam D. Oglesby - Good for you, Tammy. You’ve got me feeling all warm and fuzzy and uplifted.

Unfortunately, that short period of bliss doesn’t last long for me. About the time I close this post I’ll probably be back to my grumpy, grouchy, pessimistic self.

Enjoyed the read.

Joan Cooper - Well Tammy – I promised myself never to clutter up your otherwise happy blog again, but here I am.

First of all, most of us, most of the time, live by the myths we were brought up with. Get rid of the myths and realize life for what it is. Marriage itself needs a complete overhaul – times change. Too much is expected of it. No one – no one can be the same person at 55 that they were at 25. Life is a river – flow with it. I do not recommend ignoring responsibility – I myself lived a life of responsibility – I just didn’t know it would take a lifetime.

I believe happiness comes from inside yourself. No one outside gives it to you, although they can provide love, fun, companionship etc etc.


Joan Cooper

Mel Glenn - Nice column – you show clearly that elusive happiness is work, and a realization that you have to go out and get it. It takes bravery, too.
Good for you. I wish you a GPS of happy places.

Kellie - Great post and excellent observation. My happy place is always when I am relaxing at yoga. So when I need to go to my “happy place” I place myself meditating on a beach with warmth hitting my face. It works for me everytime … especially in the dreaded MRI machines!!! YIKES

Ande - Tammy!

What I love BEST about your writing is your ability to be so transparent and share thoughts many of us have but do not know how to express so eloquently with written words.

Thank you for reminding us happiness is a state of mind, a choice, and often something we choose to create in our life… it doesn’t just happen.

You know how much I love Happy Ever After endings… so thrilled to read about yours – CONGRATS!


Tammy - Dear Grumpy, grouchy, pessimistic Adam, happy you enjoyed the read. Uplifting? Hmm, probably not. Truthful? Completely. Happy endings come even to old farts like me. The truth is I am hopefully far from my end and therefore have plenty of time to screw things up or make them even better. It’s a coin toss. But I will lean heavily towards the ‘better’ part of the equation. Thanks for stopping in and posting!

Tammy - Hi Mel, always so happy to hear from you. I learned (the hard way) that you will never get where you are going if you don’t know where it is you want and need to be. Duh! So GPS is a good thing to have! Happiness is something I always expected to just ‘be there’ if I did everything that was expected of me. False! Being true to yourself is the petro that drives the machine that gets to the destination. Gee, that sounded deep. So happy you are here. Really!

Tammy - Kellie, I imagine that a ‘happy place’ is needed in the dreaded MRI machine. Wonderful for you that you have your Yoga. My happy places (notice that it’s a plural?) are memories of happy times with loving people. A kind of portal, if you will, that transplants me to a calm and joyous moment. Thanks for sharing, it’s what we do best, isn’t it?

Tammy - Hi Ande, in all the movies and fairy tales, the happily ever after comes to everyone who is good hearted and worthy. In real life, the opposite may possibly be true. As you well know, happiness isn’t guaranteed, nor is it a ‘given’. It turns out we have to plan and work for it. Just like in a marriage; it’s not enough to be with the right person, we must always work to grow and continue a loving journey. Fortunately, I found that happiness was waiting like an impatient child to re-enter my life. And we have been bound together ever since. It’s all in the knowing. Thanks for the compliment (blush). you know I call ’em as I see ’em. Wonderful hearing from you! Thanks for the read and the post.

Tammy - Hi Joan, I’ve always jokingly said that marriage should have a lease option. After 10 years you could opt out or renew the lease. Haa! Of course, it is a whimsical thought. I know a few couples in their 80’2 that have been married for over 50 years. They are as happy as happy can be. The idea of it all is that we are to grow together, sharing life’s ups and downs. Of course the reality for many is that they grow apart. We agree that true bliss comes from within. Finding it in ourselves is a journey of its own. Thanks for the read and for the post. Good to have you here!

Ande - Hi Tammy,

Yup, happiness is a choice… in fact, the only thing we really have control over in our lives is our thoughts.

Listening to Byron Katie really helped me learn how to Love What Is… her four questions are so powerful, especially ‘who would you be without that thought?’

Of course, a delicious glass of wine can also produce a level of happiness that I truly enjoy. 🙂

With gratitude and appreciation for your thoughtful posts,


Tammy - Ande, interesting! I often quiet the thoughts in my head. They generally tell me that I can’t or shouldn’t do or try something I deep down inside know I can do. I believe it to be fear disguised as my voice. I think we listen to ourselves more than we hear anyone else. Not always a good thing. My gratitude goes to you, dear Ande, for being such an honest and faithful reader. Kudos, my friend, it is wonderful having you here.

Nancy Wurtzel - Wow, thanks for the great post, Tammy. You have reminded me of priorities that sometimes get lost in the day-to-day of life. Thanks for the wake-up call — I tweeted your post as well! All the best, Nancy

Tammy - Hi Nanacy, thanks for the RT and the kind review! Wake up calls are not something I generally pay attention to. I’m not sure why I was so vulnerable when I got this one, but man, it shook my cage and changed the course of my life. Go figure. I so appreciate your post and knowing you are on the other side of my weekly rants. Thanks for that!

Is there such a thing as righteous prejudice?

I realize that this is a touchy subject. But these past couple of weeks had me steeped in unwanted and volatile conversation about it. The Bible talks about it, Romans partook in it, and if we fast forward centuries, it is still going strong. Why are we, as a nation, so obsessed with judging who […]

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mercyn - Right on!

mickey - Said perfectly! You know my family practices diversity to its very core- I thank you for your wonderful words, and for your friendship.

Joan Cooper - The answer is……..and you know I cannot just say 2 or 3 words……..the answer is FEAR.

This is the great tool government vis a vis politicians use relentlessly to control people. America was founded on ideals (bless our founders), not reality.

People seem to feel kindly toward you if they see you are in some way less virile than they are, ie, handicapped, old etc. Your article on sociality pointed that out. I can tell you as an old lady somewhat crippled with arthritis, when I smile people rush to help me. That is their good side and it comes to the surface because they are not afraid of me. I am harmless and less than they are.

America is a rich place, therefore to mobs of people like the Middle East, they are to be feared because those people are poor without much hope. From there we move to dislike and hate. A prime example is Israel. Israel is very successful – the countries around them are not. Has nothing to do with religion or right or wrong.

Thank you for letting me blog.

Joan Cooper

Rick Gualtieri - It would be so nice to live in a world where this isn’t even remotely newsworthy…where anything to do with race, sexual orientation etc is met with no more shock than the day’s weather or what color socks someone is wearing.

Vicki - Amen!!!

Mel Glenn - You write the good column full of humane expectations. Unfortunately, people do not listen to their better angels, if indeed, they have better angels. When we put someone down, it is the psychological ploy o raising ourselves up. People need to tell thee universe (in the words of Stephen Crane, “Universe, I exist.” The universe need not reply.
I doubt seriously people will change, or mind their own business, when others people’s business is a threat to them. You are wise to point out that we should not be judgmental.
You are fighting the good fight your Don Quixoteness.

Tammy - Hi Mercyn, great having you in my corner! Thanks for stopping in to say so.

Tammy - Hi Mickey, you are welcome, dear friend. I knew when I wrote this piece that some would dis-engage. So far, I’ve only had one person who UN-subscribed. The beauty of a fee country. Blessing and kisses to you and your beautiful family.

Tammy - Hi Rick, yes …. can you imagine what a wonderful world it would be? Thanks for the read and the post!

Tammy - Hi Vicki, yup, sing it out sister! Happy to have you here. Miss hearing from you but heard your voice today loud and clear! Thanks for that!

Tammy - Hi Mel, we are birds of a feather, you and I. I too doubt that people will stop the hating, the prejudice. Many a pity. For a person to place themselves in a position where they feel they must regulate, dominate, doubt, distrust and oppress, we are all in trouble and civilization suffers a blow. But you, my friend, already know that. Still, we must not remain silent, for our voices always counts. Fighting the good fight. Thanks for being there with me!

Tammy - Hi Joan, I agree totally with you (are you shocked?). Fear leads us to hate. What we don’t understand we often fear and what we fear we often look to destroy. Some people just want and need to feel better than others. As Mel pointed out, the exalting is often done while standing on someone else. Jealously comes in to play. People don’t want to share their rights, their country, their religion, their plot of land with those that don’t look, sound and act like them. If we all thought like that this country would be ‘Mine’ and ‘Yours’ instead of ‘Ours’. Therein lies the necessity to accept, strengthen each other and work for one cause. I often wonder, especially in these precarious times, how freedom can stand a chance when we as a people can’t seem to stop fighting over issues such as this. That is why I thought it was important for me to speak up. My voice is my biggest weapon against in-equality. Silence only feeds the monster. Thank me for letting you blog??? Oh, my dear, thank YOU for being here!

Jeffrey Davidson - Tammy,

Beautifully presented!

Think of a song from South Pacific by Rodgers and Hammerstein (who, incidentally, had social commentary songs in all of their Broadway plays) “You’ve Got To Be Carefully Taught.”

People are not born with prejudices, they are taught.

Diversity makes the world go round. I am a firm believer that there is more to learn from people who are different that you than from those just like you.

I truly wish that there were no prejudices so that I might be free to say “I don’t like “so and so” because of their character or what they represent and not because of race, religion, national origin, sexual preferences, etc.

Perhaps that is idealistic, however, I can wish and hope can’t I?

I find that most people who are prejudice are of low self-esteem and certainly lacking in character. Many people feel that by “putting down” another, builds them up.

I try to live my life and conduct my business in a way that lets others decide my worth based on my character, integrity, personality, etc., and not because I tell you how “bad” others are to make me look good.

I have had an opportunity to meet your daughter only once and I can honestly say that my first impressions of her were exactly as you have indicated. You obviously did a good job there.

Hopefully your writings will cause others to reflect upon their inner feelings and to see how much life has to offer when happily shared with those who are different.

Although I am not religious in a structured way, I too believe that God would never tell people to judge and hate based on differences. I think that those who do hate based on subjective attitudes and consider themselves to be religious are hypocritical.

If you like, I will be happy to provide you with some names and addresses of parents who could definitely use your guidance for rearing children. Perhaps you could start with the person who unsubscribed (no loss to you)!

Keep up the sensitive and thought provoking commentary as well as your witty writings.

I certainly look forward to them.

maureen - I always say don’t tell me what goes on in your bedroom cause I have not intention of telling you what goes on in mine! Why do people think they have a right to such personal information? It used to be that you didn’t even ask how much money a person made, never mind who…kinda like those days better. Love is such a limited commodity in these times, why should anyone want to make it more difficult? Glad that you are speaking out on this subject!!

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, You made my day. I hate to see readers leave. Hate it. But if you don’t stand up for what you believe and think, what’s the point in it all? As the saying goes “If you haven’t made any enemies, you haven’t stood for anything”. I stand for plenty. Jeff, you are SO right on when you say that we learn more from those that are different from us rather than those who are the same. Amen! And learning is the point of life. So is loving, forgiving and sharing. Thanks for your kind words towards my kidlet. She is a fine upstanding young adult that I am proud to know, happy to be with and blessed to have had the job of raising her. Isn’t lovely that you and I are so different in so many ways and so much the same in so many more?! I’m thrilled to have you on the other side of my blog and thank you for stopping by today and posting. The pleasure is always mine.

Tammy - Hi Maureen, I agree! I see peeps boycotting Chic-Fillet because the company’s owner gravely disapproves of gays. Then I see people boycotting the boycotters. Oy! What no one was mentioning is that many of the stores are individually owned franchises run by people like you and me who wanted to own their own business and build the American dream. How in the world did gay bashing/gay supporting get involved in that? I’m sure that many owners of franchises everywhere are Christians, Jews, Buddhists, etc., etc., etc. I’m with you, girl; I don’t want to tell anyone what goes on in my bedroom (probably bore them to death) and I certainly don’t wish to be judged on it. People need to understand their limitations in a civil society. Why aren’t they out there bashing child and animal abuse, crimes against the earth and genocide? All right…I’ll stop ranting. Thanks ever so much for your thought provoking post! Love knowing you are just on the other side of the blog fence!

Joan Cooper - You have stated the larger picture, but remember – the jungle is still in us. Above all we are moved to survive and if we feel threatened, we act and maybe not so nicely.

America is an exercise in assimilation. It takes time and look at the large ethnic population here. Will they assimilate or not? Will our form of Democracy survive? Or not?

Joan Cooper - Rick – then there will be no boundaries. That is the track we are on. Does it really make a better world?

Without boundaries there is no civilization. We need to dispell the ‘myths’ and deal with reality.

Tammy - Hi Joan, I think that what Rick was saying is that it would be a wonderful world if there were no prejudices to deal with. Of course, it is but a dream, but such a pleasant thought!

Joan Cooper - Right. I don’t have enough time to say everything I want to say. I do the blog in a hurry.

The word “prejudice” is not evil in itself. Let’s replace it with the word “preference”. I like to think I can have preferences. If you call that prejudice, well too bad. One persons’ prejudice may be another persons’ experience. If you are not going to judge – then why judge prejudice? The word has a bad smell? Take it out of the dictionary.

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Joan, it is NOT the word ‘prejudice’ that is so unlikeable, it is the actions of many that follow it.

Joan Cooper - But – why should anyone judge what another person’s feelings are? It may be prejudice to one, but it might be a careful analysis to another.

I don’t have your gift of gab and do not express what I am trying to say as well as you do.

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Joan, the very definition of the word ‘prejudice’ is that it is a preformed opinion based on insufficient knowledge, irrational feelings or inaccurate stereotypes. There is NO careful analysis to prejudice, it is in fact the opposite. When it becomes more than an opinion, but rather turns into an action, it becomes even more disgusting. When groups congregate at a gay fallen soldiers grave as he is being buried holding anti gay slogans and chanting that he deserved to die, that, my friend, is the epitome of prejudice. No good can come of it, and I simply don’t have the time, energy or patience to deal with the ignorance of it all. Prejudice is NOT an opinion, it is a racist way of life and thinking. That’s pretty much all I have to say on the subject. Lovely bantering with you!

Joan Cooper - Tammy – one person’ s informed opinion is another person’s assumption. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and if someone sees that as ‘prejudice’ maybe they themselves are the one who is prejudiced. The word is misused and abused.

Joan Cooper

Suerae Stein - I am SO SO SO with you on this one, girlfriend! I couldn’t have said it better and commend you for making your point so elegantly, even to those who disagree with you. I wish I had your “gift of gab”! ~ Suerae

Tammy - Hi Suerae, thanks for stopping in to share and support. Always a good thing. I didn’t know I had the gift of gab until I was told. An awesome compliment that I will snap up and claim. I have no problem whatsoever with anyone disagreeing with me, that’s the truth. Conversations are the only way we can ‘come to terms’, if that is even possible these days. Let us hope so. I am hopeful that you will be sharing your gifts on your blog soon. You have so much to offer, and offer it you do! Thanks for popping in!

Dr.Rev. Michaels - Prejudice = the Holocaust

Tammy - Dr. Rev. Michaels, agreed! Thanks for the read and the comment!

I love you just the way you are. Now change!

Oh sweetheart, I love you, you’re perfect for me. Well, there may be just a few things we should talk about. Welcome to the world of real relationships. No matter how much you are in love, and how wonderful your partner is, there is usually an agenda – yours and theirs. Agendas come with the […]

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Rick Gualtieri - Congratulations on getting a second chance!

Oh and just for the record, I have yet to fully learn that lesson about leaving polo shirts untucked. 🙂

Mel Glenn - What an astute and compassionate column. The bottom line is that people don’t change, though they may bend a bit. It’s what you’re willing to put up with. As a wag once said, “Marriage is at first passion, then irritation.” A smart, full disclosure column, well-done.

Scott Morgan - Pitch perfect, Tammy. Not a word I wouldn’t agree with.

The amazing thing is, I don’t want to change anybody at all, yet no one believes me. Seriously, I don’t want people to change for me and more than I will change for them (and I won’t). And people know that about me, yet they can’t seem to wrap their heads around it. They keep waiting for the other shoe. And I’m not even wearing shoes.

Love this post. High-5 to you. And to your second chance at love. Whatever the hell love is supposed to mean …

Joan Cooper - I used to blame men for everything. And they are out in front more than women, but I finally realized that it isn’t the men – it is the women. Woman’s role is to love the man – made in God’s (?) image? Love is unconditional and an iron clad commitment. It is woman’s role to love without critizing. Suggest perhaps, but no critizing. Think of the effect that would have on civilization.

It is, after all, up to us ladies. Only we can change the world from the heart up. Love your man without finding fault. He will pass that glow he feels out into the world.

Carmen - Truly a very down to earth and honest observation on your part. Agree with you 100%.
Keep your great articles coming!

Jeffrey Davidson - I love you just the way you are as long as you change a few “simple” things. Hmmm! And why did I fall in love with you?

If you make a loving commitment hoping to change someone, it is doomed to failure. It is obviously not the person you fell in love with, rather the person you want to make that person into. Stepford Wives?

A relationship should be built on love, caring, understanding, sharing and compromise (plus a bunch of other stuff too!).

That means that one should be willing on any given occasion to place the other person in the relationship ahead of themselves.

I think that in any relationship there should be you, me and us. Do not give up your individuality. Learn to share and appreciated the interests and desires of your loving partner but do not give up yours. Resentment will surely follow.

On a lighter note, remember…
Rule #1 Your partner is always right
Rule #2 When your partner is wrong, re-read rule #1.

Keep up the great, informative, insightful and often times entertaining writing.

maureen - As usual, another great post. I try to focus on the positive things and ignore the not-so-positive…not always successful tho!!

Adam D. Oglesby - Good post.

Full disclosure? Are you serious? Full disclosure is not a recipe for getting the girl/guy. It’s might actually guarantee that they make a mad dash for the hills!

Your meth habit, your incarceration, your illegitimate eight children–this is not the stuff from which great relationship are made.

Me, I’m a fan of letting it trickle out real slow, after your lives are so intertwined that they can’t put your ass out on the street even if they wanted to.

How’s that for being forthcoming?

Pamela O'Mack - Right on, Tammy! I think there should be a law that you can’t get married until you are 30!! What the hell does anyone of us know in our 20’s? We have great sex snd think it’s love. We are always on our best behaviour, never showing any bad habits or disagreeing with the “love of your life!” then you get married, have kids and things start to slip. You tend to show your bad habits and don’t have any problem disagreeing. Some people are lucky to make it through the 20’s and some of us don’t, but I was also lucky to have that second chance and in my late 30’s I found what real love was. He loved me just the way I was and I loved him just the way he was! Do you call that maturity?

Kellie - Tammy
Love this topic. I have been single a loooong time. Never remarried after my brief young marriage. Never lived with a boyfriend. They have their own place … I have mine. (first off …my opinion) don’t marry until you are 30. Do your 20’s up big time. date … allot. Travel and experience. Then you have so much more to bring to the table when you do decide to do the marriage deal. Once I realized just how long I have lived alone, I knew that I would have to meet someone and full disclosure would be HUGE for me. Why would I marry and do the non-disclosure routine at this age (like we all do in our younger years). I am a true believer in compromise now at the age of 50. I love the idea of your list of faults or likes and presenting this to our partners prior to living with or marriage. H’m would we still make the same choices with that partner if we did make this type of list? I think if you have met the correct person you would move forward. Otherwise, presenting the list and trying to change that list off the bat would be a red flag. I am still waiting for my partner to come along. I don’t expect at this age to find “my perfect” mate without faults. I have so many myself. I expect to find a man who respects me, I respect him. We find more good things about each other and embrace them. Rather than being annoyed or try to change the bad ones.

Tammy - Hi Rick, thanks for stopping in, always happy to have you. Thanks also for the congrats! I can help you to understand the whole Polo shirt concept (Isn’t it just like a woman to try to ‘help’ you change your ideas?). Polo shirts, my darling, are casual wear. They have longer hems in the back so as to be worn outside your pants. They come in all kinds of wonderful colors and something tells me you would look good in all of them. They are not, and will never be, dress shirts. You’re welcome … (ahem) and no charge. That being said, if it makes your heart sing to wear them tucked in, then by all means screw everyone else and live the dream. I’m behind you all the way! Thanks for the post!

Tammy - Hi Mel, bending a bit is a good thing. If it works for the mighty oak tree, it can work for us. You are SO right, it does come down to what we are willing to put up with. Spoken by a man who knows a thing or two about the subject – yes? Thanks for the read and for sharing.

Tammy - Hi Pamela, I do call that maturity, but I also call it Karma. Good people should and do gravitate to good people. It doesn’t always happen, but when it does, the angels sing. I’m beyond happy that they sang for you. You’re right; of course, we know nothing when we are in our twenties. We bounce around thinking we do, and if we are lucky, we make some good choices. Second chances are gifts. I think we are all given them, but not everyone has the courage to take them. I’m happy knowing that you are on the other side of my blog. Thanks for posting!

Tammy - Hi Scott, as it always seems to be the case, we are on the same page. Are you sure we aren’t related? I don’t ask for change anymore either. I found the request was illogical and had a snow balls chance in hell of happening anyway. I ask for consideration and compromise. Those seem to work so much better when offered. You, sir, are a rarity. Here’s hoping you stay that way. As to what love really is … that just might be another post some day. Always grateful for the visit and always love the comment!

Tammy - Hi Maureen, I get it! I have done and sometimes still do the very same thing. Sometimes, however, it takes me to the place called ‘denial’. Not an awesome place to live. It’s sometimes hard to know if you’re being positive or just living in denial. The proof is in the happiness. So glad you enjoyed the read and stopped by to say so. Thanks for that!

Tammy - Hi Carmen, good to hear from you. Happy you enjoyed the read. ‘Down to earth’ is my middles name. ‘Queen’ would be my first. (snicker). Thanks for stopping by and posting

Tammy - Hi Joan, I always feel fortunate when you grace my comment page. You always have something to say that makes us think. We don’t always agree, but I love that about our ‘relationship’. I gave your comment some thought, and while I can’t ever imagine myself as having a totally committed role to my man to the point where I would never offer any criticism; I might suggest that your thought just might be right. What a world it would be if good men passed that kind of love and devotion out to the universe. The problem, I believe, lies in the finding of the ‘good men’. Living now, for 59 years, I would offer that while there are many out there, there are also many out there that are driven by greed, violence, hate and arrogance. I doubt very much that they are like that because a good woman didn’t give him her all. Such good conversation, Joan! Always a pleasure having you on the other side of my blog. Keep your comments coming!

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, I LIKE the way you think. I especially appreciate the comment about putting the other person in your relationship first. This seems to be a hard thing for a lot of peeps to do. But it is crucial. We all need someone to ‘have our backs’ when life gets a bit tough. Knowing that you come first, that your needs and wants matter, well, it makes all the difference in the world. Nicely put kind sir. Thanks so much for sharing and for being here. I’ve missed hearing from you.

Tammy - Hi Adam, yes, dude, I’m serious! Fess it up. I want to know about your meth habit, your illegitimate kids and your time in the slammer. Maybe, just maybe I won’t care. Maybe I’m in it for the fun, the adventure, the great sex. Okay, I can’t even say that with a straight face. But I think you get my point. If you’re in it for the long term, you’re fooling nobody by hiding your shit; it all comes out eventually. And then you need to split up the house, argue over who gets the dog, fight over child custody and wonder if your car will be keyed while you’re at the local watering hole as you innocently attempt to drown your sorrows. Just cut to the chase, own your demons share your bright spots (you gotta have bright spots) and stop wasting your/her valuable time. If I were Queen of the land (and not just in my own mind) I would make it the rule and life would be easier. Of course I also would make chocolate cake a breakfast food, legalize prostitution and instantly put to death all child and animal abusers. But, hey, that’s just me. So glad you found your way here, and am hoping you come back for more of the same. You’re read was awesome!

Tammy - Hi Kellie, okay, we are twin-sies. After my divorce it was tough being single. I spent a couple of years pretty damn miserable, lonely and depressed. I didn’t date. But once I got the hang of it I found that being the boss of me was pretty awesome. I loved being single and sometimes miss its perks. There are lots of perks. But, when you’re lucky enough to find someone wonderful who loves you like you were born to be loved, well, let’s just say that my mama didn’t raise no fool. We have been able to weld our lives together by practicing full discloser. It felt awkward at first but it also felt so honest and raw and wonderful. Sure beats the alternative. Love what you had to say. So very happy that you’re here and am grateful for your sharing.

Adam D. Oglesby - “…wonder if your car will be keyed while you’re at the local watering hole as you innocently attempt to drown your sorrows.”

Tammy, love the imagery.

Of course, I was being facetious in my earlier comment (mostly!).

I don’t disagree with you–in the long run.

I do think that some relationships are cheap hook-ups that don’t require much in the way of forthrightness–let’s say your common drunken one night stand.

But other than that–if you want a smidgen of a chance to build a strong, lasting relationship–get those thorny background baggage issues out of the way early.

I’m not suggesting you begin every first date with a spot light in the face interrogation, but certainly early on inform your sweetheart-to-be of those things that you know could have an impact on your relationship.

(P.S. Tammy, thanks for checking me out.)

Tammy - Hi Adam, no worries, after reading a few of your blog posts, I knew you would ‘get it’ and that much of your comment was humor/sarcasm (both of which I thrive on). I think the matter just might be covered in generations. When you reach the age of maturity (and I use the term loosely) you seem to have a lot less time and interest in the bull that often flies back and forth. Revealing and rummaging through your baggage is the only way to know where the trip is going and if you’re willing to hop the plane. Dating, finding true love is all a delicate balance of decorum, honesty and deceit (Hopefully more of the former than the latter). It was my pleasure to check out your blog. In many cases it seems you are the manly side of me. What?! I tried to subscribe but was unable. Is there a secret?

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