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Keep your hands off my boobs!

First off, these aren’t my breasts. I like my breasts. They remain one of the few parts of my body that I still approve of (was that too much information?), but I am an avid believer in truth in advertising, thereby the disclaimer. This post isn’t really about my boobs. It’s about who is the […]

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Stephen C. Spencer - Hi, Tammy!

Bloomberg is of course a Grade One idiot, and the voters of New York City have only themselves to blame. (And if he manages to connect this ban to his proposed soft-drink constraints, the formula will be limited to 16-ounce cans or smaller.) I think he’s also imposed bans on salt, red Jell-O, left-handed people, and the letter X.

“Latch On NYC”—who thinks these names up, anyway?—is a waste of time and taxpayer money. Apparently New Yorkers have too much of both on their hands. Be glad their hands are on the opposite side of the country from your boobs. If it were me, I would be!

Rick Gualtieri - I have come to the conclusion that Bloomberg thinks anyone not named Michael Bloomberg is an idiot and must be saved from their own stupidity.

Aside from that, I’m all for boobs. 🙂

Suerae Stein - O.M.G. Are you kidding me????? WTF? And I rarely swear. Do they not have enough crime/garbage/illness/homeless issues in NYC that this is what they’ve come up with with all that free time?? This ban goes WAY too far – that’s just ridiculous. Love the post, by the way!

Tammy - Hi Stephen, I have done extensive reading on the Latch On NYC program and can only wholeheartedly agree with you. Whoever got this program mainstreamed must either be a relative, spouse or huge contributor of the powers that reign. I cannot see anything like this coming to our west coast shores but you just never know how the wind blows once it has started stirring. West coasters are a lot more ‘live and let live’. Let us hope these words are not my famous last ones. How ludicrous to presume that only one way should be supported and encouraged. I spit in their face! All right, fine, I probably crossed the line with that one but it aggravates the hell out of me. Can you tell? Thanks for contributing to my sanity. Color me grateful!

Tammy - Hi Rick, I am in complete agreement with your assessment. On both angles. Haaaa! Birds of a feather, my friend. Thanks for the read and the post!

kellie kennedy - Tammy
Can I just say was just thinking last night what a complete moron Bloomberg is as a mayor and politician. I think the guy is so completely bored with his life (all the money,limousine liberal and acts like he is a poor man). That he has to come up with this ridiculous laws/legislation. Is this guy for real? Or are the people of New York that out of touch with reality? ?? Next will be a ban on how many kids you can have or gender. Really Bloomberg … seriously.

Monique Liddle - Anyone can see Bloomberg (or someone in NY gov’t) wants parents to breastfeed because research indicates how beneficial breastmilk is to the child’s physical, emotional, & mental development, and breatfeeding is good for attachment between mother & child. However, many people would argue (including me) that the means do not justify the ends – in this case mandatory education of all parents to breastfeed their child. This proposition sidesteps many freedoms in our country – especially individual freedoms.

The additional problem is what happens to people who cannot breastfeed their children due to difficulty latching, chafing, bleeding, etc. A benefit of feeding formula is the father is involved in his child’s first feedings, which increases attachment between father & child. And of course there is the issue of women who do not get maternity leave & thus are not able to breast feed their child or do so for very long.
Finally, will these women/families who cannot breast feed be stigmatized by the gov’t & other citizens b/c they cannot breastfeed? But all of these questions raise the basic issue of do we want the government telling us what to do regarding a personal, individual topic or do we want the freedom to decide for ourselves because overall we trust people to make the decisions for their families? And if you don’t trust us, making us do something is a slippery-slope to dictatorship.

Tammy - Hi Suerae, no, I kid you not. The ban will be implemented this September. The soft drinks in NYC are now regulated in size and the breast feeding in NYC is now deemed the most viable option for new mothers. Formula will still be available and can be the chosen option, but first the mother must listen to a scripted speech on why it is best she breast feed. Also, the formula (once dispensed freely and at no cost to the hospital) will now be under lock and key and dispensed with detailed documentation as to who got it, how often and why. There you have it. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, assault weapons are freely available, stock farms are in constant violation of humane ethics and practices, lobbyists buy their clients laws, and the list goes on. To quote you: WTF!? I agree. Thanks for contributing here. I so value your post.

Tammy - Kellie, we stand together on this. There are many agencies out there already such as La Leche League and many more that provide all kinds of literature while they promote breast milk vs formula. Most soon to be moms will do their due diligence and have conversations with their doctors and pediatricians. Do we need a biased mandate from our government? Hell no. How dare he. NYC is lucky that I am not an expecting resident of their fine city. Or maybe I am the lucky one. Thanks for your two cents. Very worth hearing!

Tammy - Monique, sing it out girl!! I feel a tremendous slip has been made backwards for women everywhere. But who is to say that only women are impacted? You raised many excellent points, one of which addresses a father’s need to feed their child. The answer that comes from La Leche is that the mother should pump the milk and keep a supply in the refrigerator. There are many reasons a woman cannot breast feed, you named a few. Stigma already exists against those that opt out and go for the formula. These men in office can’t even run their day to day business. They need to stay the hell out of our liberties as women. Period. I can only hope that his next ban will be on beer. Let’s wait to hear the fallout from that. Mr. Bloomberg your ego has led to you to an epic fail. Thanks, Monique, for posting. Your points needed to be heard.

Joan Cooper - Well, hold on there a minute. No one said they cannot feed them, they are just asked to not display an adult naked body in public. I think that is reasonable and I frankly don’t know why any woman would want to.

Hmmmm is it perhaps an expression of “power”?

Can’t they go to the restroom or somewhere that is not so public?

Well, there are no boundaries anymore, but as more and more come tumbling down, so does civilized behavior in every area.

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Hi Joan, I think you misunderstood the blog, although your topic could certainly raise another blog in due course. The blog specifically speaks to a ban that Mayor Bloomberg has instituted which is clearly a directional move against bottle feeding babies. No new mother needs a government to tell her whether she should breast feed or bottle feed. There ya go. Thanks for being here Miss Joan.

Carole - Not being an American, I can’t say I know the *gentleman* in question … BUT …that aside, he sounds a right *bleep* Talk about making the blood boil! Breast feeding, or bottle feeding, is, and should be, the prerogative of the mother.
How dare he…

Laura Lee Carter aka the Midlife Crisis Queen - And the same goes triple for my uterus!
My uterus, my decision! LLC

Joan Cooper - I got distracted with a phone call. Let me finish here.

Mayor B. was speaking to the practise of handing out samples of formula which indicates approval of certain makers of formula. His position is that this is not proper as the formula manufactured may not be the right one for the baby. He wants entities like hospitals to stop promoting formula specific. That’s all. You know how commercial this world has become.

Thanks for putting up with me.

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Laura Lee, you are a treasure and I’m sure you speak for many, many women. Thanks for stopping in!

Tammy - Carole, You said it all in a nutshell. American or not, personal freedoms matter to us all. When it comes to our babies, our breasts, our mode of feeding our infants; the governmental needs to stay the hell out of it. You are right … how dare he?!

Maureen - “The Mayor recently ordered the city’s hospitals to stop giving out infant formula beginning in September, 2012. To comply with the new rules, formula will only be available to mothers for medical reasons and it will be kept in the same locked cabinet as medication. Hospital staff will be required to sign it out, track its distribution and report usage figures to the Health Department. As of August 1, 2012, 27 of the city’s 40 hospitals have agreed to comply with the orders.”…..
How does this not simply open the door to more hungry babies? Bottom line – the ones most impacted are the children. And how then will a mother, who needs the formula for her child – but perhaps doesn’t speak the language as well as the administrators and but finds the red tape too daunting – feed her child? And – exactly who benefits by withholding free formula from those who need it, while causing overworked/underpaid hospital staff more ridiculous paperwork?
On point again Tammy – Thanks!!

Tammy - Hi Maureen, you raise such an excellent point. Many new moms CHOOSE to not breast feed and depend on the ‘hand-outs’ given them by the formula makers through the hospital. Freedom of choice should never ever be compromised by one sided propaganda. No matter which side it’s on. Laws are meant to keep civilization in order, not to take our choices and liberties out of our hands. THANK YOU for your remarks. They needed to be said. Awesome having you here!

Tammy - Hi Joan, nothing to put up with … you are always a pleasure to read. We must agree to disagree here. I was one of the many new moms who relied on the formula distribution after my baby was born. I was unable to breast feed after six weeks of trying and found when my daughter took to the formula, she gained weight, slept through the night and I had a tiny bit of my life back. Income was in short supply and the ‘freebies’ given to us were more than appreciated. Our freedom to choose whether we, as new moms, wish to bottle feed our babies should never be compromised by one sided propaganda. Being a mayor of a major city does not qualify anyone to make the assumption that they know whats best for me and my child. Period. I would say to him that he is entitled to his opinion and I am entitled to not have his opinion shoved down my throat. Thanks for sharing your thoughts here, Joan. It’s beyond wonderful that we all can discuss this stuff so openly and passionately. I love that … and you!

Here today … gone tomorrow

Goodbyes suck. I’ve never had one that was much fun. Unless, of course, you count the dates I’ve been on where I wanted to stick a red hot poker in my eye just to end it early. Those were excellent goodbyes. I think goodbyes are there to teach us stuff. I will belligerently share with […]

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Steve - Hi, Tammy!

No argument here. Goodbyes—even the ones you’d like to hasten with a red-hot poker—are never pleasant things. They always mean (if sometimes only temporarily) THE END. One might even say they are a sort of metaphorical death.

It’s the old, old story: to quote James Whistler, art (among other things) happens. It’s how we respond to it that matters. Which is pretty much what you said. I’d love to have a meaningful discussion with you one of these days, but unless you stop making so much sense, it’s not going to happen!

Au revoir, Tammy (but NOT goodbye)!

Ande Lyons - You say goodbye… and I say hello… to another fabulous post by the oh so eloquent Tammy.

Having moved countless times… I have way too many goodbyes in my life… to people, places and things.

I don’t mind saying goodbye to bad relationships, extra pounds, and Presidential elections.

I do mind saying goodbye to meaningful moments, the end of a delicious story, or the best of dining pleasures.

And I really hate the permanent goodbyes… the kind that cause unspeakable grief…
which is why I keep lots of bookmarks handy … because goodbyes mean the end to a chapter in our life… good, bad or ugly. (Some of these goodbye chapters get recycled, darn it all, when we don’t get the lesson!)

Thanks Tammy for the reflection on goodbyes… I’m always moved and inspired by your witty writing.

Oh… and Steve… LOVE your comment!!

♥ @AndeLyons

Steve - Many thanks, Ande! I’m jealous that you thought to work in the Beatles lyric—that’s supposed to be my shtick—but I still like you…and your taste in bloggers!

Mel Glenn - a raw (in the nicest way) column. I am always impressed by your honesty and integrity, and your ability to articulate what the rest of us feel. A touching column.

Rick Gualtieri - Even if I could fix two of them, I have no idea how to get out of taxes. 🙂

Tammy - Hi Steve, it is always how we react to things that matter. I read a quote recently that stated that it doesn’t matter what we know, or see about ourselves; what matters is what we think about ourselves. Brilliant! Our minds over rule reality so much of the time and many a pity for it. Some of the goodbye’s I mentioned in my post put forward an involuntary reaction of loss and sorrow on my part. As time went on I dealt with it better, although still bitter. I’ve come to the conclusion (nothing gets past me) that goodbye’s are inevitable and best to make peace with those things we cannot change or out run. Wonderful having you here, Steve, thanks for the post!

Tammy - Hi Ande, my, you have such a wonderful way of putting things. I see a whole other blog about things that we are happy to say good bye too. Awesome! Isn’t it wonderful that when we have our deep reflections that we can work it all out by putting it down on paper. I feel tons better now and to receive such notable comments such as yours is just the cherry topping to a wonderful desert. That be you. Mental bookmarks are a good idea, although there are some I would prefer to forget. Love, love having you on the other side of my blog, my thanks for your post!

Tammy - Hi Mel, I am nothing if not honest. Perhaps too honest at times. I can remember a few times when it’s gotten me in a bit of hot water. I think I like being called raw, thank you for that. I believe that so many of us share the same fears, emotions, desires and hopes. We are all so different, yet so alike. Goodbye’s affect us all, some more than others. At times, it would be lovely to have a heart of stone, don’t you think? Thanks for being here, for the read, and for your post. Appreciate it.

Tammy - Hi Rick, you are too funny! If I ever figure it out, I’ll let you know. Thanks tons for stopping in!

Maryjo Morgan - It feels as if you crawled around in my heart, drug the emotions you found there through my preferred articulations, edited and shared them. Amazingly well done, Tammy!

Tammy - Hi Maryjo, compassionate hearts, thoughtful minds and mindful souls think alike. We all have something or someone we begrudge saying goodbye to. Bitterness is made less heavy by knowledge and new opportunities, new love and new passions. We have but to wait. In the waiting lies the misery. So happy I was able to touch you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and posting them. Thank you for being here!

Malissa - Hi Tammi,
Omg you had me in tears with the cat and the father! I have had several animals that broke my heart but what did I learn from that ? To go out and get another , not to bright. I lost my mom 2 yrs ago feels like yesterday I was in at hospice watching mom take her last breath. That was a tough goodbye.
Like you I ended a marriage not as long as yours but almost 11 yrs. Still a lot to throw away but well worth it and I did learn my lesson in that to chose better the next time. I think I did pretty good this time going on 19 yrs.

Taxes only way out is death and you still get taxed when you do! LoL

Oh yes would have liked to poke a few eyes out with that poker but not my own hahahaha!
Thanks for some grief release! Hugs malissa

Malissa - Oh forgot about the empty nest thing, my son went into the navy and the week he left my husband got a new job driving long haul. Man that was empty! I was sad for about a week but then I noticed the house stayed clean , I could come and go as I pleased and I got to watch what I wanted. LoL it was hell when it ended, had to get use to them all over again.

Tammy - Hi Malissa, It would appear that you are my sister from another mother. Haa! I think that I learned from my divorce that when you know in your gut something is wrong for you … well, best you listen up. Expensive and tough lesson it was. Figgy is in my heart always, I think of him still. Papa was a loss that I’m not sure I will ever fully ‘get over’. I’m happy just getting past it. He battled cancer for many months…many too many. Bravery is often the silent voice. Loved your comment about taxes! Ain’t it the truth! So, so happy you found your way to me, I am richer for it. Thanks for posting, Missy!

Tammy - Hi again, I almost had a nervous breakdown when my daughter left. Seriously. I was a mess. Newly divorced after 27 years of marriage and left with Figaro the cat and Maddy the dog, I was useless for some time. But like you I realized that I did laundry 1/4 a much, cooked what I wanted to eat and listened to my kind of music and watched my favorite television shows. Yup, it wasn’t half bad. When she would come home for a visit (she was only 90 miles away) I loved having her but felt encroached upon. Go figure. Still, I missed her every single day. Still do. We have a good deal of common ground. Wonderful sharing with you.

Malissa - Ok next artical nick names and why we hate them! LoL call me any thing but missy! Little missy as in Miss, Mrs. Is ok but shot for malissa no. Haha. I don’t know why I just hate it. No hard feelings. So do you just hate Tam? Hehe.

Tammy - Ms. Malissa, duly noted and apology offered. Yes, you guessed correctly … hate the name Tam. Call me Tamster, Tamela, Babe (thought I’d sneak that one in) but don’t call me Tam unless you don’t mind a bloody nose. Call us even.

Carole - As always, Tammy, you write how we all feel, but you say it more succinctly and eloquently than I ever could.
Thank you.

Ande - Tammy – I missed your last two posts (summertime and the living is easy….) and was thrilled to dive back in with such a profound piece. I love and appreciate how you always leave a core element of your Self on the page – it provides such a deep connection with your readers. Thanks!
Your devoted fan,
Ande 😀

Joan Cooper - HELLO……….

Never say goodbye…………..say ALOHA (till we meet agan).

Malissa - LoL you got it never call you that again. My uncle nick named me Lupe because mom went to Mexico back in the 50 and I guess they made note of who went in and who went out well I was a baby and they didn’t put my name down, I’m dark complected, big brown eyes almost black hair. I’m not but looked Mexican so they ( at the border) thought they were stealing me , they called me that so much when I started talking I would say , me Lupe to people who asked my name. I miss being called lupe, mom is the only one that would call me that every once in a while. Ok I’m done lol. Your friend Lupe

Laura Lee Carter aka the Midlife Crisis Queen - Well said Tammy!
I have been quite fortunate to have avoided most of those heartbreaking goodbyes you mention, so far.

Somehow this quote seems appropriate:
“The soul always know what to do to heal itself. The challenge is to silence the mind.”

Tammy - Hi Laura Lee, I’ve always loved that particular quote. Ain’t it the truth! Goodbye’s are something (I’ve learned) cannot be avoided. At some point in time we all will face having to say a goodbye to a person or a situation that we wish we didn’t have to end. Sad but true. Thanks so much for popping and sharing your post!

Tammy - Thanks, Joan. Aloha to you!

Tammy - Thank you, Carole, for being here, for the read and for the kind words. Guess there are many of us in the same boat. Awesome having you here.

Tammy - Ande, every writer should have a fan like you. Really! You stated it so eloquently, but I do tend to smear the page a bit with my own tears, anger, guts or glory from time to time. I’m nothing if not honest about things. I hope you’re right … I hope that it doesn’t provide a deeper connection with myself and my wonderful readers. Feelings and relationships are everything, aren’t they? We all are so different but we have so many commonalities. Always good to share with you..always. Thanks again for the post!

Tammy - Lupe, your mom …. and me. Thanks for sharing, Awesome story!

Kellie - I think saying ” I will be seeing you soon” is much better than “Goodbye” works for ALL situations, including a death of a loved one or animal. 🙂

Kellie - well almost all … excluding the ex-hubby or ex-boyfriend! :0

Jenny - Over the last few days I have been thinking of goodbyes. I could share some “yeah, that’s over goodbyes” to the ones that I “never ever ever want to feel that way again”. I would type one and then change my mind and feed your fish instead. Your blog has had me remembering a lot! Remember Charlotte and her baby spiders when the hatched… “goodbye”, “goodbye”, “goodbye”. See, I’ve been all over the map with this blog! Going to feed the fish again.

Cruise-ing for a Bruising

Oh, TomKat, what the hell happened? The Tom Cruise – Katie Holmes divorce has been plastered all over the pages of every magazine, Internet news pages and television shows. The marriage and the divorce all came down faster than you can say the words “train wreck”. I have to confess that since the day Cruise […]

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Rick Gualtieri - Feh! Now if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie break up I’ll be kind of bummed. 🙂

Joan Cooper - Since you didn’t kick me off the blog with my last outburse, I continue.

I have been saying it forever to anyone with ears – Marriage needs an overhaul – Women are not longer chattel – the media the media is what we learn from.

Did I ever tell you I watch Telemundo? Their novellas (short stories) are fabulous in their intrigue and plotting. We have nothing like it. They are very visceral and at times quite violent (by our standards) but it is so so entertaining. The women are really women and beautiful and the men are really men and family and children are everything. They actually ‘feel’. Do we – really?

Joan Cooper

Jeffrey Davidson - A day to be interested? That’s a pretty long time!

I agree with you that his acting is good but he definitely presents a “holier than thou” persona, as well as a superiority complex. This does not take in to account his great expertise and knowledge, from his years of studying at the University of Tom Cruise, in medicine, psychology and other scientific fields, which gives him the background and expertise to tell others what and how to do things.

He is self absorbed and very honestly (would it be honest if I had not said “very honestly?”) I do not trust individuals that are so secretive with regards to their knowledge and abilities derived from studying Scientology and can not share how they “know what they know!”

Keep up the great writing!

Tammy - Hi Joan, I watched novellas a lifetime ago with my aunt. They are superior soap operas but make believe just the same. I hope that we can both agree that we live in a world where there ARE real men and real women and that we do feel … all be it, sometimes too much. I do agree with you that their plots and story lines beat ours all to heck. And as you know, women are still chattel in other countries. Sad and unforgiving, but true. As always, Joan, I’m delighted to hear from you! Thanks for reading.

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, I think that when we don’t like a celebrity we are less likely to go see their work. It shouldn’t matter, but I think it does. Just ask Mel Gibson. Smugness is a trait I can do without in anyone. I don’t need to associate or appreciate anyone who thinks they are superior to me … even if they might be right. It’s all a bit weird and, like you, I’m over it. I am all about freedom of religion, but I’m not at all certain that Scientology is actually a religion. You’re right, the secrecy maintains a veil of doubt and questioning. Neither of which the “church” is anxious to clear up. No thank you! Love knowing you are on the other end of my little blog and so enjoy hearing from you. Thanks for posting!

Tammy - Hi Rick, ‘Feh’ is one of my most used words! I agree. But you gotta know that Brangelina is most likely on the list of relationships that won’t last. But I give them credit for taking it this far. When Tom Hanks and his wife call it quits … we’re all in trouble. Thanks for the read … and for the post!

Suerae Stein - I despised Tom Cruise once he let loose on post partum depression. I agree that he is a good actor, but he should have kept his holier-than-thou opinions to himself. I say “Yay!” to Katie Holmes for escaping that egotist. I do think people want celebrities to fail, maybe so that they can feel better about their own lives? But then we do tend to rally for people that we feel have been publicly wronged (Sandra Bullock, for example). It’s a strange phenomena to be sure! Another great read!

Mel Glenn - We live in a “celebrity culture” because we all want our 15 minutes and more. We wish to be them and say, that kind of misfortune
will never happen to me, but money corrupts and
absolute money corrupts absolutely.
You raise a very good question. We care, but we really shouldn’t. Good column.

Tammy - Hi Suerae, we are in agreement. I feel and fear that the arrogance that he displayed at that moment was what he lives on a daily basis. Not pretty. It must be hard being that perfect. We, as non-celebrities do indeed take sides. I remember the whole Sandra Bullock affair, horrible for her. She was given privacy to a larger degree because even the press felt badly for her. Happy she is doing well. Thanks for popping in and sharing, it’s always MY pleasure!

Tammy - Hi Mel, boy, you’ve hit the nail on the head with your sentiments about how money corrupts. Love the line: “money corrupts and absolute money corrupts absolutely”. I’ve yet to meet a person with money that this was not true. So sad because it’s these people that have an ability to make a difference of enormous merit. But few do. I’ll take my 15 minutes of fame, cash it in as a memory and continue on my journey. Always a pleasure having you here, Mel. Heading over to your place right now for a romp with the wordsmith! Thanks for the post.

Kellie - hum ya he needs to stick to scientology for bride finding 101!

Scott Morgan - You hit it right on the head with your question, ‘Why do we care?’ … The funny thing is, we don’t. Or I don’t. Or whatever. Great thoughts as usual, mon amie.

Charity Kountz - I agree! I have to admit that I never thought they’d last but a part of me always hoped they’d prove the naysayers wrong. But it was pretty evident not too long after Suri was born and their enormous wedding was over, that the conflicts started and the “rose petals were off the bloom”. I think Katie was just completely overwhelmed by this man she’d idolized and who everyone wanted – once she discovered the reality it was much too late. I feel a little sorry for her – she was so young and naive, seeing the total transformation from a young, innocent fresh faced girl to the woman she’s become has been interesting. I think she’s finally grown up and realized she and Suri both deserve better. Her exit was certainly a long time in the planning stage and executed flawlessly, as evidenced by the settlement. As for what she has on him, she has his daughter, isn’t that enough? With Suri physically in Kate’s custody, it wouldn’t be too difficult to put the screws to him publicly. Don’t mess with a Momma-bear and her cub!

As for Tom, I hope he continues to age gracefully (50?! Wow!) and that Hollywood doesn’t suddenly decide to toss him aside when his boyish looks fade (as they inevitably will) and his physical abilities to climb sheer cliffs and dangle from hovering helicopters via rope die away. I give him a max of 10 more years before either health or Hollywood cause him to disappear into obscurity. And I haven’t really seen anything along the lines of Top Gun or Jerry McGuire in regards to box-office slam dunks with long-term appeal from him in a number of years. The Mission Impossible franchise is starting to get pretty stale (in definite need of some new blood and story lines – the terrorist plot to overthrow the world with nuclear/diabolical weapons is getting old). Just my two cents of course 🙂 I’m such a gossip/celebrity hound. (Ashamed to admit I’m a weekly… ok ok… daily visitor to

The Sandbox Rules

Remember pre-school?  I vote we send a few people back for a refresher course. Life was easier then, mostly because we had clear boundaries set for us. If we didn’t follow them we did some time in the corner, received a tongue lashing or got sent home in disgrace. There was to be no hitting, […]

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Mel Glenn - Raises an important question – can we learn civil behavior by following sandbox rules? Perhaps. Nice, a needed and necessary column. Reminds me of that book several years ago. Forgot the title, but something like, “All I Learned, I Learned in Kindergarten.”

maureen - So what did you say to the poor excuse for a parent in the parking lot??

Shirlene - Something my sweet Grandmother used to say……Evil prevails when good men do nothing!!! I really believe that to be true. Where are those people who used to step in on others behalf and ask some questions and be a “good neighbor”? I can tell you this…. I am one….

Tammy - Hi Maureen, well, it appears you know me too well. Yes, I gave this poor excuse a piece of my mind (no worries-there’s plenty left) BUT, I was also of sound enough thinking to video her (thank you iPhone!), her car and her license plate. I then proceeded to call the police and filed a report and forwarded them my video. It bears noting that the parking lot was filled with people going to and fro. Not one of them said anything to help that child, whom, by the way had some pretty hefty asphalt cuts on her legs as a result of the dragging. Not pretty. Did I want to get involved? Hell no. I felt like I had no choice. Believe me, I don’t go looking for ‘stupid’. It just finds me. Thanks for the post…always great to hear from you!

Tammy - Hi Mel, I never read that book but am compelled now to look it up. I bet it’s an awesome read. Glad you enjoyed my rant. I thank you for stopping in and posting. I remain your biggest fan.

Tammy - Hi Shirleen, your grandmother was a smart cookie. History has proven to us that by ignoring an injustice we enable it. I think that a lot of people simply can’t find their courage. These are difficult times we live in. Standing for what is decent I would think, would be the easy part. Great hearing from you, thanks for the post!

Malissa - Bravo, good for you for fast thinking on the I phone video , not sure I would have thought to do that. The problem with stepping in is that someone may blow your head off, so I think a lot of people are scared to get involved.
I have called in drunk drives in hopes they would catch them. I just got my notice to do jury duty, yes I hate I have to miss work and but it’s worth it to put some slime bag away. I was on one a few yrs back and he was guilty for selling meth, we didn’t get to hear the sentence but I’m sure he was put away for a long time.
I agree with you but I would much rather be the other way around they stay in the states and we go to the beautiful island get everything for free , while there working there ass off to keep us on the island. LoL

Well I hope they take that child away from that mother, do you think you’ll have to go to court.

Thanks again for a good read. Malissa

Joan Cooper - But – but Tammy – we are not educated to be civilized. From Harvard University who has worked for decades to bring down the Constitution, to your local pre-school – do you think there are teachers there who understand what civilization is and could teach it?

The emphasis is on the wrong burner. It is now almost completely a ‘not my responsibility’ world. Back in the WW2 days, people became more human albeit they saw pictures of horrible cruelty almost daily It seems only Hardship brings out the civilized person. Why can’t it be taught? do you think those young girls on the bus knew what they were doing to that older lady who sat there allowing humiliation because she did not want to lose her job? I doubt it.

MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) made ballroom dancing a required part of their curriculum. When asked why (you have to ask?), they said…”it is not enough to have a skill…”

The boundaries are gone and the ethics are gone and it happened because women wanted to be “equal” and work and leave the home where they made what civilization we had.

There was a saying back then – “The man makes the living and the woman makes the Life”

You wonder if people really think what they are doing. A tradesperson I do business with was laughing one day and he told me his wife was being bothered by someone and she told this person…’my husband is a retired Marine, and he has been taught to kill people he doesn’t even know’. Is that a joke?

We glorify War and killing. That is how far we have come.

I want to tear down the Lincoln Memorial with my bare hands. The man who destroyed almost 1/4 of this nation and caused terrible terrible suffering to have his way and the very people the politicians said they were doing this for were left to starve. I want the White House to be a museum where people can go and enjoy it for a small entrance fee that goes to maintain it. I want the FED shut down. Then we can talk ‘civilization’.

I want women to realize it is they who hold this universe in their superior hands and live it.

I hOpe you are not too shocked. HAPPY BIRTHDAY

Joan Cooper

Jeffrey Davidson - Tammy,
As always, well written.
I have to disagree with you on one point, I do not believe that it takes a lifetime to teach bigotry, hatred and massive inconsideration. Many people learn it by parental example (or lack of parental guidance) in little time at all. I have personally seen examples of all of those from people who are in elementary school. Of course, that is the extent of their lifetime.

Like you, I have tolerance for for the hatred bigotry and inconsideration in my life. I have intervened and said things that I think needed to be said.

I definitely like the idea of dragging the parent behind the motorcycle or the animal abuser behind the truck. Actually, when it comes to abuse, I like the idea of reciprocating in kind with a little extra as a reminder. You are responsible for your actions.

How was it so easy to forget common sense, good manners, consideration and kindness? I guess the better question would be: what can we do about it?

Well, to start with, if it were “common sense,” then everyone would have it! Good manners, consideration and kindness I learned at home and school. Perhaps it should start with the parents. The parents should be made to suffer consequences for their children that abused the woman on the bus. Perhaps then they will take some responsibilities for their children’s actions.

Keep up with the humorous writing, the sensitive writing, the poignant writing and all of the other writing that you do. You are making a great contribution to the “pen being mightier than the sword!”

Jeffrey Davidson - Like you I have NO tolerance for the hatred, bigotry…


Joan Cooper - Nice Jeff. You are nothing unless articulate.

Parenting should be licensed. Pet handling should be licensed. Governments should be very small so they cannot cause big wars and enormous debts.

We have advanced techologically, but not humanely except in a small way. But until “it is not my responsibility” is taken out of our language, nothing will get better.

Joan Cooper

Kellie - Oh Tammy I found the video of the the heavy set lady being abused by snotty boys SO DISGUSTING. Finally, they are now getting around to handing out a punishment to the boys. The parents of the boys, while I believe they WERE embarrassed by the situation … but not willing to agree that their children need to learn some really hard lessons in life by a stern punishment for their horrible acts towards another human being. We coddle kids today … so different in my day of growing up. I respected any adult that may come up to me and admonish me for the smallest wrong doing. I mentioned this the following point in a previous response to another blog post. I recently watched a segment on our military and how the large majority of the guys/girls who enlist are almost completely unacceptable to try to train, due to their life time of coddling. What happened to parents who parent first and foremost instead of trying to be their kids best friend first? My own parents were just that … parents FIRST and BFF’s last.

Tammy - Hi Joan, well, I think you’ve missed your calling big time. You should have been a politician. You could have made a difference and I have a feeling that few would have relished the thought of going up against you. Clearly you are educated and insightful. I agree with much of what you say. Not all … but much. As always, I appreciate the read and your post. Both are invaluable to me1

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, thanks for the support, you are a most wonderful cheer leader. Color me grateful. We are both of the like mind of “an eye for an eye”. I’m not at all certain that the idea is civilized but from this side of things, it feels like it would be justice. I’ll keep writing … if you keep reading. Great to have you here and wonderful to hear from you.

Tammy - Joan, I wholeheartedly agree!

Tammy - Hi Malissa, believe it or not, I’m afraid to get involved too. Seriously. I step out of my comfort zone every time I step into a situation that doesn’t involve me. That being said, I couldn’t sleep nights if I didn’t. I still remember when I was young girl I saw some boys dragging a kitten with a thin rope along the sidewalk. I must have been all of 5 but what stays with me is that I did and I said nothing. I’m 59 this week, that’s a lot of years of regret. Never again. Love your island idea! I’m on board with it. Wouldn’t it be nice?! I may be called to court, I don’t know. But if I am, I’ll go … and I’ll have the video to support me. More importantly that little girl had someone stand up for that day. I can sleep well know that. Thanks so much for the read. Appreciate having you here. Truly!

Tammy - Jeffrey, no worries. Of course I knew what you meant. Thank you!

Steve - The “for good men to do nothing” line is usually attributed to Edmund Burke. (He never said it, but it’s a lot snappier than what he actually did say!)

It’s also absolutely right: Neville Chamberlain did nothing about Hitler, and look where that got us. But taking that action is very often easier said than done. What are we to make, for example, of the recent case involving a lifeguard in Hallandale, Florida, who was FIRED for saving a life, because he went outside his assigned coverage zone to do it? [The powers that be are currently reviewing this decision, but still…yikes!]

The decision to intercede in a developing situation is of course a personal one, and has to be made on a case-by-case basis. You might choose to step in where I would say wait and see. And we could both be right.

We’d find out later—when we tried to go to sleep.

Tammy - Hi Kellie, agreed, agreed, AGREED! I have no issue with coddling when coddling is needed. But real life demands reality checks pretty much every day. My daughter knew that she would always be responsible for her actions, and that I would always be responsible for making sure of it. Accountability was and is big in our family. So was kindness, consideration, courage and manners. You hope that others are raising their children in a like manner. Today’s daily dose of news relieves us of any doubt: they are not. I am still BFF’s with my kidlet, but I am now and always have been, her mama first. So appreciate your stopping by and sharing your thoughts.

Tammy - Hi Steve wisely stated. Interceding is absolutely a personal choice. I know many good people who simply could not withstand a confrontation should one arise. Clearly it would not be in anyone’s best interest to involve themselves in a situation they knew they could not handle from the get go. I stand by the belief that there is always something we can do. Get help, make a call, etc. To witness blatant abuse (dragging an animal to its death, beating a child) and to do nothing speaks far more about us than it does the abuser. I’ve learned that life demands us to make choices when we least expect it. It is up to us to decide. The incident you mentioned is flabbergasting (one of my favorite words). This young man, and the others that quit when he was fired, have all been offered their jobs back. He declined. Good decision. We are left to wonder, once again; what has this world come to? Maybe we should all sleep on it. Awesome having you here, Steve. Thanks for your post!

Charity Kountz - Awesome post, as always, and I agree with you. I once saw a man hitting a woman in a parking lot – without a thought for myself or her safety I walked up to him, cell phone in hand and told him if he didn’t walk away right that moment, I was calling the police. Then I showed him my screen that had 911 on it along with my finger hovering over the send button.

I’m not sure who was more shocked – him that someone had the balls to stand up to him or her that someone bothered. (I was so much younger and foolish then, really thought I could help). I then pulled her aside and offered her help. At this point shock settled in and she was too terrified of what he would do to her when they got home. I offered to drive her to a women’s shelter and she refused. She got into the vehicle with him and they drove away. I never knew if anything happened as a result or whether I might have made a bad situation worse but I did what I could. Maybe I did it because no one did it for me when I was helpless as a child and I couldn’t bear for it to happen to someone else. Heaven help the person who is awful to someone else in my presence – I don’t tolerate that crap. Especially if it’s someone I care about – I will move heaven and earth to right that wrong. But of course, when it comes to me, it’s a different story.

I don’t know if you heard the news story about the woman who lay dying on a hospital emergency room floor and no one helped her or found out about her for an hour? There was video of people just walking by her, doing nothing. Two security guards looked at her and did nothing. Here’s a link: I was so horrified when I saw the video – even now, years later it horrifies me to know that with all those people around, no one helped that poor woman. Such a useless, unnecessary death.

Then on the opposite side of the spectrum is a recent story about a woman who was pregnant and jumped into a freezing pond to save a drowning toddler. The story is here: She couldn’t swim, didn’t even think of the risk to herself or her unborn twins – she simply saw someone in need and helped. And all of them survived. Yet, she’s been vilified by people for not taking her own personal safety and her unborn children into account first.

Personally, I think she’s a hero – it’s incredibly brave to risk everything – your life and your children’s lives to save another. What an amazing gift to give and how immensely powerful for that toddler who will now live a fuller life than before?

9/11 – many of the people who escaped the building were because other people were selflessly running in to help. People with families, children, others depending on them. They knowingly, intentionally ran into a burning building, uncertain of collapse to face the horrors within in an attempt to save even one life. Where would we be without courageous people who put no thought of themselves above saving another?

Kudos to you for writing this post – I always love reading and commenting on them! <3 and hugs!

We are but mere mortals

Not many things can take the “witty” out of this woman, but this past week finds me increasingly horrified, helpless and heartbroken. I’m not at all sure how we, as mere mortals, can defy, fight and quench a fire as large as those which are raging in Colorado. It brings home to me how small […]

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susan smart - Such a lovely, heart felt post, Tammy. Living in Colorado as I do, I am seeing first hand , nature’s fury and wrath. The men and women on the first line of defence are risking their lives every moment of these 24 hour days. With temps over 100, low humidity, winds; it’s all a perfect setting for these continuous fires. You said it well….we all thank you for that. We pray.

Joan Cooper - I was just thinking – time for a blog from Tammy – I am over my head in political incompetence and daily news. Tammy’s blog is a great diversion.

How does this fit Colorado’s disaster? Canada has better fire fighting water planes than we do. California has borrowed or rented them on occasion. I heard that the Taliban and other’s like it, feel setting wild fires in the US is a good thing for their cause.
What does our government intelligence ofices have to say about this?

The political system in this country affects all of us personally at some point. I wish I knew how to start the revolution.

Believe me, Tammy, I know about wild fires. I lived in Topanga over 20 years and experienced a bad fire shortly after moving there. The smell is beyond anything you have ever experienced. Even after the fires for a long long time. We were only saved because there was no wind and the fire fighters gave us their all as they were not busy elsewhere.

Why did the Colorado fires grow so large? Why weren’t the military and help from every State on site to help. Where was the coordination.

In disasters, the US is always first there. Where is help for us when we need it – yet the government is about to give Egype 1 1/2 billion dollars to help them. I thought we did not have any money?

Government does not protect us. That is the first obligation of government. How can we change what is to what should be?

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Hi Susan, my heart is so uneasy, so sad and so riddled with fear and hope both at the same time. Even though I am 1,300 miles away … I am with you. These fighters of fire, these amazing people, God bless them and keep them safe. And you, my friend, stay safe yourself. Yes … we pray.

Kellie - I so recall the beach fires in California a few years back. The San Diego fires and who can forget the Northern California fires many years back (outside Oakland). Such a loss. Makes you really think about what possessions you would grab at the last minute. For me my pets and photos.

Tammy - Hi Joan, you don’t need to start a revolution, you ARE a revolution. That’s awesome! I remember the Topanga fires many years ago. The weather in Colorado is like no other. The afternoons bring lightening storms with strong winds. I use to love that about the state. But in this case, it stirs the fires each day to where nothing could control them. Lightening just starts new ones. It is a perfect storm. But your question as to why military and help from other states are not on sight to help, is a good one. I know that California has lent some planes and fighters. I am at a loss as to why the area has not been declared a disaster area. That would free up substantial money, equipment and personnel. Watching what is happening in this state is heart wrenching. Regarding our funds to Egypt – it will be very interesting to see how this will continue in light of the recent election. I have a feeling things will change. Thanks for being here and for your post!

Tammy - Hi Kellie, I once wrote a blog questioning which of the natural forces was more destructive: fire, water, wind, earthquakes. I’m starting to believe that the answer is fire. When I lived in Colorado Springs I was lucky enough to be in the Broadmoor mountains. Once we were mildly threatened with a fire. I grabbed a plate that my daughter had made me in kindergarten, our photo albums, our pets and ourselves. Funny, isn’t it, what things we take when only our heart speaks to us? If our brains were talking, we’d take clothes, shoes and jewelry. I’ll listen to the heart any day! Thanks for visiting and sharing.

mickey landau - I was thinking of you this morning and how our former home is facing such devastation.
Been trying to reach all in the immediate face of danger without much luck. My nephew just moved to Boulder and we have not been able to reach him – so we pray that he and all those wonderful people we left behind will be safe.
Pray for rain.

Tammy - Hi Mickey, our homes at the top of Skyway, are, for the moment, out of harms way. But Rockrimmon, Woodman, even Woodland Park are all ablaze. The fire seems headed for Monument. So many fires brewing in our beautiful Colorado. So much devastation. Survival is all that matters to us now. I’m with you … we pray that all those wonderful people we left behind are safe and sound. If we were still there, Mickey, our bedrooms would be filled with our displaced friends. We would break out the pet kibble, open the tequila and hold tight together. Holding hands with you through this, my friend. Just like old times.

mickey landau - amen. holding hands across the miles.

Tamie - Joan,
THIS administration has no desire to take care of the people in THIS country. It has been demonstrated again and again. And we don’t have any money! I think the way to change what is, is obvious.

Nancy Wurtzel - Tammy, well said…and from the heart. Colorado is in our thoughts and we can only hope the elements can be contained to end the firestorms.

maureen - Having lived in No. Calif. and been evacuated (luckily never in direct danger) I can begin to imagine how scary and dangerous this is – and I have friends and family in Colorado. I’m adding my prayers to yours!

Marcia - Life is not the same today as it used to be. I cannot describe the fear, the sense of helplessness that this fire brings to us all here in Colorado Springs. My car trunk is filled with what I deem to be the most precious articles of my “wealth” – photographs of my children, family and friends, a few inherited pieces of jewelry I will always treasure and my tax records (really?). Yes, really. My daughter asked that I make sure to take “Bunny”, her treasured stuffed animal who went everywhere with her as a child. Bunny now sits quietly in the trunk of my car, anxious, no doubt, for a long-awaited trip in the car (it’s been years). I have everything that I need in my car. That statement takes me back a bit and begs the question – how much does one really need? I have what I need, what is most dear and precious to me. I carry most of that in my heart, and some in the trunk of my car….just in case.
Today was a bit quiet on the homefront. Many people are not working, as they have been displaced and are away from the area or are in shelters, or are at home awaiting evacuation orders. My life and my home are safe. For this I am eternally grateful. The Colorado climate can, however, be unpredictable, and I will not let my guard down.
The lessons learned from this are many, and I will reflect on this for years to come. I know now what is truly important, and have seen a community rise above, individuals and organizations continuously put their own needs on the back burner, selfishness aside, and come to the aid of those in need. We rise above, that’s what we do. We survive and rebuild. But first, we put Bunny in the trunk.

Tammy - Hi Maureen, we stand today, yesterday and tomorrow, all of us, Coloradan’s. Thanks, Maureen, so very glad to hear from you. Our prayers are entwined.

Tammy - Oh, Marcia, it’s been years and yet it seems like yesterday that we car-pooled our girls. I’ve never met such warm people as I did in Colorado. Of course they will rally, support, help and rebuild. I also know that many of the “Coloradan’s” are transplants from California, Texas, Canada, etc. These days we are all Coloradan’s. No doubt you are on edge. No doubt you have been forced to take stock of your possessions. I can only imagine the fear that is rampant in your heart. So very wise of you to have your car packed. Of course Bunny is in the car; a life treasure cannot be denied safe transport. Let us hope that it never comes to that. I remember your home, so beautiful, and yet all that really matters are those few things you mentioned (damn those tax records!). I was just wondering this morning if it was business as usual. Can’t imagine that it could be. Everyone is waiting. Waiting to hear, waiting to move out quickly, waiting for it all to end. I’m right there with you….and Bunny. My love to you Miss Marcia. Stay safe.

Jeffrey Davidson - Tammy,

Beautifully stated and certainly heartfelt.

One of my fears is that they were started by an arsonist. Mother nature periodically e flora and fauna. We necessarily intervene to save lives, wildlife and possessions.

There is no way to measure the suffering by those directly affected by this devastation similar to the last big earthquake here.

Our well wishes go to all of those affected. The most important thing is the safety of the many threatened lives of families and friends and the wildlife. Structures can be replaced, lives and memories can not.

Colorado will be declared a disaster area soon but that should have bearing on getting the much needed additional support for fighting this massive devastation. The last report I heard was hoping to have of the fires contained or extinguished by the end of summer. That’s another 3 months! Can we really afford to wait that long?

Jeffrey Davidson - Please excuse my typos!

Gary - Tammy,
As usual, your blog has hit the bull’s eye. As an evacuee here in Colorado Springs, we all really appreciate the sincere compassion and support from you and the thousands who are eagerly jumping on board to help in any way they can.

It truly is an emotional event. This morning’s report is over 300 homes have been destroyed. The unknown of not knowing if one of those is yours is a helpless feeling. The positive in all of this is the reaction of so many. Everybody seems more friendly and helpful. The so called “Little Things in Life” have once again risen to the top of the list as the really “BIG THINGS” in life. Houses can be replaced in 90 days and are a dime a dozen. Neighbors, friends, and family coming together to supporting each other and becoming closer is priceless. We all need an occasional jolt to prioritize what really are the important things in life. Damn, the jolt doesn’t feel too good.

cheryl - There are lessons, good and bad, to be learned from every one of life’s experiences, good and bad. We are currently being shown the power of Mother Nature and it is frighteningly awesome. If they learn, as I have heard rumors, that this was started deliberately by someone, you will not want to hear my response. Miss Tammy, you can wordsmith your thoughts so beautifully and eloquently—I agree with your sentiments. love you

Marcia Nichols - Thanks Tammy – the support coming from miles around is astounding, and comforting. Today is a better day – weather is cooperating, and it’s only 85 today. That is an enormous improvement when compared to the 95+ temps we endured earlier in the week (think of the firefighters…). The sky is blue, and the clouds are white. The haze is minimal where I am.
No, it’s not business as usual. It’s quiet, and somber faces abound. We will rebuild, and we will survive.
“Our” neighborhood appears to have survived the firestorm. That said, we’re still cautious, as the fire is erratic and somewhat unpredictable.
I’m grateful that I am safe, and my home secure. Bunny, however, is still in the trunk of my car.

Shirlene - HI Tammy. \ It is awefull. I can smell the smoke from Parker at times. It is very disconcerting to say the least. You
know that the church I pastor at is in Monument. I wonder if I need to down there and get my 3 walls of pastoral books out of there. I don’t want to overreact….
I’m still praying for God’s hand to be at work here to help.

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, I don’t think we can afford to wait that long. But, sadly, I don’t believe the choice is ours. Fires of this magnitude will burn until they are burned out. A scary thought. Even scarier is the fact that summer has just begun. The prior year Colorado saw massive snow fall thereby providing tons of water for green growth. This past year they saw pity little snowfall, providing little water to the lush grown from the year before. Thus providing a perfect scenario for tinderbox shrubbery that is exploding in fire across the state. So much at risk, so much at stake. I’m not sure why the state has not been declared a disaster area as of yet. It boggles me. We have a whole summer ahead of us. Let’s keep our fingers crossed. Thanks for being here, Jeff, and for your post.

Tammy - Hi Gary, So happy to have you here. The fires have uprooted you big time. Beyond horrible. Emotional? You bet. It’s emotional for me to the point of tears at times. I can only imagine what you are living through. You’re right, of course, the good rises to the top and that is the silver lining to this fire cloud. It is good to be humbled so that we understand what is truly important. But this humbling carries with it a brutality that no one or no creature should have to endure. My heart aches for you and all the others. I’m not worried about you. I know everyone will rebuild and I agree that houses are a dime a dozen. It’s what we keep in them that are the real treasures. For this loss, I am so sorry. Please keep me posted, won’t you?

Tammy - Hi Cheryl, I’m not sure we will ever find out if this particular fire was started by arson. I wonder how they can tell. We both know that Colorado has no shortage of lighting strikes this time of year. I just assume that the vulnerable tinderbox brush was struck and the rest is history. If it was arson, the guilty party could not encounter one safe place to be. The anger will turn to hatred which will turn to violence. The losses have been too great and too many for it be any other way. I hope that you are right, and that it was Mother Nature at her worst. Thanks for you kind review. I love you too!!

Tammy - Hi Shirlene, I’m not sure any one can over react in a situation such as this. The state is burning, destruction is rampant. If you can secure your books, I hope you find a way to do it. Stay strong and stay safe. You, pastor Shirleen, are in my prayers.

Tammy - Marcia, thanks for the update. The way things are going, it’s going to be a long, hot, tinderbox of a summer. Clear the brush away from the house. As you know, lightening strikes are so common this time of year. It’s a scary thought but having survived ‘this’ fire doesn’t mean you won’t be susceptible to another. I shudder to think. Perhaps it is a good call to leave Bunny in the trunk. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. I’m hoping right along with you!

Tammy - Jeff, consider them excused! Good to know I’m not the only one!

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