 For those of us who have reached maturity (I’m still waiting), and have had to start life over (yet again), admitting that we are less than what we once were, is humbling. Slightly used and damaged can pretty much describe almost everything in my house … including me. When I entered into a relationship with […]  Chances are … you are too. In a recent conversation with my peers, I was called out as a profiler and racist. Wow! Here’s what happened. A few weeks ago, a girlfriend and I were coming out of a restaurant late at night in what can be called a sketchy part of town (isn’t that […] 
Dear Tammy, 
I really miss William Buckley. He said it all so nicely. A friend asked him if he liked black people – he replied – “no”, his friend asked if he liked yellow people – he replied “no”. His friend asked if he liked brown people – he replied “no”. His friend asked …’then who do you like? ‘ the reply was…”I like my friends” Touche as they say. I am so sick of the whining. A lot of the blame goes to the media. Oh yeah – and the useless politicians. So much for civilization and don’t get me started on the Civil War for which they created a large statue to another useless politician – A. Lincoln. The truth of that war is never discussed. No it was not about slavery which the Federal Government did condone. Joan 
Women need to trust that voice in their head that lets them know when something doesn’t feel right. I’d rather be alive than politically correct and so should you. From Tammy Bleck a Witty Woman Writing.
Racism in any form is wrong and unfortunate. However, profiling is done all of the time by most people. The clerk in the convenience store who sees a couple of guys late at night milling around the store till others leave feels the potential of a robbery without regard to their race or ethnicity. Based on statistics of terrorist activities around the world that are committed mainly by Muslim males of a particular age category, many people are wary of a group of 20-30 year old male Muslims. This is not specifically because they do or do not like Muslims but because statistically this small Muslim group has committed horrific crimes. The police look at individuals who appear to be hiding their identity walking around convenience stores, banks, etc. as potential threats. They may not even be able to tell what their race or ethnicity is at the time. Animals (including the human species), profile all of the time. Zebras and gazelles always look at lions, leopards and cheetahs as potential threats. Are they being racist (obviously a human term) or are they looking out for their own well being. I probably would have answered slightly different than William Buckley and said “no I do not like or dislike this group of individuals, I like people.” When I was in college, I worked at a state mental institution (I said worked there not a guest!) and I learned among other things to treat people as individuals. I may not always succeed, but I try. As someone else once said, I wish there was no racism in the world so that I could dislike someone because of their character, values and dishonesty and not be accused of disliking blacks, Hispanics, Jews, gypsies, etc. As always, great writing! We do what we need to to protect ourselves. 
I lived in Brooklyn, NY until I was 33 years. It was not a shee-shee area like Park Slope or DUMBO. Nope. Canarsie was a middle class area that bordered a few sketchy areas. I had to travel THROUGH these areas often. 
Mel, I doubt I would have crossed the street if 4 nuns or nannies were heading our way. However, if we were being approached by 4 women in burkas, I would have done the same thing. It’s the unknown, the un-seeable, the “group” outnumbering me. You pose a good question with regards to the dreadlocks. The answer is yes. Dark streets, 4 men together coming towards me, dreadlocks or not, the odds could easily fall against my favor. Better safe than sorry. No apology here. Not that long ago the news was covered with stories of young men prowling the streets and cold cocking people to the ground for fun. My profiling includes young men in groups. Survival of the fittest. So happy to here from you!
Hi Joan, ah, yes, William Buckley. Where is he when we need him?! I feel the same as he did. I value people of good character, humor, intellect and kindness. Skin color does not determine any of these things. You are right, the media bares some responsibility for it’s excessive and biased broadcasts. How did we get to be such a mess?
Hi Donna, we are SO on the same page. Yet because I “profile” I was called out as an obvious racist. This is crazy to me. It is a survival skill we ALL use every day. And, YES, the media is often the enemy. I know there were many good people of color that were frightened and angry at the looting that was going on. Violence is never the answer. I grew up in the bowels of Los Angeles. On my way to school I often encountered flashers, druggies and homeless. You learn pretty quickly who to distance yourself from and who to befriend. Survival of the fittest, something you obviously know a lot about. This LA girl sends you her respect.
I have and will always err on the side of my safety, and racism doesn’t play any part of that. You did good!!
I live 2 blocks from the most dangerous city in the country. You better believe I profie. 
As many others have already said, you have to be aware of your surroundings and follow your gut instincts, safety is a non-negotiable. And it doesn’t matter where we are, violence against women occurs everywhere, and in many cases at the hands of someone the woman knows! So stranger on the street? Defense is a great call and does not make you a racist. Thought provoking post. 
I am leery of men I encounter when I’m alone. Always. Regardless of color. I am particularly leery of groups of men I run across in the middle of the night. Maybe that makes me a sexist. I don’t really give a rat’s ass. I carry mace, I keep my car keys in my hand, and I’m hyper-vigilant when I’m out alone. And anyone who wants to judge me for that can bite me as well.
Tammy – thanks for a brave blog. I think profiling is a survival instinct, something that our brain does to prepare us for danger. What is unfortunate is how we stack media stories against certain races, causing the fear and stereotypes which causes the profiling. It is interesting that most serial killers are white males, yet we don’t panic when we see a single white male walking towards us. Especially if he looks like Ted Bundy. I don’t know what the right answer is, but I do know that when you are two women facing four men, always err on the side of safety.
Nicely said, madam. It’s odd we live in a silly “no fault” world, unless you step on a scared cow, then baby watch out! You best be ducking.
Chloe, you make my heart sing. We are sisters from another mother. Vigilance helps ensure safety and well being. Nothing racist about that!
Mary, ducking, bobbing and weaving is what us city folk do best. Blaming is a game often played in the racist world. I prefer to bow out of that one. So nice to hear from you!
I would have done the very same thing and I’m definitely not racist in any way shape or form. This may be a horrible analogy, but when I walk my dogs (one being a pitbull), I ALWAYS am wary of any and every dog to come my way, even the sweetest looking ones. I pull out my pepper spray to prepare. Just in case! We protect ourselves for the JUST IN CASE situations all the time. It has nothing to do with racism. Nothing. 
I am glad you are safe.
Thanks, Patricia. So very kind of you. 🙂
You are not a racist – and neither am I. I can’t imagine it would ever be a person’s race that would make you reach for the mace – it would be the situation. Is it sexist that four men walking toward you in the dark makes you afraid? I don’t think so. So sad that there’s so much violence in this world and that this has to be an issue.
Hi Elin, safety IS non negotiable! Thank you! I make no apologies. Still, the sting of being perceived a racist because I find no difficulty in profiling is less than awesome. It truly does make the mind wonder. So happy to have you here! Thanks for that. 
You are not a racist and neither am I. I’ve held that mace ready whenever I’m feeling uncomfortable. That’s it. Uncomfortable. I don’t think about the color of the skin, just the possibilities of what could happen. Being safe is what’s our priority, and as a woman even walking out to a parking lot you have to be ready. Violence happens. Period. You, dear friend, are perfectly “normal”!!! xo
Thanks, Cathy! It is now clear to me that not all my friends share that sentiment. Grrrrr. I don’t feel like profiling is a racist thing. I think it’s more of a ‘girl’ thing. A survival instinct thing. Sometimes I think fear is confused with racism. I love that you think I’m perfectly “normal”. Haven’t been called that in years. Tee-Hee. 
What I’d really like to know, Tam, is what your friends who are calling you a racist would do in the same situation. Is there a word they’d call themselves?
Survival instincts are what keep us all alive, right?… and I’ve come to rely on that little voice that tells me to be extra careful. To walk the other way. Maybe I’m paranoid… fearful? I also think there’s another dimension too. I fear for my children. I also know that even when there is no conscious intent to do harm, events can so quickly spiral out of control. 
I used to speak pretty regularly at neighborhood or business group meetings about safety and what not, and the number one thing I preached is to trust your gut. You’d be surprised how many men and women I’ve taken robbery or assault reports from (I work in a big city) tell me, “I knew something wasn’t right, but I did such and such anyway.” Crazy to not listen to your gut. Those feelings come from a lifetime of experiences. Trust them, they’re trying to help.
Hi Esther, At this point, I think we are ALL paranoid and fearful. For good reason. The world could be a kinder place. And, you’re absolutely right … events can easily and quickly spiral out of control. Accessing a situation and acting according to your instincts is the best we can do for our selves. My two cents. So happy to have you here!
Hi Don, you make such a good point, I wish now I had mentioned it in my blog post. YES, listening to your gut is SUPER important. We shouldn’t have to explain why we feel what we feel, nor should we need to justify how we try to help ourselves avoid a bad situation. Our gut never lies. Thank you for bringing that up! And thank you for the read AND the thoughtful comment!
Hi Lee! You know, you have posed such a GREAT question. I’ve had to stew on it a while. My friends said they would not have been compelled to cross the street. Of course, 2 of them were men. But the 2 women agreed with them. Something I don’t quite understand or believe. They call themselves ‘liberal minded Americans’. Really. I felt like I was under attack, being wrongly judged and not being given the benefit of the doubt. But, between you and me, I also feel that if that is truly their sentiment, it is an unwise one in these times. Still pondering. So adore seeing you here on my page! Hugs!  The last few weeks I’ve been wondering how much of my life I had left. The threat of breast cancer will do that to you. So, for the next couple of weeks I will be living it up to the hilt. Nothing says ‘do it now’ like a near collision with the Big ‘C’. My Steven […] 
Good luck, Tammy. Have a great time! 
Enjoy every minute! Can’t wait to read your report when you return!
Oh, I’m going to live vicariously through you. Because I’ve been to most of the places you’ve named, but once is never enough. My wish for you is safe travels and I hope that your journey with breast cancer has a positive outcome and I will be reading and hearing more from you for a long, long, LONG time! xo
I am a breast cancer survivor of 23 years. Every day is an adventure! Have fun! Looking forward to hearing your story.
Have a safe and fun trip! 
Tammy! I read this with laughter and tears. You are still awesome in spite of these circumstances. Glad to hear the report was clear and that the whole experience inspired you to get outta Dodge. You are inspirational. Have a blast and eat lots of Nutella crepes!
Dear Tammy,
Thank, Rick! Am doing exactly that. Returning emails in my fancy schmancy hotel in Oxford England. Emailing never felt so fun!
Thanks, Lynn! It’s only day two and we are having the time of our lives. Who knew?!
Hi Michele, have not run across Nutella crêpes yet but have had Somme worthy encounters with meat pies! Happy to know you are on the other side, thanks for that! As for having a blast … it has been pretty damn wonderful so far. Am returning emails in my cozy Oxford hotel room and feeling pretty happy about it all. Appreciate the read!
Hi Mel, day two and it’s been FABULOUS. Gathering lots of fodder for future posts. You knew that was combing! Talk soon!
Tammy, we are doing the same, including a week in Italy, next May. My husband is living with cancer and like you, we realize how precious life is. Don’t dream your life, live your dreams…and you are. 
Live life as passionately as you do everything else, lady! So glad you’re okay. Enjoy Europe. It’s been a long while since I’ve lived there. We’ll be here when you get back! (PS. Check out their chocolates…they’re usually better than ours.)  Three weeks ago, when the threat of breast cancer entered my life, I decided to hang up my blogging hat for a breather. Frankly, I felt everything but witty. The words, large mass on left breast, left me paralyzed with fear. Me, the woman who shrinks from nothing. I panicked. Years ago when this happened, […] 
I’ve had that scare myself and so has my sister most recently. It’s frightening to say the least. I’m glad all turned out well for you.
Great article! I’m sharing this and hope to speak with you about something. Teresa from NanaHood.com
Glad everything is good with you. 
Sorry about the scare, love, but at least as far as I’m concerned, the number and size of breasts doesn’t make or diminish anyone. Stay healthy.
Thanks, Nanette. The odds say that we will all be faced with this scare at one point or another. Some will be luckier than others. Breath holding moments are the best and the worst.
Holy SHit. Let me process this……. ………… Oh my dear dear friend. My heart breaks that you had to go through this. I’m so glad you had your man there with you, but I’m reeling. The thought of you….. I just can’t say it. I’m SO HAPPY you’re OKAY. Dear God take care of Tammy. *head in hands* 
While I am petrified of getting breast or any kind of cancer, I’d give up my breast in a heartbeat. If it gave me even a 1% better chance of living I would give it up. If it meant forgoing chemo, I’d give it up. I definitely don’t have any attachment to them that would affect my decision. In fact, I would want a double mastectomy so that I wouldn’t be able to get it later in the other breast. And wouldn’t it be nice, after wearing underwire bras my entire life, to go braless. It would be the most freeing feeling in the world. Everyone has their own reasons for their decisions, but for me, a life is so much more important than a body part that I never cared about nearly as much as men do.
I too had a recent scare. However, I decided that if the biopsy proved to be positive, I would have both breasts removed. Too many female relatives have succumbed to the disease, including my mother when she was only 49. Fortunately, my biopsy was benign, but I will never quit doing my monthly self-checks ( which is how I found this one) and hope to get my insurance to pay for my BRACA test. We all must be diligent. That includes men!
I’m so sorry you had such a scare!! And very grateful that you are okay!! HUGS!
Excellent article!
Ohhhhh what a beautiful story and such a wonderful happy ending to a fresh new beginning! My closest cousin lost both breasts almost a year ago and has not cared one bit because her life was spared. I will send you her short link about her journey. Love you and so thankful you’re well! 
I had the same perspective with my skin cancer diagnosis. May we all grow cranky old. 
What a beautiful post. Many good vibes to you and your long life, still to be led. Hugs.
Thanks so much, Kathleen. From your mouth …. to God’s ears!
Cranky old would be a VERY good thing, Lisha. Let us all get there together! Appreciate the read and the comment.
I couldn’t have said it better myself, Jennifer. Life is worth everything. I was far less concerned about the breast as I was about the pain and the dying. Only natural I suppose. Mostly, I simply couldn’t find one single piece of me that was willing die sooner that I should. So happy to have you here!
Thanks, Scott. How lovely to hear such a great perspective. Thanks for that! So happy to know you are still lingering out there on the other side of my blog. Oh, happy day! Very few things take me away from my posts. This was clearly one of them. Fear does quite a number on you. NOT awesome. Let’s connect via email. Would love to hear how you are doing, my friend. 
Dearest Tammy, 
WOW! So glad you are still kicking Tammy! My Mom had a radical mastectomy at age 37 and she’s still kicking butt at 81! Such a lot to think about… we seem to lose track of the fact that anything could happen at any time to any one of us. 
Girlfriend, I am mighty relieved at your outcome. Iknow all too well that fear, having gone through it more than 20 years ago. But I was young and stupid and I would be way more terrified now. Blessings to you, your perspective and a toast to your continuing good health. oxxo
You are a person who is full of positive vibes. You bring fun and joy to all, especially me. I can understand your feelings. God bless you. 
Tammy, this is my favorite piece you’ve written. In fact, it’s my favorite piece that I have read in ages. So happy for your outcome, and so grateful for your perspective. You’re right, of course. And life is good (so are breasts, but life is better). 
Dear, Sweet, Wise, Witty, Tammy, soooooooooooo glad you and your special someone will be able to grow old and cranky together! Clapping & cheering the Universe was kind to you. You are a wonderful woman!
Thanks, sweet Vicki. There is no greater fear than that of the possibility of losing your life. Compared to that, breasts are a big yawn. Who knew?! I’m so very grateful for you. What a bright light you are to all who know you!
Laura Lee, I’m happy to be still kicking! We always think things like this happen to other people. It only stands to reason that we are bound to be “the other people” at some point in time. Something to ponder. So appreciate the read and the comment!
Carol, so wonderful hearing from you and reading all about your travels to your home land of Sicily. Awesome read! The Big C gets many people. The word alone stopped me in my tracks for at least 3 days. Fear is a liar. I have to remember….to remember THAT!
Oh, Anne, I’m THRILLED to see you comment here. Thank you for that! And for the very lovely and loving words you shared. I feel the very same about you, my friend. xoxo
Kim, you made me smile. Big. Thanks for that lovely compliment. Let us hope we have many years to come to share all of our happiness, angst and general bitching! I adore reading your blog, especially today’s love of orange!
Thanks, sweet Tana, for your kindness. Good to “be back”, so to speak. Fear is a cliff waiting to be jumped from. Not the best place for any heart to be. Fortunately, in real life, with real people and real love, fear is just vapor. So happy to have you here, my friend. Thanks for that. 
Oh Tammy so I get this. My mom had her first encounter with breast cancer when I was 11 and just starting to develop.No exaggeration, I have, since then, been waiting for the other shoe (or breast… I guess) to drop. Slightly different angle and issues. I love this piece, your perspective, and your willingness to speak frankly! Thank you! 
Hi Tammy, I’m so sorry to read that you have been dealing with all that. I know that even waiting for results of cancer screening can be excruciating. I’m relieved for you that the results were negative. I am confident that you will have every opportunity to live that full and happy life that you deserve. My love to you both.
Thanks, Laurie. I no longer have the confidence that vast years ahead are a sure thing. Maybe that’s a good thing. I take nothing for granted anymore. I will live with the biggest of gusto, all that is mine to live. And that is a good feeling. Love you both right back!
Ruth, I totally get it. Heredity has a lot to do with things. Cancer use to be a death sentence. I know that it isn’t anymore. But no matter how you look at it, cancer is life threat and a surety of physical misery beyond words. My breath gets stuck in my throat just thinking about it. As my 84 year old aunt always tells me: we are just visitors here. Thank you truly for the read and the comment. I appreciate them both very much.
Oh, Tammy, wow. Thanks for sharing your story which, thankfully, has a happy ending. May we all stay lucky.
Dear Tammy,
Oh dear lord…Tammy, I had no idea you were going through this. I am elated that things turned out positive and concur that being alive is more important than a body part or an organ. XO…BNIALW
First and foremost, you are free and clear. YEAH!! I am very happy for you. WITTY or not, I think that you wrote your feelings so beautifully and expressed what is really important, losing a breast but saving your life. The fortunate situation to be with someone who loves you and is by your side regardless can not help but make you feel special, warm and fuzzy inside. Once again, kudos to your thoughts, emotions and your ability to express them so beautifully.
Hi Mel, it doesn’t surprise me that you’ve been hit by the dreaded possibility. It seems if you live long enough, your reward is to be poked in the ribs by cancer or it’s possible visitation. Part of my fear is the memory of watching my father struggle to beat a non beatable foe. It was a brutal end for a man that deserved much more. There by the grace of God go I. Thank you, friend, for the read and the comment. Happy are here with me on this.
I am SO glad you are okay. I agree with you it is getting scarier the older we get but I am with you, if it will save my life take it! Did I say how happy I am that you are okay!
Your way with words never ceases to amaze me. As to ..’why are breasts so important to women’… well – because they represent the giving of life – nursing the baby – and the power that goes along with this. That sense of power with beautiful breasts never ceases to be with us – I believe. Men never cease to admire beautiful breasts and without that (in general I mean) we feel we lose some of our femininity and womanhood. I am taking and have taken hormones for so long I cannot remember. I think the results outdo the risk. But the balance of what you take is important. I don’t want to lose you ever, Tammy. You are a fresh flower in the universe. Joan Cooper
Awwww, Joan, I think that is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about me. Truly. I love being called a fresh flower in the universe. Love it! Thank you. You are right, men never cease to be enamored of breasts. And, yes, they are a big part of our femininity. Strangely, they have become quite insignificant in importance to me. I do love them, and I don’t want to lose them, but if doing so saved me, I couldn’t book the hospital room fast enough. Here’s to power beyond the breast! Thanks again, Joan, for just being you. 
Thank goodness you’re all clear. I agree with you completely, I would give up my breasts in an instant if it meant saving my life. We are so much more than our bodies, aren’t we???
I do SO agree, Sharon. Our bodies are only our outside skin. I value it … a LOT. But giving up a piece of it so that I could live? Yeah, no contest. I’m pretty sure I didn’t come out from under my rock for a good 3 weeks. I was boosting myself up for a stronger me that I was fairly sure I would need. I’m happy to report, I don’t. 
Tammy, it’s been awhile since we’ve connected but I think about you all the time because you have made such a huge impact on my life and inspired me! Thank you for sharing something so personal! Once again your an inspiration to us women no matter the age. I hope to speak to you again very soon! Stay healthy.
Hi Christina! Ever so lovely to hear from you! Thank you for the kind words, appreciate that very much. Blogging is sharing. I waited long enough to figure out how much I wanted to share. Then I thought “what the hell, just tell it like it is”. And so I did. Appreciate the read AND the comment. And I sincerely look forward to working with you again. You know where I am!  I’d be mortified. Or in jail. She would gladly share my dress size, the fact that I have chin hairs, that I’m an easy drunk (one glass of wine and I’m ready for a nap), how I talk (yell) at the television when watching the nightly news, that I eat in bed, my opinion on […]
I love this…I only wish that I could understand my little guy as well. I think he is much more interested in other dogs, squirrels, treats and getting petted.
Have you read Sam Harris’s book Lying? I’m reading it right now and I think you would REALLY like it! I love this: how I talk (yell) at the television when watching the nightly news… me too!
Interesting word – “If” I think, with your gift for words you should do a whole blog on the word – “If” Joan
If Riley could talk? I shudder to think.
Cool idea, Joan. So many of us have lived our lives based on the word “if”. I’ll give it some thought! Thanks for being here!
I can only imagine what my Biscotti might have to say. How fun would that be?
My point exactly, Carol! Talk about not being able to show your face in public! Haaa! Appreciate the read and the comment!
I love to believe the world could use this brand of honesty, sanity, and calm (not so sure about the Milk Bones). The things we confide and the unconditional affection that makes us vulnerable…. Spooky! Wonderful post!
I enjoy your humor and honesty so much!!! Keep it up, we love you!! 
I LOVE this!!! It’s so true that the way an animal experiences life is wonderful and peaceful and simple. And I agree that there are two sides to everyone- the public and the private, the commendable and the regrettable, but I think there’s a reason we’re not like our pets, or we might all still be living in caves. Actually- that might not be so bad.
Cheryl, love the “the commendable and the regrettable” comment! SO true. There are days when cave dwelling sounds pretty awesome to me. Just saying. Lately I’m finding a serenity in the going back to basics logic. Of course, I take my dog with me!
We all know that dogs are loving. Lock you dog and significant other/spouse/etc. in the trunk for a few hours. When you open the trunk, which one is happy to see you?
Is it the Seasonal change that makes us all want to nestle and get back to simple pleasures? I know as soon as I feel the ‘shift’ I change gears. Maybe it’s our age and the wisdom that that imparts? Either way- I hear you and I’m riding in the seat next to you. Beautiful post. Wonderful writing…. of course. Thanks my dear friend for giving me something to think about.
This post makes me miss my dog Taz, who left us this past May after over 13 years of wonderful companionship. He taught us many lessons. I try to love as unconditionally as he did.
Dear Tammy,
I’ve always thought that my dog’s unconditional love and adoration was worth every sock he chewed and every poop I scooped. And you’re right, we need to love ourselves as our dogs love us!
Tammy~In answer to your question why we’re not as honest in public as in private (and even in private not as honest as we might be) is most of us … okay I can’t speak for others so I’ll admit that my experience has been when I’ve shared something personal, the truth, been extremely honest, and it’s been thrown back in my face and/or bitten me in the butt. That gets old. Would love to say I’ve only done this once or twice. No so. There was always something in me that hoped, “This time will be different.” Not sure when I decided that wasn’t to be and/or I just wasn’t in the mood to take that chance any more. That’s my tale. As always, you have a lovely way of putting your words together. It is a talent I admire my friend. Still, you don’t mention how you evolved to the public/private persona. Would love to hear about its evolution if you care to share. Am respectful if you don’t. *smiles warmly*
There’s a reason dog is God spelled backwards. I am totally missing our beloved dogs now, and am thinking it’s going to be time to get another one soon. It’s hard to live without that unconditional love and unbridled enthusiasm. I do get those from my husband but he’s not quite as tolerant of my singing as my Chow Chow and Newfy used to be 🙂 
You really have me wondering what my dogs would say. They would probably say how much fun they have running from me after taking my underwear out their doggie door and burying it in the garden along with my keys and shoes. (the vet says they don’t want me to leave, awww)
Dogs are THE best and THE most honest and loving. I miss my dogs beyond reason!
Thanks, Mel, so happy you enjoyed the read. It was great fun to write. I do love my pooch of 13 years. We are old souls together, now. Understanding each others needs without a spoken word or command. A grace and dance of love and appreciation. Something I will gravely miss when she is no longer. Until then, I openly talk with her, all the while teasing her how she better not repeat what she just heard or saw. If a dog could giggle, I imagine she would.
I do SO agree with you, Kim. They are worth every single pee spot, aggravation, pet sitting fees, etc. There is no true measure of a dogs worth, because it is so great and so profound in its purity that it’s only when we are with them we consider ourselves for what we are …. mere mortals. I have been graced by many a dog and a cat in my lifetime. Tender mercies…all of them!
Interesting thought, isn’t it, Doreen? I think we’ve all met those women who are completely different with men than they are with other women. Sad, really. How many faces can one have without feeling confused or overwhelmed? A dogs perspective puts it all into balance. They give us a daily dose of those things that matter: love, harmony, food, water, a warm bed, and a loving lap to lean in to. A dog that has those things considers themselves to be rich. I’m thinking we should too!
So happy you enjoyed the read, Tana. I completely understand your tale. It is the same for many, myself as well. Still, I forged ahead and found that when my attitude changed, so did the outcome. I no longer give a rats ass what people think of me. No lie. I am quite happy to be who I am, and proud that I’ve made it this far. For only I know the real distance, pain, and turmoil it took to get here. And only I can celebrate myself in proper fashion. And so I do. One day, over a cup of java, we will share. Thank you for being here. I do so appreciate you!
my dogs and cats have seen me through thick and thin, but my pups love me more, my turtle is plotting to get out of his tank and eat me 
Tammy,
THANKS, Carol. So happy to see you here! Yup, it is all true. God love those fuzz buckets that complete our home life with such grace and devotion. Can’t imagine what it would be like without them. Thanks for popping by…..it was awesome! 
If your doggie could talk, you’d start taking the 5 o’clock tea and talk for long hours!
Lily, if my dog could talk I’d probably leave the house a lot less often. I’m quite sure that the conversation would be amazingly stimulating! YES, high tea would be a daily event! 
I could not agree more. I have often thought the world would be a better place if my dogs did more of the running of things and I could sit around and scratch. I’m not telling what! |
Susan Smart - And, happy new year to you, my dearest friend. I have thought about you so much these past few months. You both have had many
trials, but this is a new year, with new beginning’s, and I have
great hope that you both will come out on top ! With a smile
and sweet dreams, we all might find out that there is truly
goodness waiting for each of us. I am not so sure about the
world, but we must never lose faith in that,too. Email and let
me know the latest. Love you bunches.
Tammy - Susan, this WAS a year I was eager to leave behind! Just makes me look forward to what lie ahead with even more vigor. Coming out on top is the plan. Fingers crossed. Also plan on seeing you again…..keep that guest suite warm and tell Cassie I’m coming. Love you ever so much!
Joan Cooper - Humerous as always. You mirror what we all feel. The details may be different but the result about the same.
I keep asking myself – what is it all about ??? Still have no answer.
Keep smiling in your own special way. So happy you and Steven are happy together. It was a long haul for him too.
Suerae Stein - Happy New Year to you, dear Tammy! I hope that you are recovered and ready to start anew. I wish you all the best that 2015 has to offer. You are an inspiration to me!
Tammy - I’m not at all sure there are any answers, Joan. But if I stumble over any, I’ll share them with you. Yes, Steven waited over 40y years for the “right” person. Happy to know it was me all along. Happy New Year, my friend.
Tammy - Suerae, I am a work in progress (understatement of the year). I wish the best for you too, my friend. If deserving good things meant it would come true, life would be fair. Instead, we work, plan, hope and pray. And we share our struggles and triumphs. Kind of awesome when you think about it. And you, are an inspiration to ME. Happy New Year!
Donna Highfill - Tammy – I love your honesty. And I can absolutely empathize with how you feel. I finally have realized that perhaps our sense of “what’s it all about” is exactly what we should be asking. Right before my dad passed away at 63 years of age, he said, “See all of my degrees? They mean nothing. The car I drive? Means nothing. Be kind to people, Donna. Smile at them, open doors, help them. That’s it.” I’m starting to think he’s right. Perhaps we make everything a little too complicated.
mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
What I like best about your column (s) is despite what mistakes were made, no matter how bruised you are, you pop up like a cork with a most POSITIVE attitude, (which is everything), the glass full/empty sort of thing. We are all slightly used, hopefully not damaged too much.
Chloe Jeffreys - You have such a way with words. I feel like I’ve been through the ringer in this part year. Everything I always feared was true about women, but never allowed myself to risk, turned out to be true. Now I’m left wondering if I’ll ever trust again. Trust myself. Trust others. Fuck, I don’t know. What the hell are we supposed to be learning here anyway? I love my unconventional life and yet I am changed in ways I don’t understand. Maybe by 60 I’ll have it worked out. But in the meantime I’m flag you wrote this. I feel just a little less alone.
Tana Bevan - Tammy~Those whom call you friend (and have you call them friend) are very lucky individuals. Once again you’ve shown you are a woman to be admired. And admire you I do. Touche’ Tammy Bleck, Touche.
Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - Happy New Year! As always, a great read, hits the nail right on the head!!
Tammy - Hi Mel, happy new year to you! My aunt always tells me that I’m like a cat, meaning I have 9 lives. I do always come up for more. More trying, more experimenting, more risking. Just more. My glass isn’t always half full, but it’s no lie that I feel very fortunate most of my days. I think it comes from starting from the bottom and appreciating anything that is better than that. So wonderful to hear from you. Be well and stay warm!
Tammy - Hi Chloe, trust me, there is no magic answer when you hit 60. I’m still waiting. Figuring things out is exhausting. I’m beginning to believe that there are no real answers to hurt, trust, love and pain. It’s all on our shoulders to work it through. Harsh. I know you’ve had a tough year. I’m betting your were just as happy to see 2014 out the door as I was. No. You are not alone. You are in excellent company. Happy to be among it.
Tammy - Hi Tana, gee, seems like ages. Thanks so much for your kind words. I’m not at all sure I am to be admired. Jury is still out, I think. I’m just a girl working it through. Relentless is a hard thing to keep up, but it is required of us if we are to get where we want to go. Still, I found that if you bow out for a while, the sun still rises, the problems are still there and it all waits for you to come back. Hope all is well on your side of the fence. Hopping over to your blog to pay you a long overdue visit!
Helene Cohen Bludman - You are strong and funny — forget about the damaged part. We are all reinventing ourselves to some extent at this age, and I have every confidence that you will find something new and wonderful around the corner.
jamie@southmainmuse - Happy New Year! Sounds like you have wonderful changes in store. And yes. In my opinion, one of the major benefits of aging is learning from things we don’t ever want to do again. Each moment is precious. Whether uncomfortable or not.
Tammy - AMEN to that, Jamie! Thanks for being here. Awesome!
Carol Cassara - This post is wonderful. I can feel your joy at life and also your frustration with the sit-still. I love you, girl, I do!
Susan Melchiori - You posted this on a day that I really needed it. You make me stop and think about what is important. Thank you.
Lisa Carpenter - That’s such a fine response from your fiance on being damaged. So very true… and kind. I, like you, have trouble relaxing fully. I need to slow down and savor the moments. Thank you for the inspiration.
Myrna Alpern - Hi Tammy, – You resonate with so many people, again ! Since I’m older and not necessarily smarter, I learned the value of what your saying when disasters occur. Why do the truly important things in life always are learned through adversity. Where is that written? I want to see what I missed by skipping to the end of the “Book of Knowledge”. Yes, sweetheart, your right, but at least we got the message. Forget, climbing the ladder of success and keeping up with everyone else’s priorities. Our NEEDS are truly very simple as opposed to our WANTS. Let’s keep it simple and you obviously have gotten the message too. Love you
Cathy Chester - If life was only sweet we’d never feel it’s sweetness. Only through adversity do we learn the goodness in our lives. You are doing great, Tammy, and it shows in this post. You have wonderful changes happening, so embrace the moment and revel in it. You deserve it.
Lois Alter Mark - Amen. Your fiance’s response was absolutely perfect – and so true. And I am laughing so hard at that photo. I can totally relate.
Tammy - I am totally embracing all that comes to me this year, Cathy. Last year I did the same but truth be told, right about October I was spent. Completely depleted of the energy I needed to go through the things I needed to endure. But I persevered and have come out the other side of the tunnel. Not going to lie, won’t miss 2015! Happy to have you here. Thanks for that!
Nancy Hill - I think we are alike in that we cannot be still. When I slow down physically I speed up mentally and visa versa. Used and damaged… just means we do stuff and take risks…. Love it.
Debi @MomOnMars - This reminds me of the Velveteen rabbit. Slightly used and damaged is what makes us alive. It shows that we loved and are loved.
Jeanne Reddick - Nice blog. Nice outlook. Hope your tootsie and your Steven are doing well.
Tammy - Hi Debi, I am one of the very few who have never read the Velveteen Rabbit. That is about to change It IS what reminds us that we lived, dared, loved and were/are loved. I adore that outlook! Thanks so much for being here and sharing!
Tammy - Hi Jeanne! So happy to hear from you and so glad you enjoyed the read. The tootsie is slow in getting up to speed. One day at a time. Steven is recuperating well and all is as it should be. That being said, would like NEVER to do that again! Paris next year?
Sisters From Another Mister - Maybe we should go with gently used 😉
Happy to see a new year roll in … thinking only good things!
Michele - Tammy, I enjoy your blog so much! Your topics are always so timely and this one in particular resonates with my own life. Navigating the waters of change is quite an interesting mixture of fear and excitement. Strange to have those two emotions cohabitating in my brain simultaneously. Thank you for your reassuring words that not only will we survive, we will thrive! Best to you!
Tammy - I LOVE “gently used”, Sisters! Good thoughts from this end too for a happy, peaceful and prosperous year. From my mouth … to Gods ears! Thanks for the read and the comment.
Tammy - Hi Michele, so happy to hear it, thank you! You’ve put it very well; navigating change IS an interesting mix of fear and excitement. It seems that mid life often presents those two emotions hand in hand. Aren’t we the lucky ones?! Very best to YOU, my friend. So very happy to know you are on the other side of my blog. Thank you for that.
Lee Lefton - I think damaged is way overstating things. You’re about the last person in the world I’d call ‘damaged goods.’
On a much more positive note, I couldn’t wait for the Helms truck either. There was a young man in the neighborhood who asked the driver for a doughnut one day, then ran into his house without paying. When the driver rang the door, the boy’s mother told him her son was developmentally disabled. Every day from then on, the driver gave the young man a free doughnut.
I also have fond memories of the Good Humor Man. I can still sing the tune that announced when the truck was coming.
Boy, I sure do miss those days!
Andrea Beltrami - FAN-FRIGGIN-TASTIC post Tammy! What a breath of fresh air and a welcome change from the stale goal oriented posts that litter January. Here’s to celebrating the used and damaged things and people in life, including ourselves! At the end of the day that’s the sh*t that really matters. Kudos for the raw and shamefully honest inspiration lady! ;)….And h/t to Ande Lyons for sharing this on G+ so I could discover it. {high fives to both}
T.O. Weller - Tammy, thank you for sharing this story at just the right time. I was just joking with my mechanic yesterday that my 10 year old car and I are both in the same boat: a little used and damaged.
He chuckled. I chuckled. But it’s the truth … and that’s not always a bad thing. Really, if I wasn’t at this point, I’d be asking whether I’d really lived.
Tammy - So pleased to have you here, T.O. I love your outlook! You are right, of course, if we weren’t slightly used and damaged, we surely would have missed out on way too many of life’s adventures. After all, playing is safe never reaped any rewards worth having.
Melanie Kissell - I just keep throwing gutter balls, Tammy, but I’m staying in my lane. 🙂
This post is a bit spooky — sounds a hell of a lot like MY life. LOL