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Can a sassy woman blogger shame the NFL even if she doesn’t know a thing about football?

Just watch me. Hey NFL, if I were your mother, I would take you out of the game. No time outs, no suspensions. I would throw your disrespectful ass out on the dirty street where it belongs. Your behavior is reprehensible, disgusting, and shows absolutely no regard for your players or their families. It is […]

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Joan Cooper - Well said, Tammy.

It is puzzling to me why the NFL does not have counseling available to its’ players who have problems, and keep a file on that. Yes, this is an investment for them, so why do they not protect that investment and also help their men who so much need help.

You know me Tammy – I put Vick at the top of the list for hanging in public. This is the ultimate violation – to hurt a flesh and blood creature who has no chance to fight back. Rice’ lady married him fully knowing his violence. That is a little different. Not approving – but she did have a fighting chancre – no pun intended.


Linda Lichtman - I’m cancelling my season’s NFL tickets and donating the $$$ to a battered women’s shelter.

Tana Bevan - What is an appropriate punishment? Well, seems to me castration along with a frontal lobotomy. Then place him in a room/stadium of women while showing the video. Let justice be done. (Wouldn’t be surprised to learn vigilante justice is on the rise.)

Tammy - Joan, I AGREE with you on ALL counts. That is rare for us. I welcome the company. It’s all so disgusting to know that it’s part of our “Americana”. God help us.

Tammy - OMG, Linda, that is FREAKING BRILLIANT! So LOVE the idea. Man, would that many will follow in your footsteps! Thank you for being here, my friend.

Tammy - Tana, this is all so crazy and out of whack. I’m learning that the NFL will allow him to play sooner than later. What the hell?! Women need to take over this shit. Men are clearly incapable of looking past their wallets. UGH! Do like the stadium suggestion!

Helene Cohen Bludman - I am so disgusted with this Ray Rice incident and the sloppy way the NFL has dealt with it. And I hate that his wife is defending him.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
As with politics and business, the bottom line is the bottom line. Now sports. The NFL is a cash cow and nobody wants to see that the milk is sour.Shepard Smith interviewed an ex-wife of an ex NFLers today who admitted she was the victim of domestic abuse, and the coach of her husband’s team told her NOT to report the incident.
I am sure ping pong has its dirty elements, but not on such a large scale. Sportsmanship? integrity? fair play? Those concepts, my dear, are gone with the wind. And we will always have football playing Mondays, Sundays, now Thursdays just outside of Tara.

Kim Tackett - I’m not a football fan, so no love lost. But it seems that the game
itself is an exercise in violence (like I said, not a fan, so the strategy part is invisible to me), so why are we surprised when the athletes, or stars, behave in this way? I do hope this opens up a conversation and real changes are made. Thanks for this piece!

Lisa @ Grandma's Briefs - There are so many ways in which the NFL needs to shape up, do the right thing. Will it ever happen? Doubtful. It’s an endless exercise in frustration.

Tammy - *Big Sigh* No doubt you are right, Mel. 60 Minutes did an expose last year on the NFL on how they drugged up wounded players to play. One would think that was illegal. They didn’t flinch. Like the NRA, they don’t have to. What a crazy world we live in.

Tammy - Hi Kim, happy to have you here. Yup, it opened up conversation alright. Let’s see if anything comes of it. Fingers crossed!

Tammy - It IS an endless exercise in frustration! As long as those tickets get sold, this will continue. Only when they are hit where it hurts, in the wallet, will it matter. How sad is that?!

Tammy - I’m with you Helene. His wife’s actions are even more bizarre. It seems clear that priorities are completely upside down. Can you imagine this kind of incident happening in baseball 40 years ago? Of course not. Baseball prided itself on integrity and the honesty and purity of the game. Too bad we’ve lost touch with that sentiment.

Toni McCloe - The NFL said today that they did not see the video of Rice hitting his fiancee. They saw only a video of him dragging his fiancee out of the elevator. Duhhh??? “dragging!!!”

Tammy - You made me laugh, Toni. Duhhhh! Yup, I would think that if you see a guy dropping and dragging his fiancée out of an elevator and not even bending over to see how she is, that something not so awesome went down. This post was picked up by HUFFPOST today, and as it turns out, they DID see the entire video in April. Shocker. Not. These guys are cover up artist, crooks of the worst kind. Send them all to jail! Bah!!

Ruth Curran - Oh you are preaching to the choir on this one. I get it that holding professional athletes up as role models is not always a good idea but criminal behavior is a different story. Great post

lizzy - Pro teams have always been about the revenue. What is, sad is hearing the Commish saying he hoped the couple would work things out. Huh??? Would he hope his daughter stay with a guy who beats the shit out of her? This is all so classic victim that it’s shocking and heartbreaking. A great lesson for the public on domestic abuse, victims, and why they stay.

Tammy - Ruth, we are on the same page. If only everyone else was too. Thanks ever so for the read and the comment!

Tammy - Lizzy, holy cow, I didn’t hear that from the commish. That is insane! I’m sure the tables would be turned if it were his daughter. At least, we hope so. The poor money hungry lying scum. Wait … was that my outside voice? You’re right…it is a great lesson for the public and hopefully some good dialogue will come of it.

WendysHat - This is a whole other world from the one I live in. Sad state of affairs I’m afraid.

Janice Wald - I agree with your thoughts. However, do you feel all NFL members should be shamed for the behavior of a group within their professional? Should all take the fall for the behavior of some?

Tammy - Hi Janice, absolutely NOT. But I do believe that the institution which has harbored, hidden and controlled matters unbecoming a civilized company need to be called out for what they are-greedy bastards. Shame on the NFL for not caring if their players are injured, abusers or uneducated. In America we are more than about the money. We are about the game, the players, the families and the fairness of it all. Not lately!

nfl now - Thanks for the post.

I Want To Be A Gross, Stereotypical Objectification. Don’t You?

It’s not often I profess to know more than Newsweek or the Chicago Tribune. But I sure as hell do today. A lot is being said about Sofia Vergara’s rotating pedestal act at the Emmys. Most of it bad. Very bad. Newsweek and the Chicago Tribune are just a small slice of the pie. Social […]

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Jeffrey Davidson - Right on! It was a clever way to spice up what was otherwise an uninspiring portion of the Emmy’s. As you stated, she is a successful model, spokesperson, business woman, actress, entertainer, etc. And, she is probably crying all the way to the bank with her estimated $20,000,000 annual.

She is not an athlete that kids look up to that do drugs and commit other crimes. She is not a Rap star that kids look up to that do drugs and commit other crimes.

Make her success your role model.

Joan Cooper - WOW oh WOW. You really have a way with words. I cannot believe the Latina Community doesn’t like her. I am an avid fan of Telemundo – I admire the Novellas for their superb acting and story line which, is unlike anything in the U.S. as you cannot guess the next step in the story.

However, while there is a very strong line of family and all, there is also a strong line of violence. Guns and more creative acts of violence are continual. Why doesn’t the Latina Community do something about that and leave pretty women alone.

Latinos are male dominated. Interesting that they have to pick on a lovely and successful woman. What are they afraid of ???

Joan Cooper

Kim Tackett - Ok, so now I am totally bummed they didn’t have dueling spinning platforms, with Hugh Jackman on the other one!

Carole Milligan - I’m a stagehand brat and stagehand wife-my father worked in the Los Angeles TV and stage industry, and my husband works in the same industry. Hubby works most of the award shows, and he worked on the Emmys.

I usually don’t watch award shows, as I am jaded from a lifetime of exposure to the industry. I did not watch the Emmys. I have been reading all the negative comments about Sofia’s performance on the turntable, and thought wow, she must have practically been doing a striptease to garner all the negative responses.

And then, thanks to your post, I watched the video of what happened. I found it cute and laughable, and thought she did a great job looking surprised at being asked to step up on the turntable, and found nothing offensive about the slight posturing she did.

As an FYI to all, shows are scripted. The performers practice; they follow direction from the producers. Sofia was not ad-libbing up there, she agreed to follow direction. There was a stagehand under the stage, slowly moving the turntable by hand.

As a proud Latina hybrid myself, I thank you for your perspective, and bringing a voice of reason to the debate.

Tammy - Hi Jeffrey! Happy to see you here, it’s been a while. Glad that you enjoyed the read. We are on the same page (no surprise there). I, too, thought is was a clever way to add spark to an “uninspiring” portion of the show. People are way too sensitive these days, pushing their angst and anger onto other people. To them, I say, get over it. To you, I say, thank you!

Tammy - Joan, you’ve made such good points and offered a different perspective. Awesome! Latino television IS filled with violence, sex and immorality. Yes, we don’t hear any complaints about that, do we? You are right …. they should leave the lovely, successful woman alone. People are so obsessed with pointing the finger and placing the blame. All nonsense. Thanks, Joan, for your offering here.

Tammy - Hey, Kim, how much you want to bet that we will see something like that next year?! But I think your idea would have alleviated the hate spewing we have witnessed. I, for one, would have truly appreciated it! *giggling*

Tammy - Hi Carole, what a refreshing point of view, thank you. Rarely do we get an “insiders” look at things like this. I, too, thought she was pretty awesome as she feigned surprise and went along for the ride. As you duly noted, the woman didn’t strip, she playfully postured throughout the speech. I am so appreciative of your input and sharing here. Thanks for that!

Donna Highfill - I was grateful that I didn’t have to just listen to that guy drone on and on. I thought her body language was hilarious. Comedy is tough these days, because people are all crouched in an attack position waiting to jump on satire. Lighten up, people. Everything is NOT a political statement. We’re giving too much power to the sour people. Go join Oscar the Grouch in the trashcan and let us have a little fun.

Terri - She is absolutely adorable with an awesome sense of humor! You are so right!!! Thank you for your comments!

Lois Alter Mark - It’s obvious that she’s smart, talented and has a better sense of humor than anyone trying to put her down for her comic actions. And she was much more interesting than the guy who was actually speaking!

Tammy - Hi Donna, you said a mouthful … “everything is NOT a political statement”. Geesh, you are a genius, Donna Highfill. It’s always the negative peeps that garner the media attention. Oscar the Grouch, eh? I’m thinking you and I should be sitting down and watching some serious Sesame Street with a bucket of hot fudge sundae’s. Are you in? Love having you here!

Tammy - Terri, I do so agree with you …. agreeing with me. Haaa! You are too sweet. Happy t have you here, thanks for that!

Tammy - Lois, she WAS so much more interesting that the guy talking. That was the whole point. And the conclusion of his speech was perfection the way it tied into her giving the audience something good to look at. Appreciate the read AND the comment, Lois, thank you.

Suzanne Stavert - People can be so dense! If they were offended or felt sorry for Sofia they totally missed the point. There was a great deal of intelligent writing on the Emmys. I am certain that it went over some people’s heads. Thanks for pointing this out.

Tammy - Suzanne, I’d like to think there were more of us that “got it” than those who didn’t. But the way social media lit up and crucified her, blaming her for the downing of Latinas everywhere and exploiting her sexuality thereby taking women down to a sex pot level in everyone’s eyes. As Charlie Brown would say … Good Grief! Thanks for the read and the comment!

Anne Louise Bannon - I get that it’s a joke and rather satirical. I guess the part that bothers me about it is that, alas, that’s the only way we see women on TV: as objects to drool over. (Although I am drooling over Vergara’s dress – that was gorgeous.) It’s getting better, but it’s still worrisome. And we don’t get to see guys this way. I would seriously have loved to see Hugh Jackman on that rotating pedestal. I also thought it was a little insulting to the Academy that people thought their mission was so boring they had to put Vergara up there.
Nonetheless, Vergara can do what she wants. If I don’t like what she did, I sure as heck won’t give her more attention by tweeting, Facebooking, etc.

WendysHat - Obviously they all have too much time on their hands. Didn’t see it. Don’t care to. I’m sure she wouldn’t be doing anything she didn’t want to do. Why does everyone now days get so worked up over EVERYTHING?

Chloe Jeffreys - I haven’t even seen it and I already know I agree with you. Sheesh. People really don’t have anything to do with their time, do they?

Tammy - Anne, I totally respect and understand your point of view. Her dress WAS gorgeous. I can guarantee you it would not have looked that good if I had worn it. Sigh. There are a LOT of strong women in the media, television, movies and a LOT of some pretty stupid men in all those venues as well. I take them all with the grain of salt that they are simply entertainment. None of them depict real people as they are or should be. That’s why they call it acting. I wouldn’t mind a gig that pays that well! Thank you, Anne, for sharing your point of view. Grateful for that!

Tammy - Wendy, no kidding! It seems people are just sitting around waiting to point the finger. Geesh!

Tammy - Hi Chloe, you should take a peek at it, there is a link at the end of the post. Harmless stuff. So agree with you….people really don’t have anything better to do with their time. Sad, really.

Becky Blades - Love how you shake things up, Tammy. Things that SHOULD be shaken. Or stirred. It’s one of the few times I wished I had watched the VMA awards. You had me at “rotating pedestal.”

My two teen daughters say “people who make the world annoying fall into two categories: “Haters gonna hate.” or “Bitches need a sense of humor.”

Tammy - Thanks, Becky! Shaking things up is a habit I can’t seem to break. Tell your two beautiful daughters that are pretty smart and most likely super correct in their assumption. Haters and no humor makes for a tough world. So happy to have you here, Becky. Thanks for that!

Ande Lyons - “It is better to be looked over than overlooked.” ~Mae West

I LOVE your view of the world Tammy Bleck. I thought Sofia was funny, delicious and ooooh la la at the Emmys. It was a clever way to get through the Academy’s boring speech… and I especially loved when she spanked her derriere… so sassy and brilliant. But then, I’m a huge fan of Mae West… so yes, if you’ve got… flaunt it… with humor and a twinkle in your eye!



Tammy - THANKS, Ande, I do so agree with the unflappable Mae! Sometimes we should judge less and enjoy more. Life is generally better that way. So appreciate the read and the support….as always. You, my darling, are beyond awesome!

Sharon - Thank you, thank you thank you, for your comments!
I never reply to anything but I just had to on this!!
I totallly enjoyed and loved what Sofia Vergara did.
I thought it was very funny and not at all wrong.
It is amazing to me that when a woman has talent and
works so hard to have people enjoy it, is then successful
she at a moments notice can be trashed by the media.
Thank you Sofia for the laughs you give and please don’t stop.
Thank you Tammy for for sticking up for her!!!!!

Tammy - Thank YOU, Sharon! It seems that these days it’s easier to follow the pack and criticize. Sad really. Your comments ring true for so many people who think along the same lines. So happy, Sharon, that you found your way here, and happy that I found you. Thanks for that.

mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
I think America has lost its sense of humor. Nobody forced her on the pedestal. (Shouldn’t all women be placed on a pedestal, or am I objectifying?)We live in serious times, ISIS and such, and we need humor, anything to offset the constant drum of bad news and the boring voting speech that the suit had to make. I agree with you 100% and will continue top look at pretty women, as long as they smile at me.

Tammy - Mel, I’ll ALWAYS smile at you, but not sure that counts. I agree!! We have lost our sense of humor. Then there are the well adjusted people like you and me (laughing convincingly). Life will always be a bit rosier for those of us who find humor from women on pedestals! I’m betting that pretty women still smile at you. Every day! Appreciate the read, Mel. Thanks for being here!

Michele Jeffers - Yes! That was so much fun to read! I just love a good “give ’em what for” now and again. And, as usual, you were spot on!

Tammy - Thanks, Michele! You are awesome to say so. So nice to know there are at least two of us who think alike. Thanks EVER SO MUCH for being here!

maureen - Hi Tammy,

I loved your perspective on this. People cannot or should not be expected to represent and entire community. As an entertainer, she did just that. She was fun, silly, and as you said whimsical. Something most of us could do with a little more of!

Tammy - Thanks, Maureen! So appreciate your comment and happen to agree with it whole heartedly! No surprise there. Thanks ever so much for being here.

A guy - I know this is an older post but just watched the video now and to mock it and argue that it’s derogatory to women is just way too uptight, it’s not like she even wore just a bikini. You’re probably right that there would have been no or at least fewer reactions to a shirtless Hugh Jackman, and I can relate to the fact that women are often held responsible as a general spokesperson and for promoting “objectification” of women as a group if they pull off stunts like that.I’m working part time for a charity organisation and we have fundraiser events where an audience can “bid” for a date among us volunteers, that will be standing on a stage during the bidding, and having our female volunteers on a stage at all stirred quite some controversy when the concept was started while there were no reactions of importance to (mandatory) shirtless guys.

While I’m not trying to make a “men have it worse than women” argument I just find it strange for some people to claim that women endorse objectification of women as a group if they do stunts like this, while the same is not true for men.

Tammy - Hi A Guy! How refreshing to hear your point of view. I share it whole heartedly. Same standards do not apply, unfortunately. Not sure they ever will. So happy to have you here, thanks for that!

Heaven Didn’t Wait

I don’t know if there is a gate in heaven. Truth be told, I’m not all that sold on heaven itself. I hope that if there is a heaven to look forward to, that it’s not the one I learned about in my Catholic catechism or my Baptist teachings. Because if that were true, then […]

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mel glenn - Dear Tammy,
A most compassionate column with a beautiful last last line, “….don’t press to find it.” Even Shepard Smith on FOX called RW a “coward,” but I agree, nobody can judge what drives a man or woman to the edge and over it. It’s a desire for the release of pain. (Today’s news story was that he felt crushed by money concerns – alimony payments)Would there be an accepting heaven, not sure there is one at all.) I feel for his children; they will be scarred. Suicide has consequences for the living. See scene in “Good Will Hunting” to understand the inability of one man to understand another’s pain.

Joan Cooper - Dear Tammy – you have such a way with words. No one could pay a more wonderful tribute to Robin Williams. He was lucky to have you in his audience.

Life is hard. Was this really what God or the gods wanted ? I see them sitting around watching our planet like a TV novella. Human’s are an amazing creation. So is nature. When I get too far from nature I feel myself start to lose touch. Mother Teresa questioned it all at the end. She asked how a good god could allow the cruelty all around us (?). Oh yes – we are endowed with ‘free will’. We really have to work hard to understand that when we face the mean nasty things life can hand out.

Thank you for that lovely piece for Robin Williams. Makes us all think.


Jenn - a thoughtful reflection on this sad event and some of the sadder public response.

Tammy - Mel, I wish I knew the answer to “would there be an accepting heaven”. All we are taught about God is forgiveness and love. If that is true, then the wondering can stop. I guess we won’t know until we get there. I also heard many cruel comments. Awful. What makes a person believe they can judge another? One must wonder. Of course, it is always those who are left behind that must deal with the pain. It is all so very, very sad. Thank you, Mel, for you sharing and insight.

Tammy - Joan, we DO have to work hard to understand all that life brings our way. So much of it is tragic. I share Mother Theresa’s point of view. However, this earth is run by mankind. And we both know there is no more destructive species that lives. Continue to look on the bright side of the heart. There is much there to hold on to! Thank you for the read and the comment, Joan!

Tammy - Thanks for that, Jenn. So appreciate the read and the sharing. Life can be cruel. People crueler.

Tana Bevan - “That is what suicide is, I think. Ridding yourself of a horror you can no longer bear the weight of. I can’t imagine it, and my eyes tear up and my heart breaks at the thought of it.”

You have an amazing way with words my friend. Thank you.

Tammy - As do you, my friend. As do you! It is a subject that I am personally unfamiliar with. Thank God. But that touches me grievously non the less. Appreciate the read, and of course, the kind comment!

Mary Lanzavecchia - Having lost my brother 4 years ago to suicide, I heard many comments that were unbelievable to me. Comments that he had committed a sin and was selfish. I couldn’t believe my ears; the insensitivity that cut into my broken heart. I ached for my brother the man who felt so lost and whose pain ran so deep and I ached more for the children he left behind.

Lovely post, Tammy. You’re right; we are all privileged to have witnessed his light shine while it did and owe nothing but respect to his family as they move through the days, months, and years ahead toward a “new normal.”

Tammy - Mary, so very, very sorry about the loss of your brother. It’s beyond horrible what people believe they have a right to say. They have NO right to pitch in their opinions. Not then or now. Let us consider ourselves lucky to have had these wonderful people in our lives and to bear witness to their contributions of family, love and giving. Hugs to you, my new friend, and warm thanks for your sharing.

Lois Alter Mark - Such a great post. It’s not up to any of us to judge Robin Williams or anyone who commits suicide. I can’t imagine the pain someone must feel to reach that point. It’s up to us to be compassionate to the family they leave behind and to try to help people never get to that point in the first place. Robin Williams will be greatly missed.

Tammy - What a wonderful world it would be if we could prevent this disease from taking any one from us again. If only. And yet, if we can send men to the moon, this should be attainable. From your mouth to Gods ears, Lois. Thank you for being here!

Kitt Crescendo - Tammy, I have found myself both frustrated and ashamed of the way our media/press handles celebrity death…or celebrities in general. We don’t allow families their space to grieve. We get so nosy about the gory details. I truly feel for the loved ones left behind in these situations.

Like you, I adored Robin Williams. Always have. Was I devastated to learn of his passing? Of course. Yet my sense of loss is minute compared to what his family must be experiencing…and they’re under microscopes. Me? I’ll pray for them and hope they find some measure of peace. I won’t be judging Robin. It’s not my job. My job is to love and give and try to make my world a better place how and where I can.

Susan Smart - Dearest Tammy ……Perfect.

Janie Emaus - This was a beautiful tribute. So well written and well, I just had to comment even though I’m leaving at 4:30am and should be packing!

Tammy - I too am ashamed of our media system of coverage for things like this. It’s embarrassing and humiliating. It’s also depicts us as a nation in such a sad despicable way. *sigh* We are better than that as a whole. People generally reach out as you have with prayers and genuine tears of grief for those left behind. I’m right there with you. So glad to see you here. I’ve missed you!

Tammy - Susan, that is the nicest thing anyone could say. Thank you, my friend. I miss you.

Tammy - Oh, Janie, I’m so happy you made time for me. Thank you for the kindest of reviews! Appreciate the read! Safe travels to you….uh, leaving at 4:30? What journey would be worth that wake up? You must keep me posted on that. Wonderful to hear from you. Truly.

Doreen McGettigan - Some of those comments were horrific. My family was very rattled by the comments and by the sheriff’s press conference. My stepson died the same way. The sheriffs graphic detail left us praying Robin’s family was not watching.
Our priest told us if you are mentally ill and die of suicide you do go to heaven. I find it all very confusing but cannot imagine Robin Williams anywhere right now but in Heaven making all of the angels and the stars laugh.

Tammy - Neither can I, Doreen. Neither can I. Religion is confusing. The rules seems to change and flux and sins have degrees. I have to think that there are no such idiocies in Gods place. Loving hearts are accepted. It can’t be any other way. I’m so very sorry to hear of your stepson. It’s brutal. I can’t imagine. I too prayed that Robins family was not watching the news as the sheriff spoke of the details. I, myself, turned off the television. Some things I don’t need to know. Thank you for the read, Dorren, and the comment. Wonderful to hear your sharing.

Maliss - Your spot on! Hugs Tammy

Tammy - Happy to hear it, Maliss. Happy you enjoyed the read, and do so appreciate the comment!

Jean-Pierre Smith - Tammy, Thank you so much for those word. You are spot on.

Tammy - Thank YOU for the read, Jean-Pierre. I do so appreciate your kindness.

Myrna Alpern - Hi Tammy,

I just signed up for your seminar, and I’m looking forward to it. I had hoped that you were going to do it. The person you recommended to me in fact, recommended YOU as the person to call for expert advice.

Obviously, there is a HUGH void in this industry for the expert. We can’t keep spreading you so thin.

Tammy - Hi Myrna, so happy to have you on board here at Witty Woman! Geesh, nothing like going around the mulberry bush. Sorry about that. Yes, I am an expert on blogging/social media and writing, and do offer my services to the public. However, I am a working girl and my fees are posted on my website. The services offered by SCORE are free, which is why I referred you to them. Should you need my help, Myrna, I’m happy to do all I can. Click on my website, enter your payment and, Bam!, we will schedule some old fashion face time together. Thrilled to see you at the event next week!

Should We Grow Old Gracefully?

I was recently asked to lecture on the art of growing old gracefully. Boy were they barking up the wrong tree. I accepted the challenge. I figured it was an opportunity to enlighten my audience and get paid for it. Nice work if you can get it. I shared with them the bittersweet truth: there […]

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mel glenn - I think part of the trick to manage the years is to stay feisty.
Like you do. Grace Schmace. You have to be passionate. I like your message here that we should be graceful for even reaching our ages. (Pity the poor sick child). Keep battlin’ tiger.
It’s the good fight.

Tammy - Feisty is good, Mel. LOVE your comment: Grace Schmace! Brilliant! I think I want to be just like YOU when I grow up!! Always fighting the good fight! Thanks for being here, Mel. Love you for it!

Joan Cooper - I like the comment of a young man who died before he should have – he had a T-shirt that said: “It isn’t the duration, it’s the donation. ”

My T-shirt says: ” Don’t call me old……call me lucky.”

May we all give everything we’ve got before checking out.

Joan Cooper

Tammy - Joan, what a LOVELY offering. YES … may we all give everything we’ve got before checking out! Amen to that and so well said!!

Tam Warner Minton - Well said. Being graceful has never been my forte!

Kim Tackett - I love this: I choose to live my life out loud. Screw graceful.

I think that’s one of the gifts of age, that we are comfortable with ourselves, however we show up!

Happy Birthday.

Lois Alter Mark - I’m so with you. I’ve never been graceful and am certainly not going to start now!

Ande - Goddess Tammy!

A BEAUTIFUL post filled with delicious, messy, joy-filled advice for any age – thank you Love!

Living out Loud and Breaking the Rules are two of my fave “messy mottoes” to live by…



Tammy - Mine either, Tam! I’ve always longed to be graceful and demure. Just not in the cards for me. It’s all so boring!

Tammy - Thanks, Kim. It feels marvelous to be 61! And, you’re right! Age gives us the wisdom to know the obvious that escapes us in our youth. And I just love that!

Tammy - I wouldn’t have a clue how to live gracefully. I laughed so hard when I heard the original voicemail that wanted to hire me to speak on the subject. I think I surprised them big time. AND, I got asked back? Will wonders (and the truth) never cease!

Walker Thornton - You tell ’em, Tammy. I’m right there with you! Gracefully implies that it’s going to be awkward, when actually I think growing old, at least at this juncture, is pretty easy! And, fun.

Tammy - So happy you liked it, Ande! The one thing I have learned about life is that it has no rules. It is a beautiful mess. Just like me (giggle)! Thank you, my darling, for being here for me! I adore you and appreciate you!

Tammy - Thanks, Walker! The whole aging thing gets easier every day. I’m thrilled to be 61. Thrilled! I also like myself a LOT more than I did in my 40’s. It’s all so rewarding in a way. Grace has pity little to do with life. I call on it when I need it and am happy that it has been there for me. As for living gracefully … I think NOT.

Ruth Curran - Here’s to be vibrant and sassy ’til death due us part! Love your attitude and fire with a smile!

Tammy - Love that, Ruth …. ’til death do us part! When I was young I wanted so much to be graceful like Audrey Hepburn. Damn. As I got older I found pity little use for grace in real life. Who knew?!

Chellie Campbell - I love your post! There are so many examples of women becoming successful entrepreneurs after forty: Louise Hay started her publishing business Hay House when she was 58, Mary Kay Ash started Mary Kay Cosmetics when she was 45. I started my workshop business when I was 42, published my first book “The Wealthy Spirit” when I was 54, my second “Zero to Zillionaire” when I was 58, and my third “From Worry to Wealthy” comes out next year at the lovely young age of 66. Harry Bernstein, who published his first book at age 96 and then three more before passing away at 101, said, “My 90s were the most productive years of my life.” If it wasn’t too late for us, it’s not too late for any of you!

Adriana Kraft - Walt Whitman said it – Do not go gentle into that good night. My dad (who lived to 101) never stopped saying “it’s better than the alternative.” Excellent post!

Tammy - Such fabulous points, Chellie! When I turned 50 I fancied myself as a wanna-be writer. I penned a book called “Single Past Fifty Now What?”. It was picked up and published. I now earn a very comfy living writing, blogging and speaking about it. Proof that if you dream it you can be it. Age is irrelevant. Passion, vision, guts and courage are essential. Thanks SO much for sharing, Chellie!

Tammy - I love Whitman’s quote and couldn’t agree with it more! Thanks for bringing it to the forefront! I’m betting your dad was a pretty awesome guy! So appreciate the sharing!

Carol Cassara - I don’t mind the forgiving so much. It’s taught me a lot. And so has living out loud. You go, girl! It does beat being in the urn!

Tammy - Thanks, Carol! Pretty much everything beats the urn. Well, almost. So appreciate the read AND the comment!

The Biggest Lies We Tell Ourselves …

Can take us down in the most unattractive way. Such as: I can’t do better than my best Yes you can. Doing your best is essential, no lie. But you can do more. You can look at the bigger picture. You can do your best at the right time, the right place with the right […]

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Tana Bevan - Tammy~Among the many things I love/admire about you is you swing with the ol’ 10-ton-brick. Works every time for those who are dense and require the 10-tonner. (Yours truly being at the front of the line!) Bristling here because I KNOW you’re right … and yet grrrr … I still want to “yeah, but” you. Won’t do it, girlfriend. You scored a home run … didn’t even need a bat, you did just fine with your brick.

PS: Quite a difference in tone & topic your post before you get-away with your honey and after. So glad you’re well rested and back to swinging full strength. *smiles*

Tammy - You are so funny, Tana. And here I thought I was being delicate. Haaaa! Always good to share a dose of common sense with my best friends on the web. Happy to be back, and happy to be at my desk! So, so lovely to hear from you. Thanks for that.

Suerae Stein - I may have been guilty of a couple of these lies, but you give some pretty air tight reasons why they don’t work for anyone. Great insights into why these things we tell ourselves are, in fact, lies, and do work against us. I couldn’t argue with any of them! Fantastic post, Tammy!

Tammy - Suerae! Happy to see you here, my friend! True confession: I have been (briefly) guilty of all those lies. Not for years. But I had myself suckered pretty good. I’m betting everyone has their own demon lies. So happy you enjoyed the post!

mel glenn - another winning column, Tammy. You tell it like it is, and there is no bull here. I particularly like the line, “what you think of yourself is what other think of you.” The doctor is in and you have set up your office. Now the trick is to use what you preach.

Ande Lyons - Tammy!

I just can’t get enough of YOU and your insightful witty writing. I love every word and piece of advice shared in this article… especially your closing paragraph.

THANK YOU for sharing your gifts with the world!

Your Devoted Fan,


Tammy - Hi Mel, yup, I’m a no bullshit kind of girl. You either love it or hate it. I feel like Lucy with her 5 cent advice booth. I ALWAYS live my talk. Always. I don’t know another way. Never have. Frankly, it has often gotten me into a bit of hot water. That’s okay. I wouldn’t have it any other way! Thank you, my friend, for being here. I DO love hearing from you!

Tammy - Ande, I love our lovefest!! You know I just tell it like it is. As one of my readers put it: the world according to Tammy. Haaa! What else would I write about?! So happy you enjoyed, and even happier you shared with me here.

Carol Cassara - I’m not sure i ever had that magical thinking that if X would happen all would be well. But this really was food for thought this morning. And still is as the day wears on.

Helene Cohen Bludman - Yes to all of these. Especially the fluffy one. 😉 Funny and true, as always, Tammy!

Tammy - Carol, I have often thought that if I could lose about 30 labs, I would feel more confident and my social life would be awesome. Turns out if I were any more confident I wouldn’t be able to stand myself AND my social life rocks. So…. I’ve quite that nonsense!

Tammy - We can be fluffy together, Helene! Oophff! So happy to have you here. Thanks for that.

Tammy - Yaaa, share away, Doreen! So happy you enjoyed.

Ruth Curran - Oh so true!!! At the end of it all, all we can change is how we see ourselves and how we react to others. The answer is really not changing someone else — that is not our job nor our right!

Awesome insights Tammy! Thank you!

Tammy - Thanks, Ruth, for that awesome reply. NO, it is NOT our job or our right. It’s also a losing proposition. Just ask anyone who’s tried!

Estelle - That’s why I don’t indulge in negative self-talk. It’s just not productive in any way shape or form.

Elaine Ambrose - So, I can’t be fluffy? Excellent comments.

Tammy - You are smart as a whip, Estelle!

Tammy - As I embark on the eve on my 61st birthday, Elaine, I’ve come to the conclusion that you can be any damn thing you want to be. Spoken like the true fluffy princess I am! Appreciate the comment, and you.

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