I’ve had one of those weeks.
You know the kind; where you just as soon run someone over as look at them.
It seems at every turn I have encountered the foul mouthed, holier than thou, the rules don’t apply to me, individual. If there were pills for patience I would have overdosed.
Let me re-group and recap.
If you are the person that refused to put your 100 lb. dog on a leash in a public park and then yelled at me when I moved your dog because he was bothering my 11 lb. pooch while she was pooping, get a clue. You broke the law, not me. I wanted to ask you if you kiss your mother with that foul mouth of yours but you left too quickly.
If you are the person who drove behind me and circled around as I was patiently waiting for a parking spot only to zip into the vacated spot yourself and then flip me off and advise me that I’m too old and too slow, I’d like to share with you that Karma has a way of catching up with jerks like you. Of course to help you learn a lesson until it does, sometimes people will leave messages on your windshield with red lipstick. It’s all for your own good, cupcake.
And if you were the person who cut in front of a long line of people waiting to order food and then snickered not so quietly “you snooze you lose”, I’d like to have a sit down with your mother and tell her what a wonderful young man you didn’t turn out to be.
It seems that when you venture out these days you need to be prepared for verbal warfare, armor yourself for confrontations and be ready to look the other way unless you want to duke it out.
I’m a good driver, a conscientious pet owner, a polite citizen and a kind hearted person. Daily assaults of rudeness damper my otherwise sweet spirit and anger my gentle soul. I try to keep it together so that I don’t end up on the news at 11. I figure it’s a good goal to have.
I’m not sure where all the nice, polite, law abiding people went, but I miss them terribly. So does the world.
It’s worth noting that affronts I mentioned above were all young people. I would say it’s a generational issue, however, I have had the displeasure of dealing with plenty of rude mature (and I use the term loosely) people.
If I was there when a pompous-ass (mature) Trump supporter shouted at Jorge Ramos of Univision (video posted below) to get out of his country, I would have slapped the man and likely been taken to jail for assault. At this point, I’m not sure if I’m part of the problem or the solution.
As the world turns, it’s not getting any kinder. Where are manners, courtesy, kindness and caring? Why are people so short tempered and angry all the time?
I know that good can and does overcome malice, that kindness rules over rudeness and that we can get past the ill-mannered idiots if we keep a sound mind, a good heart and a hell of a sense of humor. Of course, chocolate and a smooth port wine wouldn’t hurt either.
I think when we encounter rudeness and injustice we need to step up and say something. Anything. Boorish behavior should be called out as unacceptable. A friend of mine told me that he doesn’t ever engage rude behavior because of the fear of retribution. There is something to be said for that. But if that is the rule of the game, then fear is dictating to society what is okay and what is not.
I don’t know the answer. I was hoping you did.
Just know this … whether you’re a man or a woman, a tube of bright lipstick can be one of life’s greatest accessories.
That’s all I’m saying on the subject. (grin)
Carole - I know what you are describing, I have had plenty of encounters with discourteous folk. All I can do is ignore them when possible, or speak up when warranted.
I also apologize for my errors. A couple of days ago I was pulling into a parking spot. As I was making the turn, I realized the driver parked next to the empty spot I wanted was attempting to back up and it looked like he was cussing when I blocked him. After I parked I tapped on his window. I could tell he was wary, but he rolled his window down slightly. I told him that I didn’t see his backup lights because of the low angle of the sun, and apologized for cutting him off. The look on his face was priceless. He thanked me, said it was no problem, and went on his way with a smile.
It was great to see him go from being irritated to being calm and relaxed. I hope he paid the courtesy forward.
Tammy - Love your sharing, Carole. Kindness and courtesy goes a long way, no lie. I make it a habit of complimenting women when I’m out and about. “You look lovely today”, or “what a pretty top” brings smiles you wouldn’t believe. Rudeness happens. I get it. But it seems to have become blatant and almost intentional these days. People seem to pride themselves on not having a filter. I don’t get it. We are not the better for it!
Lucyanne - You sound angry and a little tightly wound. Sometimes it’s ok to not sweat the small stuff. You’ll end up happier. Try yoga.
Laura Lee Carter - Hi Tammy:
Now you know why we decided to move away from all metro areas! It has been proven in all species that overcrowding causes aggressive behavior. Where it ends nobody knows, but I don’t want to be around to see it!
Scott Morgan - I have this kind of conversation with my best friend all the time. She goes ANYwhere and I get a story about rude jerks and lewd comments. This is why she likes having me around, people don’t give her attitude when I’m there.
But the Irish have a great saying — Don’t let the bastards get you down. Combine that with Kurt Vonnegut’s “Stay soft, don’t let the world make you hard,” and there’s some good advice in there.
If only it were as easy to do as to say.
Cathy Chester - I don’t have the answers because I see the same rudeness and have written about the absence of good manners before.
Perhaps it’s where we live, and it’s the very reason I want to move from crowded NJ. But where to?
We’ll still get infiltrated by the Donald Trump’s and Ann Coulters of the world. So, sorry my friend. I don’t have the answers. All we can both do is simply the best that we can to hold it together through trying situations.
Tammy - Hi Lucyanne, angry, yes. Tightly wound, some days, but not generally. I enjoy Pilates, thank you. I agree with you…don’t sweat the small stuff. But when the small stuff becomes every day stuff and all the time stuff, it becomes bigger stuff. Lots of stuff here…you know what I mean. Thanks for the read and the comment!
Tammy - Thanks, Scott. Loved the “stay soft, don’t let the world make you hard” quote. Brilliant. Some days are easier than others. But I have learned that it’s damn hard to deal with stupid. Likely impossible. Wonderful seeing you here. Thanks for that!
Doreen McGettigan - The rudeness is definitely becoming an epidemic. I am appalled at the rudeness of young cashiers and store clerks. After a nasty parking lot altercation I decided to always pick the furthest parking spot. Nobody else wants it and I need the exercise. I reward myself with extra cookies:)
Sheryl Kraft - How rude, indeed! What is WRONG with people?? (Nothing that a tube of red lipstick won’t fix 🙂 You (and I and everyone else) has to have the patience of a saint not to spar with people like this, but I often think that they’re not worth a shred of my breath.
Tammy - Love it, Doreen. Method to your madness. An extra cookies helps loads! I too park further away to avoid the maddening crowd. From now on I will be looking for my cookie reward!
Shelley Zurek - I think manners and compassion need to be taught in an after school program where parents and kids must both attend. Either that or neither generation will have any. Cuz their partents obviously didn’t teach them anything…
Carol Cassara - Many of my readers had ideas on this when I posted a similar topic, I don’t know, I just don’t think that way (rude and nasty). It’s a big mystery to me.
Lisa at Grandma's Briefs - We are such a mess. This, yes: “I’m not sure where all the nice, polite, law abiding people went, but I miss them terribly. So does the world.” Yes, yes, yes!!
It sickens me that one of the most rude and obnoxious individuals EVER has made such a splash on the political scene—and an unbelievable number of folks think he’d be a good representative of our once-great country. Crazy. And disheartening. (Yes, you know who I mean, that man with the name I refuse to utter as too many others are.)
Patricia Patton - So with you on so much of what you’ve said. I find my mouth hanging open OFTEN because I am shocked by the bad behavior. It’s like you can think some of this “ish”, but do you really come into the street and spew your utter nonsense?
Lee Lefton - Tammy, your story about the jerk who stole your parking spot reminds me of the classic scene in “Fried Green Tomatoes,” where the same thing happens to Kathy Bates. When she calls the two 20-somethings on their s–t, they tell her they’re younger and faster. So she rams her car into the back of theirs multiple times. They rush out of the store and call her crazy, to which she replies, “Honey, I’m older and have more insurance.” Wouldn’t you just love to do that?
A number of the posts below are from people who’ve chosen to move from urban sprawl to smaller communities as we did 25 years ago. That’s not to say rudeness doesn’t occur. It’s just that with 9 million fewer people than LA, you see it a lot less. As for calling people on their s–t,
I think we have to be very careful. It only takes one nut. And NM is an open carry state. I think the safest thing we can do as mature (relatively) adults is to consider the source, let it go and move on. Not that I always do that.
Linda Lichtman - Perhaps that’s why I’ve been spending more time in the house – avoiding confrontations – avoiding bad breath – which you get plenty of when dealing w/ a fender bender – it’s wicked out here…
Lois Alter Mark - I find the world getting ruder and less civilized by the minute. I truly worry about the future of our species.
Carolann Iadarola - I don’t think that people have really changed all that much over the years. I think mankind has always been this way. It’s just that we see it more and hear about it more because of social media and the internet. I just ignore them…and move on!
Mary La Fornara Gutierrez - I love the red lipstick trick. I’m going to buy a cheap tube and keep it in my glove compartment! I am so sick of rude people!
m - Dear Tammy,
Cannot argue over this one. In this hurry-up world, we have lost civility and grace. Many people are unhappy and they take out their poor lives on others. This is a cross-generational thing.
Do we bring back charm school, have cotillions? Afraid nothing will help here because
there is no punishment for egregious behavior.
Keep fighting the good fight.
Tammy - Lisa, you made me giggle. What a great comparison. Yup, Frump (ahem) is hugely rude and discourteous and people love it about him. One moment he states how he supports women, the next he is bashing women who disagree with him with horrible name calling etc. Maybe he is the poster child for my post….and I didn’t even know it.
Tammy - Mel, I think you hit the nail on the head…there is NO punishment for egregious behavior! I didn’t think we needed more “laws” but maybe just one more would serve society nicely.
Joy Page Manuel - Tammy, I am now on my way to my upstairs dresser to grab my one and only bright red lipstick and load that priceless ammunition into my purse. Thank you for that advice! And P.S. I admire you for still being sane and not ending up on the 11pm news. I’m not sure I’d fare that well in your shoes. I think the problem with the younger generation/s is that everyone just has an unreasonably high sense of entitlement. I’m not sure exactly how or when this came to be but I’m sure it’s a complex interaction of several sociopsychological variables.
Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - I too, have employed the red lipstick solution, and find that it can be really quite satisfying!
Barbara Hammond - I think our political climate has contributed greatly to the lack common decency in the past few years and right now it’s pretty much at its worst. The sense of entitlement makes me crazy. We’ve moved to a lovely little beach town where people are more laid back than in the big city and I love that. My only problem here is it’s a very right wing leaning town and sometimes my big mouth can get me in trouble. I’m working on that! Love the lipstick idea, tho.
cheryl Shaw - You are speaking to the choir—–the whole world is angry and out of patience these days——-could it be that it is fostered by our illustrious government???? Just be careful——did you hear about the honeymooning couple who deigned to request teenagers pick up their own trash on the sixteenth street mall——–he was severely beaten as was a restaurant worker who came out to help. I don’t have any suggestions for a remedy——and notice the rhetoric everywhere——especially on tv——is becoming more and more incendiary——Jorge is a prime example. I also have a personal example which I will relate to you in a personal email.
As Winston Chuchill said, “Keep calm and carry on”. I TRY to live by those words.
Myrna Alpern - Tammy, When the jerks start their rude and tastless comments, I simply ” BLOW THEM A KISS” give them a little wave saying, Bye Bye, hope you have a good day too.
Howard Roper - Well, it seems that I’m not the only one that believes that the world has turned to anger rather than common courtesy, like it was once upon a time. You know, eons ago.
From drivers who cut me off, turn right in front of me without any regard of my speed, drive 20mph under the speed limit while talking/texting on there cell, stopping on a green light, going on a red light, and passing me in a school zone, all the while providing me their friendliness, by giving me the finger. Hmmm, and to think it doesn’t stop there. I could write a novel on this subject alone.
Tammy, what bothers me the most is the disregard for the sanctity of human life in our “New Age” of racial tensions, division of our country and disrespect/murder of our military and first responders. Now, THAT is troubling to me. It makes me feel small regarding the rude attacks on me. Aggression is one thing, HATE is totally different. It is that “Hate” that worries me the most.
So, I have learned to forgive easier. They say kill them kindness. I’ve learned it’s true. I’ve chosen to just let go of my unsatisfied need of retaliation. However, I must admit there are occasions I seriously think about busting them in their kisser. Would it solve the problem? Even temporarily? Maybe… Hmmm, that would have to be thought about. Maybe, while I’m in the poky. Ha!
The aggressive sickness that has overtaken us is ugly, rude, fast lane road rage hell. And it’s growing rapidly out of control as it spreads to every corner, every street, every town/city, every county, every state throughout our great Republic. Muggings, killings, rape, robbery, Islamic terrorism, etc. Like a rabid dog biting and infecting as it goes nowhere fast. A virus spreading that cannot be contained. When will it end? Will it? Or has it just begun to fester?
Wow! and to think I’m not upset. lol
Didn’t meat to start my own blog here. Sorry Tammy!! Good thing I’m your friend, or, at least was? lol
Red Lipstick…??? Maybe I need to start carrying it???
Michele Linse Jeffers - A-men, sista! First of all, don’t get me started on “milenials.” I think they were created by an evil force to destroy the world because they certainly are leading the way! Secondly, yes, I’ve also run into the absolute cray cray out there. The psycho chick who thinks that being “in line” at the bank means your still filling out deposit slips at the desk and then I get accused of cutting in front of her! My response? Be my guest. Please go ahead of me. I LET you do that even though you didn’t deserve it! I can’t pinpoint why the world is going mad, but my guess is that people are just too stressed out from all the pressures of life and the general feeling, as it was so well put in the film Network is, “I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore!”
Tammy - Hi Cheryl, it’s tough out there! I’ve noticed the political rhetoric ramping up in a vicious and person attack mode. It certainly doesn’t help. I am not an alarmist, but I’ve got to share that this stuff scares me. Because mob mentalities never come to any good. And abuse (verbal and physical) is easy to lay down when unopposed. One has to wonder how this will all turn out. Fingers crossed. In the meantime, I’m keeping calm and carrying on!
Tammy - Hi Howard, I’m excited to see you here! I agree with you…all of it. It is a sickness that has penetrated every corner of our land. I try to keep a calm demeanor when this stuff happens in front of me (and it does) and it’s getting tough to do. I don’t think that people understand how quickly we as a nation are descending into a lower form of humanity towards one another. To see refugees get shot and pepper sprayed while holding their babies because they are fleeing ISIS….what the hell is going on here? Police officers getting shot in the back while filling a tank of gas? Who are these fruitcakes and should we be afraid of them? Hell yes, we should be afraid. Very afraid. But we should also DO something. We cannot stand by and not support our military, our law enforcement, our neighbors. Humanity meant something back in the day. It’s time to bring that day back TODAY. And, yes, you should start carrying red lipstick (giggle).
Kaz Cruse - Like my teenage son said “you do you!” And you live by example. What goes around, comes around. Everyone gets their comeuppance, EVERYONE, in one form or another. Shine on!