Well, maybe spandex.
Anything capable of enclosing and containing large quantities of excess fat and holding it in for hours at a time, that’s some pretty sturdy stuff. Yes, I’m quite sure that spandex will be found in land-fills thousands of years from now and will be identified as some type of weapon from a primitive society. Did I mention that spandex is my friend?
Cockroaches will last forever. I’m pretty sure I’ve even dated a few. Evidently they have been on this planet since the beginning of time and show no signs of leaving any time soon. Anything that dies of starvation after eight days of having its head cut off, laughs in the face of extinction.
Manners and good taste don’t last forever. We’d all be better off if they did. I lived with my husband for three years before I married him. In all that time, he never farted in front of me. After we said “I do” he never stopped. Yes, it would be great if manners lasted forever … maybe marriages would last longer if they did.
Speaking of which, marriage doesn’t last forever. The whole “death till you part” routine, well, it’s a bit of a crock. Even in the best intended, life just doesn’t always unfold the way you want it or planned. Still, knowing that the odds are against it, I admire us for trying. Either we are the most hopeful people on earth … or the most stupid. Jury is still out.
Hard bodies don’t last forever. Jack LaLanne was an exception, but for the rest of us, we can pretty much rule it out. My advice would be to walk around the house naked while you can. The day will come when you won’t even look in the mirror while you brush your hair. Trust me on this.
People don’t last forever. Some should, some definitely shouldn’t. I’m told that only the good die young. From what I’ve seen so far, I agree. That’s why I do something naughty from time to time; it’s my way of ensuring I will stick around longer.
Karma: now that IS a forever thing. I don’t understand how it works, but I respect the hell out of. It all goes back to what we were told as kids: do unto others … or you will pay for it the rest of your life. Yup, Karma will bite you. I’m still waiting for it to visit my ex-husband; still waiting.
Patience doesn’t last forever, but loyalty does.
The impact kindness leaves is a forever thing. I still remember the first time a teacher was kind to me, and I still take with me that small dose of measurable self worth that I got when she was. A random act of kindness lasts forever.
Memories last forever but beauty doesn’t. I’d rather have a bushel of wonderful memories than be beautiful. Beauty can’t compete with the memory of owning my first pair of skates complete with skate key, or tickling my little baby girl and listening to her giggle. Still, if you know of a good plastic surgeon, pass it on.
Things that should be extinct: toupees (bald men are damn sexy), plaid pants (if God wore them they’d still look ridiculous), five inch heels (unless you’re a hooker), granny panties (no comment needed), rap music (and the point is?), voice-mail (the downfall of our society) and hatred (no good ever comes from it).
Some say love lasts forever. I hope so. I would like to think that love transcends death. You know – a kind of mystical force that stays after you’re gone. It seems a little farfetched, but if cockroaches can live forever, maybe love can too.
So, what have we learned? Well, for starters, I’d say ditch the can of Raid, respect spandex, give up on manners, remain hopeful of marriage and know that there are just a few things in life we can count on.
If loyalty, kindness, memories and love are all I have at the end of the day, well, then, color me grateful.
Jeffrey Davidson - Entertaining, and well written!
tammy - Hi Jeff,
Thanks, so glad you enjoyed. And, so happy you are following. Thanks for the post!
Carmen Kane - In reference to Karma–let us say that I am not sure it exists. I have been waiting for over 31 years. Let’s just hope I do something not nice every so often so I can live long enough to see Karma take place. Love your site!!! Just love it and enjoy!!Keep it up. Thank you.
tammy - Hi Carmen, Trust it, it exists. And payback is a bitch. The punishment always fits the crime and the reward always exceeds the deed. So glad you are here…thanks for the post. Love the input!
Michele - Spandex and Leggings are my friend!!! lol As far as the farting, I once saw P.Diddy on this talk show, and they were talking about being comfortable in front of your mate with bodily function, so he was like let it out, it’s a part of life. He also said that if he lives with a woman and she can’t fart/poop in front of him, it’s indicative that she can keep other things from him, which would make him wonder. I thought that was interesting.
tammy - Hi Michele, I’m not all that secure in the notion that if you share your bodily functions with me it means you aren’t hiding anything. Personally, I’m a fan of the bathroom door closing. Still, isn’t it interesting how different we all are? Thanks for the post! Happy to have you here.
kriti - I choked on my wine just 3 paras down and the rest of the paras did more than the wine did : ) Splendid Tammy : )
Michele - I know what you mean, but there are a lot of people out there, who don’t feel comfy with their partner to do so, which I feel says a lot. I mean it is a natural thing. If that person has seen you naked and knows all your secrets, then why hide this aspect?
tammy - Kriti, Haaa! Well, this girl speaks the truth. Hope it put a smile on your face. Love having you here, thanks for the post!
Dede - I choose not to wear spandex lol. I think that we have to embrace our 50’s. It has been hard for me to accept but it is a reality none the less. Hard to believe that it caught up with me. I have not caught up with it lol.
Loved your post!
Cynthia - You continue to make me laugh, dear friend.
tammy - My dear Cynthia, happy to be able to do it. Thanks for following and sharing!!
tammy - Dede, I’m with you on this. I own a pair of Spanx, but have not been able to wear them for over 20 minutes. I have this little quirk … I like breathing. Thanks for post!
Jennifer Eubanks - I love it. As usual. You never fail to make me laugh….or give me renowned hope. Especially about the farting. Sigh.
Michele Halle - Loved your post and keep it up !
50 is the new 35 in my book ! lol !!
tammy - Hi Jenn,
Hope is good. So is laughter. Farts, well, not so much. Although without them, I’m quite sure we would implode. Happy to be able to make you smile. Thanks so much for the post!
tammy - Hi Michele,
Yes! 50 IS the new 35 … in dog years. Haaa! I don’t know about you…but I’m getting younger every year and fully expect to be a legend (in my own mind) by the time I’m 60. So glad to have you following!
Mickey Landau - Love, love your unvarnished and original point of view- keep those thoughts coming-
tammy - Hi Mickey,
That’s me all right … unvarnished and original, haa! So happy you are following and enjoying. Thanks for the post!
N'na@goodhealthdiva - Something you said just hit home like never…so much wisdom mixed with your great sense of wisdom
“that the impact of kindness is forever” this is so true and looking back I realize it’s kindness that fueled my endurance and success at challenging times of my life!
tammy - Hi N’na, Thanks for that. There are always serious thoughts mixed in with my humor. Life is a bit of both, isn’t it? I’m glad you could relate and laugh. I’m so happy to have you here and participating. Love your feedback.
Holly - Loved the post. Agree with most of it for the most part. I am one of the lucky few. Our first date was a fishing trip. No pretense, we were what we were. 28 years later we’re still fishing plus one rugrat. Some tough years, to be sure, but it did strengthen the marriage… to death do us part.
Lil Bub says,”Mom, you’re poofy now coz Dad feeds you better than your mom did.”
Mary - I get a kick out of reading about struggling with the 50’s & 60’s. I’m 76 now, in the 13th year of my 5th marriage. Fortunately, he’s 8 yrs. younger. At each marital ceremony, I became hysterical with uncontrollable giggles that dissolved into tears. It was always triggered by the solemn act of swearing that it would last- how could I know that? The “till death” part just killed me. I felt like a barefaced liar to God!
Now I think the hysteria was because I knew in my heart of hearts that marriage was not for me; yet I felt compelled- by society or whatever to do so. Five times.
We are all told in countless ways that we need or should somehow seek to be married, or else we’re missing something. Ultimately, we trick ourselves into believing that our life is easier, better somehow, if married. Sometimes, that is the case. There are some men who bring good stuff to the table…(s’cuse the pun).
My choices were pretty good ones, overall.
But here’s my final conclusion: it’s all about hormones. At 75, I’ve become fairly unaffected by most aspects of sex. It’s much like being 12 again; before the insanity of (hormones) took over my intelligence. Looking at the crazy things women do- (including myself), I am convinced that were it not for the hormonal factors, and they operated logically, the world would be an unrecognizable place. (That bit of wisdom & $2.00 will buy a cup of coffee, granted) but it’s true. We are simply nature’s creatures doing what we are designed to do. Mate and reproduce. Nature at work…compelling us all toward sex & reproduction like all Her other animals.
Viewing marriage logically, it is utterly obvious that men and women are entirely different creatures. When the sexual component is taken out of the mix- and no one would be inclined to live with someone utterly opposite to themselves! Why? Without the glue of sex, you have a situation that is rarely fair or mutually rewarding to both parties. (Thus the oft-given advice re. marrying a friend.)
Having said all this: Do I love my 5th husband and all the other ones? Damn straight! Madly! But-if I had my life to live over, would I be the “monogamous serial-marrier” (yes, like Liz)? No. I am not judging anyone else: but, personally- looking back, I admit each marriage was a copout of my soul of some sort- (mostly) to sex, romance, vanity, social mores, financial betterment; some of all those things and more. They are less than exemplary reasons.
I honestly believe that remaining single requires all kinds of courage that I simply never had; even at 62. I admit life without marriage was simply too daunting for me; marriage too irresistable. I feel I could’ve done better, that and deeply admire women who live their lives without a man by their side. I think they are brave and strong and unsung heroines.
tammy - Holly, your Lil Bub is brialliant. I’m so happy for you that you both found each other and hung in there. Grace is a beautiful thing, and you are blessed. Loved hearing from you.
tammy - Hi Mary, Thank you for sharing such amazing insights. So glad you are here. You are right, opting to be single is not for the weak of heart, but just a heart in waiting. It sounds as if #5 is a keeper and your heart is well taken care of. Good for you!
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