Well, maybe spandex.
Anything capable of enclosing and containing large quantities of excess fat and holding it in for hours at a time, that’s some pretty sturdy stuff. Yes, I’m quite sure that spandex will be found in land-fills thousands of years from now and will be identified as some type of weapon from a primitive society. Did I mention that spandex is my friend?
Cockroaches will last forever. I’m pretty sure I’ve even dated a few. Evidently they have been on this planet since the beginning of time and show no signs of leaving any time soon. Anything that dies of starvation after eight days of having its head cut off, laughs in the face of extinction.
Manners and good taste don’t last forever. We’d all be better off if they did. I lived with my husband for three years before I married him. In all that time, he never farted in front of me. After we said “I do” he never stopped. Yes, it would be great if manners lasted forever … maybe marriages would last longer if they did.
Speaking of which, marriage doesn’t last forever. The whole “death till you part” routine, well, it’s a bit of a crock. Even in the best intended, life just doesn’t always unfold the way you want it or planned. Still, knowing that the odds are against it, I admire us for trying. Either we are the most hopeful people on earth … or the most stupid. Jury is still out.
Hard bodies don’t last forever. Jack LaLanne was an exception, but for the rest of us, we can pretty much rule it out. My advice would be to walk around the house naked while you can. The day will come when you won’t even look in the mirror while you brush your hair. Trust me on this.
People don’t last forever. Some should, some definitely shouldn’t. I’m told that only the good die young. From what I’ve seen so far, I agree. That’s why I do something naughty from time to time; it’s my way of ensuring I will stick around longer.
Karma: now that IS a forever thing. I don’t understand how it works, but I respect the hell out of. It all goes back to what we were told as kids: do unto others … or you will pay for it the rest of your life. Yup, Karma will bite you. I’m still waiting for it to visit my ex-husband; still waiting.
Patience doesn’t last forever, but loyalty does.
The impact kindness leaves is a forever thing. I still remember the first time a teacher was kind to me, and I still take with me that small dose of measurable self worth that I got when she was. A random act of kindness lasts forever.
Memories last forever but beauty doesn’t. I’d rather have a bushel of wonderful memories than be beautiful. Beauty can’t compete with the memory of owning my first pair of skates complete with skate key, or tickling my little baby girl and listening to her giggle. Still, if you know of a good plastic surgeon, pass it on.
Things that should be extinct: toupees (bald men are damn sexy), plaid pants (if God wore them they’d still look ridiculous), five inch heels (unless you’re a hooker), granny panties (no comment needed), rap music (and the point is?), voice-mail (the downfall of our society) and hatred (no good ever comes from it).
Some say love lasts forever. I hope so. I would like to think that love transcends death. You know – a kind of mystical force that stays after you’re gone. It seems a little farfetched, but if cockroaches can live forever, maybe love can too.
So, what have we learned? Well, for starters, I’d say ditch the can of Raid, respect spandex, give up on manners, remain hopeful of marriage and know that there are just a few things in life we can count on.
If loyalty, kindness, memories and love are all I have at the end of the day, well, then, color me grateful.