Can take us down in the most unattractive way. Such as:
I can’t do better than my best
Yes you can. Doing your best is essential, no lie. But you can do more. You can look at the bigger picture. You can do your best at the right time, the right place with the right people. Think back to my story about the fly (stay with here). You watch as a fly struggles it’s hardest to escape a closed window only to end up dead on the window sill 2 days later. It tried its ultimate best to survive. But it didn’t look at the bigger picture, which would have shown an open screen door just 4 feet away. Get it?
That will never happen to me
Want to bet? Whether it involves a relationship, a situation, a decision a circumstance, or a weird weather pattern, you are fair game. And, if you live long enough, the odds are it WILL happen to you. Here’s to a long life!
If I could only (fill in the blank) everything would be perfect
First off, the only thing perfect is our imagination. It’s good to leave it that way. Expectations tend to lead to huge let downs. The truth is, it’s likely your life is missing much more than just one thing to make it flawless. On the other hand, if all you are missing is one stinking thing to make your life perfect, I’d say you were the luckiest person in the universe. Recognize it and have a drink on me.
I’ll never have the money I deserve. The rich get richer but the poor get poorer
I call bullshit on this one. I’ve been dirt poor. More than once. And no one invested in me, gave me a handout or help up. Yet, I’ve made more money than I’m sure I deserved and have often enjoyed a wonderful life. Anyone can do this. I’m not brilliant (it hurt to type that), but if you have a vision, a plan, a passion and the guts to put yourself out there, the odds are with you. I should know, I’ve done it myself with 5 successful careers in my life.
I’m not fat, I’m fluffy
Chances are if you call yourself fluffy you are fat. I know this from personal experience. Cats are fluffy. People are overweight. By the way, so is most of America. So do what you can, stay away from the pizza, french-fries and mouthwatering Viktor Benes Bakery cherry pie that you would sell your mother for, and move around a little more. As a dear friend of mine would say “eat less, move more”. The irony is, we can only change what we own up to. Fluffy isn’t a health threat. Fat is.
If I love him/her, she/he will change
Don’t bet the farm on it. Love is rarely enough motive for anyone to change a habit, attitude or personality characteristic. There have been many a relationship that hit the skids long before they hit divorce court because they coupled with this adorable sentiment. If this is what you are thinking, save yourself a lot of grief, lawyers’ fees and years of your life. Run like a bat out of hell. You’re in the wrong place with the wrong person. You’ll thank me later.
It doesn’t matter what I think. It matters what I do
This is the mortal lie. Fact: you don’t listen to anyone more than you listen to yourself. If you are giving yourself reasons why you can’t succeed, prosper, create, move up, then you are drilling holes in the very ship that is to take you across the ocean that is your life. Self-thought leads to action. Good or bad.
Because, my friend, what you think about yourself is exactly what others will think of you.
Something to think about.
Tana Bevan - Tammy~Among the many things I love/admire about you is you swing with the ol’ 10-ton-brick. Works every time for those who are dense and require the 10-tonner. (Yours truly being at the front of the line!) Bristling here because I KNOW you’re right … and yet grrrr … I still want to “yeah, but” you. Won’t do it, girlfriend. You scored a home run … didn’t even need a bat, you did just fine with your brick.
PS: Quite a difference in tone & topic your post before you get-away with your honey and after. So glad you’re well rested and back to swinging full strength. *smiles*
Tammy - You are so funny, Tana. And here I thought I was being delicate. Haaaa! Always good to share a dose of common sense with my best friends on the web. Happy to be back, and happy to be at my desk! So, so lovely to hear from you. Thanks for that.
Suerae Stein - I may have been guilty of a couple of these lies, but you give some pretty air tight reasons why they don’t work for anyone. Great insights into why these things we tell ourselves are, in fact, lies, and do work against us. I couldn’t argue with any of them! Fantastic post, Tammy!
Tammy - Suerae! Happy to see you here, my friend! True confession: I have been (briefly) guilty of all those lies. Not for years. But I had myself suckered pretty good. I’m betting everyone has their own demon lies. So happy you enjoyed the post!
mel glenn - another winning column, Tammy. You tell it like it is, and there is no bull here. I particularly like the line, “what you think of yourself is what other think of you.” The doctor is in and you have set up your office. Now the trick is to use what you preach.
Ande Lyons - Tammy!
I just can’t get enough of YOU and your insightful witty writing. I love every word and piece of advice shared in this article… especially your closing paragraph.
THANK YOU for sharing your gifts with the world!
Your Devoted Fan,
Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - Great end to a great piece – what we think about ourselves is exactly what others will also think – so true!! Thanks for another great read!
Tammy - Hi Mel, yup, I’m a no bullshit kind of girl. You either love it or hate it. I feel like Lucy with her 5 cent advice booth. I ALWAYS live my talk. Always. I don’t know another way. Never have. Frankly, it has often gotten me into a bit of hot water. That’s okay. I wouldn’t have it any other way! Thank you, my friend, for being here. I DO love hearing from you!
Tammy - Ande, I love our lovefest!! You know I just tell it like it is. As one of my readers put it: the world according to Tammy. Haaa! What else would I write about?! So happy you enjoyed, and even happier you shared with me here.
Carol Cassara - I’m not sure i ever had that magical thinking that if X would happen all would be well. But this really was food for thought this morning. And still is as the day wears on.
Helene Cohen Bludman - Yes to all of these. Especially the fluffy one. 😉 Funny and true, as always, Tammy!
Doreen Mcgettigan - This is so good and I have a few people I need to share with.
Tammy - Carol, I have often thought that if I could lose about 30 labs, I would feel more confident and my social life would be awesome. Turns out if I were any more confident I wouldn’t be able to stand myself AND my social life rocks. So…. I’ve quite that nonsense!
Tammy - We can be fluffy together, Helene! Oophff! So happy to have you here. Thanks for that.
Tammy - Yaaa, share away, Doreen! So happy you enjoyed.
Ruth Curran - Oh so true!!! At the end of it all, all we can change is how we see ourselves and how we react to others. The answer is really not changing someone else — that is not our job nor our right!
Awesome insights Tammy! Thank you!
Kim Tackett - You know, your last one (it doesn’t matter what I think, it matters what I do), stopped me in my tracks.
Jacqueline Tierney DeMuro - Nothing like a dose of brutal honesty on a Monday morning!
Seriously, though, every single thing you said makes perfect sense 🙂
Tammy - Thanks, Ruth, for that awesome reply. NO, it is NOT our job or our right. It’s also a losing proposition. Just ask anyone who’s tried!
Lois Alter Mark - YES! Sugarcoating the truth doesn’t solve anything – and just makes the lies fatter, not fluffier!
Estelle - That’s why I don’t indulge in negative self-talk. It’s just not productive in any way shape or form.
Elaine Ambrose - So, I can’t be fluffy? Excellent comments.
Tammy - You are smart as a whip, Estelle!
Tammy - As I embark on the eve on my 61st birthday, Elaine, I’ve come to the conclusion that you can be any damn thing you want to be. Spoken like the true fluffy princess I am! Appreciate the comment, and you.