I’m just going to put it out there … women are better than men. I don’t mean in everything, just most things. And especially in the sick and ailing department. Let the hate mail begin.
Let’s just call it like it is. Women take pain, panic, worry, anger, hurt and fear without missing a beat and all the while, wearing a smile. Not to mention the fact that we deal with bloating, bleeding, hot flashes, failing bodies, fickle children and wandering husbands, all with a grain of salt, a dose of drama, and a nicely prepared meal on the table. Bam! We are nothing short of amazing.
What brings this topic to the forefront, you ask? My fiancé is facing a small surgery this week. He took a tumble while out walking and it resulted in a torn rotator cuff. Ouch! After a series of x-rays and an MRI, the surgeon was scheduled and the procedure arranged.
I love this man, but you would think he was going in for open heart surgery or an arm amputation. There is severe angst, planning, building panic, and more planning. There is no question that this is a painful condition to suffer (you’d be surprised how many times you rotate your shoulder). But, this surgery is an outpatient procedure and he will be home safe and sound tucked in his bed the very same afternoon. I’m thinking his job is easy; he sleeps through the procedure and rests in bed for a few days to recover. And yet the anxiety mounts. His, not mine.
As for myself, I am tapping into my immense but dwindling supply of patience and understanding. The former running a bit low as the big day approaches. My job will be to take care of him, feed him, change his dressings, and make sure his pain meds are taken regularly. All the while, not allowing his demanding neediness to provoke me to want to suffocate him in his sleep with his pillow.
Just as a point of reference, when I had foot surgery, he placed juice and food bars on my nightstand and disappeared for hours. But I digress.
He has spent hours on the phone with the insurance company to secure the EZ Ice Therapy unit. A wildly expensive contraption that amounts to two old fashion ice packs secured in a sling. Really. This is where I mention that I managed just fine with multiple one gallon zip lock bags filled with ice. Just saying.
In his defense, I don’t think his reactions are exclusive to him, but rather a standard response of the male species towards anything that may involve pain or require that they relinquish control. How many times has it been said that if men endured the pregnancies, the planet would cease to be populated? Or the fact that when a woman catches a cold, life goes on. But when a man catches a cold you would think he is walking the Bataan Death March. Men are babies, plain and simple.
Still, one has to wonder. If men are the weaker sex why do women need them to kill spiders, catch mice, take out the Christmas tree, and solve internet access problems? There is some poetic justice there.
Every woman knows that I’m telling the truth and nothing but the truth. Every man will know it in his heart but will offer reasonable and good explanations as to why they are the way they are. We love our men, but many of us wish their mothers had done a better job at toughening them up for the inevitable sniffles, bruises and breaks that life brings to us along the way.
In the meantime, Steven and I have come to an agreement to better help us get through this major trauma. I’ll try not to commit homicide if he tries not to provoke me.
Wish us luck.
mercyn - Good luck! You will need it – along with lots of patience; you already have a great sense of humor. If your relationship survives this, you guys are soulmates!
Jeffrey Davidson - I must be a little different because from my personal experience, I would have to agree with virtually everything that you said. I am not sure all men are quite so needy.
During my hospital visit, I sincerely appreciated your efforts to get me out of the ER and into my own room after 10 hours but I didn’t lose any sleep over it.
However, there is nothing like having the comfort of a loving and caring woman by your side when you are uncomfortable or ill. The only thing that comes close, as mentioned in a former blog, may be your best friend, your dog!
Suerae Stein - Oh my God, this is such a funny post! Although I have to admit that I am a big weenie when it comes to anything related to a hospital. I wish you the best of luck on all counts… a successful surgery, a homicide-free household, and a painless recovery for you both!
Mel Glenn - Dear Tammy, You are stereotyping, of course, but if I am not committing treason, you are right. I mean, what man in his right mind wants to deliver a baby? The basic tenet is that all men are babies, and if they mature, they are emotionally reach 14, as Vonnegut says. But knowing this,
could not be a little more compassionate?
Malissa - Hi Tammy, I agree for most of it.
There are a few that do ok like my husband isn’t a whiner he will tease me like he is and I tell him to get over it! Haha! But when he is real sick with passing gall stones I took him right in to hospital so they fixed him, He also got burned real bad on his hands 6 months after we were married, he had skin graphs and I know he was hurting. But he didn’t whine. I know that your mans arm is in a lot of pain, I had a partial torn cuff and omg it brought tears to my eyes everyday trying to cut hair. I never had surgery but I know it is painful, keep him drugged up!!! And you won’t have to listen to him whine! LoL good luck! Malissa
Tammy - Hi Mercyn, Yup, I’m hoping luck is on both our sides. Admittedly, his pain level is a minus 2. Poor guy. Let us all hope that this is the worst thing he (and I) have to suffer. Thanks for the good thoughts. As you say, we will need them!
Tammy - Hi Suerae, so glad you agree, as I had a few chuckles while typing it. Nobody likes hospitals, needles, surgeries and men walking around with blue masks over their faces wearing white coats. But, if we have to go into that realm, I’m thinking we should muster up a teeny tiny bit of courage…even if it’s borrowed. I loaned him mine! Thank you for the read and the comment. I too am hoping for a homicide free household and painless recovery for us both!
Tammy - Hi Mel, yes, I am guilty of the old stereotyping routine. Guilty as sin and feeling righteous about it all (not to be confused with cocky). You so made me laugh with your remark that if men mature they might reach an emotional state of 14. Ahahahahha! Just for the record, I am oozing compassion right now. Oozing it! I love this man with the breath of me and I will take very good care of him. When he is all healed up, THEN I will lower the boom and tease him endlessly. Life is never boring in our household! Appreciate the read, Mel, as I do the comment!
Tammy - Hi Malissa, wow, it sounds like you and your hubby have had your share of medical issues. It also sounds like you got one of those rare men. You know, the kind that buck up under pain, never whine or complain. YES, I intend to keep Steven drugged up, mostly because that’s what they drilled into me at the hospital .. “stay ahead of the pain”. Not letting that slip through on my watch! So very pleased to have you here and appreciate the comment!
Christine - Fantastic! I needed a good chuckle today and you delivered! And I loved your observation on the effectiveness of a well placed Ziploc baggie full of ice
Thank s for the laugh 🙂
Sandra Sallin - But I do think that particular surgery is really painful. Am I wrong? So I guess I feel sorry for you fiancé. But you’re going to make him all better, just because you can make us all laugh.
Good luck to you both! I figure you both need it.
Laurie Braddy - So so true!! This post made me laugh out loud. Even prior MY surgery, my husband worried, did hours of research, and took everything much harder than I did. I calmed him down just short of planning my funeral. Good luck this week. We love you.
Tammy - Hi Christine, SO happy we shared a chuckle today. For the record, I would lay my money down on a gallon zip lock bag any day of the week! Thrilled to have you here, and look forward to more shared rants. Appreciate the comment!
Tammy - Hi Sandra, yes, you are right. At least, that is what I’m told. I’m lucky enough to never have even heard of a rotator cuff incident prior to this. Counting my lucky stars. Yes, I keep Steven in stitches (no pun intended), and when he sees the candid pictures I’ve taken of him as he sleeps in his drugged induced stupor, well, I’m thinking he will be laughing his head off. Um, or not. But that’s another blog for another day. Thanks ever so much for the read and the comment!
Tammy - Hi Laurie, we are laughing together! Wait … you are laughing WITH me and not AT me, right? Just checking. I’m sure that it occurred to Steven to plan his funeral but he knew that upon hearing of his well thought out plans, I might make them come true. Fear is a great motivator. So glad to have you here and happy you enjoyed the read. I know I enjoyed the comment!
Tammy - Hi Jeffrey, I’m willing to bet that NOT all men are quite so needy. But I’m also willing to wager that most of them are. I think it comes with the territory. My feeling is that it is far more about not being in control of what happens to them. Just a hunch. And, I agree with you … there is nothing like the comfort of a loving woman by your side. We are called mothers until our children grow up and flee, then we are called wives or girlfriends. Whatever the label, I’m happy to oblige! And just for the record, Maddy, our dog, hasn’t left his side since I brought him home today. No surprise there. Thanks, Jeff, always appreciate hearing from you!
Rdean - Man o man o man!
Joan Cooper - Well, like I always say – women were created to support the men. Big strong muscles don’t do it all.
Just bite your tougue and be an angel. It is the sceme of things. More cynical people say God created Adam (man) and realizing his mistakes, he made Eve (women). And NO, Eve did not cause the fall. Only men say that.
Tammy - Hey Rdean, oh, come on now, you know in your heart it’s true. Right? I understand how you feel, and I agree I might have been a bit harsh, but as we said in the 60’s (yes, I’m THAT old), the truth shall set you free. No worries, without our men to love and love us back, it would be hard to imagine a wonderful life. Have I told you how happy I am to have you on the other side of my blog? Because I am. Thanks for having the bravery and sense of humor to share your inner most thought. Gotta love a guy for that!
Tammy - Hi Joan, I’m not sure I ever bought into the notion that women were created to support men. Although, like you, I sure have heard it my whole life. Fact is they need our support. No doubt about that. But I also recognize that we need theirs as well. We are marvelously meant to be with one another. They can’t help it if we are just better at pretty much everything! (laughing diabolically). And I’m with you….Adam ate the apple on his own accord. Every try telling a man what to do? Yeah, it doesn’t work now…and it didn’t work then. Ha! Thanks for the read and for the marvelous comment. Appreciate both!
Stacey Lorinn Joy - Oh wow, and all I can say is my husband better pray to God he never needs extensive medical care and/or home care from me. The sad part in my situation is I wish my husband were more health conscious. I constantly tell him if something goes wrong that could have been prevented, don’t expect me to wipe his ass or soak his teeth!! LOL!!
But in all honesty, when he’s sick, he’s quiet and takes meds like candy, and usually recovers quickly. When I’m sick, I act like I’m dying so that he can do all the things I do everyday without complaint.
The sweetest thing my husband did when I was recovering from my hysterectomy in 07 was hide a video cam in my bedroom so that he could see my every move while he was in the other room!! We don’t live in a big house, so this is literally insane because the other room is about 20 footsteps from my bed. But he wanted to “keep an eye out” in case I tried to get up by myself. He knew I would try!!
Men are extremists who either go overboard on their health or they throw it overboard. We women are supposed to love them regardless of their crazy ways. When I get to heaven I really want answers. I pray that there a ton of men waiting to do my dishes, wash my clothes, serve my food, and replace the toilet tissue!!
Love your work Tammy!
Tammy - Hi Stacey, I agree, men are often extremists. Mine is a border line hypochondriac. While it sometimes drives me nuts, at least I know that nothing will sneak up on him. He is a worry-wart extraordinaire and I’m not sure I would want him any other way. In “real life” he has a good grasp on everything around him (other than me). I truly believe that much of the fear and angst is based on the loss of control. But what do I know? I’m just a woman. Ha! You have a keeper there, love how he loves you! We do love them because of, and despite, all their crazy ways. Hope the feeling is mutual! So glad you enjoyed the read. Appreciate your two cents….priceless!
Carolyn Moore - After laughing hard enough to cause tears, I’m still chuckling particularly over this line, “All the while, not allowing his demanding neediness to provoke me to want to suffocate him in his sleep with his pillow. ” Tammy, you are so spot on – men suck at being less then 100% (and that’s not a consistent condition) and sick or injured – they are almost unbearable. (I took my ex multiple times to the ER for stomach pains. I was sure he was near death until I found nurses in the hallway discussing his bad case of gas.)
Jim Lunsford - I would like to answer back with an argument for the men, but the truth is I broke a tooth on a Sweet Tart an hour ago and I have not stopped whining since. Ugh!
Sharon Greenthal - When I had my eyes done in November, my husband and son were completely useless until I had a full-throttle meltdown on day 3 post surgery. It just didn’t occur to them to bring me a glass of ice water or a bowl of blueberries unless I ASKED for it. Come on guys! THINK!!!
Tammy - Carolyn, haaaa! We are SO on the same page. Love your story about your ex. You had me laughing out loud! You’re absolutely right … men are NOT good at being less than 100% (which is probably 90% of the time – chuckle). I am day two into the recuperation stage and have already made one unnecessary trip (my humble opinion) to the doctors office. I love him to death but let’s hope it doesn’t lead to that! So happy you popped in for a read and super appreciative of the comment!
Tammy - Jim, I love you already! A man with a sense of humor and a sense of self. On a Sweet Tart?? Really? Geesh, maybe you should stick to Goobers. So sorry, let me know how you do. Sending you good Tooth Fairy thoughts (YES, she DOES exist!). Thanks for being here, Jim, and thanks for the comment. Awesome!
Tammy - Sharon, LOL! I get it, and I feel your pain! We are such saints to wait patiently for them to remember that we need stuff. Except they don’t, and sainthood can only last a brief time. You are my hero…you lasted 3 days! I would have started chewing on the sheets and spewing socks out of his sock drawer after the first 24 hours. Asking a man to think of our needs beforehand is like asking a pig to fly. I’ve found the best thing is to do is just get comfortable with giving instructions. Every day. Every other hour. *giggle* Delighted you stopped in for a read! And appreciate the comment!
Ellen Dolgen - Tammy – I don’t know WHY you would get hate mail because you hit the nail on the head here! I love men and all, but women are 100 times tougher, particularly in the sick and ailing department. And god forbid if a man had to give birth – can you imagine!? Or, if they had to go through menopause?!
Tammy - Ellen, I love the thought of men giving birth and going through menopause. THAT would be awesome. My mind goes to the penguin world where the male tends to the egg for months, not leaving it for a moment until it hatches. Now THAT’S the kind of man I could wrap my arms around – short stubby legs be damned! Where are the good penguin men when you need them? So glad you popped in and so appreciative of the comment!
Dorothy Sander - Oh, my Lord, thank you from the bottom of my toes for a much needed laugh! It’s so liberating to hear truth spoken without fear. My husband is accident prone and has been our entire 30 + years of marriage. I was incredibly sympathetic the first dozen times I carted him to the hospital for stitches, but then I bought him a hard hat. I nursed him through a heart attack and a fall from a ladder (which was the result of his moving faster than he thinks), but when he fell again and broke his ribs I threw the ice pack at him and went shopping. The older he gets the bigger baby he becomes and the less patience I can find. He’s a good man and takes excellent care of me when I am sick, so really do need to dig a little deeper. So thank you for a lighter perspective. I have a feeling I’m going to need it!
Tammy - Dorothy, … your welcome! I thought it was about time someone came out and said it out loud! LOVED, loved your story about you and your husband, “I threw the ice pack at him and went shopping”, ahahahahaa! I totally get it. Half of me wants to cuddle and comfort and the other half wants to say out loud “Man up!”. I think perhaps, Dorothy, you are my sister from another mother! So happy you stopped by and deliriously happy for your comment!
Carole Schultz - Wonderful post, Tammy…laughed all the way through it!
Dorothy Sander - I love Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ concept that when the stork delivered us to our family, she inadvertently dropped us in the wrong house! We were meant for the one down the street and around the corner. 🙂
Michael R.Stern - Glad to oblige Tammy. I have only a simple question. Can you write you name in the snow?
Tammy - Hi Carole, Thanks so much for the kind review. I laughed (and cried) all the way through the writing of it! So pleased for the visit and the comment!
Tammy - Dorothy, in my case there are way too many family similarities for that to be an accusation. Pity. However, the thought has come to mind and the mind has come to hope that the pairing was indeed a slip of the stork. In the end, we are a product of our parents, neurosis and all! God help us all.
Tammy - Michael, thank you for sharing this here! Your manly humor is wildly needed and appreciated! Nope, can’t write my name in the snow, but my competitive edge would be bound to give it a try with inevitable disastrous results. In your lighthearted way you point out that both genders have our advantages and disadvantages. Viva la difference!! Thank you, my LinkedIn friend, for being here and commenting!
Michael R.Stern - Tammy, since you are receiving answers both here and on Affiltrated Authors, and everyone is so serious, I want you to know that I am a staunch supporter of Emily’s List, and the men as babies concept. Why shouldn”t we be? Who was it that raised us? Personally, I was raised perfect. Now who’s fault is that?
In case anyone’s interested, I tried a blog–http://what-occurs-to-me.blogspot.com/
Tammy - Michael, THANK YOU for that! Yes, you noticed that not everyone has a thriving sense of humor. No worries, I take it all with a grain of salt (as in the wound). I agree with you, it is us moms who raise our kids. I only had one, but it didn’t take long for me to figure out the golden boo-boo rule which is, if it’s not bleeding or broken, have a cookie and get over it. I also must agree with you in your opinion that you were raised perfectly. Isn’t it obvious!? I checked out your blog and left a comment. I wrote a blog late last year that is a bit in line with yours http://wittywomanwriting.com/political-confessions/ While we may not always share the same political opinion, we share the same respect. Thank you for coming back and offering a brief glimpse of the fun and funny!
Michael R.Stern - I have always believed in time travel as a vocation. Tammy if you check the times of our posts, we are in fact time travelling. Hooray. Proof positive. You are 3 hours behind me yet posting after me. I am posting at a time I haven’t yet reached today.
I do have an observation I would like to share. OK girls…stop complaining. You haven’t done your jobs. You expect the clueless to perform when you haven’t given instructions. How are guys supposed to know if you haven’t properly trained them? Get with the program. After all, it’s your program!!
David FB - Good luck! And you’re going to marry this guy? You’ll need it!
– His “eccentricities” will get worse. Soon he’ll be like Howard Hughes but without the money.
– His body will get worse. Bodies do that. So no, this won’t be the worst thing. Just a warm-up.
– Costs will rise (remember: without the money) as he buys more devices to avoid himself. Hope you have very good medical insurance. He’ll be on a first name basis with them.
– can you believe a guy wanting to be cleaner than a woman? Wait for it! Do you have the patience for not being clean enough?
You do apparently have abundant courage. And the article suggests optimism. Confidence too, though perhaps in excess.
Just make sure you have the other qualities a man usually brings to a relationship. Someone’s gotta do it!
And no – not hate mail. Just a tease 😉
Tammy - Michael, trust me, I don’t hold back on the instructions, um, I mean suggestions. I leave little to chance and appreciate the same direction in return. After four years in this relationship, we are still “training” one another. All part of the program! What a funny coincidence…our time travel! Love it!
Tammy - David, I can always use a good teasing, thanks for that! Yup, planning on tying the knot some day with this wonderful man who is a bit ‘creative’ when he is not feeling well. I do have a fair amount of courage (needed in all relationships) and while the optimism wavers, the confidence, love and humor are always in tact. Good thing, without it I might be running for the hills. Don’t put any ideas in my head! Thanks for stopping in and for sharing your comment!
Marlene - Well, the family tradition carries on! It must be something in our DNA (Steven’s and mine). Not the best people to have something as simple as the cold or flu, and even worse an injury that involves body parts. Here’s to the men we love!
Tammy - Hi Marlene, and a warm welcome to you, my someday cousin-in-law (is there such a thing?) Yes, I have felt the family trait on more occasions than I care to remember and have found myself cursing your ancestors from time to time. Those are the moments I remember that the heart wants, what the heart wants! Thanks for joining in and commenting. Awesome to have you here!
Ellis Vidler - Funny, and it’s absolutely true, especially about colds. I laughed. But I’m still grateful when he removes the spiders and snakes. Or fixes my computer. Is it the way we’re wired?
Tammy - Hi Ellis, awesome to see you here! Even most men I have run into admit that this conclusion is pretty darn accurate. So is the one that clearly states we need them for catching those undesirable critters! We definitely have wiring issues when we will pay to have hot wax poured on our sensitive areas but scream and jump at spiders, snakes and mice. It all evens out in the end! Thanks for visiting and thanks for the comment!
julie winn - Loved the post! It is extremely funny, and accurate to a tee. I suspect the guys who have knocked you off their Christmas lists are just short in the sense of humour department, along with their pathetic lack of stoicism in the face of physical challenges. All that said, good luck to your sweetie! Hope he recovers quickly and easily – for both your sakes. 🙂
Tammy - Hi Julie, I appreciate your sentiments hugely. As you know, the pieced receive some substantial knocks on HuffPost. Over 250 of them to be precise. Yikes. Yup, there definitely seems to be a shortage of humor out there in our male counterparts. Brutal! I will keep on laughing and enjoying sharing as long as there are awesome peeps like you who enjoy, support and share. Steven is doing well and starts his PT this week. Onward and upward! Thanks ever so for the read and the comment!