Fat for starters. As my dear sister reminds me, I’m pushing 60 (she is such a sweetheart). Weight comes on quicker, goes off slower and distributes itself with a mind of its own. Oh yeah, I’m definitely afraid of fat.
Stupid people with important jobs. There should be a standard rule that if you are a doctor, nurse, real estate mogul or a big shot lawyer, you should be smart. Many aren’t. Some of the smartest people I know are not credentialed professionals and some of the stupidest people I know are. I’m scared to death that I’m going to end up trusting one of these morons with my life one day. Yes, I’m definitely afraid of stupid people.
Hair in my food. There is something about seeing or tasting a hair in my food that completely and utterly freaks me out. It gets worse. If I see a strand of wet hair clinging to my sink, I want to jump up on the counter and scream “Kill it!!”. Clearly I have fear issues with unattached hair.
Bigots. The thing about bigots is they are so convinced that they are right. They are often very articulate and have a personality that wins people over to their side. Bigots make sense out of hate and present their solutions towards the destruction of someone else. The leaders usually have nice smiles and pleasing mannerism. Their followers are just a bunch of droid hoodlums carrying sticks. I have a healthy fear of bigots.
Pit Bulls. I see the sweetest looking Pit Bulls in the park playing with little children and rolling in the grass all sweet and cuddly, but all I can think of when I pass one on the street is that they are about to rip my throat out and I will be on the news at 11. I see a Pit Bull – I cross the street and get my mace out. I’m not going down without a fight.
Spindly legged spiders. Tiny little spiders don’t seem to bother me much. But if I see one of the spindly legged spiders methodically climbing up my wall, I’m reaching for the car keys. I used to keep a can of Raid in the house until, one day, I sprayed it on the spider and he jumped two feet into my face. I thought I was going to die! I adopted two cats to take care of the spiders, but instead, they just bring mice into the house. I can’t get rid of the cats because now I love them and, if truth be told, they are the bosses of me. Luckily, I’m not afraid of mice.
Politicians. There isn’t one out there that I trust or that I think is in it for the common good. Each and every one of them has a self serving agenda. Many that hold office also hold a tremendous amount of power and influence. Every time I have trusted one, I’ve lost benefits and paid more in taxes. If I ran my business the way they all run the country, I’d be behind bars. My feeling is if you don’t fear politicians you might be a blithering idiot.
Clowns. I really have no explanation for this, but I can honestly tell you that I never go near them, I don’t like them and there is something about them that creeps me out big time. Watching that movie years ago called ‘It’ doesn’t help matters much. I’ve passed this endearing fear on to my daughter. I’m sure she will thank me one day when we read about a crazed mass murdering clown in the news.
Aside from these fears I’m just your normal red blooded American girl who likes bubble baths (wearing a hair net), old movies (no clowns!), lovely strolls in the park (with mace and Raid), eating from the local hot dog stands (watching for hair) who enjoys watching the stupid people walking their Pit Bulls while they talk to bigots about politicians.
Yup, I’m just your average girl.
Joan Cooper - Interesting to know there is one other well adjusted woman out there who doesn’t like clowns. JEFF ARE YOU READING?
I absolutely want to run and hide when I see a clown. Talk about mistrust – clowns are at the top of my list.
So glad to know there is someone else out there with this phobia.
mickey - Now, Tammy, you should have consulted me on those nasty spiders.Remember my lovely history with them in Savannah. Hairspray! Stops them in their tracks and suffocates the little f—-kers! Forgive the cursing- but they scare me no end as you well know.
Tammy - Mickey, awesome to hear from you. Yes, I do indeed remember your horrible spider stories many years ago. They still give me chills. I have to run, gotta make a stop at the drug store for a case of hair spray. Thanks for posting!
Tammy - Joan, now you know there are two of us who dislike clowns with great intensity. I still don’t know why, but I will go out of my way to avoid them. I’m not sure how that speaks to me being well adjusted … as I am aware of my many peculiarities. But that’s a whole other blog. Thanks for posting.
Kellie - Tammy
Ya the old food in the hair..gag moment for me too! We can buddy puke! I have one little French Clown in my house that I do like …from an old French idiot ex boyfriend. I would send back to the old charming “BF”… but it creeps him out too! Other than that …with ya on clowns too not many that don’t creep me out!
Lori - Did you know that the sister who reminds you of your age is also afraid of clowns? What’s up with that? Ask her about a certain trip to Knotts Scary Farm that involved running, screaming and pulling my hair! LOL!
Great post….living up to your new name, Witty Woman!
Tammy - Kellie, Yikes, I can’t even imagine having a clown in my house. If God gave it to me I’d decline most respectfully. No kidding. It’s funny that it creeps your ex bf out too. Hahahaaa! Guess I’m not alone on the clown thing. Who knew?!
Tammy - Lori, that is hysterical. I’m finding this out on my blog? Seriously? Wait, maybe it’s genetic, which would make me much more normal than I thought and offers me the opportunity to blame my family. Yeah, that’s it! It’s wonderful to know you are reading. Awesome. Just like you!
Una Tiers - Hi Tammy: I love the purple webpages and want the goldfish. If you go to my website you will understand why.
Kesha Brown - Can’t…stop…laughing… LOL
Tammy girl, you cracked me up with this one…I’m with you on all of these and clowns are just CREEPY!
Tammy - Kesha, it was such a fun post to write. It all came so easy. As it turns out, I’m a big scaredy cat. And all these years I thought I was so tough. Nothing like writing to purify the soul and reveal the truth. Thanks for posting, love having you here.
Sharon - Tammy, I share the same fear regarding spiders.
To your credit, hair spray was your chosen weapon. Due to my fear, I chose the technology of a vacuum cleaner to defend myself. A great big black widow spider played hide-and-seek with me as he ran and hid between the slats of wood blinds. First, I sprayed Raid on the “animal’, and after playing dead for a few minutes, he jumped up and ran up several slats. After another spray, he played “dead”, again. He was a great actor, because as I stood there looking at the beast for a few minutes, I finally believed he went to heaven. As I shook the blinds to make sure the black widow was asleep forever, the thing started running all through the slats. I grabbed the raid and sprayed until, at the very least, he must have drowned. Sure enough, my black widow expired. I proceeded to suck my threat into my vacuum cleaner, however, I was too chicken to remove the bag to throw it way. I feared the insect could still be alive and come out of the hole of the bag. I waited until my husband came home to take bag to the garbage can, outside . Safe, at last! I don’t like spiders with a brain big enough enabling them to play games and pretend to be dead.
Tammy - OMG, I’m cringing as I’m reading your story. I love the part that you had your husband take the bag to the trash! We flush them down the toilet … twice. Talk about paranoid! I have to tell you that I switched my hairspray to an aerosol and sprayed a tiny spider in my sink one day. I swear I could hear his high pitch laugh. Yup, I went back to the old fashion kind right away. So happy to know that there are others out there that are as crazy scared of spiders as I am! Thanks for sharing, it was awesome!