This Fourth of July, I am exercising my freedom. Not from the British, my ex-husband or the band of gypsies that would abscond with my womanhood (you’re way too late).
I’m going for the gold.
I want to claim a life without cat vomit on my desk in the mornings, random dog pee, plants that refuse to live despite all my best efforts, road rage, neighbors that can’t manage their car alarms, appliances that cost a fortune but feel no obligation to do their job, and smart phones that are everything but. I’m SO over it.
I actually found myself yelling at my GPS the other day. It was a full blown rant. “You have one lousy job. One! I’m not at my destination, I’m on the freeway!” Like it could talk back. I have landed in Crazy Ville and I drove there at warp speed.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have all our technology work, if people did what they said they would do, if policies were less important than people and there was no such thing as automated voice mail selections?
I’ll tell you what it would be like. The sky would be a bright blue, birds would be singing, neighbors would smile and wish you good morning as they pass by, doors would be held open and I’m certain that Andy of Mayberry would invite you to a home cooked meal by Aunt Bea.
But nooooooooo!
Life is hard enough, people. We shouldn’t have to go about our day trying to recover from those things that didn’t work, people that didn’t show, bullshit that shouldn’t have happened, and promises that were never kept.
Incompetence and disrespect is running amok, global weather systems are as pissed off as I am, and anything that can go wrong does so with remarkable frequency, and you can’t turn on the news without needing a stiff scotch to get through the night. If there is a God of Smooth Going, I’d like to speak to her.
I am not in charge of the world. If I were, it would be a better place (spoken with suitable humbleness). We are all in this together.
I’m giving up trying to find reason in a world that seems devoid of it. With all this technology you would think life would get easier, not more complicated.
This year I will be celebrating Independence Day by hitting the wine country with my trusty dog and man (not necessarily in that order). I am going to spend a couple of lovely days soused to the hilt with the finest wines California has to offer. I figure it’s pretty hard to screw up pouring a glass of Pinot Noir!
If something does go wrong, it’s unlikely I will give a damn.
Happy July 4th, everyone!
ps- I’m hoping to return a normal person with abounding patience, understanding and a calm resolve of “it is what it is”. In the name of humanity … it shall be so!
Joan Cooper - Ahhhh Tammy – I also long for the garden of Eden.
Why, why, why is life so hard? Have you seen the life size robots Japan has made that move, talk (in several languages) and can do a job ! They wear clothes beautifully and could also be models.
So we humans are indeed expendable. Kind of sad to make all this effort and be less than a robot.
Joan
Lois Alter Mark - I totally live by “It is what it is.” It’s too frustrating to try to figure out why something happened or why somebody acted the way they did, and the craziness seems to definitely be growing. So here’s a toast to the God of Smooth Going and the hopes that she’ll get back to work.
Cathy Chester - I hear ya, Tammy. I really do. But I have to say that this week, my charger bust from my MacBook. Being over 2 years old the warranty ran out. But, as luck would have it (and I’ve had none for the past 2 years!) the guy at the Apple Store GAVE me the charger for free. Yes, for free! It would have cost $80. Good PR, perhaps. But it put a skip back in my step for a bit.
Tammy - Hi Joan, YES, I have seen those robots. Super creepy if you ask me. I don’t think we are expendable but I do think that many humans carry less and less weight to their existence. Just saying. You, my dear, will NEVER be less than a robot!
Tammy - Hi Lois, I’m toasting right along with you. Am also thinking that if she wants to leave her job, I’d take it! And hold no prisoners! Buahahahahaa!
Tammy - Hi Cathy, I’d say you are a lucky duck and would like to rub up against you in hopes that some of it would rub off on me! It’s all so exhausting, and requires a never ending supply of coping skills that I don’t always possess. A for effort! Thanks for being here <3
Carol Cassara - Great idea and I don’t blame you a bit!
Carolyn Jourdanhttp://carolcassara.com/nothing-sure-everything-possible/
Helene Cohen Bludman - I’ll drink to that, Tammy! I’ll be thinking of you this weekend and hoping you have a wonderful time. Also, I do NOT trust my GPS. She has steered me wrong too many times.
Rosalind Warren - I always enjoy a good rant. Thanks!
Lee Lefton - Well, now that you’ve opened this door, yesterday and today have been banner days technology-wise. We couldn’t pay our online bills with Quicken, nor could we navigate the new taxation and revenue website (which is the fourth this year already (someone there obviously needs something to do), my new fangled insulin pump/continuous glucose monitor combo ($5K, thank God for insurance) doesn’t link up with my portable blood glucose meter, so either I’m crashing to earth or shooting to the moon blood sugar-wise (risky to my health ya think?), and here’s the coup de gras….my web designer sent an email saying that the portfolio on my site (all of my work!) no longer appears due to a needed software upgrade (that he’ll do for half-price of $1300! I told him thanks but no thanks. I’m now retired. I thought maybe Mercury was in retrograde but that doesn’t happen until October. I’d give my left you-know-what to go back to the days of little powder blue portable typewriters, rotary dial phones with no message machines and….well, I could go on and on but don’t have the time. I have to get on the phone with the insulin pump manufacturer for the umpteenth time in the past four days. Fortunately, they work around the clock. Does that tell you something about how many other people are having the same problem I am?????
Jacqueline Tierney DeMuro - Unplugging, yet recharging. Sounds great! Enjoy!
Maureen Musgrave Armentrout - And the attitude you get from the GPS thingies – I’m better off lost than being chastised by her!
Tammy - Helene, you made me laugh 🙂 I’ve always said that my GPS should have a male French voice. I think I would be far more forgiving if I was talked to sweetly with that fabulous accent! If there’s one thing I learned from watch the Twilight Zone … it’s that you can’t trust technology! Amen!
Sheryl Kraft - If I were in charge of the world, I’d help you, Tammy! And share some wine with you while we were plotting to take over…
Ellen Dolgen - You go girl! Have a fabulous weekend!
Tana Bevan - Tammy~
I LOVE both your sentiment (yours truly being techno-challenged and all can totally relate to techno-related frustration), and the way you say what you say.
“appliances that cost a fortune but feel no obligation to do their job” ~ Can totally see (in doodle form, of course) the annual meeting of the Happy Appliance Hindrance Association (HAHA). HAHA’s mission being to “Hinder as many people as possible while pretending to make their lives easier.”
“We shouldn’t have to go about our day trying to recover from those things that didn’t work, people that didn’t show, bullshit that shouldn’t have happened, and promises that were never kept.” ~ You’re right. We “shouldn’t.” But sadly, we do. All of us.
“global weather systems are as pissed off as I am,” ~ Then I’m going to do my best to stay on your good side because from where I stand, Mother Nature is thoroughly and completely pissed off.
Have a WONDERFUL, TERRIFIC, and MARVELOUS in wine country with your Special Somebody and Trusty Canine
Tammy - Thanks, Ellen. You do the same!!
Tammy - Hi Tana, the Happy Appliance Hindrance Association – hahahahaaa! Of course…it’s a conspiracy! I can see your marvelous doodles now! Leaving in a moment on our ‘Get Out Of Dodge” expedition. Very excited to UNplug big time. Let the chips fall where they may! Happy 4th to you, my friend. See you on the flip side!
Melissa Senecal - Have a safe and relaxing trip and we’ll try and keep the crazies at bay until you return!!!
Anne Tichauer - Ms. Bleck, as usual, your articles are a treat to read. Thank you.
Anne Tichauer
Cynthia Greene Jordan - Happy days in the wine country. Raise a glass for me!. Love you little Tammy. BNIALW
Kitt Crescendo - My holiday coincides with my birthday, so I spent it relaxing with my hubby, my dogs, and our two best friends….by the pool and cooking out. We spent much of it just enjoying good food and good company. It was exactly what I needed to unwind.
Tammy - Thank you, sweet Anne. So delighted to know you are on the other end!! Love you!
Tammy - Sounds like you had the PERFECT holiday/birthday! Damn good for you! I, too, am relaxed after having spent a couple of days in wine country. Aside from the heat, it was pretty awesome! So happy to hear from you!